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-   -   Is cybersex cheating? (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=129484)

Dynam0 03-18-2013 06:41 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
As long as there is no double standard and both partners agree that it's acceptable for either one to engage in said activities then go for it.

The majority of people would probably have values consistent with saying that cybersex is cheating though, myself included.

On the other hand for example, there's people out there who are perfectly fine with watching their wives get pig roasted. so yeah...I'm sure some people will think it's harmless rofl

Mourningfall 03-18-2013 06:42 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Relationships are a two way street.
If they're cool with you eSlutting, they probably think you feel the same way in return.
I don't see how that's considered a relationship.

'Fuck buddies with a reason to argue' is the only label I could come up with.

TC_Halogen 03-18-2013 08:21 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3881915)
Yes. Emotional cheating can be just as bad as physical (as both are technically appeals to emotion in the end anyway).

I still stand by my heuristic of what defines cheating: If you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, it's probably cheating.

I literally can't explain it any better than this.

If you are in a relationship and feel the need to hide contact with someone else you have feelings for, that is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's a close-distance relationship where you can actually visit the person, or a long-distance relationship where you have to talk with them through some other medium (in this case, computers + internet); if there is a level of secrecy that -needs- to be maintained to avoid conflict, it's probably wrong.

Ohaider 03-18-2013 08:25 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 0 (Post 3881899)
madmatt thread

dilapidated saying as of 2009, thank you 0

Raining Nails 03-19-2013 01:47 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Depends on the situation. It isn't cheating if you have an open relationship or your partner is ok with it. "Cheating" is really just doing something outside the boundaries you and your partner have set.

Then again, I'm not the possessive type. I've been with my GF for over 4 years.

Second question - what if you had one cyber-encounter and didn't tell your partner. What if this encounter in fact made your relationship better? What if it "spiced things up"?

Devils advocate. :twisted:

TC_Halogen 03-19-2013 03:20 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I still would personally call it cheating. It's the fact that you gave in to the temptation of adulterous behavior.

By implying that the partner is "alright" with it, you're already nullifying any possibility of it being cheating, because it's either serious enough for the SO to leave you, or it's not serious enough and you/your SO have no reason to argue about it because it's a trivial situation. If the previously noted trivial situation turns out to be a lie and ends up being an affair, then it leads right back to cheating. On a personal level, it seems like there's no middle ground -- either you're cheating, or you're not.

Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

reuben_tate 03-19-2013 05:19 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Define the boolean function c(p1, p2, A) as the result of the truthfulness of the proposition: "The action A is considered cheating in the relationship between p1 and p2."

If p1=p2, say both equal person X, then we can define c(X, X, A) as "In X's personal opinion, A is considered cheating."

define C(p1, p2) = {all A | c(p1, p2, A) = true}

Now, there are two extremes we can have. Either both people in the couple are lenient and allow their partner to do whatever where only the mutually agreed upon activities are deemed as cheating. In the other case, both people in the couple could be strict and abide by not only their own opinions of what is cheating but also by their partner's. Thus we can bound the set of activities that are deemed as cheating between a couple as follows:

(C(p1,p1) ∩ C(p2, p2)) ⊆ C(p1, p2) ⊆ (C(p1,p1) ∪ C(p2, p2))

Is it up to the couple themselves through proper communication to more precisely define the elements in C(p1, p2) (the things considered cheating between said couple.) Also, until you talk to your significant other, you have no clue what C(p2, p2) is (assuming you are p1) so it's best to talk to your partner about it so both of you can first have an understanding of each other's personal opinions and then after that, you can have a logical discussion to find a happy medium that satisfies both people in the couple.

devonin 03-19-2013 07:08 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TC_Halogen (Post 3882450)
Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

If it is behaviour outside that which you both/all are aware of and agree to, it is cheating.

It's pretty simple guys.

wargasm1 03-19-2013 09:02 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Sex is never cheating when you pay for it.

Raining Nails 03-19-2013 11:58 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TC_Halogen (Post 3882450)
I still would personally call it cheating. It's the fact that you gave in to the temptation of adulterous behavior.

By implying that the partner is "alright" with it, you're already nullifying any possibility of it being cheating, because it's either serious enough for the SO to leave you, or it's not serious enough and you/your SO have no reason to argue about it because it's a trivial situation. If the previously noted trivial situation turns out to be a lie and ends up being an affair, then it leads right back to cheating. On a personal level, it seems like there's no middle ground -- either you're cheating, or you're not.

