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-   -   2017 July/August Set 3 (Complete) (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=148349)

DossarLX ODI 10-19-2017 06:50 PM

2017 July/August Set 3 (Complete)
The following files can be played in Genre 6 (Classical) of the public engine.

OmochiMochip Pe-ta-ta-Turn
The Candy Corn Witch
Tope Doge

maximemoring 10-21-2017 07:21 PM

Re: July/August 2017 Set 3
Can I ask that you be the one to review my file (OmochiMochip), DossarLX? You were the one who did last time I posted it; before I made the changes, of course.

EDIT: That'd be great, thanks :)

DossarLX ODI 10-22-2017 10:15 AM

Re: July/August 2017 Set 3

Originally Posted by maximemoring (Post 4595297)
Can I ask that you be the one to review my file (OmochiMochip), DossarLX? You were the one who did last time I posted it; before I made the changes, of course.

I can provide my review to the judge that is assigned this set if I don't take it, as a reference.

DossarLX ODI 02-18-2018 06:14 PM

Re: July/August 2017 Set 3
DarkZtar finished the primary judge task for July/August 2017 Set 3. The notes can be seen below; this thread is being moved over to Completed Sets.

[2/10] Arctaic {Konestoga} (Konestoga)
-5.571 should be a single (only 1 active synth compared to 2 for the prior 2 jumps). (though it’d probably be better to make all of these jumps singles, but w/e)
-8.571, 17.143, numerous other instances should be singles. Other jumps in this section go to the synth+percussion, these jumps only have percussion.
-12.000 additionally the jumps that are correct should at least make some attempt to denote pr, but this is minor compared to the actual layering errors.
-19.286 should be a jump
-19.480 all the 24ths in this section are 32nds
-20.551 alright this just doesn’t work. The prior structure you had followed the prominent percussion which should have continued into this section. The pulsing synth is more of a background thing and should probably only have been layered in over the percussion if anything, not made the entire focus of the section. Entire section needs to be redone.
-26.337 same thing 19.480
-27.409 same thing as 20.551
-33.194 same thing as 19.480
-also you c/p’d those sections entirely, don’t do that.
-34.266 what is this jack going to?
-yellow note syndrome is a nono
-what’s weird is that you have the sync pretty accurate, and if you had placed all the notes on the 4ths this section would have been on sync.
-44.980 tons of percussion you could have worked with (uwage of the 24ths in the prior sections even if done incorrectly indicate that you at least want to acknowledge the faster rhythmic flairs)
-ending the review here, this is not close to being ready.

[5/10] OmochiMochip Pe-ta-ta-Turn {Umeboshi Chazuke} (Maximemoring)
-had to reprocess the mp3 to get a stable bitrate so my timings might differ from yours slightly.
-36.759 make these hands jumps
-38.081 this is 16ths, not 24ths.
-38.625 16ths continue on to here
-38.936 patterning is odd here since pitch wise (relevant since you have jacks) the pattern is 4x repeated pitch followed by 3x repeated pitch, but you have a set of 2x broken jacks, then a staircase pattern for the secondary repeated pitch. Feels real weird. Make the jacks fit the pitches better, or just get rid of the jacks and make them slow trills or something.
-39.972 12ths should be here
-42.355 this section in general feels kind underwhelming since there’s a lot of untapped potential with the various percussion backdrop rhythms. Your choice if you want keep this as is though.
-43.288 you acknowledge some of the repeated pitches with 8th jacks, but then you have instances where you completely ignore the repeated pitches (like here). Following all of the repeated pitches consistently would make the file feel a lot more polished. (this is a minor gripe but doing this would make the file feel so much better)
-46.241 while the decision to focus on the melody could be argued as a conscious choice, not being consistent with burst acknowledgement to the filtered buzzes feels like an error when you start putting them in at 51.215
-49.920 12ths to the percussion here, so I’ll just go ahead and say you need to add in layering/notes for the percussion to the whole prior section
-51.267 these sound a lot more like 32nds to me than 24ths. (or maybe you were trying to subdivide 48ths?) not really sure, but 32nds sound like they fit much better.
-52.407 alright the fact that you do acknowledge some of the cool rhythmic interactions between the synth/percussion confirms that the whole section at 42.355 to around here needs to be redone with the same acknowledgement to the percussion.
-53.858 same thing as 51.267
-56.189, etc, etc. same thing as 51.267
-60.075 hands to vocal samples that honestly aren’t very loud compared to the rest of the music seems pretty extraneous, and they lead to a weird layering drop at 77.174 even when the music is building intensity. Strong recommendation: drop the hands to the vocal samples, add hands to the crashes (74.687, etc) You’ll also add in jumps at 77.485 and 78.106 while filling in the hands to the rest of the crashes. This layering scheme much better fits the music.
-79.622 synth 32nds run all the way to the 4th, having a gap feels weird. If anything, accept that you’ll have to drop the hand and just have rolls leading into a jump.
-82.109 same thing, I don’t really get why you’re leaving a 32nd out here.
-86.500 patterning here could be much improved, pitch highlights even if subdivided could be better structured. Having 3 of the same rolls, when the 3rd roll covers different pitches feels a bit odd, especially when you have wiggle room pattern wise.
-91.630 what is this 8th jump going to
-91.785 missing 4th, and the same comment about the left out 32nd applies here too
-95.205 i feel like percussion acknowledgement in these similar sections is inconsistent, double check these sections.
-96.759 same thing as 86.500
-107.796 pitch for the trill stays the same, might as well keep the jumps the same.
-108.884, could honestly end the file here if you wanted to. (I’d strongly recommend it)
-song choice is fantastic and you’ve got good ideas / a rough concept of chart structure, but this is riddled with errors and inconsistencies that need to be ironed out. I’d really like to see this end up in game eventually though, the untapped potential in this chart is massive.

