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Old 04-2-2020, 03:02 PM   #6
XelNya
【花歩】
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,950
Default Re: practical essay on the 10000 Paradoxes for our modern world

My issues:

1. The premise here is absent, in short: you fail to get to the point even slightly.
2. The examples used are poor, they lack substance in relation to what you're talking about. Which is also again, not even relevant, because in this entire section you fail to get remotely close to the point.
3. What is the point of pausing to reflect, when literally what you're reflecting on is in the paragraph right above it?
4. I'm no expert here, but your grammar leaves a lot to be desired.

Even as an opening section, it is an absolute failure.

Last edited by XelNya; 04-2-2020 at 03:03 PM..
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