phoenix: an essay
 

http://www.sendspace.com/file/p1vs09

i wrote this in my spare time outta boredom and the desire to try some form of creative writing.. idk it's just a personal essay that talks about psychosis, depression, and youth psychiatric care, along with spirituality, spirit death and rebirth etc.. (continue reading there's a reason it isn't in the writing forum)

i'm beginning to find cyclical patterns (redundant heheh maybe) in how my personality and life changes with respect to the season lol idk i might write another short paper to clarify or even start writing a book or some shit.. who knows.

just a side project. i'm mostly looking for opinions regarding the state of psychiatry today, the pharmaceutical industry, and doctors prescribing drugs to young people. sure this could go in the writing forum but im not looking for writing reviews. moreso looking to stimulate a discussion. i'm fairly opinionated with regards to the subject cuz i have some personal experience with depression, psychosis, anxiety, social isolation, and the like. i guess this post more or less serves as an abstract for my paper, but i mean yeah discuss the consequences of what i'm saying preferably.. if you wanna comment on my writing feel free but this isn't why i made the thread.

i do enjoy writing and i always enjoy a bit of feedback; however understand that this is not an academic work. it was purely done in my spare time as i'm no longer going to school haha.

i more or less posted it in an upload cuz i really didnt want to paste 2500 words into a thread.. good grief!

Re: phoenix: an essay
 

cool essay bro

Re: phoenix: an essay
 

reading

will edit with comments/questions/concerns later

lol good description of salvia (lol 100x ur first time ur out of ur mind)

I can identify with ur psychosis greatly because I'm bi-polar and had a severe manic psychotic episode once. It is very difficult to describe and I can't remember most of it. It lasted about two months and the entire time I was heavily using/dealing drugs. I spent all my money like I was gonna die the next day every day until I pissed all my drug dealing money away. Some of the symptoms I experienced were hard to describe.

The most notable one was a severe sense of egomania. I felt that everything and anything was connected in an incredibly convoluted way. In my lectures at school I thought my teachers were signaling to me personally with their hand gestures and talking in a certain way that only I understood. It was like I was the center of the universe or something. I started adopting very unusual gestures to try to convey my thought processes. Basically I thought that the Universe, similarly to string theory, was comprised of revolutions infitesimally small and infinitely large. I thought EVERYTHING had to do with revolutions. So an example of an odd gesture was that every time I would take a drag of a cigarette I would use a circular motion with my hand from my waist to my mouth. Sometimes I was so far gone I would even walk in circles in public.

The other notable symptom was my paranoia. I thought the entire world was out to get me. (partially cuz I was selling drugs) I was a heavy believer in shit like the Illuminati (lol). I thought that these "people" had the power to mess with every man-made construct known to man. Using their advanced technology they could control the weather, change our perception of time itself, and even make things appear and disappear before our eyes. (kinda like a sci-fi movie) I also thought that there were waves of energy permeating in the air that could control people's minds. Basically, I thought that the world around me and my perception of it were completely falling apart. I was a shot mother fucker.

These symptoms made it very difficult for me to sleep. I would usually go days without sleeping, 4-5 days being the longest stretch.

Luckily I don't experience symptoms like this anymore because I'm on a good medication regimen. I wonder if any of you remember when I was in this state, because even my posting on this site at the time was really unusual. I honestly don't know if this occurrence was due to heavy psychedelic drug consumption over the years, a result of an inherent mental illness I was born with, or a combination of both.



tldr: I can relate dwag

also jesus could ur title be anymore cliche LOL