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DotKritic 03-18-2013 12:01 AM

Is cybersex cheating?
 
There is going to be a segment on a radio show Monday morning about whether cybersex is considered cheating. I want to get some opinions from fellow FFRers on what they think of cybersex and cheating. Maybe stir up a little debate.

alloyus 03-18-2013 12:03 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Fuck yes it is

supermousie 03-18-2013 12:06 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Well yeah. You'd be mental to think it isn't.

FissionMailed1 03-18-2013 12:06 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Why is this even a thread?

0 03-18-2013 12:12 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
madmatt thread

supermousie 03-18-2013 12:13 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FissionMailed1 (Post 3881898)
Why is this even a thread?

madmatt

Get this out of CT.



edit: fak u 0 u sneky ninja

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 12:26 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Some would say it isn't due to the lack of physical connection.
Ask your significant other if you're looking for a different answer.

i love you 03-18-2013 12:34 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I would say it depends on your definition of cheating and your beliefs.

By definition, "cheating" means "to be sexually unfaithful" so the answer would technically be "yes" but again, it depends on your beliefs.

Reincarnate 03-18-2013 12:53 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Yes. Emotional cheating can be just as bad as physical (as both are technically appeals to emotion in the end anyway).

I still stand by my heuristic of what defines cheating: If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, it's probably cheating.

ShadyJakey 03-18-2013 12:55 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
This shouldn't even be a thread! It's a relationship with someone else and NOT with the person you are with. Simple as that.

d4u7211 03-18-2013 01:00 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Reincarnate has spoken.

/thread

Nah but I could see where this is debatable, i agree with ILY in that some pairs of people don't think that it's a big deal. I would assume in a relationship without discussing that it is cheating, though

igotrhythm 03-18-2013 01:16 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
The main argument I can see for not bringing this up in the first place is the follow-up from your significant other of why you're asking that question, which could skew the response towards the "yes" end of the spectrum.

That being said, there's various degrees of it. Some do cam-to-cam, others trade text messages (sexting), and others even roleplay out their stuff. Sadly, this last category is what many people think of when the term "role playing" is mentioned. Clearly, the particulars vary, but the end result is the same--you're getting your jollies from interacting with someone over the internet.

As for my personal argument, I say it's not cheating for two reasons. One is the "I'm not touching her" argument brought up earlier, and the second basically compares it to visiting a pornographic webcam site. If watching porn isn't cheating, then why does watching that girl you've been chatting with for the last 6 months pop her top for your birthday count as a breach of trust? Is it because you've been cultivating a relationship over the internet with her instead of focusing solely on your SO?

Izzy 03-18-2013 01:51 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I'm going to have to vote no. Just the act of typing sexual roleplay comments back and forth over the internet doesn't inherently involve emotional commitment. I don't feel like it really means much at all. So it isn't even emotional or physical and is barely a step up from masturbating.

It's up to each individual whether or not they think they are emotionally dividing love with someone you shouldn't be.

infinity. 03-18-2013 02:15 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
gonna have to say no -- while it's awkward and is more than likely a breaking point in relationships, there isn't much that is happening that's wrong. it's pretty much shooting the shit with your friends.

think about situations where you might talk bad about a girl or a guy amongst friends but there is little intended malice

AlexDest 03-18-2013 02:43 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3881943)
gonna have to say no -- while it's awkward and is more than likely a breaking point in relationships, there isn't much that is happening that's wrong. it's pretty much shooting the shit with your friends.

think about situations where you might talk bad about a girl or a guy amongst friends but there is little intended malice

uhhhh

Hakulyte 03-18-2013 02:54 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
If the partner is fine with it then no. If not then yes, it's cheating.
If the partner don't know, better say it or stop it before drama happens.
If the partner don't care, run away really fast.

