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Rapta 02-16-2016 10:45 PM

Thinking about suicide
 
I know I said I pretty much stopped playing FFR but the osu community isn't as caring as this one and I just want to say this before I do it. I'm really close to stabbing myself.

rzr 02-16-2016 10:50 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Suicide doesn't stop the pain

It just passes it on to someone else

Take it from someone who's tried

danceflashrevo 02-16-2016 10:51 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Hey man, I'm sorry you feel like that. I really encourage you to get help if you really feel that way.

thesunfan 02-16-2016 11:02 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Not a good idea. Call a professional in your area if you are truly considering.

bmah 02-16-2016 11:40 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Do not consider suicide, Rapta. If you think you're trying to convenience or do a favor, you're not. There really is not a single reason to justify suicide, so please do not do it. I am sure there is someone here who can listen and possibly help you out, but for now, do not stab yourself.

Funnygurl555 02-16-2016 11:44 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
if it's not too much of a financial burden (i.e. if you have health insurance), then get hospitalized

if you're this close to stabbing yourself then you shouldn't be left alone

$0.02

Starlight562 02-16-2016 11:46 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I do not know you well, but I can assure you suicide should not be on the list of options for you to do to make yourself feel better. Not only is it something very permanent, do you understand the pain and stress and emotions you'd put people close to you through?

There are reasons why you wake up every day, why you go out and live your life (even if you FEEL it's not the best), magnify on those reasons and make the best of them, or make changes to your habits to pull you out of the negative rut.

I'm sure you've already heard this all before, now it's up to you to decide if you want to listen and understand. I hope you feel better.

samurai7694 02-16-2016 11:48 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
To you and to anyone else in a similar position:

I suggest allowing yourself to be completely open to people who are willing to listen and respond without judging you. I've seen some great posts from people on here that care enough and perhaps that can help you reconsider. I've had suicidal thoughts for 5 years and for others it can be a lot longer than that. There's still healthier choices of coping with it that may peak your interest like exercising or doing productive hobbies like cooking, for example. Keep in mind that the negativity you have was most likely imposed by awful parenting or bad experiences outside of home, or both, or even a lot more than that. It's a lot of different possibilities. Find the root causes of what hurts you most and take it step-by-step to recover from it. Accept the things in the past that you can't change and change what you can in the present that benefits you in a good and healthy manner. I don't know your life 100% but I have empathy and care enough to want you to read through this and to stay away from any bad impulses.

noname219 02-16-2016 11:51 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
How will you be able to find out the moment you're at peace with yourself once you're dead ?

What thesunfan said, seek out for professional help.

Sky Kitten 02-17-2016 12:02 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Hey man. I don't know you on a personal level, but whatever in your life that's making you consider suicide, it is never the permanent solution to your problems. The people in your life that are close to you will miss you dearly, and you wouldn't want to put them through that, would you? Please, seek help if you're feeling this way. If you also want to talk about what's making you consider this, I've sent you a PM. Or you can talk to any one of us if you need to.

Just don't stab yourself. :( Please.

Hakulyte 02-17-2016 01:04 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I don't understand how this would make you reach that conclusion.

gold stinger 02-17-2016 04:20 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
If you are unable to think of solutions other than suicide, it is not that other solutions don’t exist, only that you are currently unable to see them right now.

Therapists and counselors (and sometimes friends) can help you to see solutions to depression/pain that otherwise are not apparent to you. I duly recommend asking about, and see what your options are for maybe talking to someone irl. Though, if you have no one irl to talk to, you could always talk to us about it if you'd like.

I've said at one point or another that usually when I'm thinking of suicide, I'm also really depressed too, and it can be really hard to talk to people or reach out for help when you got social anxiety, depression, or doing anything, really. But hear me out on this; Even if you do the opposite of anything, which is nothing, it is still a better choice than suicide. As a person still currently living with depression and decided to do nothing in response to suicidal thoughts/tendencies, I can confirm this first hand.

