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-   -   Wheres the line, promiscuity. (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=107633)

Steve-OOO1 04-1-2009 04:06 PM

Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I'm not sure if i spelled that right. But anyhow, my question is how do you know where the line between being sexually active and being a slut is?

For me now i have been with alot of girls, but i have morals. I dont cheat and i dont lie. Whatever happenes between me and said women are between me and that person only.

Even though I am a good person, i still feel like im a slut at times.

Should i be feeling this way?

demonllama6124 04-2-2009 12:24 AM

Re: Wheres the line, permiscuity.
 
well in my opinion, it depends on if youre dating said girl and you just so happen to have sex or youre single and you wanna play hide the salami with every girl you lay eyes on.

Necros140606 04-2-2009 01:44 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
everything is just a matter of perception. such differences don't exist.

every other opinion is brainwashing

mellonxcollie 04-2-2009 01:52 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

1. characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, esp. having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
There is nothing specific whatsoever in the definition of "promiscuous". The specifics are completely based on personal beliefs and opinions.

As long as you feel comfortable with what you are doing, and treat all of your partners with respect, I don't believe you should feel any sort of remorse.

passivegirl 04-13-2009 11:53 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
sooo interesting sig you got there. is your avatar in remembrance?

ontopic: even though you're a guy, IMO you shouldn't waste your body on someone unless you've been with them a verrrry long time and are truly passionate about them. it would also help if you planned on staying with them 'forever' and all that jazz.

if you do it with a chick that could care less about love or anything of the sort, then that's basically... lame and stupid, as well as *ultimatelyyyy* a waste of time. again, IMO.

you feeling like a "slut" at times isn't out of nowhere. almost seems like you've come here in hopes of random people on FFR praising you for mindlessly doing it with a number of girls so your ways can feel justified and the guilt will decrease.

cheers, and yes, atm laziness is preventing me from capitalizing the beginning of my sentences, while simultaneously causing my responses to be plagued by acronyms.

fido123 04-13-2009 02:50 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
It depends what you make of sex IMO. I'm still a virgin, but I think if you save sex for when you are deeply in love with somebody it makes it that much better. Pretty much have sex to express affection rather than to satisfy an urge. Then some people enjoy have lots of sex with lots of people, it's all what you take it for. I don't think those people are sluts, what are the negative consequences of doing that if you do it properly?

qqwref 04-13-2009 04:03 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
It's all in the perception really. Having sex with a lot of people only means being a slut if you think it's wrong. There's really nothing wrong with being promiscuous unless you are cheating on someone you should be spending your time with (a girlfriend or wife) - so unless you are doing immoral things like that, anyone who calls you a slut is just jealous.

darkshark 04-13-2009 06:29 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
You all give answers that only work in a non-discriminatory perfect world. The world does not judge you like this "it's only your own perception" bull****. If you have sex with multiple people just because you feel like having sex with multiple people, you ARE a slut.
If you have sex with someone you've been dating for a while, who's gonna call you a slut? Nobody. If you have sex with the girl you just met because she bought you chicken nuggets at McDonald's, then you're probably a slut.

darkshark 04-13-2009 06:44 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
The biggest concern would always be that "oops" factor where you end up with a random kid(s) and ruin your life because you aren't ready. Then you're stuck with some chick you don't even want to be with, you just wanted to do her.

"Sluts" are just looked down upon in society, and we all know it.
Don't gimme any of that "oh well you shouldn't care what other people think about you" crap either, because it affects you whether you want to admit it or not.

operationstrawbarry 04-13-2009 06:50 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I dont think any man would say no to sex though. I mean if hot girls wanted to do you right there, would you really say no? I know I wouldn't say no.

Slut or no, I think all men want sex. Does this thinking mean im a slut though?

darkshark 04-13-2009 06:55 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
All men want sex, it's the self-control factor that stops us.
Most men also want to kill someone...it's all about the control.

darkshark 04-13-2009 07:07 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I'm not religious at all, and quite honestly it doesn't matter why they are looked down upon, the point is...they are.

What I'd like to ask Steve is, how many and how often?

Necros140606 04-13-2009 07:07 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by darkshark (Post 3044648)
You all give answers that only work in a non-discriminatory perfect world. The world does not judge you like this "it's only your own perception" bull****. If you have sex with multiple people just because you feel like having sex with multiple people, you ARE a slut.
If you have sex with someone you've been dating for a while, who's gonna call you a slut? Nobody. If you have sex with the girl you just met because she bought you chicken nuggets at McDonald's, then you're probably a slut.

this is just the kind of response that creates long-term problems. it makes perfect sense with the societal context we are all in, but you can tell yourself that something's off in the common perception of things. if you just decide to abide by it without even questioning, we do indeeed have a problem. psychologists have been stressing for a long time how the sexual factor is crucial in the development of one's mentality. "we" come from millenniums of oscurantism and that's expected that a lot of time will be needed to readjust our situation. for this era, at least the young people should start to *at the very minimum* begin the analysis of the ethics inherited (from institutions, parents, other sources) and critically reconsider every single one of them. saying that either one or the other stance is wrong will never do any good to the development of humans, because it's based on opinions instead of observations.

darkshark 04-13-2009 07:13 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Nah, I call people sluts because I feel like calling people sluts.



