Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

While the idea of such filthy substances being legal gives me the creeps i think it may actually be the only real solution... a portion of the population will always be looking for things to get high to for different reasons. Instead of getting it from drug dealers who fuel the black market, you get it from the state itself and at the same time get educated about the dangers of what you're getting into. There is so much intentional misinformation about drugs and drug effects it's disgusting to even think about it. Smitty, stay strong. I really mean it, you'll get out of this nightmare. And i have the feeling this will teach you a great life lesson shaping what you will become from now on. If you can save other people from what happened to you, by all means do so. That only increases the respect i have for what you're doing right now.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

A lot of this guilt stems from the fact that i gave this drug to others unknowingly. I poisoned my ex gf and a part of me thinks i made her hate me because of it. This k2 / spice made me reach the brink of physically assaulting sarah and i think she still knows that. When i saw her take a hit and literally not be able to speak or move a muscle i became frustrated and wanted to attack out of psychosis.

Knowledge is power. Never stop saying

For the record no i never assaulted her but there were many times i teetered between the edge of sanity and wanted to strike her in the face or was so doped up that i wanted to just walk away for 24 hours and think. There was no relationship while she lived with me, it was all based on k2. Sex, productivity, cooking a meal with someone you love, seeing a movie, nothing is real when youre addicted to spice.

And here goes again. I sit here wondering why high tyde is open right now and i wonder why im not on my way there buying a 6 gram bag of 'pure fire'. Sickening. Just let this pass

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

When I feel an impulse to abuse something, I try to isolate it from the rest of my mind. If I don't, I'll integrate with it. I'll start thinking rationally and start making an argument for doing it. When it's isolated, you label it in your mind as a radical compulsion, and look at it like you would a sick patient at a hospital. Dissect it. Why does it feel so impulsive, this gesture to want to go out and abuse something? Keep it as distanced from your rational thinking as you can and you should be able to keep it pushed aside.

The same disciplines I've used for resisting hunger when eating was not in the equation, physical pain, emotional impulses, all of that have been a result of control by isolation. It might be hard to control your mental heirarchy if you're in a dreadful mood, but do your best to relax as much as you can, so that it's ripe to be organized. Goodluck~ doing great so far.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

i read all of this in complete awe. especially that you got dev pregnant.... poor christan....

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good morning update. Just woke up i feel less foggy but my head hurts i want to smoke. and there is a shitload of snow on the ground. I'm going to make some coffee and make a snowman haha. I'm sure all the spice shops are closed today so it's a relief that this can be a day that i know everyone won't be abusing / dying.
Poor Christian? Do you not stop Sarah, no you don't, ever. Poor christian nothing, i'm looking at this as a great thing to help drive me out of addiction, not "poor christian".

"I hope you feel better.. i guess"

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Make sure you get the snowman's gender just right, otherwise someone might mistake it for a snowoman.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Make it transgender

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

quite a propos lol

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

It's a pussy excuse for a snowman but whatever i had fun earlier. It is not transgendered. Having kind of a hard time right now with my thoughts i have anxiety and my hands keep sweating everytime the urge comes on to smoke. I called high tyde and hpt and they are both open serving spice all day regardless of the monstrous snow, so sad.
Ive been watching a lot of ultimate factories so far the best episode has been peterbilt.
These men really know what theyre doing on the job it's kind of insane to see. That's been keeping me pretty busy and of course the wii but i'm so burnt out on lego star wars and lego pirates of the caribean that i could just scream. This kid refuses to play wii sports... sigh hangin in there still clean

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Hang in there bro, and instead of obsessing about what the drug sellers are doing, try to focus on other activities. vent a lot, the people around you care and will help you through this. How many days have you gone without?

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Its hard not to think about what they are doing since it's everywhere in my area and it's what all the fuss is about. I really need to move if my gf gets a promotion and moves this summer i will go too. There is nothing in my mind saying a change of environment would be a bad thing. I have been venting a lot i don't want to be a bother if i can avoid that by not rambling as much.
Today has been really weird i'm wondering if i'm getting real sleep at all because things are seeming 'trippy' and colors are REALLY colorful now. Going to go on a tour at the anheiser busch factory with Dev so i forsee me being drunk at some point in the day. It's been 6 days clean but it feels like forever.

