Thanks for getting this thread going moches.
Bout moche's poem: It does get increadibly difficult to balance everything you're doing while maintaining the relationships you have. I wish you all the best on finding a balance. One thing I see odd in the poem is this:
"unavailable that’s all you are aren’t".
Either my brain's not working or you forgot to hit the backspace key
. Edit: Looked at it again, got it. A comma would help me understand that.
Personally I'm awful at maintaining friendships, especially if they're a person I only see a few times a year (a majority of my high school and college friends). Your groups of friends will change as time goes by.
Eva: This will come out eventually in my posts: I have a general aversion to poems about love situations. I think I've just read so many 'they broke my heart' poems that I've become desensitized to them. It's nothing personal against anyone, I don't even like the 'love' poems I've written.
I did like a number of the images in your poem. The poem didn't feel long to read, which is always a good thing. Rhyme is always fun, and you managed to avoid the bouncy thing that commonly goes with it. Nice write!
Tps: Check out the making's of a
traditional hiaku. It's worth a look.
Here's my favorite haiku (I know the syllables are 'off' in english).
Here's a poem of mine in the same vain as the one I posed in the last poetry thread. I hate adding titles to my poems so I got in the habit of calling them "untitled #whatever". It probably works with paintings fine, but it's atrocious for poems in general, because the title gives no context to the poem. I'll try to actually have a new write my next post. Still not amazing, but I like a couple images here.
Code:
Untitled #6
Above my lit candle,
the smoke stream twirls itself
into arcs that disappear somewhere
beyond the flickering light.
Does inspiration also waltz away
to someplace we can't see?
How can I capture the mini muse sneezes
and hold them in my hands?
The candle is only so bright
and my grasp so firm.
So the smoke drifts away from me
beyond the flickering light.