Slut.








xD


But really now, if Steve answers my question and say he's had sex with 142 women in a month, what are your first thoughts?

lumphoboextreme 04-13-2009 07:38 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by darkshark (Post 3044687)
Nah, I call people sluts because I feel like calling people sluts.



Slut.








xD


But really now, if Steve answers my question and say he's had sex with 142 women in a month, what are your first thoughts?

being a guy, he would generally get respect for it depending on the quality of the women

GG_Guru 04-13-2009 07:56 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
What's wrong with being a slut?

qqwref 04-13-2009 08:39 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by operationstrawbarry (Post 3044672)
I dont think any man would say no to sex though. I mean if hot girls wanted to do you right there, would you really say no? I know I wouldn't say no.

I can definitely think of situations where I'd say "no" and mean it.

Also, what about gay men? (Or asexuals?)

passivegirl 04-13-2009 10:16 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GG_Guru (Post 3044713)
What's wrong with being a slut?

Promotes all the wrong things you'd look for in a partner. Hints that the guy most likely does not have respect for long-term relationships nor holds any spark of interest in dedication and, of course, faithfulness.

Also, repeated mindless sexual activities can be seen as a borderline psychological problem, and immediately puts women seeking for sturdy relationships completely off. Makes them view you as if you have a disease (not as in STD, but there's a high chance you have that as well). The only ones that will actually engage in activity with a relentlessly sexually promiscuous man are those that are desperate, impulsive, and often... idiots.

Encounters you will have with women will usually not last for more than a day. The most meaningful relationship you may ever have while participating in this behavior is one with a woman interested in recurring mindless sexual activity.

Hope this answers your question.

nois-or-e 04-13-2009 10:37 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I used to change girls almost weekly during my slutty teenage years. And yes, ds is right. What are the figures? 1 a week, 20 a month? But then again, ****ing around is ****ing around in the end. You'll get over it. Slut.

kommisar[os] 04-13-2009 10:45 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
depends on your values towards sex. for some it's just pleasure, some it's sacred, some it's for people they really care about.

Zer0_Kool 04-14-2009 01:56 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Hmm being someone who sees both sides I think to be honest its in everyones blood to being a little "unfaithful." I mean you can't say your past relationships don't pop up in your head and sometimes your like "yeah that was good sex" but its just that a thought. If you cheat or whatever you must have some reason. Maybe she was just a super hot girl and you couldn't control yourself. Your human it happens but admitting it is the first step into setting a boundary. But if you do it again that just means that your not ready for a closed relationship. Its just a part of what makes us human. Hey I can't lie some of my past relationships had good sex and sometimes I think about. Yeah sometimes I'm like "hmm I'd like to do it one more time" but would I do it given the chance? Probably not its cause I'm alone and the person I'm with isn't around. You wander but it doesn't mean I want it over what I got. But its all on how you view it. Whether it be that oral is considered sex that is your terms. Theirs alot of ball and chain in this but thats something you have to figure out. I know I was notorious for changing girls like I do underwear and if your doing that you better make sure your STD free. But eventually you will get tired of it. If not theres this thing called porn and in that business you meet different people 24/7.

x After Dawn x 04-15-2009 10:57 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by darkshark (Post 3044676)
All men want sex, it's the self-control factor that stops us.

Yes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkshark (Post 3044676)
Most men also want to kill someone...it's all about the control.

This, I'm going to have to disagree with...not many men have the urge to kill someone. I'm sure many do, but definitely not close to the majority of men.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GG_Guru (Post 3044713)
What's wrong with being a slut?

Oh gee, nothing, nothing at all. Dumbass.

Necros140606 04-16-2009 03:49 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by x After Dawn x (Post 3046510)
not many men have the urge to kill someone. I'm sure many do, but definitely not close to the majority of men.

you're wrong. any human would kill if that makes him/her survive. the reason you say so is that you haven't found yourself in a very critical situation, and your education does the rest, but killing is inside the nature of every living being, and you better know this well. the ones who think they're not supscetible to these istincts are the first ones to fall.

x After Dawn x 04-16-2009 06:25 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Necros140606 (Post 3046697)
you're wrong. any human would kill if that makes him/her survive. the reason you say so is that you haven't found yourself in a very critical situation, and your education does the rest, but killing is inside the nature of every living being, and you better know this well. the ones who think they're not supscetible to these istincts are the first ones to fall.

Sorry, but I don't live in a dog-eat-dog anarchist society.

qqwref 04-16-2009 07:42 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
That's not really related, Necros. The point of the killing argument was to confirm/deny the statement "Most men also want to kill someone...it's all about the control." Having the urge to kill, and having to kill to survive, are two entirely different things. I don't deny that most people would kill someone else if (a) they could pull it off and (b) it really legitimately was the best thing to do in the situation (see: war), but that's a lot different than having an urge to kill and staving it off with self-control.

poleaxe 04-16-2009 08:26 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
As long as u don't go whoring around with tons of people you're not a slut.

Necros140606 04-17-2009 04:39 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by qqwref (Post 3047121)
...that's a lot different than having an urge to kill and staving it off with self-control.

nope, it's not. everytime you feel you hate someone, there's a part of you which is pushing towards the elimination of the rival. do you ever read some psychology book? you don't know anything about how your own mind works, just like everyone else in this thread who declares such idiotic things about promiscuity.

