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-   -   Premaritial Sex (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=68355)

coolade123 05-17-2007 07:42 PM

Premaritial Sex
 
I saw Chardish make a huge post about this somewhere else but I want to see other peoples' opinions on this. What are the benefits of waiting until your married before having sexual intercourse, and are there any benefits of not waiting? I mean, you should always wait until your a certain age, but does getting married really make a difference?

Discuss.

Engler 05-17-2007 07:46 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Hmmm...I'm a Catholic, so we're supposed to wait. I personally agree with this for the most part. I think it would be hard to stop yourself from having sex if you're deep in a relationship.

TheRapingDragon 05-17-2007 07:49 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I don't believe it makes a difference. I believe the person I am with is my soul mate, the person I will be with forever. We are happy together and saw no reason to wait.

I also know that both my sisters are in happy relationships and never waited, and same with my parents. As such, I really see no reason in waiting so long as you are with the person you believe you will be with forever. Waiting until marraige is like putting a third party controller into your life who dictates when and how you can do something. You should be adult and be able to make your own decisions.

I say that because if you choose to have sex before marriage then there should be no reason against it.

alias123 05-17-2007 07:53 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I think its okay to have sex before your married as long as you trust and love the person your with. My mom never married and in fact, shes not with my dad now. I should look him up....anyways, some people never want to get married.

pntballa18 05-17-2007 08:05 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
EDIT: I can't read =\

All_That_Chaz 05-17-2007 08:13 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Sex is fun. Don't have kids unless you plan on staying together. Just be smart. There's really no reason to wait. Any reason to wait is a fabricated moral issue. Sex doesn't have to be about morals, it can just be fun.

oh and pntballa, alias said "look up," not "lock up," haha.

Wlfwnd91 05-17-2007 08:26 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I agree with Chaz to be perfectly honest. I think there are 2 reasons to have sex: for fun, and for love. So many people take away the fun of sex by having it because they feel insecure, or unloved, or unmanly, or uncool, blah blah blah. If you bang cause it's fun then it'd be so much more enjoyable for everyone. I think sex is fine without marriage, because I personally don't believe in marriage. If you love someone then you love someone, no piece of paper or deity needs to complete that.

devonin 05-17-2007 08:26 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by All_That_Chaz (Post 1528016)
Sex is fun. Don't have kids unless you plan on staying together. Just be smart. There's really no reason to wait. Any reason to wait is a fabricated moral issue. Sex doesn't have to be about morals, it can just be fun.

oh and pntballa, alias said "look up," not "lock up," haha.

Indeed, the very fact that it -is- fun and pleasureable even -while- you take necessary precautions against conception argues for there being no compelling reason to make it a moral issue.

GuidoHunter 05-17-2007 09:03 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon (Post 1527941)
Waiting until marraige is like putting a third party controller into your life who dictates when and how you can do something. You should be adult and be able to make your own decisions.

Despite the fact that you are being adult about it and making your own decision when you choose to abstain from marriage?

chardish pretty much hit all the good points in his post, so for reference:

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...=56956&page=33

--Guido

http://andy.mikee835.com

inflames07 05-17-2007 09:17 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
There are benefits to having sex before, and after marriage. I don't consider this topic a big deal at all. If someone wants to have sex before they're married, it's their choice. However there may be consequences.

Quote:

Indeed, the very fact that it -is- fun and pleasureable even -while- you take necessary precautions against conception argues for there being no compelling reason to make it a moral issue.

All_That_Chaz 05-17-2007 09:34 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Alright. I wasn't going to take this all that seriously, but Chardish's thoughts deserve more thought. Everyone should read his post before commenting on this subject, and thanks Guido for the link. I was kidding when I said that there's no reason not to wait, but that moral ones are fabricated, which is of course in the eye of the beholder.

I'm going to post in the other thread, as it's more developed and has some other things I want to touch on.

purebloodtexan 05-17-2007 10:06 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
As for me: I'm waiting until the proper age. Not only is it a fun challenge to wait until I'm legal, but it'll also be more rewarding when I finally get the goods.

TheRapingDragon and other members above me have made a good point about trusting the woman you do the deed with, and I believe that either the long relationship or marriage is the sign that I can trust the woman.

As for other people: I'm not one to judge people by how early their virginity is lost; if they want to start early, be my guest and have fun. However, it's usually the sex freak that I tend to frown upon. I mean, maybe you and your girlfriend are out one night, it's romantic, you're kinda frisky, go ahead and make sweet love to her. But I've heard stories about couples that argue almost daily, apologize, have make-up sex, repeat. That's what I consider to be the crossing point.

talisman 05-18-2007 12:00 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
If two (or more!) people are up for it, then why not?

Sex can be a lot of things to a lot of people. One can view it as a deeply rewarding expression of love with a sacred partner or one can view it as recreation. Both views (and all those in between) are equally valid. This is somewhat tangential to the topic at hand, but people should at least respect the sexual decisions that other people make and not judge them for it. Don't think someone's a prude because they are abstaining and don't think someone's a whore because they enjoy casual sex.

chunky_cheese 05-18-2007 12:03 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I just had my first time last week, I never thought of it as bad until my girlfriend pointed it out.

TheRapingDragon 05-18-2007 04:56 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1528151)
Despite the fact that you are being adult about it and making your own decision when you choose to abstain from marriage?

Can you explain that part to me because I am either taking it wrong or you've just made a mistake. Where did I see abstain from marriage? I'm engaged. I believe I'm with the person I'm with forever, hence I believe that pre-marital sex should not be seen upon as negative so long as you have the belief and the love and all that there.

