Flash Flash Revolution - Megaman X7... It broke me

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Megaman X7... It broke me

SOOOOO I got the Megaman X Legacy Collection (1 and 2) for Christmas and I was so happy. Megaman X has always been some of the most enjoyable games for me growing up as a kid, as a teenager, and even now as an adult. I loved Megaman X, X2, X3, X4 X5, X6 and even X8. I had never played X7 until Christmas Day.

Holy fucking shit. This game. It broke me. I was a broken man.

For those of you who don't know Megaman X it was created by big man Keiji Inafune (the man who brought us EVERY Megaman game to ever exist save for X6-X8 iirc) and it has a simple formula in a side-scrolling action packed game

1. Run
2. Shoot
3. Jump

Those are all the "laws" of the game and for OVER 25 YEARS IT HAS WORKED (Megaman X came out in 1993).... Except for ONE game

Megaman X7

Dear God... This is possibly the worst game I have EVER played in my life. X is a pussy, Zero is slow and fucking clunky as shit and Axl is center stage and barely performs as a decent character.

This is going to be a long read and I'll do a TL;DR version HOWEVER stay with me here folks.

The game is called MEGAMAN X7

YES. MEGAMAN X. He should be the main character right? I mean, it's MEGAMAN X

WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

YOU CAN'T PLAY AS X UNLESS YOU DO ONE OF TWO THINGS: 1. Rescue 64 reploids or 2. Defeat all 8 mavericks (Da bad guys) and based on math there are 16 reploids to rescue so in order to play as the MAIN FUCKING CHARACTER (X) You have to beat 4 bosses (which are either hilariously easy or controller snapping hard). WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

To it's credit Megaman X7 introduced the best system ever in the series to its date: The character swap. Low on health? NO PROBLEM! Swap out and the other guy has a nice full bar and is ready to go! This BARELY saves X7 from the cancer that it has. BARELY.

When X7 was announced back in 2002 or 2003 it was said that you could experience Megaman X in 3D. WOOHOO. Except not

The 3D sections are fucking broken as shit, SOMEHOW you move slower than you do in the 2D sections, and fixing the camera? Oh no problem just move the right sti-HAHAHAHA JK THAT'S FOR WEAPON CHANGING USE THE BUMPER BUTTONS.

WHAT?! What fucking sorcery is this? A game with 3D functions and you can't move the camera with the RIGHT STICK!? Bullshit! BULLSHIT!

Let's get back to those "laws" I mentioned earlier: Run, shoot, and jump. MEGAMAN X7 THROWS THAT SHIT OUT THE WINDOW AND GIVES YOU AN AUTOMATIC TARGETING SYSTEM

This would be good...IF IT WORKED Sadly your brand new fucking system has a smaller attention span than a fucking goldfish when multiple enemies are in sight and swaps constantly so it takes twice as long to kill simple enemies.

and the BIGGEST issue: The voice acting. Holy fuck. The game was bad and broke me as a lover of the Megaman X series but HOLY SHIT.

X sounds like a pussy-whipped bitch looking for social justice asking to stop the violence (LET'S NOT FORGET HE HAS KILLED THOUSANDS OF REPLOIDS AT THIS POINT. JUST SEE X TO X6 TO SEE HIS TRACK RECORD). Zero sounds gruff but comes off as stale and boring and Axl sounds like a 9 year old boy who just realized he's a robot

All in all, if you're an achievement whore looking for those PS4 trophies of gamer points for the XBOX. I feel so sorry for you, really I do... Anyone else: This game will literally break you. I recommend a healthy dosage of alcohol before playing this game because you don't want to remember playing this.

TL;DR version: X is a whiny bitch, camera function is fucked, bosses are either way too easy or retardedly hard, and you should be drunk when playing this game