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Premaritial Sex
I saw Chardish make a huge post about this somewhere else but I want to see other peoples' opinions on this. What are the benefits of waiting until your married before having sexual intercourse, and are there any benefits of not waiting? I mean, you should always wait until your a certain age, but does getting married really make a difference?
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Hmmm...I'm a Catholic, so we're supposed to wait. I personally agree with this for the most part. I think it would be hard to stop yourself from having sex if you're deep in a relationship.
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I don't believe it makes a difference. I believe the person I am with is my soul mate, the person I will be with forever. We are happy together and saw no reason to wait.
I also know that both my sisters are in happy relationships and never waited, and same with my parents. As such, I really see no reason in waiting so long as you are with the person you believe you will be with forever. Waiting until marraige is like putting a third party controller into your life who dictates when and how you can do something. You should be adult and be able to make your own decisions. I say that because if you choose to have sex before marriage then there should be no reason against it. |
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I think its okay to have sex before your married as long as you trust and love the person your with. My mom never married and in fact, shes not with my dad now. I should look him up....anyways, some people never want to get married.
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EDIT: I can't read =\
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Sex is fun. Don't have kids unless you plan on staying together. Just be smart. There's really no reason to wait. Any reason to wait is a fabricated moral issue. Sex doesn't have to be about morals, it can just be fun.
oh and pntballa, alias said "look up," not "lock up," haha. |
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I agree with Chaz to be perfectly honest. I think there are 2 reasons to have sex: for fun, and for love. So many people take away the fun of sex by having it because they feel insecure, or unloved, or unmanly, or uncool, blah blah blah. If you bang cause it's fun then it'd be so much more enjoyable for everyone. I think sex is fine without marriage, because I personally don't believe in marriage. If you love someone then you love someone, no piece of paper or deity needs to complete that.
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chardish pretty much hit all the good points in his post, so for reference: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...=56956&page=33 --Guido http://andy.mikee835.com |
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There are benefits to having sex before, and after marriage. I don't consider this topic a big deal at all. If someone wants to have sex before they're married, it's their choice. However there may be consequences.
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Alright. I wasn't going to take this all that seriously, but Chardish's thoughts deserve more thought. Everyone should read his post before commenting on this subject, and thanks Guido for the link. I was kidding when I said that there's no reason not to wait, but that moral ones are fabricated, which is of course in the eye of the beholder.
I'm going to post in the other thread, as it's more developed and has some other things I want to touch on. |
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As for me: I'm waiting until the proper age. Not only is it a fun challenge to wait until I'm legal, but it'll also be more rewarding when I finally get the goods.
TheRapingDragon and other members above me have made a good point about trusting the woman you do the deed with, and I believe that either the long relationship or marriage is the sign that I can trust the woman. As for other people: I'm not one to judge people by how early their virginity is lost; if they want to start early, be my guest and have fun. However, it's usually the sex freak that I tend to frown upon. I mean, maybe you and your girlfriend are out one night, it's romantic, you're kinda frisky, go ahead and make sweet love to her. But I've heard stories about couples that argue almost daily, apologize, have make-up sex, repeat. That's what I consider to be the crossing point. |
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If two (or more!) people are up for it, then why not?
Sex can be a lot of things to a lot of people. One can view it as a deeply rewarding expression of love with a sacred partner or one can view it as recreation. Both views (and all those in between) are equally valid. This is somewhat tangential to the topic at hand, but people should at least respect the sexual decisions that other people make and not judge them for it. Don't think someone's a prude because they are abstaining and don't think someone's a whore because they enjoy casual sex. |
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I just had my first time last week, I never thought of it as bad until my girlfriend pointed it out.
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Have you noticed that the people not getting any are the people who make such a big deal about it and take it so seriously?
Poor Chardish |
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its all about what you believe
same with abortion but thats another topic |
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As for my point, you were making it sound like abstinence was some sort of heavy burden that's bringing you down, when it's not like that at all. --Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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Who unwittingly engages in abstinence? It's a choice to develop a greater appreciation for sex with your spouse.