Don't smoke k2 one way ticket to hell

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I had a dream sometime this past couple of years that was all about the colors. They were so vibrant and beautiful and full of awe. I've never had any sort of synesthesia at all, so it was a really neat, unique experience.

You can vent and ramble as much as you want...unless you think it's bad for you, in which case don't.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

A friend of mine went into rehab for being addicted to RC-drugs. The withdrawal effects are not even funny to watch when you reach a certain amount (2 pure joints an hour).

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I noticed one of my old friend slow process into getting clean. I remember him as being a heavy drug user to the point of abuse and damage (on himself and the rest). Didn't know the guy beforehand but I remember at some point during his detox some suggested that he should fill the spare time with things he never had the time to undertake.
You know it sounds fucking cliché, but he used to make some pretty awesome oil paintings and was a fervent admirer of Hieronymus Bosch's works. Small coincidence (but then again who isn't fascinated by the man?).

I've strayed far from drugs all my life, but I've seen a few of my friends succumb to the social confinement their lifestyle forced them into. You are wise to decide not to bend to it, but fighting your inner urges requires a shit ton of self-control/discipline, which drug addiction is known to wear out completely. Your social take on the industry is actually quite motivating, and I'm glad some users like you are aware of its influence.
Be sure to seek the proper emotional support, and get the fuck out of this sludgy environment asap.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

If only the government and workforce treated marijuana like alcohol, terrible things like this wouldn't need to happen.

Always glad to see someone take control of their life though.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I am willing to take the heat for this, but everyone in the community was doing an excellent job helping Smitty along, and it was a very healthy release for him. I am going to reopen this thread in hopes that people continue to be mature and aid in his speedy recovery, even if it is just emotionally/mentally.

Zeldagurlfan: if you return to this thread with the same intentions as before, consider yourself banned for the forums for not only inciting drama, but for also having insulting and rude behavior to users and disregarding staff instruction as I am giving you a warning now.

Everyone else, keep up the great work; I'm glad to see you all coming together to help someone out.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I've been thinking about how to contribute to this thread, but it's been a pretty steep process doing so. I really don't know what else to say other than you're doing a great job at keeping yourself under control, and should continue in doing so. I'm 100% certain this speaks in favor of your personality gleaning itself to one piece again, with success awaiting you at the end of the road.

If I may suggest you another option of keeping yourself busy at a time like this, go for what I call music-hunting on YouTube. Look up new artists, different music styles and what effects they might have on you. There are so many artsy gems out there, it has become a pretty unpleasant feeling to me when thinking of all the people who do not know about what's really out there, even if it rather sounds like I'm (yet again) accrediting my own music taste. But for this music, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself up emotionally. Its impact on me has been this great.

The music I'm referring to is chillwave / abstract or instrumental hip-hop / lo-fi / experimental electronic / new age jazz / ..., made by Nujabes, Flying Lotus, Pogo / Nick Bertke, Uyama Hiroto, DJ Okawari, Vanilla, Teebs, TOKiMONSTA, Gramatik, Mononome, Brock Berrigan, DJ Ezasscul, Amon Tobin, ... the list goes on and on. Also OSTs of games I played way back then and classical music accommodate me in keeping things smooth in my mind.

Obviously there are dozens of different genres that may have the same effect on you as this music has on me, but, try-hard inspirational sentence rite here, I've found the music for my soul and you should too if you haven't yet.

God bless

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Related to Xayphon's post, rCaliberGX VALOR also posted a thread asking people to post music that they feel is cathartic: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=134852

You might find an interest in that as well.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

xayphon pretty much summarized my thoughts on this. though it sounds a bit cliche, music can have a much more profound effect on your mind than most people think.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yo smitty, hows it goin?