Tokzic 04-19-2009 04:10 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3044411)
ontopic: even though you're a guy, IMO you shouldn't waste your body on someone unless you've been with them a verrrry long time and are truly passionate about them. it would also help if you planned on staying with them 'forever' and all that jazz.

This is the exact sort of mindless thinking that prudes love, and love to instill in their children.

What am I wasting when I fuck someone for the first time (besides semen, but don't worry, I'll make more)? My "virginity"? Oh bloody no. Tell me, do you remember the first time you played a board game? Was it a magical, memorable experience that overshadowed every other time you did it afterwards? What about your first haircut? Your first time eating a chocolate bar?

You probably don't. Want to know why? Because first times are completely overblown in importance for absolutely no reason. The only people who find sex a big deal are people who haven't had sex and people who have giant social problems that will repel the opposite gender forever.

Next question.

How about the OP.

Sluttiness is a very simple thing to measure.

1. Are you having sex over once a month?

No? Go to 3.

2. a) Are you responsible with conraception, using at least two forms when you have sex, and talking with your partner before about possibility of pregnancy?

If no, go to 4.

b) Are you responsible about your partners, only having sex with people you trust? This stops STDs and drama.

If no, go to 4.

c) Do you make sure that your partner is not emotionally invested (interested in you or taken) before engaging in casual sex?

If no, go to 4. Otherwise, keep trucking.

3. You're not slutty, or are an ex-slut.

4. You are promiscuous, but you are too dumb with sex for that to be an appropriate word. You are a slut.

Technically, promiscuity and sluttiness are interchangable save for the connotation, but I like to put that connotation to use. Promiscuity is a perfectly admirable trait if you are intelligent about sex. Contrary to the popular belief in this thread that lots of sex ALWAYS LEADS TO STDS OH NO, talking about it beforehand will prevent it better than any condom, and even better, having sex with only people you trust is a great way to stop them, too. Talking about what happens in the event of pregnancy is a must, too.

Most people are too dickheaded to do any of this, sadly, and end up with pregnancies that they didn't talk about with mothers that don't want to abort. Or have sex with complete strangers and get herpes.

Being an idiot about sex is what should be looked down upon. Don't take it out on promiscuity, people - I get plenty of tail from plenty of different girls, and my dick and parental status are clean.

ps necros is virtually the only one in this thread who has a clue what he's talking about

Dr Tran 04-19-2009 06:34 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
tokzic knows what he's talking about

passivegirl 04-19-2009 08:53 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Now, you're relating sex to... playing a board game, eating candy, and getting a haircut? So you're a whore *and* boring in bed. No wonder you don't think anything of doing it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3050233)
The only people who find sex a big deal are people who haven't had sex and people who have giant social problems that will repel the opposite gender forever.

On the contrary. The people who find sex a big deal are those who realize that sex is generally best when meaningful, and when you can truly relate to the person. Besides, when it's with someone you trust and know extremely well, you can even open up to them about all the strange fetishes you have (**** the Internet) for maximum goodness.

The rest of your post is mainly boring, but this made me lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3050233)
Promiscuity is a perfectly admirable trait if you are intelligent about sex.

wat


Have a good one.

speeddemon 04-19-2009 09:22 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Op: Should you really care? I mean seriously wouldn't it be better to be getting some rather than none at all? Honestly I'm still a virgin and i ****ing hate it. Be glad you have release with something more than your hand.

Other than that, I'm gonna have to agree with Tokzic, but maybe raise the bar a little higher than once a month.

Necros140606 04-19-2009 09:58 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3050296)
I would form a rebuttal to this, but 'prude' isn't a verb.

Now, you're relating sex to... playing a board game, eating candy, and getting a haircut? So you're a whore *and* boring in bed. No wonder you don't think anything of doing it.

On the contrary. The people who find sex a big deal are those who realize that sex is generally best when meaningful, and when you can truly relate to the person. Besides, when it's with someone you trust and know extremely well, you can even open up to them about all the strange fetishes you have (**** the Internet) for maximum goodness.

let me open a little pharentesis. we make a huge deal of sexuality because it's something that is firestamped in bold letters in our mind since we are children, labeled directly or indirectly as "immoral" or "dirty", "something you don't want others to know/see", "private" etcetera. i'm not saying you're wrong, nay, everything you say is actually right... with this mind setting we receive from our environment.

now, the question isn't whether your beliefs are right or not, but, if after your self-analisys, if you find those beliefs to be correct, logic and meaningful or the product of some mind distortion inherited from hundred years ago. you do your daily self-analisys, right?

the first time is meaningful as long as you make a whole culture about it, having doubts and extremely high expectations, but what should matter it's not how the FirSt TimE goes, but the moment itself of the union of the bodies and minds. being it your first, fifth or thirteenth time doesn't make any difference. the whole story about first time sex just doesn't make sense to me, as chances are high it won't be great, and waiting for years just makes you lose precious time and experience. it's not like you are more "ready" if you're 18 and stil virgin rather than 14.

Being a slut or not, having an active sexual life doesn't hurt anyone. The opposite, since you're following your body instincts, it makes you and the partner feel good (did you know that going against your istincts isn't healty?). The only way it could be defined negative is if you're careless about contraceptives and protection from sexual transmitted diseases. Trying to define boundaries in human behaviour only results in personal interpretations, which are ultimately meaningless.

