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-   -   Definition of "Cheating" in relationships (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=120569)

Kiani_cc 09-28-2011 04:21 PM

Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I have a speech to do and my topic is the title above. I need to see peoples visions of "cheating" in relationships because, of course, every one is different.

justin_ator 09-28-2011 04:34 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I'm a jealous person naturally, due to (I believe) my parents' divorce after my dad cheated on my mom, so this might be skewed and might seem a little unreasonable I suppose... Quite honestly I feel like anything more than innocent flirting is cheating. Pretty much just physical things like kissing, excessive touching, sex (duh).


My skewed opinion. I'll elaborate more if need-be.

UserNameGoesHere 09-28-2011 05:39 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I'd say it depends on how the boundaries are defined for the particular relationship in question. Each person in a relationship will agree to what is or is not allowed within their particular relationship. If both people have different views as to what is or is not allowed, then they didn't communicate very well and the relationship is doomed anyway.

So one relationship may have very strict rules while another is very lenient. As long as one is within the rules of the relationship, it isn't cheating. Just make sure you define what those rules are beforehand.

It's best to find someone who has similar ideas to you as to what constitutes a relationship (what is allowed/etc...) but as long as both people agree to what is or isn't allowed and stick with it, there's no cheating. If there's confusion as to the rules and one person does what they think is allowed but the other considers it cheating, that's not cheating either -- that's just bad communication and fails the relationship though.

BethanyBangs 09-28-2011 05:42 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Aww Justin I'm a jealous person also >: My parents got divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom.. I don't believe in any kind of cheating.
Kissing, even holding hands..touching, sex. If you want another person then break up with me first. Cheating is just plain wrong and evil.

ddr_f4n 09-28-2011 07:08 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
"Cheating" is a general way or form of really either backstabbing your lover with someone else or attempting to "cheat" your way into another intimate relationship while still already being in one. What people defines as cheating to them varies from person to person, as it really depends on their views on what they consider is betrayal. Hell, even some people are okay with sex as long as they know that they still love the person they're with (y'know, the "just sex" thing; yeah it's ****ed up, but it exists). But this is pretty much the bare bones of the definition of "cheating" in relationships.

DarknessXoXLight 09-28-2011 07:22 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

Hakulyte 09-28-2011 07:46 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Seems more like a matter of both partners being aware and consent to it. The second you feel the need to hide it from your partner is where you're most likely cheating/going to cheat. Relationship is all about communication, if you can't stay true to yourself, there's no way your relationship can have an happy ending.

/I don't know what I'm talking about


Edit: v-- More simple and better use of words to say what I was thinking.

Reincarnate 09-28-2011 07:46 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

~kitty~ 09-28-2011 08:01 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3543736)
If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

That's a really confusing sentence, but I understand what it means.

justin_ator 09-28-2011 08:07 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I actually agree with Rubix on this one.

Kiani_cc 09-28-2011 08:52 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Ah thanks everyone. It's interesting to see the different perspectives of "cheating".

Zageron 09-28-2011 09:05 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Even outside of physical contact; excessive flirting is horrible. If someone is flirting with you or hitting on you, well big deal just take it but act like your aren't interested. If you flirt back you're asking for your partners buttons to be pushed. If my girlfriend, don't have one right now, started to flirt with someone it would trigger one of the few things in the world that make me angry. :|

justin_ator 09-28-2011 09:17 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I know how you feel on that. But I won't go into any more elaboration on the subject, because that's just my personal feelings.

UserNameGoesHere 09-28-2011 10:25 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Wait, which of the above posters is Rubix?

And anyway relationships range from the far open to the far closed. On the one hand a completely open relationship = anything goes. On the other, a completely closed relationship is more like can't even look at nor speak with anyone else, period. And most are somewhere between those extremes.

I think it's important to just be honest and upfront right at the start so everyone knows what to expect. And especially if you think your idea of a relationship may be more closed than that of your partner, it's especially important that you make this very clear right at the start. And yeah if you're not on the same page it just won't work.