V-Ormix 02-17-2016 05:10 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Killing yourself doesn't mean its over, but that's always up for debate. The only apparent thing we can assess in life is that it's purpose is to live in.

All philosophical or spiritual aspects aside, your run a far greater risk of potentially plummeting your self in a worse place that you didn't think could get any worse - like becoming a depressed vegetable all your life (be happy like hi19 and step dank files) cause you can't forget all the goodness in life in vain :(

Don't do it sir.

SKG_Scintill 02-17-2016 07:36 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Before this thread goes into an amateur counseling philosophy session (oops too late), can I just ask:

why?

you didn't give a reason other than "I stopped playing FFR"

MooMoo_Cowfreak 02-17-2016 12:00 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
If rhythm games are actually making you contemplate killing yourself then maybe it's time to put away the rhythm games for a while.

botchi246 02-17-2016 12:45 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Hey homy, I am here for you. I can be that shoulder you need to lean on to get through this tough time.

HeZe 02-17-2016 12:52 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Rapta you are too good to die

Rapta 02-17-2016 01:01 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
My mom came in with the laundry before I did it and we got into a huge fight. I'll never understand how something so coincidental happened (who does laundry at midnight?). After I add accepted death my body was going crazy. I was shaking a lot, my heart was beating incredibly fast, and I was breathing heavily. Before the argument my mother took my knife and after, I was exhausted from the experience and I feel asleep almost as soon as I laid in bed. I think it was an in the moment feeling caused by being depressed. I don't regret what I was about to do but I'm not glad I didn't do it either.
I stayed home today and I don't know what my parents have in mind, I haven't gotten out of bed yet.
Rhythm games are one of the three things that distract me from depression. Guitar is one and watching anime is one. previous thread

MooMoo_Cowfreak 02-17-2016 01:17 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Don't let your depression overwhelm you. Things seem terrible now, but you're better than that Rapta. Life won't continue this way forever.

Izzy 02-17-2016 01:40 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I originally started playing stepmania back in 2001 to get my mind off things. Kind of lame that you eventually become good enough to where you can start day dreaming while playing anyway.

I guess it would be a good idea to continue learning new things. Try new hobbies or whatever. Don't let yourself fall into an endless mundane schedule that doesn't require any thought.

Candor 02-17-2016 02:36 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
With Virtual Reality coming so quickly, were approaching a golden age of gaming :C
It will be a shame to leave so early

xomegaxweapon 02-17-2016 02:44 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapta (Post 4407786)
I know I said I pretty much stopped playing FFR but the osu community isn't as caring as this one and I just want to say this before I do it. I'm really close to stabbing myself.

Life is not an easy journey, but you've made it this far, why give up now?

Like everyone has said.. the pain doesn't stop, its selfish.. and basically doesn't prove anyone, anything.. even though you have this heavy, godforsaken horrible feeling inside, most of the people that have gone through similar or worse (not dead, but hospitalized) will know.. if you're really feeling concerned or having dark thoughts, just tell ANY member of your family or close family... luckily I had my family nearby... it could of ended differently..

and if you want to private message me or anyone else with anything, do it :)
not all of us are out there to give the "correct" advice... remember, In this unfair world there IS someone out there that gives a shit!

Keep us updated and of course, best of luck ahead!

Ocelot12309 02-17-2016 03:38 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I know we've never spoken, but suicide is one of the worst things you can do to stop the pain. If you can, find another way to get your mind off things and try not to feed any trolls.

Vaeltaja 02-18-2016 07:47 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Hey, I got through this period too.
Really painful.
Things should get better with time, I hope.
Don't stay alone, talk to someone, express your pain, your feelings.
There are so many things that will keep you alive.
Never give up.

DossarLX ODI 02-18-2016 09:27 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Rapta, I remember the conversations we had concerning your issues. You mentioned picking up Python as a programming language to start learning some coding concepts such as iteration, variables, etc. the crucial step is to look at your situation and see what's in your control.