Emo_Saur_ 04-19-2009 12:57 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Well, have sex to have sex and have sex while being commited are two totally different things. Commited, say being 1 months. Sex for sex, lust, say eh 1 day to 2 1/2 weeks.

Being promiscious is doing and flaunting basically.

korny 04-19-2009 02:50 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I have sex at least once a week, I refuse to ever wear a condom (I pull out if I even finish), the girl I **** has a boyfriend and another girl i sometimes hook up with has slept and/or continues to sleep with other guys on a weekly basis as well. and if I meet a girl at a club, party or wherever and the mood is mutual between a girl I find attractive then it's going to go down. This is how I fulfill my sexual needs and I don't think I'm a slut by any means and the same would go for a girl who does what I do. The word slut in general is just too subjective. Promiscuity is fun and natural. There's no line, just go for it if as long as you know what you're doing

Tokzic 04-19-2009 04:25 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3050296)
I would form a rebuttal to this, but 'prude' isn't a verb.

Do you know what a verb is? I used it as a noun. You know... like it's usually used.

Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3050296)
Now, you're relating sex to... playing a board game, eating candy, and getting a haircut? So you're a whore *and* boring in bed. No wonder you don't think anything of doing it.

I'm relating the common misconception that the first time you have sex is fairy dust and unicorns to the first times for other activities. Just like these mundane activities, without having done them yet, people make crazy assumptions about them and blow them up in their minds because they haven't done them yet. Then, once they've done them, they realize that all of their expectations were way overblown, especially when it's worked up in their minds over long periods. Just because it's not a magical rollercoaster doesn't mean it's boring. Not a single activity in the world, including sex, is a magical rollercoaster.

Is this really that difficult for you to comprehend? Or is taking people out of context intentionally your way of trying to look cool on the internet?

also lmfao at "boring in bed", i guess i could be considered boring in bed if orgasming like a semi-automatic sounds dull to you

Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3050296)
On the contrary. The people who find sex a big deal are those who realize that sex is generally best when meaningful, and when you can truly relate to the person.

You're a virgin. You have no reliable experience whatsoever to make such ridiculous claims. All you have to go on are romantic comedies and love songs. Don't pretend you have a clue about when "sex is generally best" when you have no points of comparison - no points at all, actually.

passivegirl 04-19-2009 05:24 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
My bad about the verb thing. But this forum isn't really about first times anyway. It's about repeatedly doing it with people you don't care about, whether it's right or not, and "where to draw the line". Your comparisons were just silly to me, though. It would make more sense if you related the first time having sex to something with a bit more of an impact than getting a haircut. You don't need to participate in something directly to have a 'certified' opinion on it.

Necros140606 04-19-2009 06:30 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3050599)
You don't need to participate in something directly to have a 'certified' opinion on it.

you don't have to, but your point isn't as valid as you don't have any fisrt-hand experience. also, the problem residing in the conception of first times is extremely relevant, because it's on the same thought line of considering any promiscuous sexual activity as a negative event.

after everything that has been said, we could conclude that being promiscuous (when considerate about STDs, pregnancy, even each other emotions (it's not like i would go with someone just because she's drunk, or someone that prefers a "stable relationship")) isn't harmful and is actually the most natural way to handle relationships. maybe when you think of someone you know who has such an active sexual life, it may not be your typical good guy/girl, but that's probably because the ones who go through the trouble of breaking social taboos aren't usually your respectful american citizens, in a way or the other.

in the end, the more you know and experiment, the best you can understand these mechanisms. just overthinking them starting from the biased information you receive sounds downright mindless and ultimately leads to huge trouble.

Squeek 04-19-2009 06:30 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
passive: If you're suggesting that your first time will be great because it will be with someone you actually enjoy being with and you can share your fetishes with them, then wouldn't it be even better to get practice with other people so you can perform better for that true first time?

I'm not sure why people think sex is the only activity that you can be amazing at your very first time (oh wait i do know), but nothing else in life follows this pattern. Unless you are a savant genius, you will be horrible at something your first time doing it and it will hardly be something you remember as a positive experience. I don't remember the first time I started doing anything in my life, because I was horrible at all of them. I remember the first time I did special things related to those first times, but that's it.

For example, I don't remember when I first got on a bicycle, but I do remember the first time I successfully rode down my hill (I live on top of a super-steep hill) with no hands. People who still play FFR don't remember their first song (or much else about it other than their epic failure), but they'll surely remember the first time they passed Yoshi Bonus Round or something. Hell I barely ever played FFR and haven't played for 4 years and I still remember that day.

mead1 04-20-2009 02:10 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Seriously kids, get the **** over yourselves. Sex isn't a big deal if you do it responsibly, as summed up in tokzic's choose your own adventure wall of text. It's something fun to do that a lot of people take way too seriously.

Bolth mannn 04-20-2009 03:48 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I wholly agree with kommisar[os]'s post.

it all depends on how you look at sex.

i personally, am leaving sex for marriage. not because im religious or anything of the sort (i am christian but that doesnt change how I look at sex). Sex to me, is a sacred thing that should be left for the one you truly love. if you blow it with some random chick, you wont get the same feeling. you will, physically, but emotionally is what matters.