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Not so good im still sober but im really angry and getting angrier. If i smoked id most likely have a heart attack so that's so far out of the question. I might be going to the recovery center on tuesday to check myself in because i can't keep feeling this way.
My weight is down about 10 pounds too which is also worrying me. Cool that this thread is open again. Little more important to me than i thought. Was hard yesterday not having this to refer back to when i had urges

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

You are at the last stage of the withdrawal effects. If you fuck this up you dun goofd

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Keep doing strong baby! Glad you're going into recovery center, that will def help. How many days has it been now?

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Withdrawal can last for months. I'm hoping it won't for me though. Yeah i won't fuck this up that would be the wrong decision on so many levels. Thank you mollo it's been a week+ and through this recovery a few of my friends have hopped on the bandwagon and are now trying to taper themselves off of herbal incense. I have a lot of concern still about this drug as my friend drew was imprisoned for 15 months and went straight back to it upon release. It is that addicting.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

You must know very well that addiction is not only pshisical, but psychological too. Some people, which i'm pretty sure excludes you, now that you've decided to change, know no better. They do drugs to fill some major mentality/personality flaws (or what their subconscious perceives as such); they keep doing them cause the drug brought them to think they want it. It's a very personal matter and it changes from person to person, and mine are mere speculations. But in all honesty, from the lighter to the hardest drugs, the bottom line is always the same: learn to respect and love yourself for who you are, and you won't need any of that shit.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

This thread title has caught my curiosity for a while now, and I've finally decided to take a look at it...

And wow..

Best wishes, though. Like everyone said, you're in for quite a journey, but you're already making definite steps in the right direction!

Nice of you to keep the thread alive with updates and all. Keeping giving yourself such support will get you to places.

We haven't talked much (if at all), but all I have to say as a a fellow member of this community is

Be a survivor, smitty!

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yeah addictions suck. It's a weird thing, wanting. It's not the same as enjoying. The worst drugs are the ones that leave you just wanting them, not even enjoying them.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yeah i know that addiction is both physical and psychological. I still feel aches and pains in my bones and definitely in my spine so the physical became a realization quick. Right now it's still a mental battle. One minute at a time.
Lady keeps trying to feed me painkillers i was like how the fuck are painkillers going to make me feel any better right now coming out of addiction? Kind of had a mini freak out but it's cool now i think i'm getting a better grip on my emotions and anger as the drug is exiting my system, although i have always had anger problems since i was young.

Hey there. Thank you kindly i appreciate that. A journey is an understatement though.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Ask for painkillers like tramadol where the potential for abuse is much lower given that it is a weak opioid antagonist.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

My gf does not have tramadol dude, but i understand that tramadol would be acceptable at this time.

I should say that i just had an extreme urge to smoke about 15 minutes ago but i went and got subway and now i'm watching uncle grandpa online with the little man.
This show is fucking weird

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

It's really great that you're managing to take urges and turn them into something meaningful (spending time with what's almost your stepson's pretty meaningful.) I mean really good. You should be proud of yourself.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yeah idunno if an opiate would be something to reach out to at a time like this if you think you have the potential to reattach your dependence to something/replace. Tramadol would be a safe thing to help you ease off the symptoms of the withdrawl but things can go bad quick if you dose too high/try to abuse it (I think anything over 400mg is seizure territory IIRC).

If it were me I'd suggest kratom tea over any pill because the simplicity of popping one is part of the reason they can grow habitual (imo at least, in some situations). Teas in general seem to be relaxing you and adding kratom to a brew would give you therapeutic benefits if needed.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

meditate bro

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Well i used to watch christian while his momma went out and did her things so it was never a problem then i had sex with her and felt like i HAD to watch after him. i started to have feelings for Devi and asked her if she was interested and she was, for quite some time prior but i had another gf at the time. He's a brat but really nice when he wants to be or is getting something out of it. He gets bad marks in school every day on his daily report which means no wii but we always give it to him anyways so he is also spoiled to the high heavens.
Spen, they sell Kratom extract pills at high tyde and hampton pipe tobacco but i never thought they were worth a shit. Can i break the capsules open and make a tea with it? I really don't want to go back to those stores for anything. Fojar, i do meditate sometimes while i'm trying to fall asleep. I put myself in a desert oasis situation or i picture myself on a perfect island beach. Really helps

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Don't bother then. If you can't get fresh kratom semi-locally (from vendors who ship directly from Borneo/places where kratom is grown) don't waste your time.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I love me some opiates, but the last time I had them is when I broke my hand. Had a great 4 day long haze, cold turkey'd with next to no noticeable withdrawal symptoms.

