05-11-2009, 09:08 PM
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caveman pornstar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: ridin on a unicorn
Age: 33
Posts: 6,317
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
it's not particularly good but I'm sure if you show it to your angel then you'll get laid regardless of its quality
You comma splice a lot. If you have to, take your words out of the lines and read them like prose and see if it sounds right. If it doesn't, it's not going to sound right as a poem.
Also the possessive of "who" is "whose" not "who's." There's never an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun.
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