[Xayphon]

I've been having identical thoughts when I finished school. "Damn, I ruined my chance of getting a girlfriend." "Is this graduation going to be of any use?" "Will I be able to access university even though there are thousand of other students competing for a spot with me?" "What if I'm going to stay a couch-potato for the rest of my life?" "Will I ever get to meet new friends...?"

I've had job interviews failing, I was bullied from 6th to 10th grade, resulting in communicative inabilities, I have trouble meeting new people and talking to people and I don't eat nearly enough to look like an average human being. All this time I've been having trouble sleeping normally, forcing myself to sleep after roughly 19 hours of sitting in front of my computer, every day during my free period after graduating.
Now I'm at university, studying Anglistics and Informationscience, and I am still not satisfied with what I'm doing. I still don't have anyone to share my successes, experiences and life stories with except my parents ...and the internet. But I'm simply not ready to give up either.

Lately, I've been forcing myself to accept the past, looking forward to what might come in the future. I try to compensate my deep thoughts I have every night by asking myself what I really want to reach in my life. I.e. I want to have close friends, someone I can talk to, someone I can share my life with. Goals that one can achieve when they trust themselves. Most of the time finding a girlfriend for such matter is purely based on luck - some people have it, some people don't, some people are stupid enough to just suck up some girl's ass in hope to have found the right one. I realized having a girlfriend is not a major goal in life. Having someone to talk to, someone who listens you, is more than enough. Simply accepting what the world gives you can make the difference. You have the possibility to talk openly about your feelings here right here, you have people here responding, trying to help you ditch your problems and you are obviously not exactly the type of guy someone would hate for your personality, as you seem very open about your feelings. Fuck those who ditch you, they are obviously not fond that some people simply do not match their expectations of how a human being has to be in their eyes. You deserve something better.

Do me one favor and keep fighting. Referring to my own experience, it hurts me seeing people thinking about ending it. There is so much you can do, it is your life after all. Not the one of your dick "friends" and your own fantasy. Don't give up.