[Izzy-chandess]

Well, I know how you feel. I was born 12/20/87 and for the first 14 years of my life I was an abuse victim. However, I'm getting better and I don't have to struggle so much anymore. I've gotten over my fear of the opposite sex in general.

It started out with my dad and his bad temper. I remember being scared most of the time a little kid. I'd just huddle in a corner and cry... of course my memories run into each other a lot so I'm not sure as to whether it was when my dad was taking anger management and was better about his temper and my brother started beating me or whether it was during those first few years...

However, once my dad stopped my brother got aggressive. I've learned how to lose at anything that I'm good at. He would hit me, slap me around, and kick me if I won any video games. Eventually I stopped playing games with him but things got worse.

One cold winter's day I was in the garage warming up and he wanted to have a snowball fight with me. I was telling him no over and over again and he lost his temper and threw me to the ground and started to beat me.

Of course, nothing helped that I was a social reject at school and at home, it was a place I really didn't want to be. I had nowhere to go for refuge, nowhere to call home. I hid in my closets at home or under beds to avoid getting beat by my brother.

I have my sisters to thank, however. I'm sure if Carolyn hadn't flipped and ran to get Jennifer that one day, I would have been beat unconscious. I'm grateful I have three sisters that I can depend upon. ^-^ My sisters would hide me and they would play with me when he would try to get me to play a game with him. I'm grateful they were there for me.

Things haven't been that way for a few years but it left its mark on me. I used to huff and cut myself to get my mind off of the pain. It's emo, I know, it's just that I had nowhere else to go. My sisters were too busy... I guess I'm glad that there have always been some sort of person to lean on. By the end of my 8th grade year, I had made two best friends. The person that was the first person outside of my mother and sisters to hug me and my good friend and ex-girlfriend. I learned to lean on someone else.

I guess I got lucky that I had a couple of very good friends. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't known them. I would probably be dead by now which means that the man I'm going to marry would never have met me... Yeah. I'm getting married now and I've been getting better. I haven't had any problems with flashbacks or just complete emotional break-downs for about three or four months. I guess that stuff can just leave you really f***ed up, huh?

However, life is moving on and I am happy and stressed because of wedding plans. Then I will be able to take a break from life and relax with the one I love.