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-   -   Update on me as of now. (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=152950)

katanaeyegaming 03-31-2021 10:03 PM

Update on me as of now.
 
Hi FFR,

It's me again I honestly just need to vent right now as there is a lot of shit that has been on my mind lately and I can't keep bottling it up and I would like to have this be public knowledge so if in the near future things do change that at least I explained what has been going on.

First thing I would like to let you guys know is that I have just been under a severe amount of mental strain despite not really showing it. This has been caused by several things and has weighed down on me to the point where i have lost motivation to do damn near anything but maybe a bit of writing here and there which has helped get my frustrations out a lot in the past as it is now. All of this boils down to 3-4 major things that have been going on for far too long and I've just kept silent about it outside of therapy(which I have been taking for years for reasons both related and unrelated to things here.)

School: I both love it and hate it. I love it for the fact that not only do I get to go out of the house (Covid vaccination is changing that for people and stuff is reopening finally thank god.). And I loathe it because I spend 8 hours a day sleep deprived to all shit trying to work in school with certain people who in some cases I can barely tolerate for reasons that I won't go into.

Personal life: Some things among my IRL life have been going on in the past year and a half that have just been a complete shit show and after a couple of things from 2019-20 it really started spiraling out of control. This toppled with the pandemic (Don't worry we'll get into that.) and several people around me dying and just a cluster fuck being dropped on me just makes it worse.

Pandemic: I figured I would address this next as this has honestly been driving me more insane than anything else has in my entire life. Wearing masks is fine and that's one thing but closing damn near everything down got super frustrating. We also ended up not having school for over 6 months because of the pandemic and we are just now getting back to going full time at school. On top of that the pandemic has not helped me in terms of weight as I wanted to be a stable 180(227 pre-pandemic) I'm now 254 because stuff has closed down fully 3 separate times due to dumbasses not wearing masks and people testing positive(also due to our state not really enforcing our mask mandate hard enough which is a little agitating.). I would love to get out again and start going to the gym and just enjoying the outdoors again but until the vaccine rolls out in greater numbers in our area that doesn't look to be happening.

Situation with my mom: As all of you know during September 2020 my mom died of several different medical complications but it was her congestive heart failure that did her in. This has been the biggest burden on my life as me and her were really close and as every passing day goes on something little reminds me of her and it just adds to all of the stress and pain I'm going through mentally atm. It's gotten so bad where for the entire month of February I cried myself to sleep over it. One major thing that I am taking away from this situation though is when the pandemic is over I need to make sure to keep my health in check so I don't end up the way she did. It's a major reason why I have been so irritated recently in some conversations people have had with me as things will truly never be the same.


On a much lighter note,

The second thing I would like to address is my status in rhythm games at the current moment. And to put that simply I have just been simply demotivated to play outside of pad games like ITG. That on top of my schedule making it hard for me to find a good time to play a session is also not helping.

Don't count me out yet though as I do plan on playing more when I have more free time either on the weekends on in the summer.

I also wanted to address the possibility of me hosting a elimination tournament for D1-4 or 5. I will think this through more but this is certainly not out of the question for the near future.


The last thing I wanted to address is a question I have because I feel that this is an issue with me as a person socially that I want to try and improve on.

That question is, Do I annoy you guys in the discord with how I am sometimes if so how am I being so and how can I fix it? I bring this up because I feel a certain few people have been getting frustrated with me as a person in the discord and as a presence in the community. Perhaps this is just me being paranoid but I can't help but feel that this is an issue and I wanna try and improve on this for future experiences as a person.

I just wanna say with all that's going on I feel bad as I have been seeing that other people I consider close in the rhythm gaming community as a whole (not just ffr) have been having it rough lately and I wish you nothing but the best.


I wish you all Godspeed and I love you guys.

Katanaeyegaming

gold stinger 03-31-2021 10:19 PM

Re: Update on me as of now.
 
Can't say that I've had a moment or interaction with you in the Discord where the take-away was 'this is frustrating' or 'this is annoying'. I'm wishing you all the love in the world in getting through this. No individual should ever, EVER have to experience the loss of a parent before they become a capable adult of their own. I lost my mother when I was 19 as a single parent, and it was seriously rough.

As someone whom has dealt in the same vein of difficulties, I hope it brings some assurance that it does get more manageable with time. It may be hard now, and it may be that way for a few years. Please feel more than welcome to hit me up on Discord at any time if you feel like venting, or getting something off your chest.


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