[DaBackpack]

I'm not a psychologist, nor am I going to pretend to be, but it seems to me like the term "depression" is used as a catch-all for depressive tendencies. I don't think it's a concrete set of behaviors or feelings. My depression might be different than your depression, but my understanding is that they are characterized by common traits.

I don't want to go into too many details but here's my situation:

My therapist seems to think it was caused by a specific childhood trauma, but I don't really see it. I can't really rule it out but unless there's something really subconscious going on, I don't think my triggers are related.

I think this started when I was exiting elementary school.

To me, depression feels like crippling demotivation. There's a "curtain" that is lowered which really stops me from wanting to do things. Of course, you can't NOT do things, so eventually I have to force myself. My brain doesn't like that, though, and I for some reason get intensely irritated when I have to -do something- against the depression.

Another trait is that it dulls my emotions -- especially happiness and excitement. Depression isn't just "feeling sad" -- it's a state where you can't really feel strongly besides sometimes anger and frustration. I definitely "feel down" but I don't think my vocabulary can describe that specific feeling.

I don't know if this is a "unique disorder" or a symptom of an anxiety disorder, though.

Medication has helped me a lot, but the withdrawal is absolutely terrible. Once I stop taking it for a few days, my demotivation comes back and my body starts acting up in painful ways.

EDIT: Strangely enough, I feel more creative during these periods. Sometimes I would try to "let it happen" in order to channel that ability, but I eventually decided that it's not worth it. It never was.