I do remember when I was on them for like 4 months though, that just wasn't fun at all.

Really, the only drug I struggle with quitting is nicotine. Even alcohol is pretty easy nowadays to go on and off with.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Nicotine's one of the most addicting drugs out there, at least when it's smoked. Or, in this thread I suppose I should say most psychologically addicting.

That term seems like a misnomer though, makes people think that the 'psychological addiction' isn't also a brain process. It, in fact, is, and it's what gets studied the most by researchers who look into addiction. Fun fact: ADHD drugs, if smoked or injected are highly addictive, it's just that when you take them as a pill the drug gets ingested more slowly and so it doesn't trigger the same addictive reaction.

The good thing about all this though is that, as we all know, psychological addiction can be overcome, which of course in turn rearranges or regrows whatever neuronal connections that got messed up.

In general, addictive substances are ones which strongly affect this 'psychological', craving part of your brain. Physiological dependence to a drug is something different, like when your body's regular functions start getting messed up because you're not longer high. Like excessive sweating, nausea etc

I like alcohol but I've never found drinking to be anymore addictive than any other bad habit I've had. Far less habit-forming than some things.

Hopefully the psychological part of your spice addiction won't be so bad.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I'm just going to be completely drug free right now i heard kratom can become addicting in itself. I used to see empty kratom packages all over the bonsai parking lot as well as empty Co2 cartridges.

Haha when i got my tonsils removed i had like 5 refill scripts for liquid opiates. Some sort of codeine. Was a bitch to kick but nowhere near what i still feel from herbal incense. I still smoke cigarettes now but it's like the desire has just left i don't even want to smoke much anymore i just want to smoke spice.



And an overall update, Yeah i still just want to smoke synthetics i think about it all the time. Last night was fun though i bought some lego ninjago sets for kid and he was so happy lol that made me feel good and his mom was like "that's the nicest thing anyone else has ever done for him in so long" and she cried a bit. He's so smart they are already assembled.. like wtf. :'P I feel like i want to abuse more when i'm alone i hope that goes away because i can't always be with people.
Still sober and eating a sausage biscuit. Lets go broncos lets go!

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

you can be with people a lot of the time, though. sounds like you're doing that about as much as possible already, which should be a great thing. I'd say look for any opportunity to replace time alone with time spent around people.

good choice & good choice

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good to hear about the lego set, kids fucking love those (I know I did, was the best thing ever). The mental part of the battle is in your hands, and I think you can do a good job at confronting temptation and giving it a big cold shove.

ps: headshop kratom likely has synthetic drugs or at least a super high extract of the main alkaloids, and is generally shit quality; judging on the fact that you see those cartridges laying around (those are nitrous cartridges) it's kids/teenagers getting a legal buzz with whatever means they can. That is really sad to see actually. Butye, I'm definitely with you on the drug-free end of thing. Before you do anything that has psychoactive properties just take a moment to reflect and imagine the consequences of doing so later on.

The withdrawl seems rough, I think there's definitely some residual depersonalization that will remain there until you are really at your peak performance. The dissociated phase is grounds for symptoms of many other things (mood swings, irrational anxieties, twisted perceptions), like I've mentioned before, if you disconnect yourself from those, and pretend it's almost like your mind is watching a movie, it shouldn't be too hard to remember it's an effect that is not you, yourself doing.

A lot of people act on irrational compulsions because they cannot tell themselves that it is not them who wishes to do x and x, but they tend to give a description of a more schizophrenic outline (despite whether or not it is. They might be a very strongly faithed person and think it is a God who is generating the irrational thoughts).