--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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Might not be a common issue, but I've seen it. |
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...I made a mistake >.< lol |
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after seeing chardish post, i'm trying to explain my opinion. all the deal about premarital sex started because of christian puritanism. everyone has their beliefs and stuff, i personally don't believe in god and in the catholics teachings. they just appear to me like psycological limitations. i must admit there ARE some advantages in abstinence before marriage, but it's all related with the alienation from reality caused by religion. the fact people who abstain have a lower divorce rate is because they believe in christian teachings, and separating is a sin. so it does not mean that if you abstain, your marriage will be better. also, sex is still seen as something you should have to regret of (and it's all religion fault-mainly christinity), not like a sign of love or even physical attraction alone. i personally see sex at the same level of kisses, because it's a way to please ourself and the partner. just a bit more intense. the whole point of my post is that abstinence may work if you are conditioned by religion, or fear, or emotions. otherwise sex is fine as long as you know what you're doing and not pretending to turn it into a love.
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It's more likely due to the fact that we emphasize the importance of marriage in such a way that people won't go into it lightly. They will think about the decision long and hard and will only go through with it if the person's truly right for them. I find that situation much more likely than a vast number of people staying trapped in relationships just for the sin aspect of it. Abstinence only further edifies that feeling of knowing what you're doing is right. Quote:
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--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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the fact is i find it difficult to express myself being english not my native language. however, i read chardish post. just pointed out some aspects of what he said and posted what i thought. nice topic by the way. i love to meet other people's opinions
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Premarital Sex is against the bible, right?So why do it then?
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There are people who don't believe in the Bible, you know.
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Yeah, but I think it is safe to say a lot of people on here do
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plenty don't too. never assume you're in the moral right.
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You also should be making these decisions for yourself. Don't just say, "Well, the Bible says 'no', so I'm out." You should find out WHY you should hold yourself back from something that so many people say is amazing. I'd also like to point out that "Well, the Bible says so" is not a legitimate response for a CT thread. |
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well, I don't believe in the bible. And for the most part. Mostly everyone that does, NOT ALL, but A LOT have premarital sex. I'm kind of indifferent about it though. I actually think that because people have some much sex with different people that they pretty much doom any marriage because after a while they want something else because they can bored with it. So....Yeah maybe its a good idea. Although, I've had my share of it and I'm pretty much IN LOVE with the girl that I have now and I could never leave her for those reasons...because it's not about the sex its about the person. But most people don't seem to get that.
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IMO there are no benefits of having sex when you're sixteen or fifteen...no benefits except your mother screaming at you, you lying to her, and having to go on the maury show or something...and the only good thing about that is that you get on tv there is nothing good about premarital sex unless you have complete control over your life and are out of school and are completely sure that the person you are with loves you enough and you love them |
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But abstinence doesn't make you immune to diseases. If your husband were to cheat and contract a disease, he may pass it on. Or he could have had a disease all along and didn't tell you, you get married, have sex, and now you have it. Condoms. That's how you prevent diseases. Now, whether or not you want to have sex should be up to you and no one else(except the person you want to have sex with of course). Why is this a debate? |
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the discussion about premarital sex belongs mostly to the USA, due to a different culture. i just tried to express my opinion about it. =) |
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Well, ranting aside, I only see 2 problems with premarital sex: Babies and STD's. Anyone can avoid getting pregnant, if you use the right precautions. Theres so many ways to keep yourself safe that your almost guarenteed to come out of it kid-free. STD's are a bit more tricky, but again, smart people get tested / ask their partner. Otherwise, I see absolutely no problem ih having sex before your married |
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STD's.
And you go to hell. And if you have kids, you completely screw their future. |
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My grandma had my mom when she was 16 and my mom...