Grandiagod 05-18-2007 05:54 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Have you noticed that the people not getting any are the people who make such a big deal about it and take it so seriously?

Poor Chardish

PurifiedWater 05-18-2007 07:12 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
its all about what you believe
same with abortion but thats another topic

GuidoHunter 05-18-2007 01:03 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon (Post 1528744)
Can you explain that part to me because I am either taking it wrong or you've just made a mistake. Where did I see abstain from marriage? I'm engaged. I believe I'm with the person I'm with forever, hence I believe that pre-marital sex should not be seen upon as negative so long as you have the belief and the love and all that there.

Yeah, I totally just misused a preposition. I meant "when you choose to abstain from sex, until marriage.

As for my point, you were making it sound like abstinence was some sort of heavy burden that's bringing you down, when it's not like that at all.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

devonin 05-18-2007 01:09 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1529140)
As for my point, you were making it sound like abstinence was some sort of heavy burden that's bringing you down, when it's not like that at all.

Maybe it isn't for you and is for them.

GuidoHunter 05-18-2007 01:26 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Who unwittingly engages in abstinence? It's a choice to develop a greater appreciation for sex with your spouse.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

devonin 05-18-2007 01:27 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1529170)
Who unwittingly engages in abstinence? It's a choice to develop a greater appreciation for sex with your spouse.

Unwittingly? Perhaps you mean Unwillingly? And I've met plenty of people who were guilted by their church/parents/etc into making such a pledge, and later being torn between not wanting to do so, and breaking a promise made to people who are important to them.

Might not be a common issue, but I've seen it.

Wlfwnd91 05-18-2007 01:37 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1529170)
Who unwittingly engages in abstinence? It's a choice to develop a greater appreciation for sex with your spouse.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

I have to agree with this, even though I do believe sex can be used for simply fun, I kinda lost sight of why I chose to abstain in the first place, and the fact of the matter is that because when you do find that special someone, then it makes it a million times more meaningful. And though no one's here to judge on how you define your special someone, I can see it being just that much more amazing after marriage, when you've verbally and publically made that committment to each other to stay together forever. Some people may chose that they don't want a long term committment like marriage, and simply view sex as a recreation, and that's fine, each to their own, but if you're lookiing for that someone then I think waiting is the best choice.

...I made a mistake >.< lol

Necros140606 05-18-2007 01:40 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
after seeing chardish post, i'm trying to explain my opinion. all the deal about premarital sex started because of christian puritanism. everyone has their beliefs and stuff, i personally don't believe in god and in the catholics teachings. they just appear to me like psycological limitations. i must admit there ARE some advantages in abstinence before marriage, but it's all related with the alienation from reality caused by religion. the fact people who abstain have a lower divorce rate is because they believe in christian teachings, and separating is a sin. so it does not mean that if you abstain, your marriage will be better. also, sex is still seen as something you should have to regret of (and it's all religion fault-mainly christinity), not like a sign of love or even physical attraction alone. i personally see sex at the same level of kisses, because it's a way to please ourself and the partner. just a bit more intense. the whole point of my post is that abstinence may work if you are conditioned by religion, or fear, or emotions. otherwise sex is fine as long as you know what you're doing and not pretending to turn it into a love.

Wlfwnd91 05-18-2007 01:59 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Necros140606 (Post 1529189)
the fact people who abstain have a lower divorce rate is because they believe in christian teachings, and separating is a sin.

Do you have proof that that's the reason divorce rates are lower? I personally think it would be because these people are closer because they waited. I have not met a single Christian who abides by the "Do not divorce" law set forth in the bible. They may agree that it's a sin to divorce, however very few abide by it.
Quote:

so it does not mean that if you abstain, your marriage will be better.
Of course it doesn't. People who abstain just tend to be stronger people with enough discipline to make things work even through the hard times. Cause not having sex is difficult, especially when you've been together a long time or are even engaged. And it's proven that sex is a big part of a relationship, so you can imagine that these couples who abstain are going through more than those who don't, so when they get into the marriage wouldn't they have a stronger ability to handle their problems?


Quote:

i personally see sex at the same level of kisses, because it's a way to please ourself and the partner. just a bit more intense. the whole point of my post is that abstinence may work if you are conditioned by religion, or fear, or emotions. otherwise sex is fine as long as you know what you're doing and not pretending to turn it into a love.
So when you have a wife(husband?) how are you going to show your love for them? Of course sex isn't the only way, but it's one of the most powerful ways. And if you get done making love to your spouse after you get married and you saw it as only a fun thing to do, what's she going to think? Sex is one of the most binding acts 2 people can engage in, and you rank it with kissing. I've chosen to re-abstain myself, yea I screwed up cause I went through some tough stuff and it was more of a drug for me and made me feel better, but what I'm getting at with this is.. I'm a Satanist. A religion whose philosophy is to enjoy your life and if that means having sex every 5 hours then do it. I chose not to have sex because of my own free will. No religion has effected my choice. Unreligious people chose to abstain too, so quit blaming Christianity.

GuidoHunter 05-18-2007 02:01 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Necros140606 (Post 1529189)
but it's all related with the alienation from reality caused by religion.

Mmmmm.... no. You say you read all of chardish's post (not a bit of which ever mentioned religion) and you still think that it's all religious? And somehow separated from reality, to boot? You clearly didn't read it all that well.

