[evanescence_death4ever]

Originally Posted by MarcusHawkins

I've been born with High-Functioning Autism, but it did not really come out until I was 2. It's basically a different kind of wiring in my brain that allows me to excel in the left and suffer in the right.
Anyways, throughout all of my childhood life, I've been under school paraprofessionals and speech therapists so I can learn to communicate with others effectively. I was in need of supervision by the authorities until 8th grade where my independence started to shine.

I've always had a fascination with letters, numbers, colors, shapes, and counting; and I also had a fascination to classic music! That really allowed me to excel in maths, physical sciences, concert music, and percussion!

That being said, to this day, I still can't really talk right, I talk too fast, and it's still hard to me to make eye contact and communicate properly with others. I also twitch quite a bit from time to time, and most of the time, common sense and sarcasm aren't really in my vocabulary. However, I am doing a lot better in all of this now.

Hope that makes sense, because most of the time, I can't even put words into text!

P.S. - It makes me upset that due to the fact that I suffer very differently from all of the other mental illnesses, as this one doesn't tinker with my emotions, I can't truly help out to those that suffer from other mental illnesses triggering emotions, and as such, I am always left guilty, helpless, and ashamed for that.

I honestly wanted to avoid posting in this thread (although one other thing super jumped out at me from someone else...not going to directly address that else I may throw some fightin' words )...but...!

Marcus, I don't want to ignore the former part of your thread reply, but your post script compelled me to quote and reply to you. Of course I cannot change how you feel, an I have no authority to even think I can, nor do I know exactly how you feel, so I cannot present the words "I understand" to you, even if I think I have some sort of idea.

Differences in types of mental illness does not give way to invalidation, so although many here may suffer from other sorts of illness than you, it doesn't make your experience any less valid. Validation also holds true for your emotions--you may feel guilty and ashamed, but I hope I can help you understand that you don't need to feel ashamed or guilty, since no blame can be placed on you for the distribution of mental illnesses among users as they are.

I'm no professional. I know nothing. But I would like to think...perhaps I know a bit about the crushing, agonizing weight of feeling guilty, ashamed, and helpless. I hope perhaps (with time and effort) you can come to understand that there's no need to feel a sense of comparison leaving you with the negative aftermath of guilt and shame.

You do you, do the best you can, and take your time. Sounds like things have been on an uptrend over the years?

Anywho. As stated previously, your post script just...tugged at somewhere...somewhere close to home. Try not to compare your struggle to that of others. ♡

Take care, my fiffer friend.