[AlexDest]

i have no energy to post my entire life story of why i'm molded into the empty husk that is me

but starting in may, 2019 was the worst year for me by far. i was in a 2 1/2 year relationship that ended abruptly which left me with a shattered heart and mind. during august i tried to pick up the broken pieces by going back to college to pursue automotive technology.

i had a really rough start to a day where i woke up from a dream i had where she wanted me back and wanted to try again. of course this was a shitty thing to wake up from and left me feeling empty for the rest of the day. i started breaking down crying during the evening while i was stressing out on schoolwork that i was trying to get ahead on.

i told my mom that i thought i wasn't in the right mindset to work on school at the moment, and that i wanted to work on getting my license, a crappy full-time job, work on getting the house in good shape, and therapy for myself.

she discouraged the idea of me giving up on college and that i should just "get over" the fact that i was devastatingly broken from the break up. she was my first real relationship and became a huge part of my life of trying to get it to work only for it to shatter like glass in front of my eyes.

this led to me tweeting out, hinting that i won't be alive the next day. lots of people flooded my notifications trying to reach out along with my ex who tried to call me but i ignored everyone. my ex called the cops to do a wellness check on me, i left with them to go to the hospital because i couldn't guarantee that i wouldn't go through with what i was going to do.

couple days in the hospital i was transferred to a psychiatric unit for almost a week before being released. was prescribed prozac and trazodone which i took for a while but quit using a few months ago.