Quote:

the fact people who abstain have a lower divorce rate is because they believe in christian teachings, and separating is a sin.
Mmmmm.... no. While remarriage (note: not divorce) is a sin, that sure isn't stopping people. On top of that, not all Christians believe that remarriage constitutes adultery. As far as I know, that's just Cathlolics (there could be more, but not many).

It's more likely due to the fact that we emphasize the importance of marriage in such a way that people won't go into it lightly. They will think about the decision long and hard and will only go through with it if the person's truly right for them. I find that situation much more likely than a vast number of people staying trapped in relationships just for the sin aspect of it.

Abstinence only further edifies that feeling of knowing what you're doing is right.

Quote:

also, sex is still seen as something you should have to regret of
Well, too bad, because it always has been and always will be for people.

Quote:

(and it's all religion fault-mainly christinity)
Now you're just being bigoted against Christianity. This is Critical Thinking, so you really ought to think your points through.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

Necros140606 05-18-2007 02:36 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
the fact is i find it difficult to express myself being english not my native language. however, i read chardish post. just pointed out some aspects of what he said and posted what i thought. nice topic by the way. i love to meet other people's opinions

NarutoFoxDemon 05-18-2007 02:41 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Premarital Sex is against the bible, right?So why do it then?

talisman 05-18-2007 02:44 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
There are people who don't believe in the Bible, you know.

NarutoFoxDemon 05-18-2007 02:45 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Yeah, but I think it is safe to say a lot of people on here do

All_That_Chaz 05-18-2007 02:49 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
plenty don't too. never assume you're in the moral right.

stretchypanda 05-18-2007 02:51 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NarutoFoxDemon (Post 1529282)
Yeah, but I think it is safe to say a lot of people on here do

While I am pretty sure you're incorrect, even if the people who do not follow Christianity were in the minority on FFR, we cannot just push those people's opinions aside as unimportant because they do not agree with the majority.

You also should be making these decisions for yourself. Don't just say, "Well, the Bible says 'no', so I'm out." You should find out WHY you should hold yourself back from something that so many people say is amazing.

I'd also like to point out that "Well, the Bible says so" is not a legitimate response for a CT thread.

bhuntjr 05-18-2007 02:54 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
well, I don't believe in the bible. And for the most part. Mostly everyone that does, NOT ALL, but A LOT have premarital sex. I'm kind of indifferent about it though. I actually think that because people have some much sex with different people that they pretty much doom any marriage because after a while they want something else because they can bored with it. So....Yeah maybe its a good idea. Although, I've had my share of it and I'm pretty much IN LOVE with the girl that I have now and I could never leave her for those reasons...because it's not about the sex its about the person. But most people don't seem to get that.

csoup1414 05-18-2007 05:42 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by coolade123 (Post 1527920)
I saw Chardish make a huge post about this somewhere else but I want to see other peoples' opinions on this. What are the benefits of waiting until your married before having sexual intercourse, and are there any benefits of not waiting? I mean, you should always wait until your a certain age, but does getting married really make a difference?

Discuss.

well, i always wanted to wait until i was married incase of "accidents" like pregnancy...because im still in high school and i never want to have sex until im married, just in case, because im not going to ruin my education over some guy who would probably just use me anyway. i want to make sure im with the right person
IMO there are no benefits of having sex when you're sixteen or fifteen...no benefits except your mother screaming at you, you lying to her, and having to go on the maury show or something...and the only good thing about that is that you get on tv
there is nothing good about premarital sex unless you have complete control over your life and are out of school and are completely sure that the person you are with loves you enough and you love them

sgkoneko 05-18-2007 05:52 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by csoup1414 (Post 1529645)
well, i always wanted to wait until i was married incase of "accidents" like pregnancy...because im still in high school and i never want to have sex until im married, just in case, because im not going to ruin my education over some guy who would probably just use me anyway. i want to make sure im with the right person
IMO there are no benefits of having sex when you're sixteen or fifteen...no benefits except your mother screaming at you, you lying to her, and having to go on the maury show or something...and the only good thing about that is that you get on tv
there is nothing good about premarital sex unless you have complete control over your life and are out of school and are completely sure that the person you are with loves you enough and you love them

There's nothing wrong with waiting. I just don't think it's wrong if you can't either. People have urges and they may need to give in to them. Some people also have no desire to have sex whatsoever. They are probably lucky, because they are less likely to have diseases.
But abstinence doesn't make you immune to diseases. If your husband were to cheat and contract a disease, he may pass it on. Or he could have had a disease all along and didn't tell you, you get married, have sex, and now you have it.

Condoms. That's how you prevent diseases. Now, whether or not you want to have sex should be up to you and no one else(except the person you want to have sex with of course).

Why is this a debate?

Necros140606 05-18-2007 11:33 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1529213)
Mmmmm.... no. You say you read all of chardish's post (not a bit of which ever mentioned religion) and you still think that it's all religious? And somehow separated from reality, to boot? You clearly didn't read it all that well.



Mmmmm.... no. While remarriage (note: not divorce) is a sin, that sure isn't stopping people. On top of that, not all Christians believe that remarriage constitutes adultery. As far as I know, that's just Cathlolics (there could be more, but not many).

It's more likely due to the fact that we emphasize the importance of marriage in such a way that people won't go into it lightly. They will think about the decision long and hard and will only go through with it if the person's truly right for them. I find that situation much more likely than a vast number of people staying trapped in relationships just for the sin aspect of it.

Abstinence only further edifies that feeling of knowing what you're doing is right.



Well, too bad, because it always has been and always will be for people.