Thats why I call sex, making love. you cant make love if its with some random chick.

if your looking to it as sex only and your doing it for the pleasure, go for it, I won't look down on you. just be prepared for the consequences.

qqwref 04-20-2009 04:56 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bolth mannn (Post 3051614)
...(i am christian but that doesnt change how I look at sex). Sex to me, is a sacred thing...

oh.

Bolth mannn 04-20-2009 07:54 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by qqwref (Post 3051638)
oh.


I mean that being a christian had no effect on my thinking that sex is a sacred thing. i think it is sacred for reasons i am not going to tell an online community.

Crashfan3 04-20-2009 09:50 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Squeek (Post 3050634)
I'm not sure why people think sex is the only activity that you can be amazing at your very first time

First-time sex sucks. D: Didn't have a ****ing clue what I was doing.

Anyway... I don't think I've ever heard a man being called a slut. Maybe they just don't do that here out west or something? The way I've been raised, the more pussy you get, the better.
So, to use darkshark's example, if you bang 142 chicks in a month, then you're like the ultimate pinnacle of manhood or something.
HOWEVER, (why am I explaining this on the internet?) once you get a girlfriend, you don't go around ****ing everything that moves. People like that need to be knocked to the ground and kicked, IMO.

Bolth mannn 04-20-2009 04:36 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Crashfan3 (Post 3051710)
First-time sex sucks. D: Didn't have a ****ing clue what I was doing.

I think having no idea what your doing makes it better :P

its all too perfect the next time.

Izzy 04-20-2009 04:47 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bolth mannn (Post 3051885)
I think having no idea what your doing makes it better :P

its all too perfect the next time.

Agreed, I think it was fun to share the experience with someone who also has no idea. It's not like you can do it completely wrong. You just put the penis in the vagina, and then it doesn't really matter what you do.

Squeek 04-20-2009 06:30 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bolth mannn (Post 3051885)
I think having no idea what your doing makes it better :P

its all too perfect the next time.

What.

No.

Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

If you do it wrong the first time and your partner has know idea you're doing it wrong, you will continue to do it wrong.

I'll give you another analogy, and this one is true to my own life again. I played basketball for 12 years. When I first started practicing, I shot with two hands--not the standard one hand on the side one behind technique. Because I practiced my two-handed shot for so long, I never broke the habit. Countless coaches tried to teach me the right way, but it had become such a habit that I reflexively dropped back into two-handed shooting during games.

If I had learned the right way from the beginning and practiced it, I would've been a much better player. As it were, I was a horrible shot and was really only useful on defense. None of my early coaches told me I was doing anything wrong, so I continued to do it the wrong way.

Izzy 04-20-2009 11:24 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Squeek (Post 3051999)
Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

If you do it wrong the first time and your partner has know idea you're doing it wrong, you will continue to do it wrong.

What exactly are you talking about that can go wrong? I can think of STD's or something, but you can't continuously get those STD's. Maybe she got pregnant, but that was probably a given if you weren't using any form of birth control. So really, what goes wrong during sex that isn't already obvious berforehand?

passivegirl 04-21-2009 12:24 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
finally responding

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necros140606 (Post 3050310)
we make a huge deal of sexuality because it's something that is firestamped in bold letters in our mind since we are children, labeled directly or indirectly as "immoral" or "dirty", "something you don't want others to know/see", "private" etcetera.

i'm not saying you're wrong, nay, everything you say is actually right... with this mind setting we receive from our environment.

My perception on sex isn't due to the mind setting I receive from our environment. If I were to go into the world, or simply turn on your everyday TV show or movie, it would be extremely easy to see how largely promiscuity is praised. Even television directed towards women (Sex and The City, anyone? lameshowIMO). Hence Crashfan saying:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crashfan3 (Post 3051710)
The way I've been raised, the more pussy you get, the better.
So, to use darkshark's example, if you bang 142 chicks in a month, then you're like the ultimate pinnacle of manhood or something.


Therefore, I think your statement about banging as many people as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time being looked down on by average society is... well, wrong. It's really nothing special or rare that you think it's alright -- perhaps even the best option? -- to engage in promiscuity. I'm not saying the media is how you drew your viewpoints, but you have to admit that this is how the most impressionable of people are swayed, and even feel pressured.


What else can I say?

Earlier, I stated you didn't have to directly participate in something to have a 'certified' opinion on it.
A response I got was:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necros140606 (Post 3050633)
you don't have to, but your point isn't as valid as you don't have any fisrt-hand experience.

So first-hand experiences are more able to be regarded as the tell-all of the ultimate truth? How, then, can you simply ignore the hundreds of thousands of people who, male and female included, all say they "wish they had waited"? Wish they had waited. Go to any online community -- I'm sure even Yahoo Answers would suffice -- and ask "How was your first time having sex?" I guarantee a large amount of the people, although not even directly being addressed about it, will state that they wish they had waited, and even advise others to do what they hadn't.

...It's just weird how much of an imbalance there is in information taken into account for some of these points. O.o;;

Now!




Quote:

Originally Posted by Squeek (Post 3050634)
passive: If you're suggesting that your first time will be great because it will be with someone you actually enjoy being with and you can share your fetishes with them, then wouldn't it be even better to get practice with other people so you can perform better for that true first time?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squeek (Post 3050634)
Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"? See, this is why you have to wait until you find someone *special to you* that you're *comfortable with* and *know extremely well*, rather than just hopping in bed with a nervous dude who you're giving too much reward to without enough justification, anyways.
Even if he somehow managed to initially do it "wrong"... it wouldn't be so awkward between you two that you can't just tell them, and promptly move on to better times. It wouldn't be a big deal at all if you loved them.

