I used to think young love wasn't possible. Then I got in a relationship and thought I loved the girl. Then we broke up. After a month or two, I looked back, and I saw that she was a terrible terrible person and now I hate her. I didn't really love her, I just wanted to love somebody. Since then, I was very wary of loving anybody, and I refused to tell that to people.
Then I went out with somebody else. We dated for quite a while, and I didn't want to say I loved her, even though I did. I didn't trust myself to feel that way about her, but I eventually told her. I proposed after 6 months (I dunno what I was thinking, but I was/am serious about it. I would marry her right now if given the chance). We broke up after 10 months together.
That was in *thinks back* early January, 2004. After more than half a year, I still love her. I want to marry her, be the father of her children, die with her by my side, find her in heaven, spend eternity with her, everything. I understand what that means. Since breaking up, I've flirted with quite a few girls (just ask Jamie, haha) but to no avail. I am still girlfriendless
Me and her rarely talk now, and usually when we do she ends up getting mad at me. Neither one of us wants to love each other, but I for one can't help it. That pisses me off sometimes. I've gotten now to where I'm not suffering without her, but there are times like now when I'm reminded of her and I want to cry because I may never be with her again.
The odd thing about this is that she is NOT the kind of person I would think I'd want to be with for the rest of my life. She doesn't like hardly anything I like, she doesn't match the build of a girl that I would want, her personality clashes with mine in extreme ways, and just nothing works out like it should. Despite this, I'm willing to change so I'm better for her. I tolerate her listening to country music. Hell, I even try to like it. She may not have what I thought was the best looking body in the past, but dammit to me she's drop dead gorgeous. She ought to piss me off to no end, but even when she yells at me I'm so happy just to be able to hear her voice or to be within 5 feet of her. It makes NO sense whatsoever, and I can't make it stop, which proves (to me) that it's for real.
Honestly, I wish I didn't love her. I wish she didn't love me. That would make things so much easier. I hate that I can't control it, especially since it probably won't work out between me and her, even if we do get back together. We will probably clash again and she will end it. Just saying that makes me shiver with fear (seriously, I just shivered). I'm sure glad my low eyelids are loose and make it hard to cry, or else my cheeks would be annoyingly damp right now. I better stop writing about her before I feel any worse...
BTW, I'm 17 no. She's 16 (1 year, 1 month, and 1 week younger than me :P).