Now you're just being bigoted against Christianity. This is Critical Thinking, so you really ought to think your points through.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

by the way, there IS a reason why i said so. i live in italy you know, and the premarital sex is common thing. there's really no discussion here, i never known someone who abstained from sex till marriage. nay, we're pretty close to the death of marriage since our parliament is trying to approve some laws about the equiparance of marriage with the cohabitation.

the discussion about premarital sex belongs mostly to the USA, due to a different culture. i just tried to express my opinion about it. =)

AOL_blows911 05-19-2007 10:11 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NarutoFoxDemon (Post 1529260)
Premarital Sex is against the bible, right?So why do it then?

If I were you, I'd never post taht again in CT. Ever. I know it might be YOUR belief, which is fine, nobody here's going to slam you for it, but do NOT assume that because the Bible says so, we'll follow it. Also, do NOT assume that because there are next to no retards posting in this forum that we all believe in the Bible. For all you know, I'm Athiest. Or Muslim. Whatever. Besides, using the Bible for evidence to back up your posts is against forums rules here. Keep it to your own beliefs, don't impose on ours not ours.

Well, ranting aside, I only see 2 problems with premarital sex: Babies and STD's. Anyone can avoid getting pregnant, if you use the right precautions. Theres so many ways to keep yourself safe that your almost guarenteed to come out of it kid-free. STD's are a bit more tricky, but again, smart people get tested / ask their partner. Otherwise, I see absolutely no problem ih having sex before your married

kylehaas 05-19-2007 10:21 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
STD's.
And you go to hell.
And if you have kids, you completely screw their future.

chunky_cheese 05-19-2007 11:32 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
My grandma had my mom when she was 16 and my mom...

Okay so maybe my mom's really screwed up.

I think that if you both really know each other and are ready for this, and have really talked over the consequences, and the protection methods, and are commited to each other. Then I don't see why not.

purebloodtexan 05-19-2007 12:10 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kylehaas (Post 1530999)
STD's.
And you go to hell.
And if you have kids, you completely screw their future.

In case you weren't being sarcastic, I'll go ahead and respond.

Just because someone has premarital sex doesn't mean that they're absolutely filthy. They may only do it on days such as Christmas, V-day or their anniversary, and use protection anyway.
Read the whole thread. We're basically trying to keep religion out of this, because it can have little if no effect on premarital sex.
This is probably why the intelligent take measures to prevent ejaculation into the female, whether by condom or by withdrawal. Even so, it's not always the male that has the orgasm. Be mindful.

Anyway, sorry if I burned anyone's eyes, I can make it up later if I did, but it seems that sex at a legal age is a better topic of discussion than premarital sex. I mean, come on, I'm probably going to tap SOMETHING while I'm in college/before I'm married. Now, I'm not saying that those who don't wait until they're legal are cowardly or are lesser beings, but I just have to ask: Why can't you wait until the proper age? I mean, you don't have to have sex now, do you? In addition to that, it makes parents fuss even more than if you were legal, whether it applies to what Kyle claimed or not. Also, like I said, it seems more rewarding when you've waited that long to finally do the deed. I don't know, maybe waiting isn't exactly a rule to me, but a challenge.

devonin 05-19-2007 12:42 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Why can't you wait until the proper age?
I'm curious to hear how exactly you defend one particular age as "Proper age"

For one, any legality is usually concerned with comparative age, to stop adults from taking advantage of those too young to understand what they are agreeing to.

But what about when both people are under 18 (This number varies a lot by country and situation of course)? Should that actually be illegal? What's the reasoning behind that?

It is one thing to say "Wait until the arbitrary legal age where the government figured most people would be intelligent and mature enough to handle it" entirely out of a sense of, I don't know, civic duty, because you genuinely feel that violating any government law is wrong, but to somehow imply that the arbitrary number is any more or less "correct" than any other seems pretty foolish to me.

purebloodtexan 05-19-2007 02:40 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1531186)
I'm curious to hear how exactly you defend one particular age as "Proper age"

For one, any legality is usually concerned with comparative age, to stop adults from taking advantage of those too young to understand what they are agreeing to.

But what about when both people are under 18 (This number varies a lot by country and situation of course)? Should that actually be illegal? What's the reasoning behind that?

It is one thing to say "Wait until the arbitrary legal age where the government figured most people would be intelligent and mature enough to handle it" entirely out of a sense of, I don't know, civic duty, because you genuinely feel that violating any government law is wrong, but to somehow imply that the arbitrary number is any more or less "correct" than any other seems pretty foolish to me.

Proper = legal.

I'm not saying that it shouldn't be allowed, but why can't they just wait until they're 17/18*?

*17 is the legal age in Texas

devonin 05-19-2007 03:16 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by purebloodtexan (Post 1531418)
Proper = legal.

I'm not saying that it shouldn't be allowed, but why can't they just wait until they're 17/18*?

*17 is the legal age in Texas

Because the arbitrary age doesn't have any objective reasons why it exists and many people feel (correctly or incorrectly) that they are prepared for it in advance of that particular birthday.

Also...why is it "proper" just because the state government says it is? Have they ever given you any -reasons- why you should agree?

Velious 05-19-2007 04:59 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Get laid is great ;)

no seriously there are no real reasons to abstain from sex outside of morals

and if you have those morals you're dumb

end

TheRapingDragon 05-19-2007 05:02 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter (Post 1529170)
Who unwittingly engages in abstinence? It's a choice to develop a greater appreciation for sex with your spouse.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

Skipped a couple of pages, but I have to disagree with your point there. Sex is not something you put off until you have a piece of paper telling you that it is now ok to go to the next stage of physicality with your significant other. That, in my opinion, does not make either party more appreciative for sex.