[8*/10] The Candy Corn Witch {Aquellex} (PrawnSkunk)
-holy moly the [12][34] syndrome rofl.
-27.274 be careful with some of the long anchors you have hidden in these streams.
-28.421 minor suggestion: could add in grace notes to the synth blips here
-49.737 missing jump
-49.850 missing jump
-56.955 missing jump
-64.173 missing jump
-64.286 missing jump
-71.391 missing jump
-71.955 alright this jumptrill throws me off since it shows you’re willing to go hard and go all in with jumptrills for the punchy percussion hits. These happen all over the place in 16th patterns earler than this. Trim this down to singles to make it consistent or beef everything else up.
-88.421 you don’t have jumps to the accented synth in the prior 32nd mini-runs, take these jumps out. (also this plays horribly as is)
-101.053 consider changing this patterning up as well
-101.729 these sound more like 48ths to me. (they might well be between 32nds and 48ths and you might have to use weird white rhythms)
-111.880 just go with the 64th rolls at this point, they fit the music better. (even if people will jumptill them anyway). You should also probably change the 32nd patterns before this to something other than 1234 rolls if you’re going to use 1234 for the 64ths.
-114.361 this 3 note jack sticks out poorly, change the patterning to keep the 2 note jack motif here consistent.
-116.448 dunno if this is deliberate or not, but you do have instances of the synth that are ignored in between the percussion focus of the faster sections.
-im gonna assume missing jump errors from the prior fast sections are present in the later ones as well, so double check all of them.
-148.084 change patterning to get rid of the jack
-155.302 same thing ^
Change the ending to have more of the arpeggiated synth acknowledged. Feels really lackluster as is.
-great chart, some layering errors/inconsistencies here and there but overall really fun to play. This will still get a c/q though since I really think those missing jumps need to be added in (and changing the rest of the things mentioned will improve the chart a ton)

[7*/10] Tope Doge {Maxo} (PrawnSkunk)
-such better chart, very improve, much good. W0w (still some things to fix though)
-42.531 check rhythmn
-44.774 should be a single
-45.616-51.644 hmmmmmm you’ve come off the rails a bit here.
-I see what you’re trying to do (I think), in that you were trying to bridge the layering from the section at 51.924 and you made this point the start of that layering scheme, but it doesn’t really work for this section. Stick to just layering the percussion and other vocal samples if you like for this section.
-63.279 should be a jump
-63.980 missing note on the 4th
-65.662, 66.223 missing notes+grace notes
-79.120 should be a jump
-81.363 disappointing that you didn’t do anything with the higher pitched synth here.
-134.073 layering seems to be a bit unraveled here, I’d recommend just defaulting to the percussion layering you had earlier for this section.
-alright there’s a semi-long list of stuff here, but I’m gonna give this a c/q instead of an outright reject since the chart concept/structure is honestly pretty strong now, and outside of the problematic layering sections is overall quite well done.
-need to fix pretty much everything noted here, but the 2 glaring problems are those sections at 45.616 and 134.073
-just read through my prior review for this, did I really not comment on those sections last time? I’m sorry if I didn’t.

PrawnSkunk 02-18-2018 07:00 PM

Re: 2017 July/August Set 3 (Complete)
oh no0o i'm a c/q cumber

Can I just say thank you DarkZtar, for your excellently detailed and helpful notes. :D

DarkZtar 02-18-2018 07:49 PM

Re: 2017 July/August Set 3 (Complete)
Glad you appreciate the notes, Prawn. Honestly your charts have improved a lot in a short amount of time (# of batches wise). I look forward to seeing more stuff from you.

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