Something I need to clear up right away is that if someone isn't responding, it doesn't mean that you are meaningless -- nor does it mean that the person sees you as inferior or not worth the time. However, I'm going to be blunt about telling you that you need to start taking the initiative to assemble the details of your issues to see what different approach you can take.

You are a problem solver and have considerable thinking skills. Use that to your advantage -- seriously, take the initiative to start up a conversation yourself with the people around you. Ask questions. Observe the reactions you receive and think about why people might see you that way. Observe your responses and what reactions they give.

Anxiety gets incredibly difficult when it turns into a physical problem (I've been to the emergency room from a panic attack before). Learn about how your mind and body react to certain things. You've had enough time to put patterns together, and there is a community of people here to help you. If someone is busy and doesn't respond, again, it doesn't mean that person thinks you are not important. We understand you're distressed and will try helping you, but you also need to initiate change on your part.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rzr (Post 4407788)
Suicide doesn't stop the pain

It just passes it on to someone else

Take it from someone who's tried


psychoangel691 02-18-2016 11:04 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

I've had periods of being suicidal on and off for a long time in my life. The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. I never tell people this straight out because it always turns into "you're just seeking attention." It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen.

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so I ended up hurting myself today, something I swore I'd never do again. Even now I'm just sitting alone, oh well.

So I feel ya Rapta, hopefully whatever's ailing you gets better.

Devilchilly 02-18-2016 11:24 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Please Rapta, don't do it, I really really mean it.
Like, I never knew you or never talked to you or anything, but please, there ARE people who really cares about you.
Suicide isn't the solution, it doesn't impact only you, but EVERYONE, including the ones you are meaningful to.
Basically, what I'm saying is that you really need to seek help from the people who are close to you. Nothing can't be solved.

Red Blaster 02-19-2016 02:21 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I vaguely know your situation, so I'm not going to be able to chime in with life altering advice here, but killing yourself isn't the answer man. I know it's hard going through depression and especially so at the stage in life where you're at, but trust me it does get better - and I'm sure others can vouch for that.

Rapta 02-19-2016 10:49 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychoangel691 (Post 4408178)
I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

Same..

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychoangel691 (Post 4408178)
The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen

Same..

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychoangel691 (Post 4408178)
Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so.

Same.

I can think as optimistically as I want, but last night it was like I wasn't able to think at all whether what I was doing was good or bad. I can promise not to do it again but I guess I'm becoming so depressed I can't control myself

Vaeltaja 02-19-2016 11:00 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Did you tried to see a specialist ?
Psychiatrist ? Psychologist ?
They can help you..

Rapta 02-19-2016 11:04 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I'm seeing a psychologist and he has said I should see a psychiatrist but it's been two weeks since my parents said they started looking. Medication feels like the the only hope left.

Vaeltaja 02-19-2016 11:10 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Sadly it's sometimes the only hope left.

dashoe93 02-19-2016 03:27 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Suicide is not something anyone should do, because the majority of the time, it fails, and when it does, life becomes a hell of a lot worse than it is now. I feel it almost every day, and I've got a few things in mind to be honest, but I don't think I could ever live with consequences if those ever failed. So I'd rather be here in who I am rather than having everyone around me know I've attempted it and am living with a horrible condition that's much more painful than anything I'd ever experience now. I'm an impatient person hoping something good will happen. Whenever something does, just chill and accept it instead of devour it. I've had my fair share of good things that go bad because I got too hopeful and stuff. Just live life. Don't make high standards or expectations, but still have some to look forward to. Bit a ramble, but two cents is some sense.

_Zenith_ 02-19-2016 03:32 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Rapta, I've read the responses and the OP and I must say, you are too young to consider suicide as an option of escaping reality. You have much ahead of you and much to accomplish and don't consider the negatives in your life greater than the positives because they aren't.

As a person who is slowly killing themselves, heed the advice that others bestowed upon you. You need to find things such as hobbies and other activities that you enjoy, not activities that revolve around negativity and self-deprecation that would lead you to feeling this way.