I tend to lean more towards the "open" side but the most important thing is just be honest and upfront and "clear" things (get the okay) with each other beforehand.

i love you 09-28-2011 10:33 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight (Post 3543721)
In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. Also, I have been cheated on as well so I know how that feels too.

@UserNameGoesHere: Reincarnate is Rubix

who_cares973 09-29-2011 03:07 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3543736)
If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

This is probably the best response

Oni-Paranoia 09-29-2011 06:29 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3543736)
If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

How about I revise that...

Quote:

Originally Posted by a Hispanic
If your partner would not feel comfortable with you doing X with another person in front of them, then X is probably cheating.

I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl?
Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

iironiic 09-29-2011 09:21 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
In any relationship, you need to build a reliable trust for each other to not go out and seek for others. When one breaks that trust in terms of love and commitment to the relationship, it's considered cheating. That will depend on the person.

Any intimate form of love from "kissing" onward is my white flag on the relationship. I've never been in any relationship though so my words are technically invalid. xD

BeatofIke 09-29-2011 01:32 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight (Post 3543721)
In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

I agree 100%. Cheating is unacceptable. This is why I don't go out with anyone.

Reincarnate 09-29-2011 06:00 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Oni-Paranoia (Post 3544092)
How about I revise that...



I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl?
Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

What I mean by "comfortable" is not so much a "personal comfort" but a mutual one.

For example, if you know that hugging/cheek-pecking another girl in front of your girlfriend would piss her off, then odds are it's not something you should be doing even if your girlfriend weren't there -- unless you want to call the emotional integrity and honesty of your relationship into question.

If that act is something you want to be able to do, then it's something to discuss with the girlfriend in question.

This is actually a conversation I had with my girlfriend early-on. Almost everyone agrees on the notion of kissing/sexual contact/etc being cheating, but the important ones to delineate are expressions of affection towards friends and expressions of emotion (such as if your girlfriend confided in a random male friend but not in you, that might be a form of emotional cheating).

Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.

Kiani_cc 09-29-2011 07:18 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

Cavernio 10-11-2011 02:00 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Reincarnate (Post 3544310)
Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.

I strongly suspect that my bf could/does get jealous from small, fairly innocuous things like smiling at a guy. Heck, I feel guilty for doing something like that if I'm actually attracted to the guy, whether my bf's present or not. However, I'm also fairly certain that he thinks that to actively get upset over something like that is not acceptable. Some people get jealous merely when their bf/gf talks to someone else of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on sexuality of the bf/gf). For such a relationship, I really think that the person who is jealous must let go as best they can. It is wrong of the jealous party to expect the other person to limit their social interactions so much so as to not have them speak to people.

I'm also not comfortable having personal conversations with another guy if my bf is present, (partially due to jealousy/reasons) but I also think its ok for me to have those close friendships with other guys as long as they're platonic. (I have to emphasize that I think north american society thinks that way too, and it's not just me. My personal views about cheating are very, very loose.) There've been situations where I actually go and spend some alone time with guy friends specifically because my bf knows he'll get jealous or get in the way of things, and because he'll be happier not being there. But at the same time he trusts me not to cheat and acknowledges that his jealousy isn't a good judge of what he should see as cheating or not.

Of course, all that said, the thread's also been full of 'physical' cheating, and I am slightly hypocritical. Personally, I don't think I would much care that my bf might be having a physical relationship with someone else so much that it means that for him to do so, he would be spending his time with her and not me. I've in fact been most jealous of a relationship my bf has with one of his male friends, and my bf is not gay or bi.

But I feel like I'm only slightly hypocritical because I in no way, shape or form think my bf should stop having a strong relationship with his friend. The jealousy is a feeling I can't control.

On a side note, I recall studies done that show that women are much more likely to care when their partner has an emotional relationship with someone, and men are much more likely to care about a physical one.

