Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

So you few the female -permitting- a male to have sex with them to be a -reward-? You're rather implicitly putting women above men (no pun intended) in terms of sex. Is that your intention?

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

Ugh. Wrote a long explanation then accidentally hit backspace. tl;dr:

I'm still a virgin and I crave for that fairy tale first time where the partner I love is a virgin, we have an amazing learning experience together, and we continue to do..it. Yes, I know it's a hit or miss and I've realized that. As of late, I've been comfortable knowing that the person I want to "give myself to" isn't a virgin since I know that fact won't change our relationship.

If fate unfolds in the usual manner, though, I'll probably have the same mindset that Grandi posted: have sex with those who are available, but be smart about it.

Response to OPs question: See Tokzic's chart.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

First of all - "sweet, romantic pain"? You've got to be kidding me. There's nothing romantic about pain. This is a perfect example of virgins with tunnel vision. EVEN THE PAIN WILL BE SWEET AND ROMANTIC, GUYS. SEX IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Second, and mainly, you're very confused if you think most promiscuous people just bang total strangers. One of my cardinal rules is to only have sex with friends whom I trust. It's dumb for you to have sex with people you don't know. Like I said before, your friends won't lie to you if they have HIV, and if they would, you need new friends.

Just clueless enough to have not had sex before. First time, the guy's probably going to come really quick, and the girl rarely comes at all thanks to the pain (assuming she hasn't stuck a dildo in before, but since she's saving herself, I'm going to go ahead and assume she hasn't). Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

If you consider orgasm the goal, your first time is going to be a failure.

OH YEAH, one more thing:

Let me tell you something about people who "wish they had waited". These are people with all the emotional intelligence of a child, who lack the ability to rationalize why they're feeling what they're feeling. These are people who blame their crappy first fuck on not doing it with their (likely not) penultimate lover. These people were so enthralled by the idea of a magic rollercoaster that when they didn't get it, they don't come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist, they think they screwed it up.

What these people don't realize is that they are mistaken. Their first time would be just as bad no matter who they waited for. When one person can't perform, the experience is bad, and just like someone you throw on a guitar for the first time, or anything else, you can't expect what they do to sound even mildly pleasant.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

And while your first time will be at least a little painful, anecdotal evidence from a fairly large number of female friends suggests that the first time won't be nearly so painful as it would have been, say, 100 years ago, when women were kept indoors and protected their whole lives.

The hymen tends to be either broken or mostly broken already for modern girls simply because of the years of running around, playing sports, riding bikes etc.

I'm pretty sure none of the girls I know could have put a bloody bedsheet outside the morning after to show that they were still virgins.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

No, it wasn't my intention. It could happen with both sexes. Although, there are some stereotypes and double standards that are just a nuisance to stay away from, hence hardcore modern-day feminists and masculinists(?) usually annoying me.


Edit: Gah! A strangely active forum at the time. Submitted and saw two new posts pop up.

Pain can be sweet and romantic. Sex can be beautiful. What's... so... weird about that?

I didn't say that that's how it's usually done. However, I think a lot of promiscuous people still do it with almost complete strangers, though I'm not certain how often that is compared to with different friends.

Agreed.

Honestly, these are exactly the type of things that do not matter in a passionate, long-lasting relationship, as I'd assume they'd be over the shallowness and distorted reality of perfection in one another and, thus, perfection in each other's first performances.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

Well, someone viewing their own participation in sex as a reward for their partner (And not vice versa) is exactly what creates so many of the societal hangups we have about sex.

If it was viewed intrinsically as a meeting of equals, the whole question of this thread becomes moot. You can only be a "slut" if you are "wasting" the "reward" that you have to offer by giving it "too freely" as compared to some arbitrary standard of just how much sex is "too much" sex.

Since the type of person to call someone else a slut tends to be relatively sexually conservative, they tend to set that bar pretty low.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

So wait.

You're saving yourself for this amazing first time.

But you know your first time is going to be bad.

...

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

I've been trying to express that I don't put such a stark emphasis on first times. I think that with most people concerned about having a good 'first time', what they really mean is it being something meaningful and with someone who you could continue to have more, progressively better 'times' with them. But I'm positive it won't be bad assuming I know, trust, am comfortable with, and love the person.