Please do not feel this way in the future; I hope you have a good road ahead of you and I'm sure you will. Keep talking to professionals and never hold your head down.

sweet2kill210 02-20-2016 04:42 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Hey, I know we haven't talked much like others have also said. But I just wanted to say, some of the best advice I've received is to try to stay around positive people because it really helps. I've been there myself like a lot of others also mentioned, but right now this is about you.

It is definitely not easy to keep optimistic when life keeps bringing you down, but hopefully things start looking up for you as they should because it got better for me and others, so who's to say it won't get better for you? Just try to stick around, you'll see! In the meantime, fake it until you make it! (Please note, I am not a professional and therefore my advice may not be the best, thank you).

L.B.D.D 02-20-2016 10:51 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
play blade and soul
you'll be so busy doing dailies you won't have time for suicide

choof 02-21-2016 10:52 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapta (Post 4408480)
I'm seeing a psychologist and he has said I should see a psychiatrist but it's been two weeks since my parents said they started looking. Medication feels like the the only hope left.

you're still a teenager, correct
medication has the potential to make things worse so if you do get prescribed something and it makes it worse, ask your psychiatrist for new meds immediately

also I would ask your psychiatrist to try something that is not an ssri, or an snri

I've tried a plethora of drugs and the one that's working the best is gabapentin. as opposed to cymbalta, this is a "cleaner" feeling. idk how to describe it exactly but the feeling I get off this is clearer and just overall better than I got from cymbalta

Azpb Djbread 02-21-2016 11:01 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Don't do it Man, So many people still care about you.

Cavernio 02-21-2016 11:24 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
The only reason I'm not dead is because I lack the ability to kill myself.

Once suicide is not an option I started exploring other options. Like accepting that pain is part of reality that you cannot change. Once it's accepted it's easier to manage. Or it's supposed to be. It hurts too much too care it sucks too much to be numb it feels like sometimes.

And it's BS about hurting other people. You're your own person, you're allowed. What you can take though is that other people have felt the way you do, and have survived and have gone on to have many happy experiences in their future. For surely if killing yourself were to cause other people as much unbearable pain as to end their own lives, then there is something not right about our very existence. Life just is. There's no right or wrong of it.

A therapist once told me in an existential discussion that an old celtic (I think) view of life is that we're all trapped in a cave, and if you go outside, a dragon is going to eat you and you die. By adopting such a seemingly heavy view of life you find what really matters to you though. Your values. Do you value justice, truth, respect, love, honor? By having values you can experience pride in yourself when you follow them. This will make you feel good about yourself.

Everything in life is temporary. Knowing this allows you to cherish the good parts and weather the bad ones.

Also weed. but you're still young for that too aren't you? All drugs when you're still maturing until like mid twenties are ify, like choof said.

Antidepressants don't help me through the worst pain. I am trying to find joy in everyday things.

Grief is a natural part of life. It comes with the territory of consciousness.

AngelPuppy25 02-21-2016 11:26 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Rapta, you have so many people who care about you.
You still have your whole life ahead of you, we've all had our rough patches and even I have gotten through them.
We all believe in you and love you, even your family.
Do things that get your mind off of everything, whatever makes you happy.
We're all here for you, don't keep it all bottled in, it makes it so much worse.

Cavernio 02-21-2016 11:39 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by choof (Post 4409265)

also I would ask your psychiatrist to try something that is not an ssri, or an snri

This is literally like pulling teeth from an unwilling person, my experience.

Rapta 02-21-2016 12:01 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Azpb Djbread (Post 4409267)
Don't do it Man, So many people still care about you.