Whether it's cheating or not doesn't just boil down to jealousy and individual feelings, but also to societal and invidivual values, and the two people involved.

Personally, at this point in my life with no kids in the picture, and if my bf would want it, I'd be all for an 'open' relationship. But he doesn't want that, and so I have to respect that. That is a choice I make for being in a relationship with him. All the same, my bf knows me too well and I think it weighs on him sometimes, because he feels like he's holding me back from things which I want, and he wants me to be happy. Even though I'm committed to him. (Of course, this applies to things beyond just relationships.) There's almost a fundamental difference between me and him along these lines actually; he doesn't understand the desire to ever want to be with someone else if you're with someone you love, while I don't really understand why, beyond the lines of responsibility, you'd ever want to limit the relationships you can have. It kinda sucks.

reuben_tate 10-11-2011 07:13 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiani_cc (Post 3544343)
Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

Yeah here in Hawaii, hugs and sometimes pecks on the cheek are a usual way to greet people in Hawaii. This brings up the fact there are cultural differences when it comes to what is considered cheating and what is not. I mean, come to think about it, doesn't it seem strange that the exchanging of saliva (aka kissing) has some arbitrary meaning associated with affection in our society. This is something that our society has pulled meaning out of, since it has no actual meaning when pulled out of cultural and societal contexts.

Because of this, it is the responsibility for both people in the relationship to talk to each other about their cultural differences. Perhaps they can settle to some middle ground or maybe both people in the relationship can just accept the cultural differences of the other person and go along with it. I myself, based on the cultural context in which I was brought up in, think that having sex with another person is an automatic flag up for cheating. But hey, nature's intentions for sex was to reproduce, the fact that we tied it with affection and intimacy is our own society's fault.

uijeongbu 10-29-2011 07:15 AM

Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
It's all a matter of several factors including personal beliefs (culture) and combined beliefs of both parties (agreed parameters/restraints).

My definition of "cheating" is any act (physical, social, mental, verbal, gesture-oriented, etc.) that has an impure intent towards another individual regardless of sex.


TIDBIT: I consider flirting with someone (besides the significant other) a form of cheating.

Vanilla Mnm 10-29-2011 08:46 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and honestly, I don't care if she 'cheats' on me. But I wouldn't consider it 'cheating' because I'm okay with it. When I talk to other people about it, cause no one agrees with me, I get things like 'you don't take your relationship serious enough' or 'you don't feel the way you should about her', which is completely untrue. The only thing I want her to be is happy, and if she wants to do something, then I want her to do it. I just want her to do whatever she wants to do in life, and sex (and other things) is a part of life. Why does cheating bother so many people? I have full confidence that she will still want to be with me. The things that bother me are when people do things to her like slap her ass, grab her boobs, stupid things like that. Those are the types of things that come off as she doesn't exactly want it because I don't know any girl who wants random guys slapping there ass in school (or anywhere else, it just happens most in school) all the time. It comes off as something she doesn't want, cause she doesn't tell anyone to do it, they just do it, which makes me mad.

And the weirdest thing about this is, I'm a really jealous person when it comes to her. I hate when she has guy friends to be honest, even though I know I shouldn't care.

I don't get bothered when she calls other guys hot, cute, anything, cause I know for a fact she wants to be with me over them. Also, basically, I'm best friends with her, and I know with my best friends, if we say a girl is hot then usually we disagree or agree and guys do the same. It's not like just because I'm dating someone means I don't find any other girl 'hot'. So I don't mind when she thinks other guys are hot or cute and tells me.

She's never cheated on me, and says she never will even with the way I feel about her, but I tell her if there's ever a time she wants to, don't feel the need to hold back if that's what you want to do. I know a lot of people will say 'wait until it actually happens', but I really know how I'll feel about it. I've been cheated on before by girls I've dated for almost a year, and it didn't bother me, as long as they tell me right after and I know about it. Because then if I find out on my own, they hid it from me and didn't want me knowing, which then is considered cheating.


