[MalReynolds]

That cactus thing made me laugh.

Cursory once-over:

Some grammar problems here or there. And most of what Lily felt was conveyed in the dialogue. It almost seems like it would be more prudent to have written the Lily section in the first person, due to all the explaining of her inner machinations that you have to do. It seems like kind of a better fit. But I will continue reading it.

You do have a plot in mind, don't you? As in, a finish somewhere down the line? Nothing agitates me more than when someone is just going along and going along and going along and going along. I realize that there's some degree of making up the story as you go - that's true of anything. But you've set up this little puzzle and I'd like to see a resolution down the line somewhere.