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what is your opinion of teenage/children dating
what is your opinion of teenage/children dating? my opinion is yet to be properly formed so i am asking to inform my self on the thing i have yet to think of... but nonetheless i think it is stupid for teenagers and children to be dating, some of my friends are dating just for sex... well they used to be my friends... my other friends are dating for some unknown reason but it's obviously not going to be permanent. dating with out future obligations is pointless... plus we are not mature enough to realize that we should be waiting for our lives to be set up a little more before we take a chance to become apart of someone elses.
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However, dating isn't the easiest and most intuitive thing in the world. Teenage dating is more just "practice" for when you really start to seriously consider permanent relationships. --Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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I was dating before my teens, I started having sex barely into my teens, and overall I find that while looking back, one almost always finds their early relationships (which at the time you are convinced are true and pure love) to be more than a little immature and silly.
Nevertheless, many young teens are perfectly capable of starting to form romantic relationships, and doing so in a relatively risk free environment (ie. free of binding ties like marriage, or especially stringent expectations from either side) is a valuable way to come to understand your own goals and desires for life. Your claim that dating is pointless unless the intention is to wed is one that i strongly disagree with. If you only ever got into a relationship intending to marry that person, I really don't think you are apt to have especially successful relationships. Rather than say that we aren't mature enough to decide to become a part of someone else's life, I would say that it is only through slowly involving yourself in the lives of others can you come to understand whose life you want to become a part of forever. |
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yes but what does practicing bad habits do? besides reinforcing the bad habits.
say if a kid never developed proper manners because he had only ever ate with the skills he learned from other kids, it would be a disaster... and very difficult for him to learn those skills. but if the kid learns from an adult he may be better behaved... so what im saying is that to learn the skill you need, you first have to find someone with those skills. |
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So...kids shouldn't date or have relationships because parents can't be bothered to raise their kids to understand proper behavior?
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well it not truly risk free, you can have a kid, you can get a disease, you can set the wrong things as prioity's.
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Which is why I specified which risks I was referring to. However, you can practice safe sex that is exactly as safe at that age as it is any any future age.
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well it may have been a poor example but what i meant is that is they learn those skills from someone that doesn't have those skill the will just be enforcing poor habits.
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--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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well are teens and kids truly capable of making that kind of mature important decisions?
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--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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Ok your turn greek make him prove his point yet another time...if you haven't figured him out yet. Also to contribute to this thread I think teen dating is ok as long as you know what you're getting into. Some good ways to make it work out is getting to know them before you start a relationship.
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that is my point. why are they dating... i want to know the reasons behind it.
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For a second there, I thought you were talking about teenagers dating children.
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why do teens date? for fun? for love? do the even understand true love? please tell me i really want to understand their mind set
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http://andy.mikee385.com |
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EDIT: This is several posts late due to having taken a very long time to write up.
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...Oh, I think I see. When devonin said that "while looking back, one almost always finds their early relationships (which at the time you are convinced are true and pure love) to be more than a little immature and silly," you took this to mean something about how bad habits are developed in early relationships. What, may I ask, are these "bad habits" you're talking about? Maybe you mean that dating early leads to bad habits because you haven't learned how to date yet? That would make sense with your statement that "to learn the skill you need, you first have to find someone with those skills." If you assume that the "skill" is dating, then I think I understand what you're saying. So let me summarize what I -think- you're trying to say. Children shouldn't be dating because they have no experience with dating, and with no experience, will develop bad habits which will affect relationships later in life. Also, children may make mistakes which could greatly affect them in the long run. Does that sound like what you're trying to say? I'm going to assume it does, and respond to that. I can't believe it's taken this long just to figure out -what- I'm responding to... Anyway, as with anything else, you have to start somewhere. Dating is no exception. You can't expect to know everything there is to know or do everything right when you've never done something before. The point to teenage dating is, as has been said, more or less an introduction to what relationships will be like later. You gain valuable experience that can be used to your advantage in the future, in a way that doesn't involve anything particularly binding. Also, you said something about sex and diseases to help support your argument that children should not be dating. That's like saying, "I set my house on fire because I left oil by the fireplace. Down with fireplaces!" Just because a couple people do something with an item (or in the case of dating, a process) that totally screws them over doesn't mean the item (or process) needs to be made unavailable for everyone else. At this point, I'm just going to post this as-is and see how many other posts have been made while I typed this, so I can respond to those. EDIT: Wow, there were a lot of posts. So let's get started. Well, first off, this makes things a lot simpler for everyone: Quote:
Of course, as the teen gets older he or she gets used to the feelings of attraction, which then weaken considerably to the point where they don't really cause a feeling of struggle. It's sort of like tolerance to drugs; after repeated exposure, the effects lessen. At this point, dating is mainly just for fun or something to do with someone you like. The novelty wears off. At least, that's how it is on the male side. I don't have a clue what it's like on the female side, so don't ask me. |
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but this what im trying to understand cant we have any mature reasons?
