[contrapatior]

i'm honestly afraid that's going to be the main reason
he was a reckless dude, drunk quite a lot and smoked a lot as well
i'm afraid that he was under the influence of something. but ultimately it doesn't matter. he's gone.

he had just gotten this fucking bike like a month ago, everyone in the family told him to be safe with it and not be a fucking idiot. he even had a scare a few weeks ago where he caught himself doing 100+ on a street and told us all that he would be more careful. goddamnit.

I'm going over to see that side of the family tomorrow. he was the oldest of his siblings, ready to take on the family business and seemed to, after years of the partying bullshit, finally have his life on track. my brother's devastated, they were really close. I didn't grow up with that side of the family as much, but I'm still at a loss as to what to do.

my coping mechanisms are good, I'm just going to take a double dose of my night meds and go to bed early tonight. probably gonna put on one of my cathartic albums to drift off to sleep with. tryshasla should be good.