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jewpinthethird 05-1-2006 08:12 PM

Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
I am only posting this here since I am at work and typing this out here will save me some time when I get home. I'll delete this thread once I get home and print it out. Feel free to correct my grammar and spelling as that to will also save me sometime once I get home.

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Before taking this class I hadn't the slightest idea as to what screen-printing was. I knew that t-shirts were printed by means of screen-printing, but that was about it. A friend suggested I take the class, and so I did since, to be brutally honest, I needed the credits.

I've always been fascinated with the arts ever since I was a child. Art was the one field that I really excelled in. I took art courses all throughout high school, I won some awards, had one of my paintings hang in the Palm Springs Museum, and I even took two advanced placement art courses my junior and senior year of high school. But alas, it was ultimately the Advanced Placement curriculum that caused me to distance myself from art. Though I was given the freedom to do what I wanted, I wasn’t given the freedom to work at my own pace. Towards the end of my senior year I became burnt out on art. I haven't picked up a pencil with the intent to draw since.

However, screen-printing was a new and exciting medium I had never tried nor previously considered. I came to class with the prospect that perhaps screen printing, being something new to me, would re-spark my interest in art, and it has to some extent. You see, I am a lazy perfectionist; spoiled might be a better term. When I make something, I want it to be perfect the first time through. If it isn’t, I get discouraged and give up; mostly because I lack patience. I do have patience when it comes to work with pencil, because if I mistake in pencil, I can simply erase it and start over; something that which cannot be done with paint, which is why I generally try to avoid working with it. I can't say I have a very good eye when it comes to color (another reason why my medium of choice is pencil). I also don't like to get messy. Well, actually I don’t like cleaning; one glance at the state of my room will tell you that much. So, unfortunately I must confess: my heart just isn’t in screen-printing.

Nonetheless, taking this course has given me a great appreciation or screen printers. I admire their patience and dedication, traits that I lack. But do not fret for this will not be my last venture into the realm of screen-printing. I do believe once I recover from whatever is binding my creative-self, I will return to screen-printing.

Tasselfoot 05-1-2006 09:13 PM

Re: Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
I shed a tear.

jbr7 05-2-2006 07:49 PM

Re: Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jewpinthethird
I am only posting this here since I am at work and typing this out here will save me some time when I get home. I'll delete this thread once I get home and print it out. Feel free to correct my grammar and spelling as that to will also save me sometime once I get home.

---------------------

Before taking this class I hadn't the slightest idea as to what screen-printing was. I knew that T-shirts were printed by means of screen-printing, but that was about it. A friend suggested I take the class, and so I did since, to be brutally Brutally? Sounds a bit too harsh to me. Maybe something like "blatantly" would be better?honest, I needed the credits.

I've always been fascinated with the arts ever since I was a child. Art was the one field that I really excelled in. I took art courses all throughout high school, I Might want to take this "I" out or use a semi-colon. Sentence splices are pretty ugly. won some awards, had one of my paintings hang in the Palm Springs Museum, and I even took two advanced placement Capitalize Advanced Placement. I think it's a trademarked thing. art courses my junior and senior year of high school. But alas, it was ultimately the Advanced Placement curriculum that caused me to distance myself from art. Though I was given the freedom to do what I wanted, I wasn’t given the freedom to work at my own pace. Towards the end of my senior year I became burnt out on art. I haven't picked up a pencil with the intent to draw since.

However, screen-printing was a new and exciting medium I had never tried nor previously considered. I like this sentence. It introduces the subject after leaving the reader hanging. Good rhetorical strategy. I came to class with the prospect that perhaps screen printing, being something new to me, would re-spark my interest in art, and it has to some extent. You see Try to keep it in first-person; switching from first to second it slightly distracting., I am a lazy perfectionist; spoiled might be a better term. When I make something, I want it to be perfect the first time through. If it isn’t, I get discouraged and give up; Use a comma. mostly because I lack patience. I do have patience when it comes to work with pencil, because if I mistake in pencil, I can simply erase it and start over; The sentence seems to go on a bit long here. Try breaking it here and starting a new one. something that which cannot be done with paint, which is why I generally try to avoid working with it. I can't say I have a very good eye when it comes to color (another reason why my medium of choice is pencil). I also don't like to get messy. Well, actually I don’t like cleaning; one glance at the state of my room will tell you that much. So, unfortunately Comma here? Not sure on this one... I must confess: my heart just isn’t in screen-printing.

Nonetheless, taking this course has given me a great appreciation of screen printers. I admire their patience and dedication, Use a semi-colon here or make it a clause by adding "which are" traits that I lack. But do not fret Comma.for this will not be my last venture into the realm of screen-printing. I do believe once I recover from whatever is binding my creative-self, I will return to screen-printing.You've mentioned "screen-printing" twice in a row here. You might just want to use "it" the second time.