Okay so maybe my mom's really screwed up. I think that if you both really know each other and are ready for this, and have really talked over the consequences, and the protection methods, and are commited to each other. Then I don't see why not. |
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Just because someone has premarital sex doesn't mean that they're absolutely filthy. They may only do it on days such as Christmas, V-day or their anniversary, and use protection anyway. Read the whole thread. We're basically trying to keep religion out of this, because it can have little if no effect on premarital sex. This is probably why the intelligent take measures to prevent ejaculation into the female, whether by condom or by withdrawal. Even so, it's not always the male that has the orgasm. Be mindful. Anyway, sorry if I burned anyone's eyes, I can make it up later if I did, but it seems that sex at a legal age is a better topic of discussion than premarital sex. I mean, come on, I'm probably going to tap SOMETHING while I'm in college/before I'm married. Now, I'm not saying that those who don't wait until they're legal are cowardly or are lesser beings, but I just have to ask: Why can't you wait until the proper age? I mean, you don't have to have sex now, do you? In addition to that, it makes parents fuss even more than if you were legal, whether it applies to what Kyle claimed or not. Also, like I said, it seems more rewarding when you've waited that long to finally do the deed. I don't know, maybe waiting isn't exactly a rule to me, but a challenge. |
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For one, any legality is usually concerned with comparative age, to stop adults from taking advantage of those too young to understand what they are agreeing to. But what about when both people are under 18 (This number varies a lot by country and situation of course)? Should that actually be illegal? What's the reasoning behind that? It is one thing to say "Wait until the arbitrary legal age where the government figured most people would be intelligent and mature enough to handle it" entirely out of a sense of, I don't know, civic duty, because you genuinely feel that violating any government law is wrong, but to somehow imply that the arbitrary number is any more or less "correct" than any other seems pretty foolish to me. |
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I'm not saying that it shouldn't be allowed, but why can't they just wait until they're 17/18*? *17 is the legal age in Texas |
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Also...why is it "proper" just because the state government says it is? Have they ever given you any -reasons- why you should agree? |
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Get laid is great ;)
no seriously there are no real reasons to abstain from sex outside of morals and if you have those morals you're dumb end |
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I personally believe that holding off until marriage detracts from a relationship because you place it so highly, as if it is on a pedestal that you cannot touch until you have attained the heights of marriage. Sex is you and your partner being comfortable enough with each other, and trusting each other to be totally committed to that person for life. Enough to give your body and soul. I believe that abstaining for the sake of marriage will eventually detract from a relationship. You are stunting your relationship by forcing restrictions until a certain time. By all means if that reason is that you aren't ready then that is proper. If that reason is because "sex isn't until marriage" then I believe you have the wrong ideals. I am all in agreement with abstaining from sex until you are both ready, but that shouldn't be pre-determined by saying "we'll be ready when we are married". Marriage is a natural progression in a relationship that is destined to be for life whereas sex is a natural progression of trust and committment towards each other that should be nurtured rather than diminished. |
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"Sex is you and your partner being comfortable enough with each other, and trusting each other to be totally committed to that person for life."
1 out of every 500 sexual encounters maybe |
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I'm talking about in a serious relationship that will eventually become a marriage, I'm not talking about casual relationships.
This is a debate for sex before or after marriage so it is logical to presume I am talking about sex around marriage. |
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back to the 17 is the legal age in texas thing... really? two consenting 16 year olds can't have sex in texas? That's kinda crazy.
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That's actually strictly the case in almost all places. One of the funny things about how the law is written says that if two 15 year olds have sex, it is about 90% likely that the law rules that the female was just statutory raped.
The saving grace is that when both parties are below such ages of consent, it is incredibly unlikely that a parent will press charges, and almost no judge would rule that either party was in much of a position to be taking advantage of the other. In a related story, there is a guy in I think Georgia (I think the thread might even have been on these forums) He was 19, he was having sex with a 17 year old, and is being charged with statutory rape, and could go to prison, and be forced to become a registered sex offender... |
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Yeah the star football straight A kid or whatever... I remember they videotaped the incident and it was clear that the girl was totally up for it, and he only got a blowjob, but the jury had no choice given the law.