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--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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Why do you feel the need for 'mature' reasons to do things?
I think our culture's changing such that I can ask you the question, why marry? If our society where such that committing to long-term relationships is unusual, now adults would have the same 'immature' reasons to date and have sex as teenagers would. Parenthood could become a single-person choice, (and already has for many women), and as such is becoming separate from the dating scene. You don't even have to have sex if you want to be a parent these days. Companionship is not exclusive to long-term romantic relationships either; it can be found in just about any relationship you have. I think I agree with what you've said Relambrien, and I don't think what you've said just applies to men. (What is it with people thinking the sexes are so different from each other?) Perhaps the intensity of feelings is often stronger in men, (generally speaking, definitely not always). There's also that even if one person doesn't reciprocate the attraction as strongly, or much at all, they still like the attention, and also that someone being attracted to you can make you attracted to them, particularly if you respect the other person. Goooo narcissism! |
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I didn't bother reading the whole thing. But...
I think dating in the ages of 8 - 13 is fine. It's just kids copying older kids, so they can get used to it in life. As for an 18 year old dating a 15 year old. I think thats wrong. In 70 odd % of the cases this happens its ether the 15 yo wanting sex bcause he/she is curious, or the 18 yo is looking for an easy playmate... -_- |
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dating is just practice for when you're older and ready for a commitment.
there's nothing wrong with that. |
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I'm gonna go ahead and say what's already been said: Teen dating just gives people an idea of what to look for later on in life.
That said, my friend (18) is dating a girl (15) and I rip on him about it every day. It's the saddest thing to see a college man dating a junior in high school. |
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That you can't for sure speak for someone else about an issue or feeling is always true of course, and I think that the ability for the other person to understand and even empathize depends a lot on how similar they are to you, but failing similarity between 2 people, meaning can still be conveyed as long as enough situational and cultural background is discussed. I'm sure you've read books by good female authors that involve attraction of some type, and surely those sections must not've been foreign to you. Or, you've read books by female authors written from the perspective of male characters, and they make sense. |
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Children dating is pretty much pointless because you can't go out when you want and see that person and all that mess. I know I had little boyfriends..or just called boys my boyfriend for about 5 mins or something. I guess it's all just a part of youth ha. Teenage dating is okay with me. I don't see anything wrong with it..just as long as you are making good decisions like whether or not to have sex and stuff like that.
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Well I am a teenager myself, and I am almost 17...I have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 monthes now and we arn't showing any signs of weakness yet...Too be honest...sex was never a big part in my mind, yes, I love it, it's amazing but that is not the meaning to a relationship for me. I'm very happy with my gf and I can say that teens do possess the ability to actually have meaningful relationships. Me and my girlfriend do want to marry oneday. But we are of course waiting. Love is love, and people will know when they are in it, and if it will truly work. Teen, or not.
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As for female authors writing from perspective of a male character, well, I tend to have difficulty remembering authors' names. Because of that, I can only remember a few books that I'm certain fit this description. However, if I recall, the male characters' reasoning did make sense to me most of the time, though there were a few scattered parts where I was completely baffled. Now, I'm not saying it's impossible to empathize with someone of the opposite sex, just that it's impossible for -me-, based on experience. I'm completely certain others can, though.. |
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Read "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Golden if you're curious to read a book involving female main characters written by a male who knows what he is doing. Alternatively, read "Exile's Honour" or "Brightly Burning" for books written by women involving male main characters.