Part of me was wondering about cheating in polygamist relationships, but I can't quite wrap my head about how I would discuss something like that, haha.

Good points. I always find open-ended discussions like this interesting.

The whole idea I had behind my example was a "means to an end" argument, and the uncomfortable idea that in certain situations cheating might actually be beneficial for a relationship.

Obviously this is far more often the exception rather than the rule, though I would argue if you are in a relationship where cheating is happening then there is something inherently unfulfilling with that relationship from the outset. If feelings develop for another person outside the relationship it doesn't mean the relationship is flawed - rather, if that person feels the need to act on these feelings without talking with their partner and being open then there is a trust issue. This goes for cyber-relationships or in-person.

Part of this is societally created, as it is very taboo and difficult to tackle the subject of open relationships in today's culture. If this isn't believable, try telling your partner you are attracted to someone else. It is one of the hardest things you can ever do, but if you can work through it, you might have a truly authentic and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

Sorry if that was long-winded :)

infinity. 03-19-2013 04:50 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 3882469)
If it is behaviour outside that which you both/all are aware of and agree to, it is cheating.

It's pretty simple guys.

"guys i'm right i can't believe you don't see it" doesn't persuade anyone

also thats a terrible definition. cheating is engaging in *serious* relations or actions with anyone that is not your significant other. it really just comes down to personal convictions and prerogatives and understanding one another.

if my girlfriend did something like camming, i wouldn't break up with her because she 'cheated' on me. i'd break up with her because that's weird and whorish

Mike Weedmark 03-19-2013 04:58 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Yup, but it's okay.

devonin 03-19-2013 07:29 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3882624)
"guys i'm right i can't believe you don't see it" doesn't persuade anyone

And if I said that, your objection would be relevant.

Quote:

also thats a terrible definition. cheating is engaging in *serious* relations or actions with anyone that is not your significant other. it really just comes down to personal convictions and prerogatives and understanding one another.
So in other words, exactly what I said, and you actually agree with me. Gotcha.

Quote:

if my girlfriend did something like camming, i wouldn't break up with her because she 'cheated' on me. i'd break up with her because that's weird and whorish
Then you have a definition of cheating that doesn't encompass showing your naked body to someone else. For you that isn't cheating. For many people it is. And the way you tell the difference is that you communicate and make it clear which behaviours count as cheating or not.

Sidek 03-19-2013 07:45 PM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
who need's sex when you have internet??

infinity. 03-21-2013 12:33 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 3882698)
And if I said that, your objection would be relevant.

So in other words, exactly what I said, and you actually agree with me. Gotcha.



Then you have a definition of cheating that doesn't encompass showing your naked body to someone else. For you that isn't cheating. For many people it is. And the way you tell the difference is that you communicate and make it clear which behaviours count as cheating or not.

i have no way of talking to you without wanting to spew ad hominem so i'm just going to tell you that you're both overtly pretentious and misguided

dragonmegaXX 03-21-2013 12:45 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sidek (Post 3882702)
who need's sex when you have internet??

Obviously you have not sex.

FissionMailed1 03-21-2013 12:47 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by infinity. (Post 3883259)
i have no way of talking to you without wanting to spew ad hominem so i'm just going to tell you that you're both overtly pretentious and misguided

If the poll in this thread is any indication, it is considering cheating for many people, so he isn't speaking for just himself. I don't see how establishing some baselines regarding what cheating is and isn't in a relationship is "misguided" or how he is being "pretentious" if many people share that opinion.

Izzy 03-21-2013 12:48 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FissionMailed1 (Post 3883264)
If the poll in this thread is any indication, it is considering cheating for many people, so he isn't speaking for just himself. I don't see how establishing some baselines regarding what cheating is and isn't in a relationship is "misguided" or how he is being "pretentious" if many people share that opinion.

I've had that guy on ignore for 3+ years. Please don't quote him.

FissionMailed1 03-21-2013 12:50 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
LOL, now I see why. That's a really immature way to handle a debate.

dragonmegaXX 03-21-2013 12:57 AM

Re: Is cybersex cheating?
 
I feel like this is the same as asking if 3-somes are cheating because you're touching someone else's genitals.


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