And if first times are as unimportant and meaningless as the majority of you say it is -- and in the case of a couple that's deeply comfortable with one another, then the first few seconds -- then honestly, who gives a flying ****?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squeek (Post 3050634)
For example, I don't remember when I first got on a bicycle, but I do remember the first time I successfully rode down my hill.

Cool. Was it on the same bike?


Until next time. ^.^

Grandiagod 04-21-2009 12:37 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3052734)
Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"?

First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

korny 04-21-2009 12:45 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandiagod (Post 3052743)
First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

I didn't even finish when I first had sex.

passivegirl 04-21-2009 12:45 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandiagod (Post 3052743)
First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

Doesn't negate my post at all. But to respond regardless, first times for females are often inevitably painful. An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

Grandiagod 04-21-2009 12:50 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3052748)
Doesn't negate my post at all. But to respond regardless, first times for females are often inevitably painful. An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

What I never said just go fuck a guy at a party.

passivegirl 04-21-2009 12:58 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandiagod (Post 3052750)
What I never said just go fuck a guy at a party.

So who, and under what circumstances, do you believe it's ideal for a girl to have sex with? Besides yourself, of course. Let's say this girl is someone you actually care about the well-being of, likeeee a sister or something of the sort. No joke responses please. I'm interested to see what you truly think.

Grandiagod 04-21-2009 01:06 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Whoever she's comfortable with at the time. While for a small percentage of girls I can imagine that would mean waiting for marriage it's been my experience that there are a lot of females who want to have sex with their boyfriend at the time but are irrationally holding themselves back because they don't want to be viewed as promiscuous.

As for the double standard of promiscuity, having sex with a lot of partners for men is usually considered a sign of machismo, while for women they become whores. This skewed view is a direct result of our evolutionary imperatives to procreate and provide an opportune environment for our young. Males procreate with as many females as possible, and females stay with one male and take care of their young. Because going out and mating with other males while caring for offspring is dangerous for the child. However since we don't actually need to follow our evolutionary instincts this double standard has long since gone out of fashion.

My personal view is have sex with whomever you want however you want whenever you want. Just be responsible, safe and know the possible consequences, both emotional and physical, and you'll be fine.

passivegirl 04-21-2009 01:14 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandiagod (Post 3052760)
Whoever she's comfortable with at the time. While for a small percentage of girls I can imagine that would mean waiting for marriage it's been my experience that there are a lot of females who want to have sex with their boyfriend at the time but are irrationally holding themselves back because they don't want to be viewed as promiscuous.

As for the double standard of promiscuity, having sex with a lot of partners for men is usually considered a sign of machismo, while for women they become whores. This skewed view is a direct result of our evolutionary imperatives to procreate and provide an opportune environment for our young. Males procreate with as many females as possible, and females stay with one male and take care of their young. Because going out and mating with other males while caring for offspring is dangerous for the child. However since we don't actually need to follow our evolutionary instincts this double standard has long since gone out of fashion.

My personal view is have sex with whomever you want however you want whenever you want. Just be responsible, safe and know the possible consequences, both emotional and physical, and you'll be fine.


I'm very impressed, good Sir. (Not meaning to come off as a smartass, actually.) I agree with nearly all of it. Thanks for the sincere answer.

devonin 04-21-2009 01:40 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

hopping in bed with a nervous dude who you're giving too much reward to without enough justification, anyways.
So you few the female -permitting- a male to have sex with them to be a -reward-? You're rather implicitly putting women above men (no pun intended) in terms of sex. Is that your intention?

Litodude 04-21-2009 01:58 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Ugh. Wrote a long explanation then accidentally hit backspace. tl;dr:

I'm still a virgin and I crave for that fairy tale first time where the partner I love is a virgin, we have an amazing learning experience together, and we continue to do..it. Yes, I know it's a hit or miss and I've realized that. As of late, I've been comfortable knowing that the person I want to "give myself to" isn't a virgin since I know that fact won't change our relationship.

If fate unfolds in the usual manner, though, I'll probably have the same mindset that Grandi posted: have sex with those who are available, but be smart about it.

Response to OPs question: See Tokzic's chart.

Tokzic 04-21-2009 02:02 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3052748)
An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

First of all - "sweet, romantic pain"? You've got to be kidding me. There's nothing romantic about pain. This is a perfect example of virgins with tunnel vision. EVEN THE PAIN WILL BE SWEET AND ROMANTIC, GUYS. SEX IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Second, and mainly, you're very confused if you think most promiscuous people just bang total strangers. One of my cardinal rules is to only have sex with friends whom I trust. It's dumb for you to have sex with people you don't know. Like I said before, your friends won't lie to you if they have HIV, and if they would, you need new friends.

Quote:

Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"?
Just clueless enough to have not had sex before. First time, the guy's probably going to come really quick, and the girl rarely comes at all thanks to the pain (assuming she hasn't stuck a dildo in before, but since she's saving herself, I'm going to go ahead and assume she hasn't). Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

If you consider orgasm the goal, your first time is going to be a failure.