^ tl;dr

v long version

reuben_tate 03-18-2013 02:58 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
It's questions like these which emphasize the importance of communication in relationships. If you are in a relationship with someone, it is important to be in constant communication with each other and to come to agreements and compromises. With that being said, one should talk to their partner with what constitutes "cheating."

It may be awkward, but if you are in a serious relationship with someone, you would love them enough to muster up the courage to bring up the topic to maintain a healthy relationship.

Anyways, couples should talk to each other and make sure they are both in understanding of each other and so that both sides feel that it is fair. Having one person in the relationship being overly controlling and having their partner not even associate with particular genders would be an issue. On the flip side, having someone in the relationship being a pimp and not giving a **** would also pose an issue. So communication is essential to make sure neither of extremes occur.

With communication, both people in the relationship can discuss what IS and what IS not cheating. Not for other people, but for themselves. Is kissing someone on the cheek cheating? I don't know, discuss it with your partner. Is sexting with someone else cheating? I don't know discuss it with your partner. Is cam-to-cam cybersex cheating? Perhaps your partner would be able to compromise to allow it as long as it's a different person every time (to assure that you aren't really in another relationship.)

So what is cheating? Cheating is what you and your partner agreed to. What if you guys haven't had that discussion? Then cheating is what your partner thinks cheating is and you ain't gonna know what that is until you get yourself screwed.

If you have reasoning for why you want to continue doing certain things (like sexting) for example, then come up with a valid argument for your partner. We all understand that we have sexual "needs" to fulfill and some people fulfill them differently than others. The only this is an issue is because our society (and many others) puts an extremely strong link between sexual acts and loving relationships. But if both you and your partner discuss this topic with open minds and understanding, perhaps you can reach an agreement, a compromise, or perhaps your partner might have a suggestion that makes you both happy ;)

I'm going say this one more time for emphasis: communication.

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 03:01 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Just for the people who said no, how many of you can say you're comfortable with your partner showing their stuff over a webcam to strangers?

infinity. 03-18-2013 03:12 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mourningfall (Post 3881957)
Just for the people who said no, how many of you can say you're comfortable with your partner showing their stuff over a webcam to strangers?

I wouldn't be at all. But it's not cheating.

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 03:18 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3881959)
I wouldn't be at all. But it's not cheating.

Okay we'll say your girlfriend isn't public domain, and has been having explicit webcam sessions
with another guy (who she's acquired feelings for) over the net, on not just one occasion, but several.
She does it more frequently than she does you. Cheating yet?

Hakulyte 03-18-2013 03:21 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Problem is defining "cheating" and "cybersex" and in both cases, it's dependant of what each person in the relationship thinks which leads to communication/commitment which leads to what's already been said. As not everyone has the same moral values, there's no reason to try arguing over "how we would feel". The only logical conclusion is to figure out what is ethically correct. There's probably some places in the world where it's completely fine and others where it's totally wrong.

Oh, apparently it's not-so-legal in multiple scenarios for multiple reasons that has nothing to do with the OP. Better avoid it for your well-being.

I guess cybersex can be compared as a white man saying the n word.

Izzy 03-18-2013 04:49 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mourningfall (Post 3881960)
(who she's acquired feelings for)

That's where the problem lies. Not in the cybersex itself.

I wouldn't be bothered by some random people getting aroused to my hypothetical girlfriend that doesn't have feeling for them.

Trogdor!!!! 03-18-2013 05:03 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Are you people serious

Like really

If you're causing emotional distress in any way similar to cheating in real life then I'm sorry, it's pretty much grounds for being accused of just cheating on someone in general regardless of whether it's physical or not. Like I'm 100% confused as to why this is even something to talk about. If anyone you ever date is ok with you cybering in any form then there's something just as wrong with him/her than there is with you, and if you absolutely just have to do it with someone else then you obviously aren't committed enough to be in a relationship and you need to spend the rest of your life fucking hookers in a Motel 6.