I personally believe that holding off until marriage detracts from a relationship because you place it so highly, as if it is on a pedestal that you cannot touch until you have attained the heights of marriage.

Sex is you and your partner being comfortable enough with each other, and trusting each other to be totally committed to that person for life. Enough to give your body and soul. I believe that abstaining for the sake of marriage will eventually detract from a relationship. You are stunting your relationship by forcing restrictions until a certain time. By all means if that reason is that you aren't ready then that is proper. If that reason is because "sex isn't until marriage" then I believe you have the wrong ideals.

I am all in agreement with abstaining from sex until you are both ready, but that shouldn't be pre-determined by saying "we'll be ready when we are married". Marriage is a natural progression in a relationship that is destined to be for life whereas sex is a natural progression of trust and committment towards each other that should be nurtured rather than diminished.

Velious 05-19-2007 05:05 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
"Sex is you and your partner being comfortable enough with each other, and trusting each other to be totally committed to that person for life."

1 out of every 500 sexual encounters maybe

TheRapingDragon 05-19-2007 05:13 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I'm talking about in a serious relationship that will eventually become a marriage, I'm not talking about casual relationships.

This is a debate for sex before or after marriage so it is logical to presume I am talking about sex around marriage.

TheRapingDragon 05-19-2007 05:54 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Izlude77714 (Post 1531737)
your mom had no morals and thats where you came from

o shi!

im out guyz pece

This is critical thinking. If you continue to post in here like that then you'll probably get banned. If you aren't going to add anything to the debate then don't bother even coming in here.

talisman 05-19-2007 06:10 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
back to the 17 is the legal age in texas thing... really? two consenting 16 year olds can't have sex in texas? That's kinda crazy.

devonin 05-19-2007 06:58 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
That's actually strictly the case in almost all places. One of the funny things about how the law is written says that if two 15 year olds have sex, it is about 90% likely that the law rules that the female was just statutory raped.

The saving grace is that when both parties are below such ages of consent, it is incredibly unlikely that a parent will press charges, and almost no judge would rule that either party was in much of a position to be taking advantage of the other.

In a related story, there is a guy in I think Georgia (I think the thread might even have been on these forums) He was 19, he was having sex with a 17 year old, and is being charged with statutory rape, and could go to prison, and be forced to become a registered sex offender...

talisman 05-19-2007 07:31 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Yeah the star football straight A kid or whatever... I remember they videotaped the incident and it was clear that the girl was totally up for it, and he only got a blowjob, but the jury had no choice given the law.

And that's crazy if true about laws prohibiting sex between consenting minors. I knew of course that there were laws for sex between adults and minors, and certain age limits (aka 18 with 17 is ok because it's only one year), but I never knew there were actually laws that said you can't have sex at all until you're 17 or 18. In fact, that almost smells really fishy to me. Seems like an infringement on one's human rights.

purebloodtexan 05-19-2007 07:31 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1531480)
Because the arbitrary age doesn't have any objective reasons why it exists and many people feel (correctly or incorrectly) that they are prepared for it in advance of that particular birthday.

Also...why is it "proper" just because the state government says it is? Have they ever given you any -reasons- why you should agree?

I didn't mean to use "proper" the way you interpreted it, which is why I clarified it in my last post.

And when I heard about the legal age and whatnot, I just said "I don't see why not," and didn't question it any further. Sex when I'm legal seems just fine to me. Also, it might be just me, but by the age of 17, I can probably see that this is the woman I love and probably want to spend my adult life with.

It depends on what you view sex as, really. I see it as giving life to a child and limited recreation, not something I would do often. A phrase I use often: "You don't have to be politically correct."

devonin 05-19-2007 07:34 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by talisman (Post 1532004)
but I never knew there were actually laws that said you can't have sex at all until you're 17 or 18. In fact, that almost smells really fishy to me. Seems like an infringement on one's human rights.

Like I said, "One of the funny things about how the law is written "

I don't know that all that many places have explicit laws forbidding sex between two consenting minors, but since there is a law forbidding "sex with a minor" it doesn't distinguish whether the other person is or isn't a minor.

csoup1414 05-19-2007 07:45 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sgkoneko (Post 1529672)
Condoms. That's how you prevent diseases. Now, whether or not you want to have sex should be up to you and no one else(except the person you want to have sex with of course).

Why is this a debate?

yea, forgot that...i would always use one
well, unless i were trying to have a child...then what if i contract a disease that way?
well, unless its one thats treatable...then its not really that big of a problem, although i think id have a little talk to my husband lol
but if its aids...well, im in trouble arent i...because then my child would have it too

VampyressKyttie 05-19-2007 09:23 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
I'm Christian and had always wanted to wait until marriage but I didn't. I lost my virginity a few months before I turned 18 to a guy I had been dating for several months and I thought I was in love with him. I regret having sex with him because I realize now that I wasn't in love with him anymore. I have now been in a relationship for a year and 8months as of today, we are madly in love and when we "have sex" I feel so close to him and really loved.
I believe premartial sex is ok if your in love with somebody and if it makes you feel loved not just because it feels good eventhough it does, lol. However I do think that some people take it to far and whores are not ok. Nobody really wants to be with a whore in the long run so eventhough you may be getting a lot of ass you could be getting STD's plus any chance of finding real love goes out the window.

devonin 05-19-2007 10:13 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Yeah, your profile's interests of "My SEXIE BITCH of a boyfriend Shayne, sex, and sex with Shayne." certainly make you seem like a very prim and proper christian lass.