What's weird to me -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- is that you almost sound like you treat sex with others as a means of... practice? o.o; ...which is an odd way of viewing sex that I would never want to partake in.
And this 'practice' is all in the name of what...? Are *you* saving up for something? Is it just that, when you do find someone you truly care about, you don't want to scare them away by being 'bad'? I'm being sincere here; I don't really understand your reasoning. Is there some deeper reasoning to promiscuity than temporary gratification in both participants?

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

My reasoning goes something like this:

- Sex is fun, and harmless when done the right way.
- Thus, I am going to have sex when it strikes me.

I don't foresee any long-term relationships in my future (not to say they aren't possible, but my guess is they aren't going to happen), and I am definitely not thinking to myself, "I should get as good at sex as possible so I can please my one true love someday!"

Long story short: No, there's no deeper reasoning.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

By reserving a large emotional importance on your first time, when it actually happens in the way you want it to it's going to feel extremely good, whether or not the sex is physically pleasing.

If you regard sex in a purely physical manner, and the physical part isn't good (as it's not likely to be between virgins), then you have nothing but disappointment.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

Except that the point is that if you acknowledge that the first time is going to be bad, and then it is, you don't have disappointment because you knew it would be going in.

See...there's also a difference between "attaching emotion to sex" and "attacking emotional importance to your first time"

If you attach a huge emotional importance to your first time, and your first time is bad, you say "But because the emotion you wanted is there, it will still feel -extremely- good" which I wholeheartedly disagree with.

If you posit that the first time will be mechanically and physically -bad- due to the inexperience etc, claiming that being very heavily emotionally invested in your "first time" as an incredibly deep and meaningful experience seems to me like it would have the opposite effect.

It would be -worse- for you because you put the act up on such a high pedestal, and then had a -bad- first time.

Having something be built up in your mind and then be underwhelming at all tends to make you feel worse than if you had no such high expectations ahead of time.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

intellectual discussions are for ******s

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

so many good posts, i wonder how much time it will pass before i can be as fluent as you guys. grandiagod's post pretty much nailed it.

in addition, i do agree that having some boundary with the person you're having sex with is significantly better than someone who randomly pops up for a night, but it still depends on how many psichological constructs through years have imposed on our conception of sexuality. unrealistic expectations are a no-no, but being in a relationship in which the sexuality is lived in a simple, free and open way and there is trust between the partners is the most satisfying thing.

long story short: my first time was kind of weird. i had never used condoms before, and couldn't feel anything. like it is expected, she experienced some pain and lost some blood, but since none of us had such extremely high expectations, none of us has been let down, and we took that as an experience.

referring to passivegirl: although it's not realistic to say that a pain can be sweet (it's more like a literary connotation), it IS a fact that someone who has feelings for you will try to be more considerate and soft than someone who just goes for one time and doesn't give a **** about how you feel. to go from this to say that one must be the only one for life though, it's completely irrational and childish (not that you said it, but some people do). so, i guess you're half right. but the best memories will still remain either the ones with the persons you are emotionally involved the most, or the ones with the persons you had the most intense or memorable sex.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

I don't understand why everyone is saying that it isn't going to feel good the first time. Whether its emotionally or physically or whatever. Out of personal experience It felt great the first time, and it lasted maybe 15 minutes or something. Not sure if that's pathetic for a first time, but I really don't care. She was certainly satisfied a few times over. It felt great that time and it still feels good after a countless number of times. Not sure what you people are doing wrong.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

Anecdotal evidence != general standard

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

By this logic, the best way to get enjoyment out of life is to create fake emotional connections to anything you can predict the outcome of, so that when it happens in the way you want it to, you receive fuzzy emotional feel-good fluff.

Making a connection that doesn't exist is not the way I want to get enjoyment out of my life. It's kind of pathetic to me, really.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

I'm a bit lost... Can you please specify these emotional connections and then explain how they're fake?

There's no point in me responding unless I feel I have a full understanding of what you are saying here.

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

uhm the following is EXTREMELY offtopic and may be a bit innapropriate (if you think so just tell me and ill remove it) but:

is eating a girl out seriously that difficult to do first time? it doesnt look like theres anything that difficult about it...

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

its like eating ice cream bolth

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.
 

Everyone's harder on themselves. To find out whether you really believe you're a whore is to judge yourself as if you were another person, and if you approve of that person (you... technically) as a human being, there's your answer.

Now, regarding everything else discussed as a result of the initial topic, some people aren't too bad the first time. Some people are naturals (i.e. me and Izzy [the Official Gamewhores apparently]) ;D