Why is this even a discussion

WHY

Razor 03-18-2013 05:21 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
uh, if i cam fuck someone from tumblr who's a 9/10 you aint gotta know about it

so no

FissionMailed1 03-18-2013 05:24 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
cam fuck:

Mollocephalus 03-18-2013 05:24 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Razor (Post 3881996)
cam fuck

these two words put together like this are hilarious

FFRN00B90210 03-18-2013 05:42 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by i love you (Post 3881908)
I once imitated a white female to watch a white male masturbate to me on a web camera. It was deceitful.

:shock:

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 05:50 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FFRN00B90210 (Post 3882003)
:shock:

Quote:

Originally Posted by i love you's profile
My name is Byron. I am black.

:-|

Cavernio 03-18-2013 01:30 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Yes it's cheating but I'm not sure cheating is wrong.

devonin 03-18-2013 01:48 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cavernio (Post 3882100)
Yes it's cheating but I'm not sure cheating is wrong.

Betraying someone's trust isn't wrong? Best of luck with that.

RB_Spirit 03-18-2013 02:25 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Betraying someones trust is funny hur hur. If they were dumb enough to trust u, than no, cyber sex isn't wrong ^^ keep fappin'

FontSize72LOL 03-18-2013 04:06 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
It depends on the level of emotional commitment you have with the person you're doing the cybersex with i suppose. While i don't think its cheating per say, its not something you want to do when you're in a relationship already. I'd put it on the equivalent of going out to a strip joint to see your favorite girl/guy strip.

That's not to say I'd tolerate it at all. While i don't think its cheating, i doubt I'd stay with someone displaying their goods to random strangers on the internet. Its still a trust issue.

Choofers 03-18-2013 04:52 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
god gurl I'm slappin my dick all over the monitor how do you like that huh??

Izzy 03-18-2013 04:54 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I sometimes forget this is a critical thinking section.

Stage: 03-18-2013 05:25 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
It's the couple's decision and no one else's business. If you agree with your partner on the fact that ''cybersex isn't cheating in THIS relationship'' well it isn't. If they don't agree, it's ''cheating''.

I don't think this can be generalized... it's between two individuals. There is no such thing as ''relationship rules'' so I don't understand where this question is going.

FontSize72LOL 03-18-2013 05:56 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25 (Post 3882200)
what is sex

Does it have something to do with holding hands and stuff?

Charu 03-18-2013 06:16 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Caught red handed that is.

...

...

I apologize for this really forced statement.

However, on the topic of cybersex being considered cheating. It's really no question, if you're in a relationship, of course it is! But you don't need another person saying that since a lot of you have already stated it.

I also agree with the "What your partner thinks is considered..." argument.

phe0nixblade 03-18-2013 06:40 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 0 (Post 3881899)
madmatt thread

..

Dynam0 03-18-2013 06:41 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
As long as there is no double standard and both partners agree that it's acceptable for either one to engage in said activities then go for it.

The majority of people would probably have values consistent with saying that cybersex is cheating though, myself included.

On the other hand for example, there's people out there who are perfectly fine with watching their wives get pig roasted. so yeah...I'm sure some people will think it's harmless rofl

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 06:42 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Relationships are a two way street.
If they're cool with you eSlutting, they probably think you feel the same way in return.
I don't see how that's considered a relationship.

'Fuck buddies with a reason to argue' is the only label I could come up with.

TC_Halogen 03-18-2013 08:21 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3881915)
Yes. Emotional cheating can be just as bad as physical (as both are technically appeals to emotion in the end anyway).

I still stand by my heuristic of what defines cheating: If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, it's probably cheating.

I literally can't explain it any better than this.

If you are in a relationship and feel the need to hide contact with someone else you have feelings for, that is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's a close-distance relationship where you can actually visit the person, or a long-distance relationship where you have to talk with them through some other medium (in this case, computers + internet); if there is a level of secrecy that -needs- to be maintained to avoid conflict, it's probably wrong.

