[roundbox]

I think it's fair to not want to lie to pass the test and feel like you're living disingenuously. However, I think putting suicide as an option over any other career path is not considering all of your options. It seems like you've considered all of your options within the field of EMS as you mentioned the dead end routes, but affixing yourself to such a rigid path with little room for failure is only amplifying your stress around the situation. You don't want to jeopardize a potentially successful procession because you're thinking that suicide is a possible route in the event of failure. People change careers, and I'm not expecting you to force a change in yourself to do this since that too would be disingenuous, but you've still got lots of time in your life to see how you can take your calling to help others and reflect it down another path.

I wish you the best.