When I get depressed like I am right now, I lose any feeling of wanting to do anything, go anywhere, or think anything. I just want to sleep and wake up having forgotten the feelings until I eventually remember them again. It's the ones who care who keep pushing me to go get my education and do activities which I have no will to do which ruins the experience which depresses me even more. It's the people who care about me that won't let me just fuck off in my room when I get depressed. I mean my family specifically because everyone else could care less, other than having empathy for a short time, but empathy is only felt when thought of my depression is almost constant and uncontrollable, and if someone actually did genuinely care if I died, they sure didn't want to be around me, or try to help me. In the beginning when I was trying everything I could think of to be happier, I had friends, and one of the things I tried was talking to them in detail about this, when I went to them for help channeling my depression and for advice, they all said they would listen and be there for me but everyone eventually said I need to stop talking to them. Usually it was in the middle of me being depressed and trying to talk to them when they just told me they had enough, so when people said that to me I became more depressed. I was trying to optimistic in the beginning, but I eventually lost all my friends through this. Everyone wants to help but nobody wants to deal with my problems. Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?

choof 02-21-2016 04:31 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapta (Post 4409280)
Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?

the psychologist is "pushing you off to a psychiatrist" because a psychologist does not prescribe medication. psychologists help you determine what it is that's causing depression, how to diagnose you properly, and send you to a psychiatrist when they have a diagnosis. the psychiatrist will determine what medications and therapies will benefit you the greatest.

help is coming.

Cavernio 02-23-2016 11:14 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Thinking about suicide is a losing option because as soon as you have that safety net of 'I can end my life whenever I want' you will put up with waaaaaay more BS in your life than you otherwise would have. When suicide is your way out you will stop thinking about other ways out because it is the ultimate way out that is always there. It will lead to a cycle of decisions that will leave you in worse situations in your life leaving you feeling worse making you want to consider suicide more than if you never had truly considered it in the first place.

I just realized this now.

Izzy 02-23-2016 11:30 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
You can think about suicide as a way to reinforce that it is an option you wouldn't actually want to do. If you seriously considered the pros and cons of such a thing you'd probably realize that the cons are just way too high. It's better than just committing suicide without any serious thought on it.

I don't personally believe there is anything that is entirely off limits to even think about. By thinking about some difficult sensitive issues you can come to some conclusion and possibly become a more mentally stable person.

Cavernio 02-23-2016 03:11 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Izzy (Post 4409833)
If you seriously considered the pros and cons of such a thing you'd probably realize that the cons are just way too high.

It's a problem when the pros outweight the cons. I just did a full 4x4 pro/con thing about suicide and it just made me more upset for the moment because the decision I want to choose is death.

Izzy 02-23-2016 03:58 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Yea, that sounds like an issue. Although there are an infinite amount of pros and cons so it is kind of impossible to quantify anyway. I still think there shouldn't be anything off limits too think about. The truth is always more important than ignorance to me even when it makes you less happy.

I don't really have any actual opinions on whether or not someone should commit suicide. That seems like a deeply personal existential issue that I can't determine for anyone but myself. I know it is the wrong choice for myself, but there is no way for me to make that call for someone else without it being based on my personal experiences.

Unless I'm in endless unfixable extreme "physical" pain I'd rather be alive. I don't care if that ends up being selfish or if it is a burden for people.

TN_NewLegendofmaxxxxxxxxx 02-23-2016 04:47 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
dude
you put yourself in the hands of other people tooo much. So much that you let the expectations of your parents/social pressures drive you to the point of not being able to deal with the pressures, and that makes you want to escape from them.
Unfortunately, when you have people around you that don't really understand what's going on in your mind, and that seem to prioritize things like school/external shit over caring about your actual internal state, you can't really find escape from that. Not unless you can actually like, leave your house and sit out in a park or like somewhere like that.
IF YOU FIND ESCAPE THROUGH SLEEPING AND "COMFORTS" RATHER THAN FINDING A PLACE OF PEACE TO TRULY FIND WHAT YOU NEED OR WHAT'S HAPPENING, YOU WILL DEVELOP PATHWAYS IN YOUR MIND THAT WILL MAKE YOU AUTOMATICALLY CHOOSE THE "ESCAPE ROUTE". THIS WILL MEAN THAT YOU WILL SPIRAL FURTHER INTO DEPRESSION, and this is what happens to tons of people. They get adjusted to taking the path of least resistance, which is escape through things like sleep, or anything innately pleasurable and isolated, and the act of choosing something purely out of pleasure builds up like a cancer in the mind. It is only through finding places of PEACE AND AWARENESS that you can eradicate this habituated thought pattern. It is this pattern that drives your depression, as it literally prolongs the issues that are making you anxious rather than having you find a way to overcome them.