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Also, it could be more of a factor of the women you've been with. Men who I feel have understood me are ones which I have quite a bit in common with, and/or are ones who we've spent hours upon hours talking about personal things with. Have you ever been really good friends with a woman before? (You don't have to answer that, just throwing it out there.) There are men who I'm sure wouldn't be able to understand me easily, just like there're women who I'm sure wouldn't be able to either. Quote:
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Books to try: Anything by George Eliot. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Eliot I've only read 1 book by her, however, Silas Marner, and, the culture it's written in is completely foreign to me, however, because she does such a good job of conveying it, I understand the reasoning behind the characters. That particular book had no romance in it though. Have you ever read any of the Earth Children series, by Jean Auel? Clan of the Cave Bear is the first one. That's entirely a woman's perspective, but the second book in the series, she writes as men also. It also has a completely different culture in it too though. Seemingly against what I said about romance novels, Gone with the Wind is a really good read as well. I personally don't know why that's called a romance actually. I've never seen the movie. It definitely offers new perspectives, and again, different culture. (I see a trend in what I like in a novel.) Author's female, Margaret Mead. I'd like to be able to say that you just haven't been able to understand the romance for the female characters because what you've read is poorly written... |
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stop arguing ppl, dating is just another part of life, it teaches you what not to do in future ones (if there ever are any) like what gravuty said, but its just another part of life, plain and simple. im 14 ive been with my Girlfriend for more then a year, we're going strong.:D
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I think that you should really only start dating at age 12 at the earliest. "Dating" before that is just sorta sad because the kids have no idea what they're doing.
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On topic :/ I'm a teen, and I say dating is fun. I mean, why watch a romantic movie and wait until you're like 19 or so to date? I'm sure many people agree with me that it's better to just...not wait? Not only that, but many people are curious about the opposite sex (or same, whatever haha), by dating them you can find out more about them. Finally, like everyone else said, it's good to have some practice for the future, eh. |
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I think it is just so stupid for children and younger teens to be dating... that all I really have to say... 8-)
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Edit: the post I mention in the first paragraph is #18 of this thread by Rel.
In relation to the post that described affection for a person of the opposite sex in the form of "tolerance", I must say that I may have been through that. I am not completely confident in my statement, but I feel that what was said makes sense. When I was about 13-14 (7th and 9th grade), I always had internal struggle, or conflict, when I had a crush on somebody. Of course, being the guy who to this day has still not had a girlfriend yet, I was forced to wait until the feelings died down, due to a change in taste, or some other reason. Now, I don't have those feelings anymore. There is seldom any conflict, or feeling, to the point where I have trouble distinguishing it between a crush, and a respect for the person. (There is a difference between the two.) tl;dr version: What he said makes total sense to me. |
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there is a lot of people i know who date for having sex. i am not one of these. i think that childrens (0 to 11 or 12) that say they are dating just look stupid. ex.:my sister says :eewwww kissing my boyfriend (shes 11). she have "broke" with him and thats why i nerver had a grilfriend at this age.
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Personally I don't think children should be dating. Teenagers are different though because they get more freedom and are beginning to make choices that influence their life. My dad always told me to date a lot of girls so I know what I like about them and what I dislike. A lot of young children mistake liking a person for loving them. The age I think that carries the nessecary freedom and decision making ability for a succesful relationship is about 15. This may not be so in all cases, depending on the maturity of the people involved.
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Ok, sorry if someone was saying this already and i thought it meant something else but...
The way i look at dating is this: Once you turn 16 and have the ability to drive your date and get a job to make money to spend on dates is when you should start. Realitically if you date before that you are doing so without a lot of knowledge because of your age which in most cases undoubtably ends up very badly. As for the reasons behind dating. Dating in your teenage years is one of the best ways of finding qualities and characteristics that you might like in a future spouse. Through the whole dating process you meet people and talk with people gathering information about what you like, which is essentially helping you learn. Then once you find the person who has a good deal of those characteristics you admired in other dates and if you get along very well then you marry them. Its just a matter of starting at the right time to make it most effective. To say that dating is fruitless is to say that going to school is fruitless in many of the same ways. Also, dating shouldnt be a serious thing until you are old enough to be looking for a serious spouse so mostly its just a matter of having fun with your friends and the people you like. I want to make a point too that Dating and Steady Dating are two completely different things. As teenagers we are really not mature enough to be STEADY DATING mainly because steady dating is what you lead up to with the person you really think you have the possibility of marrying. Also its like i said before, if you are steady dating then you are really only experiencing that one person and you miss out on the opportunities of enjoying the presence of other personalities. If this came off as sounding like a preachy lesson then i appologize. That is how i look at the whole thing though. |
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I think that teens should have the right to date, why? Because when they become adults, they will need to know how to start a relationship with the opposite, or the same sex. Life isn't fun by yourself yes. So teens dating, sure why not?
Now as for the youngbucks, I don't think they should be dating. Because little kids need their time to be innocent. The time for them to be going out with others will come. But if they start dating at 8 and stuff, what do you think they're gonna do when they get older? Keep the kids away from rap videos plz. XD |
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I'm 18 going my my girl that is 16, we've been going out for about 3years now and everything has been going just fine. In fact we have both planned getting engaged right after college . So I do think that teens can make mature decisions.