I just wokeup & I know I overused commas & had a ton of run-on sentences that probably didn't make sense, but that's just my opinion on the whole cheating thing.

EDIT: Also, my profile picture is not of me or my girlfriend. It's of my two friends that dated for like a couple days & I found it really funny and still ask them about there relationship even though they don't ever talk to each other anymore.

xferrarix 10-29-2011 05:58 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Well I'm no dating expert but if a boyfriend does something either in the intent (or not a complete intent) doing something that knows it will hurt his girlfriend then it's cheating

I mean, I'm not saying that he hurts his girlfriend by doing something he knows she hates. Only about the cheating.

I've had many problems in the past with girlfriends and "cheating". From just a kiss to talking to another guy too often, I considered them both cheating. Sex is the biggest form of cheating, and I have never had any bit of leniency about that. I'm a bit apologetic, so if a girl did something that hurt me that much and she apologizes and all that I move on. Not from her and I's relationship, but whatever happened. As long as it wasn't too extreme (ie sex, make out, oral). Any of those three and I'm always no matter what completely done, and that's an aspect of my personality that has never changed since the first girlfriend I've ever had

Cavernio 11-3-2011 01:35 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by xferrarix (Post 3559056)
Well I'm no dating expert but if a boyfriend does something either in the intent (or not a complete intent) doing something that knows it will hurt his girlfriend then it's cheating

So if I get jealous when my bf talks to another male friend when both of them are far from gay, such that I think he's happier hanging out with him than me or connects with him on some level that I'm not sure I have with him, then your rules would say that he's cheating on me. Do you really believe that?

"My definition of "cheating" is any act (physical, social, mental, verbal, gesture-oriented, etc.) that has an impure intent towards another individual regardless of sex."

What's 'impure intent'? Romantic intent? Thinking about sex while doing it? What about finding the person interesting and wanting to get to know them? What about thinking about comforting them, or actually comforting them?

I agree with vanilla.

Ownership of a person outside of a child-parent relationship where the child depends on the parent seems wrong. (Of course, the whole idea of 'ownership' rubs me the wrong way for many things anyways, but that's another topic.)

cornmaker 12-17-2011 10:22 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
cheating is losing or breaking the interest, trust, friendship, relationship and many things.

Mau5 01-29-2012 05:12 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Physical contact and flirting let alone excessive flirting
One of the harshest forms of disrespect.

fido123 01-29-2012 11:44 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Personally I think it's up to each couple to come up with their own conditions for what's cheating or not. It's a case-by-case thing, not really a something that's black and white. The fact we even want a relationship with somebody else is something biologically driven, and isn't really something we do out of rationality. Some relationships can be totally open, some can be closed, and some can be somewhere in-between. It's completely up to what both partners are comfortable with. Personally I'd want something closed. No kissing, nothing more than mild flirting, just nothing that would make me uneasy.

Reincarnate 01-29-2012 11:56 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Again I think the best metric for almost every single case is "If I wouldn't do X in front of my significant other, X may be considered cheating"

Tarlis 09-19-2012 01:20 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
OK my definition of cheating in relationships is if you don't show respect(love) for you spouse in the conditions in the relationship. Also in doing that you show affection to another when you bf and gf is not present, now, if you;re the kind of person that says you polyamourous, then that rule should be discussed. But should include if you going to have sex, put on a condom before you do it, practice safe sex. Or something more ot that nature of responsibility.

Also my thing is, since I'm not monogamous, and I like it no restrictive boundaries but boundaries of safety much be taken account personally and emotionally. In any relationship needs it's limits of that emotional healthy communication.

In poly-amoury you need LOTS OF COMMUNICATION.

kommisar 09-20-2012 07:58 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
it's all a thing of comfort with each other.

I've had friends that are girls whilst in a relationship and she'd tell me when I was going too far.

In French culture people would give kisses as a greeting but that's just customary. I guess there's a difference between that and a lustful kiss.