You have one option: face them, face everything you've been stalling out from or hiding from and be true to yourself as to what YOU WANT RATHER THAN FORCING YOURSELF TO TAKE A PATH OUT OF FEAR OF NOT LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS. Don't let your decisions be made before they feel right, don't let pressure make you make a large move in the wrong direction.

I will tell you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Medicine with "bandage" these issues, but they are much gentler issues than you believe.

The "victim" state of mind is a subconscious, semi-hard-coded way humans have of dealing with fear. It tempts us to become attached to thoughts of self-deprecation, doubt, escape, domination/submission feelings towards those around us, and other things like that. It makes us believe that these ways of thinking are real, but if you examine them, they are no more than a chemical, pleasure feeling that comes from the thought of having protected ourselves from a present fear. This way of thinking can become addicting: it triggers the same "reward" chemicals (dopamine) that meth, some anti-depressants, and other drugs do. Eventually, whenever the fear is felt, this escape will become almost an automatic response, and it will grow in the mind if it is allowed to. We must find peace because this state of mind is hell, and it disallows us to see the result of our actions and how we can affect ourselves and develop into the future. We have to face those things now, or else we will continue to spiral downward. No one around you is controlling you. The initial push seems the hardest, but once you have chosen to stop believing that you are trapped, you can make your own decisions without the threat of others more easily and you will become happy.
You do not need medicine, you don't need a "professional" to tell you what's wrong or give you synthetic chemicals that have long term negative effects of the brain AND hide an issue that is much more easily/healthily resolved through awareness, freedom, and self-love. Eastern culture is far ahead of western ideals on this matter: diseases of the mind can and must be fixed with the mind and spirit, because no medicine can cure a thought pattern, or a lack of awareness to certain things that would otherwise allow us to understand what is truly going on in our heads. If we are to inspire love and creativity, we have to develop love in ourselves and find peace, no matter how harsh the environment around us may seem. Many others have it far, far, far worse, and they can also find this inner peace and achieve higher states of mind. Nothing ever inhibits this, and through achieving higher states of mind, we can rise above our body's dictatorship of us and understand the pain of the body is nothing since we are far more and can achieve much greater things than our primal ancestors we evolved from.


good luck man don't give in to the bullshit of yourself or other people
killing yourself, would the pain really go away?

MinaciousGrace 02-23-2016 07:52 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TN_NewLegendofmaxxxxxxxxx (Post 4409941)
killing yourself, would the pain really go away?

well strictly from a physiological standpoint, yes

HeZe 03-12-2016 01:21 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
BUMP

How do you feel now?

drizzleRomanceGirl 03-12-2016 03:58 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Please keep on living. My mom takes depression medication and it helps her deal with everything a lot better. However, it doesn't make your problems go away. Something else that might help a lot is to find someone to talk to all the time who you think really understands you and helps you feel more comfortable around them. The more you open up to people who listen and who care about you, the better I think you'll feel about yourself and your life. Something that also might help a lot is to find either one person or a group of people who you enjoy playing games with who make you feel a lot more positive and have fun. It's a lot more fun to play games with other people than by yourself, and I think you'll have a much better time with another person or other people who like the same things you do. :)

Encouragement may also help a lot, so try to find someone who really cares about you and who encourages you and makes you feel a lot better. :) I hope you keep living because I care about you and I want you to live. I would love to talk with you or play games with you, although I won't be able to talk all the time. If you want to play or just talk, my skype account is drizzleRomanceGirl and my skype name is Rebecca_TMI. Another thing that helps me when I feel depressed is to remember what I used to say and how I used to act. Looking through my own posts or remembering things I used to do made me appreciate myself and my personality more. Just have fun and don't worry about what you are or aren't doing. :) I think being yourself is enough.