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It's obvious that young children (0-7) will not engage in the dating process, so i'll start with the possible group of 8-12.
I think that it shouldn't even be considered "dating" at that age. Puppy love, for lack of a better term, is more like it. This is where gossip is taken up by children, talking about who "likes" who, and things of the sort. For ages 13-19 however, dating and relating with the opposite sex in a somewhat romantic matter is an important part of being a teenager. If it were not for this phase of life, people would be introduced to dating in an immature and inexperienced fashion. I'm probably just repeating people, but the main point is that teenage dating is a vital learning experience. EDIT Quote:
It is very true that you learn the values of character in a possible significant other by experimenting with dating, though I think that this absorbing of knowledge can take place at a younger age than 15. I would say that a 10 year old with a boyfriend/girlfriend (puppy love) is already learning things that he likes and dislikes regarding the opposite sex, though someone this age obviously cannot engage in a serious relationship, so I agree that 15 is a good age to start looking into relationships deeper. |
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Well first of all I think dating at any age of childhood or as teenagers is plain wrong.
Dating is for finding someone that you want to be with and if your not doing anything to contribute to that then you shouldn't be dating. Second of all, if so you are dating kids and teenagers are so immature about these things. Love is word that gets thrown around often.. without even know what it actually means. I believe that you can't know what it means unless you are mature. Let's just face it some people never become mature enough. Third, there is no pratice in dating. What is there to find out. Your goal should be to find the one you can be yourself with. |
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i think you should at least be old enough to understand love. like high school. age 15 or 16 i think.
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Well, if children can't understand love, I suppose there'd be no negative effects if every parent simply stopped telling their children that they loved them?
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Also, that "pointless" dating requires responsibility and thought, which is the base of maturity. Without teenage dating, many people would lack the traits required to be considered mature. Another thing, maturity levels are substantially different between people, saying that a certain age group should be considered immature is absurd, to an extent. EDIT:: Quote:
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I mean, if you're not Oedipus, of course. --Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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well its alright as long as your not havin sex on the first date or drinking heavily or smoking crack which might lead to sex but i dont think like 10,11 and 12 year olds should date but thats my opinion
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Children shouldn't be able to date, too young and immature to make big decisions. Teenagers that are starting to gain experience in what they are doing shouldn't be held back from this. I mean life is short so just have fun and do what you can to enjoy it, why have to worry about little things when your eventually going to die later. I mean if your going to worry about these ideas that you think are "bad" then, in my opinion, you are not living life to fullest and not having as much fun as you can while you are here. Teenagers should have their fun and if they make a mistake let them learn from it so they wont encounter it again.
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In fact, forget Oedipus, Freud was happy to point out the ways in which children are actually quite sexual in their love. The ideal to a child is their mother for caring for them, protecting them, and giving them what they need to live. As they grow older and can start being more independant, their ideal is their father, who is strong, supportive and protective. I'm noticing a not small number of similarities between these characteristics and many of the characteristics of a successful romantic relationship. Romantic love and Platonic love are both love. The love a man feels for his wife is not the same as the love he feels for his mother, but they are both love. |
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2.I just don't think that children are even ready to be dating, and the teenage years are where you start to learn about all of that stuff. 3.I was talking about the teenagers. I would've thought that you understood that by the 1st sentence where i said children aren't ready. |
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As devonin would say, "All generalizations are false." |
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I meant 12 and younger not just that one age... |
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I was 13 when I started dating, I was 14 when I first had sex. In both of these situations (while in retrospect I was not nearly as mature as I am now) even with a highly critical view of my own childhood, I believe I was mature enough at those ages to make reasoned decisions about those things. I give the credit for that maturity to my family treating me with respect and answering my questions about any aspect of life frankly, openly and with an eye towards educating me well to make the correct decisions in life.
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You are very right, kids nowadays don't know anything about being mature. Maturity sure as heck isn't based on how many girlfriends or boyfriends you have, I'm sorry to break it so suddenly to some of you. Oh well. I don't need to worry about my love life anyway. Unlike EVERYONE ELSE, I'm just fine with waiting until I find someone REALLY special. I just hope that person is smart enough to wait for me... =( Keep in mind, ALL OF YOU, that if you ever plan on getting married, then your future spouse is somewhere out there... Would you like them to "wait" for you? Would it make you mad if you knew that your future spouse with someone else? |
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Well, Ive been going out with my girlfriend for longer then a year now. And every once in a while have mature discussions about the future of our relationship. We talk about whether or not its just a "high school fling", or if its something more serious. We also openly tell eachother our feelings in a mature way so that neither of us are getting hurt. We both know what we want out of this relationship, and one day i'll be able to say that i married my high school sweetheart.