OH YEAH, one more thing:

Quote:

So first-hand experiences are more able to be regarded as the tell-all of the ultimate truth? How, then, can you simply ignore the hundreds of thousands of people who, male and female included, all say they "wish they had waited"? Wish they had waited. Go to any online community -- I'm sure even Yahoo Answers would suffice -- and ask "How was your first time having sex?" I guarantee a large amount of the people, although not even directly being addressed about it, will state that they wish they had waited, and even advise others to do what they hadn't.
Let me tell you something about people who "wish they had waited". These are people with all the emotional intelligence of a child, who lack the ability to rationalize why they're feeling what they're feeling. These are people who blame their crappy first fuck on not doing it with their (likely not) penultimate lover. These people were so enthralled by the idea of a magic rollercoaster that when they didn't get it, they don't come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist, they think they screwed it up.

What these people don't realize is that they are mistaken. Their first time would be just as bad no matter who they waited for. When one person can't perform, the experience is bad, and just like someone you throw on a guitar for the first time, or anything else, you can't expect what they do to sound even mildly pleasant.

devonin 04-21-2009 02:07 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
And while your first time will be at least a little painful, anecdotal evidence from a fairly large number of female friends suggests that the first time won't be nearly so painful as it would have been, say, 100 years ago, when women were kept indoors and protected their whole lives.

The hymen tends to be either broken or mostly broken already for modern girls simply because of the years of running around, playing sports, riding bikes etc.

I'm pretty sure none of the girls I know could have put a bloody bedsheet outside the morning after to show that they were still virgins.

passivegirl 04-21-2009 02:07 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 3052784)
So you few the female -permitting- a male to have sex with them to be a -reward-? You're rather implicitly putting women above men (no pun intended) in terms of sex. Is that your intention?

No, it wasn't my intention. It could happen with both sexes. Although, there are some stereotypes and double standards that are just a nuisance to stay away from, hence hardcore modern-day feminists and masculinists(?) usually annoying me.


Edit: Gah! A strangely active forum at the time. Submitted and saw two new posts pop up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052801)
First of all - "sweet, romantic pain"? You've got to be kidding me. There's nothing romantic about pain. This is a perfect example of virgins with tunnel vision. EVEN THE PAIN WILL BE SWEET AND ROMANTIC, GUYS. SEX IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Pain can be sweet and romantic. Sex can be beautiful. What's... so... weird about that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052801)
Second, and mainly, you're very confused if you think most promiscuous people just bang total strangers.

I didn't say that that's how it's usually done. However, I think a lot of promiscuous people still do it with almost complete strangers, though I'm not certain how often that is compared to with different friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052801)
It's dumb for you to have sex with people you don't know.

Agreed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052801)
Just clueless enough to have not had sex before. First time, the guy's probably going to come really quick, and the girl rarely comes at all thanks to the pain (assuming she hasn't stuck a dildo in before, but since she's saving herself, I'm going to go ahead and assume she hasn't). Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

Honestly, these are exactly the type of things that do not matter in a passionate, long-lasting relationship, as I'd assume they'd be over the shallowness and distorted reality of perfection in one another and, thus, perfection in each other's first performances.

devonin 04-21-2009 02:14 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Well, someone viewing their own participation in sex as a reward for their partner (And not vice versa) is exactly what creates so many of the societal hangups we have about sex.

If it was viewed intrinsically as a meeting of equals, the whole question of this thread becomes moot. You can only be a "slut" if you are "wasting" the "reward" that you have to offer by giving it "too freely" as compared to some arbitrary standard of just how much sex is "too much" sex.

Since the type of person to call someone else a slut tends to be relatively sexually conservative, they tend to set that bar pretty low.

Tokzic 04-21-2009 02:34 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3052807)
Honestly, these are exactly the type of things that do not matter in a passionate, long-lasting relationship, as I'd assume they'd be over the shallowness and distorted reality of perfection in one another and, thus, perfection in each other's first performances.

So wait.

You're saving yourself for this amazing first time.

But you know your first time is going to be bad.

...

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

passivegirl 04-21-2009 02:55 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052818)
So wait.

You're saving yourself for this amazing first time.

But you know your first time is going to be bad.

...

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?


I've been trying to express that I don't put such a stark emphasis on first times. I think that with most people concerned about having a good 'first time', what they really mean is it being something meaningful and with someone who you could continue to have more, progressively better 'times' with them. But I'm positive it won't be bad assuming I know, trust, am comfortable with, and love the person.

What's weird to me -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- is that you almost sound like you treat sex with others as a means of... practice? o.o; ...which is an odd way of viewing sex that I would never want to partake in.
And this 'practice' is all in the name of what...? Are *you* saving up for something? Is it just that, when you do find someone you truly care about, you don't want to scare them away by being 'bad'? I'm being sincere here; I don't really understand your reasoning. Is there some deeper reasoning to promiscuity than temporary gratification in both participants?

Tokzic 04-21-2009 03:04 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by passivegirl (Post 3052828)
What's weird to me -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- is that you almost sound like you treat sex with others as a means of... practice? o.o; ...which is an odd way of viewing sex that I would never want to partake in.
And this 'practice' is all in the name of what...? Are *you* saving up for something? Is it just that, when you do find someone you truly care about, you don't want to scare them away by being 'bad'? I'm being sincere here; I don't really understand your reasoning. Is there some deeper reasoning to promiscuity than temporary gratification in both participants?