It's just a matter of communication. I personally wouldn't really want any sort of intimate contact going on with my partner and someone else.

customstuff 09-20-2012 05:19 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I think if you're going to bother being in a committed relationship with someone, you really should be committed. If my girlfriend held hands with another guy I'd be pretty upset, therefore I avoid holding hands with another girl. Any legitimate interest towards another person seems like cheating to me. I feel uncomfortable if a girlfriend of mine said another guy was attractive. It is dependent on the relationship though. You just need to discuss both of your opinions and do your best to follow them. I'm lucky enough to actually have a loyal girlfriend now. One of the best feelings in the world is feeling that person only loves you (apart from family and friends; that's a different kind of love).

Cavernio 09-22-2012 11:46 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Committed relationships were at one point in our culture things of marriages, not for teenagers.

Mollocephalus 10-2-2012 02:59 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Cheating is entirely subjective and there is a lot of stuff going, especially in older couples. Cross exchange and sex parties are more frequent than you might think. There are a lot of places where you can go and have sexual approaches with strangers who are members of the club. All in all, it all comes down to the mutual decision of what is a "game" and what is actually cheating.

However, my own personal view of things is that our mind is not made so we are tied by a single one. This is a way of being we force on our nature due to the way our society is structured. Therefore, i am very lenient and i think "cheating" physically is just part of human nature, feeling attraction for others is normal and it can happen to slip down on that side a little. On the other hand, in a relationship where there is a strong emotive affection, physical betrayal can become harder to understand. I restrain myself from some people i know i have a thing for, cause my intent is to respect my counterpart. What's more important, in a relationship like that, feeling psychological/emotive attraction for someone else is the real cheating. That's in my own opinion, the only really inexcusable thing in a high-level relationship.

qqwref 10-2-2012 03:19 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
I agree with Rubix's perspective. Also, I would point out that the concept of cheating is based on trust. Being in a relationship means you have to trust each other to be faithful, and cheating breaks that trust. What defines cheating is not the act itself, but the fact that it goes past the boundaries you have decided on.

jamgo 02-1-2013 06:14 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Cheating is cheating.

xNiX 02-1-2013 06:17 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Nice bump bro.

Ohaider 02-1-2013 09:40 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by xNiX (Post 3851684)
Nice bump bro.

Rofl this is Critical Thinking, this thread was prolly like 9th or 10th down on the first page beyond stickies

Arkuski 02-5-2013 08:49 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jamgo (Post 3851682)
Cheating is cheating.

Sounds about right

Vanilla Mnm 02-5-2013 08:57 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
wrong lol

ssbmchamp 02-5-2013 09:22 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla Mnm (Post 3558828)
I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and honestly, I don't care if she 'cheats' on me. But I wouldn't consider it 'cheating' because I'm okay with it. When I talk to other people about it, cause no one agrees with me, I get things like 'you don't take your relationship serious enough' or 'you don't feel the way you should about her', which is completely untrue. The only thing I want her to be is happy, and if she wants to do something, then I want her to do it. I just want her to do whatever she wants to do in life, and sex (and other things) is a part of life. Why does cheating bother so many people? I have full confidence that she will still want to be with me. The things that bother me are when people do things to her like slap her ass, grab her boobs, stupid things like that. Those are the types of things that come off as she doesn't exactly want it because I don't know any girl who wants random guys slapping there ass in school (or anywhere else, it just happens most in school) all the time. It comes off as something she doesn't want, cause she doesn't tell anyone to do it, they just do it, which makes me mad.


This in short: You can fuck my girlfriend all you want....just please don't slap her ass or grab her boobs.

lmao

Vanilla Mnm 02-5-2013 09:25 PM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
ahahahaha

Frank Munoz 02-6-2013 12:47 AM

Re: Definition of "Cheating" in relationships
 
It's a whole new story when your gf/bf is the teacher at your current college/school.
That btch gave me an "F" cause I was looking off this other chicks paper.


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