So...you wanted to wait until you were married, didn't, regretted not waiting, but now are continuing to not wait with an entirely different person? If the point of waiting until marriage is just as much emotional as it is physical, it's not like once you lost your virginity, you could no longer derive some "benefit" from waiting with the -next- guy until marriage...I'm a little confused about this.

purebloodtexan 05-19-2007 10:57 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1532016)
Like I said, "One of the funny things about how the law is written "

I don't know that all that many places have explicit laws forbidding sex between two consenting minors, but since there is a law forbidding "sex with a minor" it doesn't distinguish whether the other person is or isn't a minor.

I remember a thread about a couple (The girl was 16, the boy 17) sending naked pictures of themselves via e-mail. Somehow, it leaked out, and the boy was charged with indecent exposure to a minor. It depends on how they find out.

Indeed, it's a bit of a weird law, but I just don't see why I shouldn't follow it. I've had to wait until I was 14 to get driving lessons (Which I've only had one so far, and that was in December), I have to wait until I'm 16 to get a license, and I have to wait until I'm 21 to drink on my own*. Holding on to my virginity wouldn't kill me.

Quite frankly, I'm not even sure that I want to drink alcohol.

devonin 05-19-2007 11:10 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
And if they moved all the ages for all of those things to 25, would you just go "Ah well, I guess I'll wait longer" ?

purebloodtexan 05-19-2007 11:24 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1532692)
And if they moved all the ages for all of those things to 25, would you just go "Ah well, I guess I'll wait longer" ?

That's the thing, they're NOT going to move it to 25, so it's no concern to me.

VampyressKyttie 05-19-2007 11:33 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1532485)
Yeah, your profile's interests of "My SEXIE BITCH of a boyfriend Shayne, sex, and sex with Shayne." certainly make you seem like a very prim and proper christian lass.

So...you wanted to wait until you were married, didn't, regretted not waiting, but now are continuing to not wait with an entirely different person? If the point of waiting until marriage is just as much emotional as it is physical, it's not like once you lost your virginity, you could no longer derive some "benefit" from waiting with the -next- guy until marriage...I'm a little confused about this.

I never said I was prim and proper but I am Christian and I did want to wait until marriage. When Shayne and I started dating I told him I wanted to wait and he waited until I said it was ok. I have been with him a long time, we are in love, and plan on getting engaged soon. Therefore I see nothing wrong with us making love.

devonin 05-19-2007 11:46 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
If you don't see the flaws in that logic, pointing them out again won't likely do anything, so I won't bother.

Moving right along then...To Purebloodtexan: Says who? The problem here is that you're saying "I'll do what the law says, for no reason other than the law says so" So my question is: What happens if the law changes to something you think is nonsense? Do you still do it anyway? Do you protest? Do you ignore the law?

VampyressKyttie 05-20-2007 12:11 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
devonin you seem to have a lot to say about other peoples views so how about you tell us all what you think.

purebloodtexan 05-20-2007 12:19 AM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1532804)
If you don't see the flaws in that logic, pointing them out again won't likely do anything, so I won't bother.

Moving right along then...To Purebloodtexan: Says who? The problem here is that you're saying "I'll do what the law says, for no reason other than the law says so" So my question is: What happens if the law changes to something you think is nonsense? Do you still do it anyway? Do you protest? Do you ignore the law?

Well, you do have a point there, but just because I'm following the law for no definite reason doesn't mean I'll just stick to it. If it gets to anything THAT nonsensical, unless I'm married and about to have a child, I'll go ahead and do the deed.

I've seen many movies, articles, etc. about rebellions, revolutions and revolts. They broke the laws as quickly as they followed them because of an unjust change in rules or the way the government runs. Although not on such a large scale, I'd probably do the same.

devonin 05-20-2007 01:24 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
See, the point I was trying to get at is that you -do- in fact have other reasons for agreeing with the age limit in your state. Up until just now, the only basis for your stance was "The rules tell me so" which isn't an especially compelling argument. Now that you've at least implied that you internally -agree- with the logic that says you aren't ready until that age, you've expressed your viewpoint in a much better way.
Quote:

devonin you seem to have a lot to say about other peoples views so how about you tell us all what you think.
My view should be pretty obvious given the kinds of points I've raised about other people's posts. I find the vast gulf in difference between the ages at which the government has "decided" we are "ready" to do things to be patently absurd.

You're "ready" to go into the military in the US, be trained, armed and sent out to kill people for three full years before you are "ready" to drink a beer.

You're "ready" to be put behind the wheel of a multi-ton high-powered vehicle, and take it out into residential areas for -five- years before you are "ready" to drink a beer.

As of the age of -12- you are considered to be past the "Age of Reason" where you can tell fantasy from reality, and are considered reasonable and intelligent enough that your testimony is acceptable in even capital-crime law cases involving the death penalty.

It is accepted that you are intelligent, reasonable, and able to think for yourself for four years or more before you are considered "ready" to do basically everything else that has an age control? This seems absurd to me.

I made what I consider to be a perfectly reasonable and thought-out decision to have sex for the first time when I was 14. I don't regret it, I'm not ashamed of it, and I -certainly- don't think I was too young or immature to make the decision.