Anyhow no need for me to ramble about that too much because your head seems to be good and well, but practising sorting through the bad thoughts and trying to get rid of them is always good, and/or reshaping them into positive ones.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good luck bro

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

if you're thinking about pills to help, things like that, go see a doctor lol.
people suggesting tramadol, etc... wow. not the place to get medical advice here hehe

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

stay strong man. get to that detox facility as soon as possible, but stay with people until then. you're gonna be better off if you have a support system around you and don't have access to any of that shit.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

He said he didn't want to take the painkillers offered to him, and it is safe to assume he was offered the more widely known highly abusable strong opioid receptor agonists. (Hydrocodone, morphine, codeine, hydromorphone, etc.) If the pain (which is not chronic) is enough to make things unbearable, I see no reason to suggest tramadol, a significantly weaker opioid agonist that is known to be less abused. In order to get the euphoria equivalent to one of the former, one would have to take a lot more of them at once. Like, A LOT more. I would hope for someone like smitty who has obviously shown addictive tendencies with substances that he is trying to overcome, that feeling the need to pop 10+ pills would be a clear indicator that you are addicted to something you had not intended to be, and while I wouldn't necessarily put it past smitty to succumb to eating a copious amount of pills to fuel an addiction, I would find it less likely that it would be the case as it is a synthetic opioid meaning non-narcotic, which was specifically intended to target pain while not being abused.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yeah i'm still spending a lot of time with people definitely my friends and my gf when she gets off work. It's cool getting her son on the bus each morning it's an extra responsibility that i need right now it's just tough when there is idle time like right now. Finding more to do is on my priorities list still. haha i love sausage buscuits only the buttermilk kind though not jimmy dean.

Yeah man i had a lot of legos when i was young it's all i did was play legos and draw. He seems obsessed with them for right now so i didn't mind buying that. His mom says as long as he is off the mindcrack she's content. I constantly told her he seemed a little young for mindcraft so she took away his kindle and bought the wii. Addictions man!
And yeah i'm staying away from that kratom i definitely feel a bit of depersonalization lingering and cloudy thinking off and on still wondering when it's going to fade completely. Just keeping busy with anything and everything i can.

Thank you dore and welsh girl hangin in there.



Little update. Eating better but still thinking about herbal incense the same amount. I tried to talk to high tyde yesterday night and he thought i was a police officer and didnt want to say anything.. so i wasted 2 dollars on a bridge toll, not ever going back there. It's official that whatever is going on there is just downright illegal right now so nothing else to say about that.
Staying busy with drawing and reading a bit. I bought 'Xenocide' by orson scott card. Pretty good so far third book in the Ender's game series if anyone wants to read. My cigarette consumption has dropped to like 10 cigs a day which is insane and my breathing is getting better.
Spice makes you cough up black and green shit and that stopped as well. The health improvements are making me feel so good physically but i still want to abuse inside. Maybe treatment can help me really get to the bottom of why that feeling is there. Going to check out the center tomorrow and make sure they offer a good well-balanced program.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

It's great to see that there is some improvement in health. I did notice you smoking cigs when we skype'd several days ago but at the moment I thought well, it's not spice... I think it's nice that you're lowering cigarette consumption as well. Keep it up!

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Move to an ecig when you can manage~ even better. But the progress so far is good, keep up up. If you have the discipline to be as good as you are at FFR you can discipline yourself for this shit~

Also it's good to hear he's sucking time into lego, part of the reason my mind is the way it is today is because of hours of engineering elaborate plots and creative devices with the lego sets I'd been given. Maybe even issue him a challenge sometime. Say "make yourself a dream house" or something of the sort. I always enjoyed those kinds of activities.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I recently bought one of those MatchFree™ smoke pens and they work well i just have to get used to hitting it and i need to find a spot to buy re-fills. Hits more harsh than a hookah honestly. Ffr discipline is not comparable to getting clean from spice. I am doing this because i thought that i was going to die soon, which i most likely was because i had giant lumps in my forehead and temples that were not supposed to be there.
I think they came from the awkward skull pressures. Dude i'm stoked he is into lego he only plays with the ninjago and city sets right now but once he gets more into it i will give him challenges because it's hard to build much with ninjago. A lot of the pieces are move-able joint connections. I can see why it expanded your mind i feel the same about my own i literally spent 7-8 hours a day building lego / erectorset / knex shit.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

You don't need to see a doctor don't forget to PM me : ) Much love for everyone here, also quitting smoking cigs would be a revolution for your body lol.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Smitty, I've never talked to you, nor you me, but reading this thread and everyone's responses has given me the motivation to also say words of encouragement.
Good luck kicking your addiction fully, and it's excellent that you've been able to keep this progress up.
As well, thanks for the constant updates; I'm sure others will agree when we say it's great to hear about your progress.