Xtreme2252 03-13-2016 12:36 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
At one point I wanted to kill myself, but after my mom first attempted it ceased to be an option.

BrokenKeysEverywhere 03-15-2016 04:17 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Don't go giving up Rapta, you got mates and people who look up to you on here. You're awesome, and a professional at this game, plus a very good dude to others. I look up to you and all the pros I've heard of and met on here. I'm in the same situation as you at the moment, with my family only forcing me to do what would make them proud (such as being the perfect kid), and friends not really knowing how much mental and emotional pain I'm in, and only being supported by my clueless cat. But I'm living on, because people look up to me, because I've got a dream job (that most people wouldn't like), and mostly because I'm looking forward to new awesome films and novels.
So don't give up. Giving up you're life, because it's painful, is an invalid reason to give it up for, as pain is a part of life. And the purpose of it is to get through and achieve what you want to achieve, don't let family or friends let you down, and look up into the skies, at the bright (and almost blinding) future you really want ahead of you.
So don't stab yourself to death. Because the day something really awesome would have happened might have been tomorrow. Don't lose hope and live on. Have goals, dream some awesome stuff, eat the food you've always wanted to, and walk on.
And hey, there's a lot of people who have posted on this thread giving their support in a sympathetic, empathetic and suggestive way. Even people who don't know you, or what it must feel to be in the same situation as you, are here for you.

From the Spontaneous Happy Dapper (I wish I always were), BrokenKeysEverywhere.
"Don't worry. Be happy." - Bobby McFerrin

Vares 06-24-2016 09:07 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychoangel691 (Post 4408178)
I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

I've had periods of being suicidal on and off for a long time in my life. The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. I never tell people this straight out because it always turns into "you're just seeking attention." It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen.

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so I ended up hurting myself today, something I swore I'd never do again. Even now I'm just sitting alone, oh well.

So I feel ya Rapta, hopefully whatever's ailing you gets better.

This is really spot on. There are a lot of common responses to suicidal ideation that are actually fairly detrimental when you're on the receiving end of them.

SpaceGorilla 06-24-2016 09:34 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapta (Post 4409280)
When I get depressed like I am right now, I lose any feeling of wanting to do anything, go anywhere, or think anything. I just want to sleep and wake up having forgotten the feelings until I eventually remember them again. It's the ones who care who keep pushing me to go get my education and do activities which I have no will to do which ruins the experience which depresses me even more. It's the people who care about me that won't let me just fuck off in my room when I get depressed. I mean my family specifically because everyone else could care less, other than having empathy for a short time, but empathy is only felt when thought of my depression is almost constant and uncontrollable, and if someone actually did genuinely care if I died, they sure didn't want to be around me, or try to help me. In the beginning when I was trying everything I could think of to be happier, I had friends, and one of the things I tried was talking to them in detail about this, when I went to them for help channeling my depression and for advice, they all said they would listen and be there for me but everyone eventually said I need to stop talking to them. Usually it was in the middle of me being depressed and trying to talk to them when they just told me they had enough, so when people said that to me I became more depressed. I was trying to optimistic in the beginning, but I eventually lost all my friends through this. Everyone wants to help but nobody wants to deal with my problems. Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?


Even within the last year I've had the exact same feelings as you; knowing that when people try to help it really just makes it worse in terms of your depression. It got me down on my schoolwork and social interactivity which is really a bummer but everything is fixable with enough time and effort, so I suggest you just push on and if it helps you keep your mind off of it, avoid talking to other people. Some people don't understand that you just need to keep yourself away from the feelings of depression and all that. I would recommend trying to figure out if there's something that triggers it, which could be anything from remembering someone you lost to just being lonely. I've gotten much better by doing more chores and exercising on a regular basis; you can do the same if you occupy your time with things you love to do.

xVaLoRx 06-24-2016 10:48 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by L.B.D.D (Post 4409190)
play blade and soul
you'll be so busy doing dailies you won't have time for suicide

fuckin lol

MixMasterLar 06-24-2016 11:34 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Rapta post and let us know how you are holding up