My reasoning goes something like this:

- Sex is fun, and harmless when done the right way.
- Thus, I am going to have sex when it strikes me.

I don't foresee any long-term relationships in my future (not to say they aren't possible, but my guess is they aren't going to happen), and I am definitely not thinking to myself, "I should get as good at sex as possible so I can please my one true love someday!"

Long story short: No, there's no deeper reasoning.

GuidoHunter 04-21-2009 03:30 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3052818)
It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

By reserving a large emotional importance on your first time, when it actually happens in the way you want it to it's going to feel extremely good, whether or not the sex is physically pleasing.

If you regard sex in a purely physical manner, and the physical part isn't good (as it's not likely to be between virgins), then you have nothing but disappointment.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

devonin 04-21-2009 03:41 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Except that the point is that if you acknowledge that the first time is going to be bad, and then it is, you don't have disappointment because you knew it would be going in.

See...there's also a difference between "attaching emotion to sex" and "attacking emotional importance to your first time"

If you attach a huge emotional importance to your first time, and your first time is bad, you say "But because the emotion you wanted is there, it will still feel -extremely- good" which I wholeheartedly disagree with.

If you posit that the first time will be mechanically and physically -bad- due to the inexperience etc, claiming that being very heavily emotionally invested in your "first time" as an incredibly deep and meaningful experience seems to me like it would have the opposite effect.

It would be -worse- for you because you put the act up on such a high pedestal, and then had a -bad- first time.

Having something be built up in your mind and then be underwhelming at all tends to make you feel worse than if you had no such high expectations ahead of time.

OrganisM 04-21-2009 04:06 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
intellectual discussions are for ******s

Necros140606 04-21-2009 04:10 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
so many good posts, i wonder how much time it will pass before i can be as fluent as you guys. grandiagod's post pretty much nailed it.

in addition, i do agree that having some boundary with the person you're having sex with is significantly better than someone who randomly pops up for a night, but it still depends on how many psichological constructs through years have imposed on our conception of sexuality. unrealistic expectations are a no-no, but being in a relationship in which the sexuality is lived in a simple, free and open way and there is trust between the partners is the most satisfying thing.

long story short: my first time was kind of weird. i had never used condoms before, and couldn't feel anything. like it is expected, she experienced some pain and lost some blood, but since none of us had such extremely high expectations, none of us has been let down, and we took that as an experience.

referring to passivegirl: although it's not realistic to say that a pain can be sweet (it's more like a literary connotation), it IS a fact that someone who has feelings for you will try to be more considerate and soft than someone who just goes for one time and doesn't give a **** about how you feel. to go from this to say that one must be the only one for life though, it's completely irrational and childish (not that you said it, but some people do). so, i guess you're half right. but the best memories will still remain either the ones with the persons you are emotionally involved the most, or the ones with the persons you had the most intense or memorable sex.

Izzy 04-21-2009 04:15 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
I don't understand why everyone is saying that it isn't going to feel good the first time. Whether its emotionally or physically or whatever. Out of personal experience It felt great the first time, and it lasted maybe 15 minutes or something. Not sure if that's pathetic for a first time, but I really don't care. She was certainly satisfied a few times over. It felt great that time and it still feels good after a countless number of times. Not sure what you people are doing wrong.

Squeek 04-21-2009 04:21 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Anecdotal evidence != general standard

Tokzic 04-21-2009 07:57 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 3052851)
By reserving a large emotional importance on your first time, when it actually happens in the way you want it to it's going to feel extremely good, whether or not the sex is physically pleasing.

By this logic, the best way to get enjoyment out of life is to create fake emotional connections to anything you can predict the outcome of, so that when it happens in the way you want it to, you receive fuzzy emotional feel-good fluff.

Making a connection that doesn't exist is not the way I want to get enjoyment out of my life. It's kind of pathetic to me, really.

passivegirl 04-21-2009 10:46 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic (Post 3053094)
By this logic, the best way to get enjoyment out of life is to create fake emotional connections to anything you can predict the outcome of, so that when it happens in the way you want it to, you receive fuzzy emotional feel-good fluff.

Making a connection that doesn't exist is not the way I want to get enjoyment out of my life. It's kind of pathetic to me, really.

I'm a bit lost... Can you please specify these emotional connections and then explain how they're fake?

There's no point in me responding unless I feel I have a full understanding of what you are saying here.

Bolth mannn 04-22-2009 03:46 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
uhm the following is EXTREMELY offtopic and may be a bit innapropriate (if you think so just tell me and ill remove it) but:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokzic
Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

is eating a girl out seriously that difficult to do first time? it doesnt look like theres anything that difficult about it...

Dr Tran 04-22-2009 04:45 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
its like eating ice cream bolth

Flaming_Dingleberry 04-22-2009 01:08 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 
Everyone's harder on themselves. To find out whether you really believe you're a whore is to judge yourself as if you were another person, and if you approve of that person (you... technically) as a human being, there's your answer.

Now, regarding everything else discussed as a result of the initial topic, some people aren't too bad the first time. Some people are naturals (i.e. me and Izzy [the Official Gamewhores apparently]) ;D


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