Best of luck!

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

hope everything's okay bryan <3

you can do it :)

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Hello and thank you i went to the recovery center yesterday (it's 1:20 am here) and they did not offer what i wanted. It was religion based entirely and i knew that from the point i walked in. A disappoint but i am starting to believe i can kick this on my own if i keep at it i think i have been doing great. I only worry that medical supervision is supposed to be a thing to have while withdrawing from spice.
The concerns about why i still think about it are there too, but i'm making it, one day and step at a time.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Smitty hasn't posted in this thread in 4 days so I'm assuming he is busy with other things on his mind. Regardless, stay strong.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Important update that is the cure for this cancer. As of tonight at midnight all herbal incense at every outlet available for purchase must be removed from the shelves / cases in the state of Virginia. I have been crying for everyone all day, because now they can all be free again. When i called the outeredge/hightyde/hpt/magictime shops, they have all said they no longer are selling it or will ever be selling it.
I do feel a bit sorry for what is to come for the zombies, this shit is still kicking my ass withdrawal wise. What else.. oh yeah i guess tomorrow at 6 they are doing some report on herbal incense on channel 3 so that furthers the severity of the situation. I have still been keeping productive i signed up for a second class of arc and MIG welding and a forklifting class just because i have always wanted to learn so i'm excited for that! Everything just feels so real again in my mind, forgive me for not posting at all recently.
Other than physical aches and pains (which suck so fucking bad), and thinking about smoking, i feel about 60% better.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Smitty that is incredible to hear. It's about time this shit stops ruining peoples' lives, and you've been handling withdrawal like a boss. I hope you have a good time with those classes too!

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Oh WOW! That's amazing really! The system might actually work.

Glad my other guess was totally unfounded...I should delete it.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Wow! That's really great to hear, I hope people who are using it can get back on track. Really nice to hear you've been doing better too, I think everyone here is wishing the best for you :)

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good morning. Just ate some breakfast and i loved it and then i started thinking about spice and now i'm shaking and panic-like.. how is this even possible. I'm still really frustrated and i feel anger at even the smallest stimulus it's like one day is great the next is un-realistic. Feeding my mind with videos is seeming to help at the moment so i'll share a few random ones that were worth bookmarking and trust me i have seen a lot of them these are horrible

Yeah i don't like this one.

And i'll post the video description to this next one so you don't have to click outside. Reading it made me feel really fortunate i have only been on it a year and i'm nothing like this, how could his wife even want to stay for as long as she did.

"This is Daniel. Daniel and I have been.. were.. married for 7 years. I've known Daniel for 11 years. I have 2 children with him. Daniel is addicted to synthetic marijuana. Daniel could not go two hours total without having to use more synthetic marijuana. Without the synthetic marijuana Daniel would get very sick and also hostile. Every penny we had went towards his abuse not only hurting himself but also me and my children. Daniel was not always like this. Synthetic Marijuana has unknown chemicals in it that have been told to cause permanent psychosis along with hallucinations and sickness. The label clearly states not for human consumption but today anyone will do anything to get themselves high. Daniel was not strong enough to stop his addiction and in doing such, lost himself, me and his two children along with his life. He now lives with his mother whom enables him, rent free and living paycheck to paycheck. He lost his life and everything that was good in it. This is one example of how he made the choice to loose his family. THIS along with many numerous other occasions along with getting arrested, led me to leave. There were also times far worse than this occasion in which Daniel would go into a psychotic mode and at points not at all make sense, roll his eyes for minutes and speak about things that never happened or were impossible.
I'm putting this on here for anyone that has this problem with someone they love and care about. Sure, synthetic marijuana could be worse. it could be meth.. right? But your wrong. An addiction is an addiction.. Run while you can. I waited for him to get better for more than 4 years.. it only got worse. Even with my counseling, rehabs, jail, hiding money.. Just.. run. Save yourself and your children."