Flaming_Dingleberry 06-24-2016 11:39 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
People trying to help someone with depression but just make things worse remind me of Joy from Inside Out. Happiness isn't the opposite of depression, vitality is (that's from a really nice TED talk by Andrew Solomon). People who want to help someone with depression are given the task of helping someone climb a hill that they don't want to climb, that has an indefinite height, and has an unknown number of places to rest along the way. It's not a task that someone can accomplish with their love for you, it's something people need to be trained to be able to do, and people's love for you might actually make it harder for them to help. Sometimes, a psychologist isn't enough, and that's okay; sometimes medication is necessary (your brain could be attacking you, and maybe a pill could just stop it from doing so). Whoever gives up on trying to help you, that's just them not knowing how to help. Maybe they can't handle the situation, or they don't understand how you're feeling, but it's not that they don't care.

TheRapingDragon 06-28-2016 01:37 AM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Relax, guys, he's still alive

_Zenith_ 06-28-2016 07:32 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Would it be wrong to say that I, especially this past week, have heavily considered suicide/mental hospital just to escape not only life but my fucking family?

It's getting to the point that drastic measures ensures my fucking mental stability.

Winrar 06-28-2016 08:22 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Cmon Zenith, it's never the option. There are people here that you can talk to, no use in harming yourself permanently if there's a solution to not dealing with your family. Find ways to spend less time there or start working and maybe find a roommate. I'm on league and skype pretty often if you wanna talk.

ps. sorry for feeding as ezreal i dunno how to adc <3

_Zenith_ 06-28-2016 08:29 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
Thanks Andy

If anyone did want to talk about it, I have several essays upon essays one could read for a week before they got to the end of what is going on, mentally and physically, about my life and what is endured during segments of time.

Callipygian 06-28-2016 09:12 PM

Re: Thinking about suicide
 
I'm gonna chime in with some fellow old farts here who have gone through extended and recurring periods of depression and have given some sound advice already: seek help, avoid rash actions, recognize patterns in your behavior and responses to stimuli and use that knowledge to your advantage.

I don't know you and the specific circumstances you have to deal with, but I do know depression and I also know all too well how useless any advice you get from others may sound at times you feel really bad. I take it that you're an intelligent guy who, at a rational level, knows and understands all the common reasons people (professionals and friends alike) may give for continuing to live and all the remedies that are suggested and make sense (study your own behavior and adjust, find hobbies and activities that structure your life and give you satisfaction etc.).

I have heard every possible piece of good advice and every snippet of life-affirming philosophy that could possibly motivate me to carry on and I know how utterly empty all these words can sound in your times of need. You wrote that many of your friends will listen for a bit to what you have to say when you're depressed, but quickly give up on you. My experience is that many of those who care about you simply do not know what it's like to be depressed and have limited understanding for it, especially if the ' objective circumstances' do not 'justify' depression. Finding some people who do understand you better and know what you're going through can be of huge help, so it's a good thing you reached out. Take it from me, though, that you do not want to estrange people who care about you but do not have the kind of understanding to immediately effectively help you. Cherish those that care for you.

As a 30-year old guy who has struggled with depression from my early teen years and has had medication and/or therapy since I was 16, I can tell you that it is possible to live with depression. It will, at least from my own experience, never become easy, and there will be bad moments or periods even if you take the right steps, but, as Cavernio rightly pointed out, one can learn to accept this as part of life and make the best of it. You wrote that sometimes you just want to sleep and forget about your worries for a while. I take a mixed approach there: I allow myself to simply sleep away a weekend or an evening when things are really bad, but I force myself to be active on some of those moments as well. If you take the escape route too often, it may seriously affect your self-image and pride and sleeping may not always clear your head. What works best for me is to have some, preferably structured and social, activities, and some reserved personal hobby time, but also to accept that sometimes the best thing is just to close my eyes and get the worst demons off my mind.

Man, I wish I could give you more succinct and easy advice, but I can't. If you need a listening ear, please feel free to PM me.


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