And that's crazy if true about laws prohibiting sex between consenting minors. I knew of course that there were laws for sex between adults and minors, and certain age limits (aka 18 with 17 is ok because it's only one year), but I never knew there were actually laws that said you can't have sex at all until you're 17 or 18. In fact, that almost smells really fishy to me. Seems like an infringement on one's human rights. |
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And when I heard about the legal age and whatnot, I just said "I don't see why not," and didn't question it any further. Sex when I'm legal seems just fine to me. Also, it might be just me, but by the age of 17, I can probably see that this is the woman I love and probably want to spend my adult life with. It depends on what you view sex as, really. I see it as giving life to a child and limited recreation, not something I would do often. A phrase I use often: "You don't have to be politically correct." |
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I don't know that all that many places have explicit laws forbidding sex between two consenting minors, but since there is a law forbidding "sex with a minor" it doesn't distinguish whether the other person is or isn't a minor. |
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well, unless i were trying to have a child...then what if i contract a disease that way? well, unless its one thats treatable...then its not really that big of a problem, although i think id have a little talk to my husband lol but if its aids...well, im in trouble arent i...because then my child would have it too |
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I'm Christian and had always wanted to wait until marriage but I didn't. I lost my virginity a few months before I turned 18 to a guy I had been dating for several months and I thought I was in love with him. I regret having sex with him because I realize now that I wasn't in love with him anymore. I have now been in a relationship for a year and 8months as of today, we are madly in love and when we "have sex" I feel so close to him and really loved.
I believe premartial sex is ok if your in love with somebody and if it makes you feel loved not just because it feels good eventhough it does, lol. However I do think that some people take it to far and whores are not ok. Nobody really wants to be with a whore in the long run so eventhough you may be getting a lot of ass you could be getting STD's plus any chance of finding real love goes out the window. |
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Yeah, your profile's interests of "My SEXIE BITCH of a boyfriend Shayne, sex, and sex with Shayne." certainly make you seem like a very prim and proper christian lass.
So...you wanted to wait until you were married, didn't, regretted not waiting, but now are continuing to not wait with an entirely different person? If the point of waiting until marriage is just as much emotional as it is physical, it's not like once you lost your virginity, you could no longer derive some "benefit" from waiting with the -next- guy until marriage...I'm a little confused about this. |
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Indeed, it's a bit of a weird law, but I just don't see why I shouldn't follow it. I've had to wait until I was 14 to get driving lessons (Which I've only had one so far, and that was in December), I have to wait until I'm 16 to get a license, and I have to wait until I'm 21 to drink on my own*. Holding on to my virginity wouldn't kill me. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure that I want to drink alcohol. |
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And if they moved all the ages for all of those things to 25, would you just go "Ah well, I guess I'll wait longer" ?
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If you don't see the flaws in that logic, pointing them out again won't likely do anything, so I won't bother.
Moving right along then...To Purebloodtexan: Says who? The problem here is that you're saying "I'll do what the law says, for no reason other than the law says so" So my question is: What happens if the law changes to something you think is nonsense? Do you still do it anyway? Do you protest? Do you ignore the law? |
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devonin you seem to have a lot to say about other peoples views so how about you tell us all what you think.
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I've seen many movies, articles, etc. about rebellions, revolutions and revolts. They broke the laws as quickly as they followed them because of an unjust change in rules or the way the government runs. Although not on such a large scale, I'd probably do the same. |
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See, the point I was trying to get at is that you -do- in fact have other reasons for agreeing with the age limit in your state. Up until just now, the only basis for your stance was "The rules tell me so" which isn't an especially compelling argument. Now that you've at least implied that you internally -agree- with the logic that says you aren't ready until that age, you've expressed your viewpoint in a much better way.