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good morning. I'm feeling at an all time low right now and it's time for a last resort. Spenner i am going to go buy kratom at high tyde. They would not give me info over the phone but they include pamphlets so i will post some information on it after i purchase.
You get like 15 grams of 50X kratom for 30 bucks or they have capsules i think i'm going to make tea out of it since the tea form is supposed to really help opiate withdrawal. Guys.. why just why

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Hi Smitty!

Just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you for trying to kick the habit. I don't have personal experience smoking the stuff, but I saw what it does to people.

My sister started smoking spice around the end of high school. My parents and I tried and tried to get her to stop but everytime we pushed to seperate her from the drugs she pushed to seperate from us. Eventually it got so bad she just up and left after having a fight about it with my dad. We thought okay, she'll be back in a day or two, but the days turned into months and the months into years.

She left for almost 2 years and lived on the streets in Kensington Philadelphia, living off thrown out doughnuts from the dumpster of a dunkin doughnuts. She emptied her bank acount, was held up at knife point, traded her car for drugs, and stole from stores generating warrants for her arrest. Eventually she gave up almost everything for the habit.

This is going to sound really cliché, but when she was pretty much at her lowest point (she admits that she thinks she was dying), a preist in Philly found her, talked to her and virtually nursed her back into somewhat decent health. He was able to get our information out of her, we were able to convince her to go into rehab, which she did.

And when she got out of rehab, she went right back to it.

It absolutely crushed my parents.

It took us another year and a half to finally get her to stop. She's 23 now, and basically lost 5 years of her life to synthetic marijuana. But the good news is she finally turned the corner about a year ago. She finally decided that it was time to stop, that the drug was ruining her life.

After seeing it, I'm convinced that the synthetics have such a strong addictive hold over people that nothing anyone else does can get them to stop once they've become addicted. The desire to stop has to come from the addicted person.

Reading through here I know you've already made that decision. It's going to be hard, but you can do it Smitty.

Here's hoping a story helps out on a tough withdrawl day.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

That's quite a story manti... I am very sorry your family had to go through your sisters addiction i am glad she was able to recover and make the choice to stop. Even though the choice is made, the drug can always grab you back at any time. They banned spice a few days ago and a few shops ALREADY came out with new blends, i just bought one.. but i have not yet smoked. I really wish i didn't buy it i should throw it away.. just knowing they had it there i had to that's how powerful synthetics are.


I just got back from high tyde i don't want to relapse i'm worried i should just use the kratom i have 30 capsules where are you spenner you seemed knowledgeable about extract

The back of the kratom reads as:

All natural Full Spectrum
Kratom Powder & Extract

• Relieves Minor Pain*
• Relieves Minor Stress*
Active ingredients: Mitragyna speciosa

Use with caution, Do NOT use while operating a
motor vehicle or heavy machinery. Do NOT take
if you are pregnant or nursing.

*These claims have not been evaluated by the FDA, and this product is
not intended to treat, prevent, cure, or diagnose any illness.

Not for sale to minors.

The back of Black Diamond reads as:

This product complies with all federal and state legislation. Not for human consumption. For aromatherapy use only. Does not contain any jwh, cp, hu, am, or win compounds.

Contains - A proprietary blend of herbs & spices composed of turnera diffusa, verbascum thapsus, along with natural and synthetic scents. Essential oils and aromatic enhancers. The manufacturer and seller of this product takes no responsibility or liability for the incorrect or misuse of this product.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I know Kratom is used to appease opium withdrawl or anti-depressant meds. Acts like morphine but with actual psychological benefits. Might be good to alleviate your case considering there's not much side effects to its usage, especially if it is natural and infused, I'd be sure to look more at the content of those brands.
Only thing I know is one friend tried it once and was displeased by the tase. If that's your case, get some lemon juice or honey in that tea.

Don't know what Spenner says about it, but that's the little I know. I'd still gather input before trying.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Wow. I had an idea that spice was bad/grimey, but I had no idea what it actually was or that it was so dangerous.