Ohaider 03-18-2013 08:25 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 0 (Post 3881899)
madmatt thread

dilapidated saying as of 2009, thank you 0

Raining Nails 03-19-2013 01:47 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Depends on the situation. It isn't cheating if you have an open relationship or your partner is ok with it. "Cheating" is really just doing something outside the boundaries you and your partner have set.

Then again, I'm not the possessive type. I've been with my GF for over 4 years.

Second question - what if you had one cyber-encounter and didn't tell your partner. What if this encounter in fact made your relationship better? What if it "spiced things up"?

Devils advocate. :twisted:

TC_Halogen 03-19-2013 03:20 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I still would personally call it cheating. It's the fact that you gave in to the temptation of adulterous behavior.

By implying that the partner is "alright" with it, you're already nullifying any possibility of it being cheating, because it's either serious enough for the SO to leave you, or it's not serious enough and you/your SO have no reason to argue about it because it's a trivial situation. If the previously noted trivial situation turns out to be a lie and ends up being an affair, then it leads right back to cheating. On a personal level, it seems like there's no middle ground -- either you're cheating, or you're not.

Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

reuben_tate 03-19-2013 05:19 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Define the boolean function c(p1, p2, A) as the result of the truthfulness of the proposition: "The action A is considered cheating in the relationship between p1 and p2."

If p1=p2, say both equal person X, then we can define c(X, X, A) as "In X's personal opinion, A is considered cheating."

define C(p1, p2) = {all A | c(p1, p2, A) = true}

Now, there are two extremes we can have. Either both people in the couple are lenient and allow their partner to do whatever where only the mutually agreed upon activities are deemed as cheating. In the other case, both people in the couple could be strict and abide by not only their own opinions of what is cheating but also by their partner's. Thus we can bound the set of activities that are deemed as cheating between a couple as follows:

(C(p1,p1) ∩ C(p2, p2)) ⊆ C(p1, p2) ⊆ (C(p1,p1) ∪ C(p2, p2))

Is it up to the couple themselves through proper communication to more precisely define the elements in C(p1, p2) (the things considered cheating between said couple.) Also, until you talk to your significant other, you have no clue what C(p2, p2) is (assuming you are p1) so it's best to talk to your partner about it so both of you can first have an understanding of each other's personal opinions and then after that, you can have a logical discussion to find a happy medium that satisfies both people in the couple.

devonin 03-19-2013 07:08 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TC_Halogen (Post 3882450)
Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

If it is behaviour outside that which you both/all are aware of and agree to, it is cheating.

It's pretty simple guys.

wargasm1 03-19-2013 09:02 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Sex is never cheating when you pay for it.

Raining Nails 03-19-2013 11:58 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TC_Halogen (Post 3882450)
I still would personally call it cheating. It's the fact that you gave in to the temptation of adulterous behavior.

By implying that the partner is "alright" with it, you're already nullifying any possibility of it being cheating, because it's either serious enough for the SO to leave you, or it's not serious enough and you/your SO have no reason to argue about it because it's a trivial situation. If the previously noted trivial situation turns out to be a lie and ends up being an affair, then it leads right back to cheating. On a personal level, it seems like there's no middle ground -- either you're cheating, or you're not.

Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

Good points. I always find open-ended discussions like this interesting.

The whole idea I had behind my example was a "means to an end" argument, and the uncomfortable idea that in certain situations cheating might actually be beneficial for a relationship.

Obviously this is far more often the exception rather than the rule, though I would argue if you are in a relationship where cheating is happening then there is something inherently unfulfilling with that relationship from the outset. If feelings develop for another person outside the relationship it doesn't mean the relationship is flawed - rather, if that person feels the need to act on these feelings without talking with their partner and being open then there is a trust issue. This goes for cyber-relationships or in-person.