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You're "ready" to go into the military in the US, be trained, armed and sent out to kill people for three full years before you are "ready" to drink a beer. You're "ready" to be put behind the wheel of a multi-ton high-powered vehicle, and take it out into residential areas for -five- years before you are "ready" to drink a beer. As of the age of -12- you are considered to be past the "Age of Reason" where you can tell fantasy from reality, and are considered reasonable and intelligent enough that your testimony is acceptable in even capital-crime law cases involving the death penalty. It is accepted that you are intelligent, reasonable, and able to think for yourself for four years or more before you are considered "ready" to do basically everything else that has an age control? This seems absurd to me. I made what I consider to be a perfectly reasonable and thought-out decision to have sex for the first time when I was 14. I don't regret it, I'm not ashamed of it, and I -certainly- don't think I was too young or immature to make the decision. Obviously your mileage may vary, people become mature at different rates which is why a single age at which the law says you are "ready" is both completely arbitrary, and unfortunately the only way, short of having no age limit at all, to possibly control such things. |
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Not having premarital sex is like buying a car without test-driving it first.
And this thread looks familiar... Wasn't this done before? |
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I don't see any flaws with what I have done or my point of view. Everyone should have sex when they are in love and feel the time is right, never before then. |
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Although I'm Catholic... It wouldn't matter to me, I would just say if you really are in a deep realtionship, then go for it if you want to. Just be careful.
Benifits: - You got laid .. Lmao - More sexual experience? - Something special I guess in a good realtionship. Disadvantages: - You didn't wait for someone who you think is the "one". - Babies... |
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You shouldn't have premarital sex because it makes white Jesus cry.
Seriously though, there are plenty of good arguments not to have sex before marriage...but really, if it's consensual, I don't see the harm as long as no one gets pregnant or contracts an STD (as long as they are smart about, as stated earlier in this thread). |
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to be honest if you want to be stupid go at it just when you have 10 children and you can't pay for them all DO NOT ask for my help! thats becuase you should be married before Boneing some one AND you should be married or engaged be for say the all to commonly used line: I LOVE YOU! but thats a discussion for another thread... some one should start it!
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First: We would not go to you if we had children, from your posting you would be a horrible contact point, though if I ever needed someone to be able to speak in a child-like manner to my children then I'll give you a call. Second: "Boneing" someone. Ok. Third: You do not have to be engaged or married to love someone. Wow that is insanely bad thought processing right there. Love should not be constricted by paper, by a ceremony, or by anything apart from how you both feel towards each other. Don't be so stupid as to try to combine love and marriage as one and the same. |
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Can't say I agree with that at all. Be engaged or married to tell someone that you love them - um, excuse me, that is a bit over the top. You can care about people and love people and not marry them. As for premarital sex: I personally agree with several statements - as long as those involved are INFORMED, and they know what they are doing, in regard to how sex can can affect them emotionally, and CONSENTING to participate in sexual activity and understand the CONSEQUENCES that can be involved in regard to reproduction and STD's then premarital sex should not be a huge issue. I do understand how religion can affect some people's choice to wait until marriage and that's fine too. BUT religious views and ties aside, premarital sex is something personal that can be shared between people that love each other and care about each other. If it feels right then who is to say it is wrong? I'm not saying "Go be a whore!" I'm saying, use your own judgment and your head and your heart to make personal calls for yourself. Everyone is different and what feels right for some people may not for others. I think that engaging in sex responsibly should not be looked down on so harshly. |
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Website: www.blowmeuptom.com |
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Also, saying I love you is purely based on emotions. If you love someone then you will know, and if you know then you will tell them when you feel the time is right, marriage shouldn't even be part of the sentence. |
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This does not involve me, I am trying to be fair with you here and tell you that you are breaking the rules so that perhaps you will change instead of ending up banned. Also, life card is invalid here, sorry. Back on topic now, honestly. VampyressKyttie - He wasn't attacking you. It's just the whole thing of "a fault for the first time is a mistake, but a fault for the second time is a failure." If you don't want to wait until marriage (pretty evident) then don't and continue not. He was just asking (in a roundabout way) why you broke your belief for a second time. You've explained it though so no worries. |
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My point was trying to be "I'm going to wait until I'm married because it is the right thing to do....unless someone comes along and I -really- want to" isn't an exceptionally strong reason. |
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