Quote:
Winter is here,
the weather is clear,
the air, so crisp and cold.
Mountains are covered,
trees are smothered,
like they’re being dressed in gold.
Hitting the slopes,
I know how to cope.
It makes me so consoled.
Flying down the hill,
showing off my skill.
Making me feel so bold.
I know that noon,
will come quite soon
and I will be withhold.
But my board is waxed.
I'm already to go,
escape to my freedom once more.
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I made a few changes:
Winter is here,
the weather is clear,
the air, so crisp and cold.
The mountains are covered,
The trees are all smothered,
Like being dressed in gold. <- this line makes no sense since snow is white?
Nature's true beauty be told. *replacement suggestion
Hitting the slopes,
I know how to cope.
It makes me feel consoled.
Flying down the hill,
showing off my skill.
Making me feel so bold. <- This stanza kinda breaks the flow, but it's alright I guess.
NOTE: 2 stanzas in a row ending in something along the lines of "it makes me feel" is a no-no. Perhaps end the first one in "All my grief consoled"
*Flying down hills
Showing my skills
It makes me feel so bold.* Replacement suggestion
I know that noon,
will come quite soon
and I will be withheld. <- Slant rhyme to correct the grammartastrophe
OR: My fun to be put on hold.
But my board is waxed.
I'm all ready to go,
To escape to my freedom once more. <- escape to my freedom seems like an odd phrase
Escape
into freedom
Escape to my yearning
Escape to my passion
Escape to the mountain <- my favorite
Escape to the hillside
Escape to my longing
etc.
EDIT: totally just realized that the last line breaks the rhyme scheme. Maybe something like "As my journey begins to unfold."