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Old 10-14-2007, 07:39 PM   #10
crumheart32605
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Default Re: Constructive Criticism Please :D

Aright.. well I tried. :/ Hopefully this is improvement but just in case I'm still confusing everyone (though I tried hard not to) I'll explain this one beforehand. It's basically about a struggling relationship where both people are proud, selfish, and want to be right all the time but they're still in love and want to overcome their problems.
Though I've already mentioned this thanks for responding and telling me what I was doing wrong.

You have waged your war very well
We’re left with enraged hearts, waiting for time to tell
Tonight we’ll rise, or will proud hearts prevail?
Fighting the most desperate enemy... ourselves

“Love will conquer all things”
But many hearts are discarded on it’s path to defeat
The shades of bloodshed stain your palms
But your covered in the scent of apologies
You’re reminded of when moonlight provided rest
Instead of endeavor to lay to waste
Tonight is a display of surrender at its best
We learn greed’s bitter taste

Ehhhhh :/ I know it's not wonderful or anything but I was trying to take into consideration everyone's responses.

Last edited by crumheart32605; 10-14-2007 at 10:00 PM..
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