THESE ARE JUST MY SUGGESTIONS. I am not a master at writing, nor do I pretend to be. Some of my corrections may even be wrong. Just remember that independant clauses cannot be combined with a comma alone (ex: "I fell down the stairs, it felt great!"). You need to either use a conjunction (ex: "I fell down the stairs, but it felt great!") or a semi-colon (ex: "I fell down the stairs; it felt great!"). I do not recommend semi-colons, but they are often better than conjunctions.

It's a great essay overall. I like how you give a brief history of where you came from, and get straight to the point. This helps the reader to understand your background and help with seeing why you chose not to continue screen-printing.

flamingspinach 05-4-2006 02:32 AM

Re: Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
Quote:

A friend suggested I take the class, and so I did since, to be brutally honest, I needed the credits.
You need a comma before "since".

Quote:

I've always been fascinated with the arts ever since I was a child.
Both always and ever since you were a child? Pick one.

Quote:

Art was the one field that I really excelled in.
It's best not to end sentences in prepositions, so try something like "Art was the one field in which I really excelled." Then again, as Winston Churchill once said sarcastically to an editor who pointed this out to him, "This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put!" :P But in this case it sounds better actually.

Quote:

I took art courses all throughout high school, I won some awards, had one of my paintings hang in the Palm Springs Museum, and I even took two advanced placement art courses my junior and senior year of high school.
Let's see: "I took art courses throughout high school, won some awards, had one of my paintings hang in the Palm Springs Museum, and even took two Advanced Placement art courses during my junior and senior years of high school." Remember to keep track of where you're forking lists.

Quote:

However, screen-printing was a new and exciting medium I had never tried nor previously considered.
A better way would be "However, screen-printing was a new and exciting medium that I had never tried or previously considered." First of all, the "that" makes the dependent clause more explicitly dependent. Also, you should not use "nor" unless you're enumerating negatives. "never tried" isn't technically a negative, and in fact the fork is arguable after "never", so "nor" wouldn't apply.

Quote:

I came to class with the prospect that perhaps screen printing, being something new to me, would re-spark my interest in art, and it has to some extent.
I don't think "prospect" is really the right word - try something like "hope", perhaps? Also, the independent clause added at the end is a little contextless; it might be a good idea to flesh it out - ", which expectation has been fulfilled to some extent" - making it a dependent clause.

Quote:

You see, I am a lazy perfectionist; spoiled might be a better term.
If spoiled is a better term, use it. Or if you feel the need to use both, say "lazy, perhaps even spoiled" or something like that.

Quote:

If it isn’t, I get discouraged and give up; mostly because I lack patience.
That semicolon should be a comma, and "mostly" should probably be "mainly".

Quote:

I do have patience when it comes to work with pencil, because if I mistake in pencil, I can simply erase it and start over; something that which cannot be done with paint, which is why I generally try to avoid working with it.
Add a "however" to the beginning of the sentence, since otherwise it clashes with your previous statement. You probably want to say "if I make a mistake" rather than "if I mistake". Again, the semicolon is incorrect - it should be a comma, though this is still an awkward sentence structure. I'd rewrite the whole thing as: "However, I do have patience when it comes to work with pencil; if I make a mistake in pencil, I can simply erase it and start over, whereas with paint I cannot do so. This is why I generally try to avoid working with paint."

Quote:

So, unfortunately I must confess: my heart just isn’t in screen-printing.
You probably meant to have a comma after "unfortunately", which would apply the "unfortunately" as a "meta-adverb", which technically is grammatically incorrect, but which, hopefully, will be eventually added to the grammar of our language. Ironically, I used it there as well. Strangely enough, this usage of the adverb causes the adverb to refer to the tone of the sentence itself rather than to the verb of the sentence. For example, when you say "Hopefully, we won't have to go to jail," you don't mean "We will not have to go hopefully to jail [but we do have to go to jail hopelessly]".

Quote:

Nonetheless, taking this course has given me a great appreciation or screen printers.
Though "nonetheless" is valid, "nevertheless" is more common and makes more sense as an adverb. Your choice though. Also that "or" should be "for". To be consistent with the rest of your essay, perhaps you should call those who perform screen-printing "screen-printers".

Quote:

I admire their patience and dedication, traits that I lack.
This should be "I admire their patience and dedication, which are traits that I lack."

Quote:

But do not fret for this will not be my last venture into the realm of screen-printing.
You need a comma after "fret".

Quote:

I do believe once I recover from whatever is binding my creative-self, I will return to screen-printing.
You need a "that" after "believe".

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Hope that helped.

-fs

flamingspinach 05-4-2006 03:06 AM

Re: Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by omgwtfToph
You need a "broom" out of your "ass."

"." goes outside of words quoted to abstract them from the sentence. Also OP asked for proofreading rofl

faild :>

Benny1 05-4-2006 07:21 AM

Re: Essay for my Screenprinting class
 
Nice, I took graphic arts, one of the units was screen printing.

I am currently wearing the caffeine molecule shirt I made that way.


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