Part of this is societally created, as it is very taboo and difficult to tackle the subject of open relationships in today's culture. If this isn't believable, try telling your partner you are attracted to someone else. It is one of the hardest things you can ever do, but if you can work through it, you might have a truly authentic and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

Sorry if that was long-winded :)

infinity. 03-19-2013 04:50 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 3882469)
If it is behaviour outside that which you both/all are aware of and agree to, it is cheating.

It's pretty simple guys.

"guys i'm right i can't believe you don't see it" doesn't persuade anyone

also thats a terrible definition. cheating is engaging in *serious* relations or actions with anyone that is not your significant other. it really just comes down to personal convictions and prerogatives and understanding one another.

if my girlfriend did something like camming, i wouldn't break up with her because she 'cheated' on me. i'd break up with her because that's weird and whorish

Mike Weedmark 03-19-2013 04:58 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Yup, but it's okay.

devonin 03-19-2013 07:29 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3882624)
"guys i'm right i can't believe you don't see it" doesn't persuade anyone

And if I said that, your objection would be relevant.

Quote:

also thats a terrible definition. cheating is engaging in *serious* relations or actions with anyone that is not your significant other. it really just comes down to personal convictions and prerogatives and understanding one another.
So in other words, exactly what I said, and you actually agree with me. Gotcha.

Quote:

if my girlfriend did something like camming, i wouldn't break up with her because she 'cheated' on me. i'd break up with her because that's weird and whorish
Then you have a definition of cheating that doesn't encompass showing your naked body to someone else. For you that isn't cheating. For many people it is. And the way you tell the difference is that you communicate and make it clear which behaviours count as cheating or not.

Sidek 03-19-2013 07:45 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
who need's sex when you have internet??

infinity. 03-21-2013 12:33 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 3882698)
And if I said that, your objection would be relevant.

So in other words, exactly what I said, and you actually agree with me. Gotcha.



Then you have a definition of cheating that doesn't encompass showing your naked body to someone else. For you that isn't cheating. For many people it is. And the way you tell the difference is that you communicate and make it clear which behaviours count as cheating or not.

i have no way of talking to you without wanting to spew ad hominem so i'm just going to tell you that you're both overtly pretentious and misguided

dragonmegaXX 03-21-2013 12:45 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sidek (Post 3882702)
who need's sex when you have internet??

Obviously you have not sex.

FissionMailed1 03-21-2013 12:47 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3883259)
i have no way of talking to you without wanting to spew ad hominem so i'm just going to tell you that you're both overtly pretentious and misguided

If the poll in this thread is any indication, it is considering cheating for many people, so he isn't speaking for just himself. I don't see how establishing some baselines regarding what cheating is and isn't in a relationship is "misguided" or how he is being "pretentious" if many people share that opinion.

Izzy 03-21-2013 12:48 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FissionMailed1 (Post 3883264)
If the poll in this thread is any indication, it is considering cheating for many people, so he isn't speaking for just himself. I don't see how establishing some baselines regarding what cheating is and isn't in a relationship is "misguided" or how he is being "pretentious" if many people share that opinion.

I've had that guy on ignore for 3+ years. Please don't quote him.

FissionMailed1 03-21-2013 12:50 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
LOL, now I see why. That's a really immature way to handle a debate.

dragonmegaXX 03-21-2013 12:57 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I feel like this is the same as asking if 3-somes are cheating because you're touching someone else's genitals.

Quigly 03-21-2013 01:11 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sidek (Post 3882702)
who need's sex when you have internet??

this is going to be a post that you see a year from now and get really embarrassed about

devonin 03-21-2013 08:35 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonmegaXX (Post 3883268)
I feel like this is the same as asking if 3-somes are cheating because you're touching someone else's genitals.

If neither of the other two people are your partner maybe. Otherwise, you'd be pretty hard-pressed to have a threesome without your partner consenting.

Arkuski 03-21-2013 08:46 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
ITT people with fake girlfriends

Izzy 03-21-2013 09:21 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
My Waifu is real. ;_;


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