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How old are you? You know, I was in that situation. It lasted 3 and a half years. We were very open and we felt that we'd be together forever. However, things came up. It happens. You might want to not be so sure of it yet. Age is a factor. Some people can manage to marry their high school dates, but even when they do last awhile, sometimes they just sort of.... peter out. |
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Back on subject, unless you're dating somebody you know you're going to be with for the rest of your life dating is really just a learning experience and a chance to have fun. Sure, you can have fun sometimes with your same sex friends when you're a teenager but a lot of times you just wish you were with a girl you can hang out with. I've been friends with a girl for over a year now and I finally pulled up the courage to ask her out. We're going to the movies next week and I'm sure I'm going to have a fun time. I'm not going to get laid or fall in love but I'm going to have a fun time. Teen dating is absolutely ok in my opinion. Oh and Kyle, most teens don't go out with eachother to seem more "mature". They basically either go out to have fun or get laid. |
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Huhhh.. I don't know. I'm 15, & I've been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months (he's 17) and he's my first boyfriend too.. We haven't done anything (sex, if you didn't get that) but we're absolutely in love with each other. And we talk everything out too. We've only been mad at each other maybe, twice. If we never dated each other, we'd definitely still be best friends.
That's my reason for being with him, because we get along so great. |
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But, I do have enough good sense to care about others. |
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Anyhow- THAT! RIGHT THERE! That's what I'm talking about! You DON'T go out to seem mature, but you must BE mature! And, personally, I would never go out for "fun" or to "get laid." That ruins the word love, in all of it's magical entirety. XD |
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I don't think he mentioned the word love.
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If I found out a kid of mine were having sex at 14, I'd be upset, mature or not. You're not looking after yourself, and hence any hurt you cause yourself is immediately a burden put on your parents. Safe sex or no, possibilities for diseases, children, and broken hearts still exist.
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Why do you state this and then try to contradict everything everyone else says? Now on to the topic: I started dating at 15. My first forays were somewhat immature, but for the most part I think people are fully capable of dating from around 13. Different people have different mindsets. Honestly, I think some people should never date at all because some people should never grow up. Many people seem to equate dating with sex. This is simply not the case. While in the majority of adult relationships, sex is involved, this isn't true of younger teens and children. I'd say many people 16 or older are mature enough to make their own decisions regarding sex and dating, but of course this isn't true for all, and maybe isn't even true for most. |
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Under fourteen years of age, children shouldn't be dating, at that age children are quite simply too immature. While a teenager, there are much more important things then just being focused on dating people. I mean, sure it's okay to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but if you get too wrapped up in the whole dating thing then it isn't exactly beneficial.
I don't see dating between teenagers generally as a bad thing, however if it turns to a sexual aspect then that is a different story. Safe-sex is one thing, however there are still risks of disease and pregnancy. |
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I agree, I mean dating when your young can be very benificail to future social skills.
I know people who dated in primary school and they are more confident in themselves and are generally are more social, whereas people who wait for that 'one' person tend to be more shy and have a low confidence level. Granted there are some exeptions to this - there always is. But again theres the risk of under-age sex and pregnancy but while teen pregnancies are one the rise (in some parts of the world) it's still a very minute possibility in the grand scheme of things. Relationships when your young aren't long term (usually) or serious, mainly it's to brag to your friends and other people and overall it helps children grow into themselves, and about being 'mature' enough I don't think most adults are mature enough either. |
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I said more confident and more shy.
I didn't mean that their confidence/shyness is wholy based on whether they dated in primary school |
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Well, I don't see anything wrong with teenagers simply dating- it's expected, really. But, definately not just for having sex. I think sex is something only for mature people who know and trust each other to consider.
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You ought to consider changing your font size to be the same as the rest of the forum users, the smaller size makes it really hard to read what you're saying, and I shudder at what it would be like if you made a long post.
I tried simply forum messaging you about this, but since you have all forms of being contacted disabled, I have to make do. |
Re: what is your opinion of teenage/children dating
I think that just dating is ok for teenagers. Children dating doesnt even really exsist because until your about 10 your "girlfriend" is just any girl you are friends with, and they probably still have "cooties".
Teenagers around puberty, however, start to get truly interested and thats where hugging and kissing come in. But it is still ok to just hug and kiss but as for sex it sould wait until you know youll be with someone for a long time, but thats for the premarital sex thread. But yeah, its fine as long as you dont go screw like jackrabbits every 5 minutes you are alone. |
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