Obviously your mileage may vary, people become mature at different rates which is why a single age at which the law says you are "ready" is both completely arbitrary, and unfortunately the only way, short of having no age limit at all, to possibly control such things.

purebloodtexan 05-20-2007 01:41 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1533970)
As of the age of -12- you are considered to be past the "Age of Reason" where you can tell fantasy from reality, and are considered reasonable and intelligent enough that your testimony is acceptable in even capital-crime law cases involving the death penalty.

I thought it was 14, or is this another case of "it varies by state"?

devonin 05-20-2007 01:46 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by purebloodtexan (Post 1534022)
I thought it was 14, or is this another case of "it varies by state"?

Hmm...I may even have over estimated.

Quote:

Age of reason, in psychology, is the age where a child is capable of carrying on complex conversation with an adult, usually around seven years but can be as high as fourteen years.
Quote:

In the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Churches, the age, usually around seven or eight years old, when children are considered capable of understanding and participating in the sacraments.

MRTL_mrclean17 05-20-2007 02:30 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Not having premarital sex is like buying a car without test-driving it first.

And this thread looks familiar... Wasn't this done before?

VampyressKyttie 05-20-2007 02:41 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1533970)
I made what I consider to be a perfectly reasonable and thought-out decision to have sex for the first time when I was 14. I don't regret it, I'm not ashamed of it, and I -certainly- don't think I was too young or immature to make the decision.

Obviously your mileage may vary, people become mature at different rates which is why a single age at which the law says you are "ready" is both completely arbitrary, and unfortunately the only way, short of having no age limit at all, to possibly control such things.

Ok so I'm wondering why you gave me **** for having sex at 17? Yes I regret it now because I realize I wasn't in love with him but I thought I was. We had been together for almost a year and he had asked me to marry him but he was mentally abusive. I had sex with him because at the time it felt right. After I broke up with him I feel in love with the best guy in the world. He loves me, cares for me, and treats me well. We plan on getting married after college and have been together almost 2years. With him it's not just sex it's making love, being with him makes me feel like nothing else matters and the moment is just about our love.
I don't see any flaws with what I have done or my point of view. Everyone should have sex when they are in love and feel the time is right, never before then.

FaintScent 05-20-2007 03:02 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Although I'm Catholic... It wouldn't matter to me, I would just say if you really are in a deep realtionship, then go for it if you want to. Just be careful.
Benifits:
- You got laid .. Lmao
- More sexual experience?
- Something special I guess in a good realtionship.

Disadvantages:
- You didn't wait for someone who you think is the "one".
- Babies...

jewpinthethird 05-20-2007 03:03 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
You shouldn't have premarital sex because it makes white Jesus cry.

Seriously though, there are plenty of good arguments not to have sex before marriage...but really, if it's consensual, I don't see the harm as long as no one gets pregnant or contracts an STD (as long as they are smart about, as stated earlier in this thread).

TheRapingDragon 05-20-2007 03:06 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FaintScent (Post 1534342)
Although I'm Catholic... It wouldn't matter to me, I would just say if you really are in a deep realtionship, then go for it if you want to. Just be careful.
Benifits:
- You got laid .. Lmao
- More sexual experience?
- Something special I guess in a good realtionship.

Those are not good reasons to have sex in a meaningful relationship. How about to deepen emotions, for trust (to give yourself to each other), for committment, for love.

Quote:

Disadvantages:
- You didn't wait for someone who you think is the "one".
- Babies...
That is really bad logic. So if you don't wait until marriage then you "didn't wait for someone who you think is the "one"". What of those who believe it is the one and so they take it further and have sex.

Pikachu655 05-20-2007 03:15 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
to be honest if you want to be stupid go at it just when you have 10 children and you can't pay for them all DO NOT ask for my help! thats becuase you should be married before Boneing some one AND you should be married or engaged be for say the all to commonly used line: I LOVE YOU! but thats a discussion for another thread... some one should start it!

TheRapingDragon 05-20-2007 03:22 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pikachu655 (Post 1534400)
to be honest if you want to be stupid go at it just when you have 10 children and you can't pay for them all DO NOT ask for my help! thats becuase you should be married before Boneing some one AND you should be married or engaged be for say the all to commonly used line: I LOVE YOU! but thats a discussion for another thread... some one should start it!

Ok, first of all I'm trying to read what you wrote in order to address your points.

First: We would not go to you if we had children, from your posting you would be a horrible contact point, though if I ever needed someone to be able to speak in a child-like manner to my children then I'll give you a call.

Second: "Boneing" someone. Ok.

Third: You do not have to be engaged or married to love someone. Wow that is insanely bad thought processing right there. Love should not be constricted by paper, by a ceremony, or by anything apart from how you both feel towards each other. Don't be so stupid as to try to combine love and marriage as one and the same.

ashleychauntel 05-20-2007 03:36 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pikachu655 (Post 1534400)
AND you should be married or engaged be for say the all to commonly used line: I LOVE YOU! but thats a discussion for another thread... some one should start it!


Can't say I agree with that at all. Be engaged or married to tell someone that you love them - um, excuse me, that is a bit over the top. You can care about people and love people and not marry them.

As for premarital sex: I personally agree with several statements - as long as those involved are INFORMED, and they know what they are doing, in regard to how sex can can affect them emotionally, and CONSENTING to participate in sexual activity and understand the CONSEQUENCES that can be involved in regard to reproduction and STD's then premarital sex should not be a huge issue.

