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-   -   Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself. (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=36181)

slipstrike0159 12-18-2005 02:01 PM

Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
Lemme first come out to say that I am not aiming to piss off anyone on the subject of santa. This is just a paper i got from one of my teachers and i think its hilarious. So dont sit there and stone me, cause i didnt come up with it myself. I really dont know who came up with all these statistics and remember that I did not put my opinion into this at all, Im just writing it word for word (not counting the typo's i may make =P). Just please dont let this ruin your holidays.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But, there are at least 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.



2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, nor Jewish children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.



3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming that he travels from East to West. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get into his sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million houses are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept), we are talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops.

This means that Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, the average reindeer runs at 15 miles per hour.



4. The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sided Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 TONS, not counting Santa, Who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull 10 times the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II luxury liner (a gigantic boat).



5. Three hundred fifty-three thousand tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy, PER SECOND. EACH. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.



6. Conclusion : There was a Santa, but he's dead now.



According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females that do so, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.

To some people this should have been obvious. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

(Obviously thought of and written by a women who has nothing better to do than to demean men in an attempt to make herself look better.)

Tokzic 12-18-2005 02:06 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
STOP RUINING CHRISTMAS FOR ME

Jazzmosis1990 12-18-2005 02:23 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
well, there was a Saint Nick, and he gave presents to the kids in his village,
but i think thats about it.

Tokzic 12-18-2005 02:26 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
guyz, com on

he uses magic! duh!

slipstrike0159 12-18-2005 02:30 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
Your seriously trying to outway all those facts and figures with magic?
Besides, did you even read the first paragraph? Im not against santas existence, because as we all know, santa lives on through our hearts. So in that way i believe in santa, its just when you look at the statistics, he cant be physically alive right now. Thats all i was trying to say.

Pumble 12-18-2005 02:32 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
Old, but awesome. Why is this in CT?

slipstrike0159 12-18-2005 02:33 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
Because i couldnt think of a better place to put it, and besides it makes sense to put it here because there are a lot of people that want to discuss this in great detail.

Pumble 12-18-2005 02:45 PM

RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yourself.
 
Great detail? Please, this is a funny piece of writing, not a scientific document.

Put it in chit-chat or the garbage bin.

Tokzic 12-18-2005 02:46 PM

Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yoursel
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumble
Great detail? Please, this is a funny piece of writing, not a scientific document.

Put it in the garbage bin.


msbrunnettemickey 12-18-2005 04:45 PM

I killed Santa.
Happy?

Mindfields 12-18-2005 04:58 PM

Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yoursel
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazzmosis1990
well, there was a Saint Nick, and he gave presents to the kids in his village,
but i think thats about it.

I was taught this in Sunday School today.
St. Nicholas.
He was also involved in the Council of Nicaea, which was the determination of which Gospels to put in the Bible and which to toss out (AKA The Dead Sea Scrolls). The Gospels they took out didn't make Christ look godly enough, and the ones that they left in were the ones that made Christ look godly. They did this because there was an underground Christian belief that Christ wasn't as powerful as God Himself.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38

There is no modern-day Santa Claus, though, only the spirit lives, and the life support is your parents pretending to be Santa Claus ;o
That's atleast my way of seeing Christmas and Santa Claus.

esupin 12-18-2005 06:21 PM

Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yoursel
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by slipstrike0159
and besides it makes sense to put it here because there are a lot of people that want to discuss this in great detail.

Hrmm... So Tim Allen really is Santa Claus? That would explain his beer belly.
Remember, kids, lat lines are fat lines.

UbEr_RaVe 12-18-2005 06:23 PM

Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for yoursel
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic
guyz, com on

he uses magic! duh!

OMFG santa is harry potters dad

Lightknight924 12-18-2005 06:24 PM

RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for you
 
I know santa. I'm one of his elves. Why do you think I have a fairy in my avatar. I'm an elf! Aske Tps, he knows.

lord_carbo 12-18-2005 06:25 PM

RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for you
 
This ruined Christmas hard for me.

Who will bring me my Mariokart DS?

xiron 12-18-2005 07:16 PM

Re: RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide for
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lord_carbo
Who will bring me my Mariokart DS?



slipstrike0159 12-19-2005 07:48 PM

RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide
 
I sure as heck dont want that guy comming into my house.

chickendude 12-19-2005 08:12 PM

RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide
 
Ok you guys don't understand

since when can santa only be in one place at a time?
We understand enough of science to know that this isn't necesarily true.

In quantum mechanics, it is possible on a subatomic level for a particle to be in more than one place at once. In fact, this is common. This may seem absurd, but its true. Now this rarely happens on any large scales because the probability that all of the particles move together from one location to another is remote (meaning VERY remote)

but Santa, he's got the power. You see, he's mastered the art of moving his particles together, IN MORE THAN ONE PLACE AT ONCE. I know it may seem unlikely, but its true. This is the only way he can deliver all of the presents without the afformentioned side effects (burning reindeer etc.)
There is a reason why santa is so legendary. May it be known to all.

-chickendude

P.S.
I'm hindu

slipstrike0159 12-19-2005 10:59 PM

RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide
 
yeah but isnt that only true if the particles ar a certain distance apart?

chickendude 12-20-2005 02:26 PM

RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Santa, real or not? Read this and decide
 
its only likely if the particles are at a certain distance apart. The probabilities start to get really messed up at larger scales, but obviously Santa has mastered the skill.

There's probably another piece to the puzzle that us, Gargantuans to the quantum world, haven't quite understood yet.


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