I do understand how religion can affect some people's choice to wait until marriage and that's fine too. BUT religious views and ties aside, premarital sex is something personal that can be shared between people that love each other and care about each other. If it feels right then who is to say it is wrong? I'm not saying "Go be a whore!" I'm saying, use your own judgment and your head and your heart to make personal calls for yourself. Everyone is different and what feels right for some people may not for others. I think that engaging in sex responsibly should not be looked down on so harshly.

devonin 05-20-2007 03:55 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by VampyressKyttie (Post 1534224)
Ok so I'm wondering why you gave me **** for having sex at 17?

I didn't give you **** for having sex at 17, I pointed out that you said "I was going to wait, but then I didn't, and I regret not waiting, but then utterly failed to wait yet again with someone else"

Pikachu655 05-20-2007 04:16 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon (Post 1534418)
Third: You do not have to be engaged or married to love someone. Wow that is insanely bad thought processing right there. Love should not be constricted by paper, by a ceremony, or by anything apart from how you both feel towards each other. Don't be so stupid as to try to combine love and marriage as one and the same.

Your right no ceramony needed, no paper needed marrage shouldn't be some slip of paper say something like: You married untill a divorce is done, or somthing like that but i do think that there should still be a line somwhere on saying i love you. most break ups where this line has been said are VARY nasty or somthing along those lines. there is also some one in the radio bussness who constantly mocks, argues and just is a total jerk on this and here is a link to his web site if you'd like to take a look.

Website: www.blowmeuptom.com

TheRapingDragon 05-20-2007 04:25 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pikachu655 (Post 1534570)
Your right no ceramony needed, no paper needed marrage[/color] shouldn't be some slip of paper say something like: You married untill a divorce is done, or somthing like that but i do think that there should still be a line somwhere on saying i love you. most break ups where this line has been said are VARY nasty or somthing along those lines. there is also some one in the radio bussness who constantly mocks, argues and just is a total jerk on this and here is a link to his web site if you'd like to take a look.

Can I please direct you to the rules of this section:

Quote:

3. Please, use spellcheck, or atleast form sentences that make sense. Pretend that you are writing an Essay for class.
This is the internet, you have a dictionary and everything at hand so use them.

Also, saying I love you is purely based on emotions. If you love someone then you will know, and if you know then you will tell them when you feel the time is right, marriage shouldn't even be part of the sentence.

VampyressKyttie 05-20-2007 04:47 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by devonin (Post 1534491)
I didn't give you **** for having sex at 17, I pointed out that you said "I was going to wait, but then I didn't, and I regret not waiting, but then utterly failed to wait yet again with someone else"

I didn't fail the second time I knew I wasn't gonna wait until I was married because Shayne and I are not going to get married until after I am done with college because of the financial aid I am on, I will lose it if I get married. I knew that I was not going to wait 5+ years to have sex with Shayne but I did wait until we had been together for awhile, we were and still are in love, and the time felt right. I do not regret having sex with Shayne at all, we do it quite frequently and we don't do it just for the fun factor we have sex because we enjoy being close with eachother and that connection we have. There is nothing wrong with being in a long term relationship, being in love, and making love, so you can stfu now thanks you.

Pikachu655 05-20-2007 04:55 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon (Post 1534596)
Can I please direct you to the rules of this section:



This is the internet, you have a dictionary and everything at hand so use them.

Also, saying I love you is purely based on emotions. If you love someone then you will know, and if you know then you will tell them when you feel the time is right, marriage shouldn't even be part of the sentence.

Internet, reasorces WHO GIVES A S***! people make mistakes! and also not every one follows the rules in fact if i could i'd bet 50,000 credits that you broke the rules at least once. (Note: the bet would include any other accounts that you have previously had.) I can't accualy issue this bet becuase i don't sit on the internet all day.

TheRapingDragon 05-20-2007 05:01 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pikachu655 (Post 1534738)
Internet, reasorces WHO GIVES A S***! people make mistakes! and also not every one follows the rules in fact if i could i'd bet 50,000 credits that you broke the rules at least once. (Note: the bet would include any other accounts that you have previously had.) I can't accualy issue this bet becuase i don't sit on the internet all day.

Stop trying to flame and get on topic. In the critical thinking most people care about you using resources such as a dictionary as it means they can understand your posts. This is CRITICAL THINKING. Read those words carefully. Anywhere else your posts would be fine but this is supposed to be of a higher level of intelligence.

This does not involve me, I am trying to be fair with you here and tell you that you are breaking the rules so that perhaps you will change instead of ending up banned. Also, life card is invalid here, sorry.

Back on topic now, honestly.

VampyressKyttie - He wasn't attacking you. It's just the whole thing of "a fault for the first time is a mistake, but a fault for the second time is a failure." If you don't want to wait until marriage (pretty evident) then don't and continue not. He was just asking (in a roundabout way) why you broke your belief for a second time. You've explained it though so no worries.

devonin 05-20-2007 05:08 PM

Re: Premaritial Sex
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon (Post 1534772)
VampyressKyttie - He wasn't attacking you. It's just the whole thing of "a fault for the first time is a mistake, but a fault for the second time is a failure." If you don't want to wait until marriage (pretty evident) then don't and continue not. He was just asking (in a roundabout way) why you broke your belief for a second time. You've explained it though so no worries.

I was also trying to point out that she said she had sex with the first guy "Because she thought they were in love" and later regretted it because, in hindsight, they actually weren't, but -this- time "She knows they are in love" when "knows" is really just the present tense of "Thought" and that for all she can actually say now, two years from now she may continue regretting this one as well.

My point was trying to be "I'm going to wait until I'm married because it is the right thing to do....unless someone comes along and I -really- want to" isn't an exceptionally strong reason.


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