Best of luck to you Smitty, and to your sister Manti. thanks for sharing your stories and spreading awareness about this because I seriously had no idea the extent of this drug's shittiness

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I wrote a huge wall of text about my experiences of knowing someone struggling with addiction. My University has this stupid session timer and it expired at some point. Guess it's my fault for not CTRL+C'ing the post.

I just want you to know that I care and really do hope you can kick spice to the curb and just forget about it. We all care about another community member here and I hope I can help you with any problems you have. You can message me on Facebook if you need some cheering up or advice about something - name is Adam Elmo - and when I finish class or have access to a computer (at home) I can respond to your message. I don't have a phone at the moment so I can't really access it on the fly, but hopefully I can help you whenever you need it. Don't hesitate and don't be a stranger. You can do it Bryan, I have faith and I know you can beat this.

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Hello there. I am still using the kratom and not smoking spice at all. Everything is a fucking mess here right now. r.i.p high tyde

http://wavy.com/2014/02/13/investiga...in-hayes-area/

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Dude keep going strong, just read the entire thread and I hope at least the kratom is helping you kick it, like people have been saying and you yourself, brew it in tea and just focus on the normal things man, you're one hell of a fighter and you can totally get through this, you've seriously got some willpower and you will get through this

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good morning everyone. Things are still bad here all the spice shops keep getting herbal incense back in regardless of everything that has been going on. I'm so sick of this that i really want to leave, fuck these broken laws. Still using kratom to get through my days.. and my gf has been giving me suboxone to force me to sleep for 10 - 12 hours.
She is going through extreme detox and withdrawals too from spice and heroin gonna keep her here for a long time no more fucking drugs

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Damn, stay strong man and keep fighting, y'all both can get through all this bullshit together. At least you've got someone close you can relate to and y'all can carry eachother through it. I'm glad she took the Subo route rather than cold turkey, it's much easier too ween from and it's less likely that she'll go back.

Drink pleanty of water man, and I'm no religious person but I pray that you and her are able to get better because I know how awful all this shit is.

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I've been watching this thread closely, now that i'm unbanned i want to say that i'm really impressed by your strenght, go on smitty, you both need to get out of this.

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This is honestly really awesome that you guys are fighting through like this. It really sucks that you even have to be subjected to all this, but damn dude just look for that light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, it might seem like it'll take a while to get there but you know for sure that you CAN get there.

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Keep it up, you'll get through it.

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i hope you both get better... :/ this is terrible.

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How's it going? Did you toss the stuff you bought?

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Hello there. Thanks for the kind words as usual. I'm still clean but noticing people getting sick who are still using the current blends of herbal incense. They are turning yellow... kidney failure most likely it's really unfortunate.
The chemical compound is so far from the original JWH that it's probably not even a drug anymore. I feel that spice fell into the realm of poison. Cavernio, i didn't throw out that black diamond i sold it to my buddy a few hours after i got it. I physically feel amazing now and i can't stop eating food all throughout the day.
Things are okay around the house staying productive still i have become quite the neat freak but my emotions are funky. Anxiety and i have weird episodes of bipolar from time to time. My gf disappeared recently for a few days but i found her she is back i think she smoked spice though lol dummy i forgive though

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

iirc spenner recommended to me to buy kratom online, the stuff they sell at smoke shops is generally pretty weak and not pure kratom (or something)

I'm really not that interested in it, just saw it at a nearby smoke shop and was curious.

Super glad you're feeling better though; nice to see your community's smoke shops getting owned

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I'm off the kratom now too. If i ever feel i can't make it i'll definitely order some borneo / thai kratom online in the powdered form. I had ordered some prior but i cancelled order i don't need it anymore i don't have anymore physical withdrawal symptoms it's great. The shop version aren't half bad if you pop 6 capsules and go work a shift or something.
Thanks! and yeah, theyre getting owned alright but a few are so monopolized that it's impossible to shut them down, because of the amount of lawyers they possess.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I know how you feel smitty, but other than trying to help people who can still be saved, don't bother, and i'd actually suggest distancing yourself from people who are still using the drug - any drug. I'm going to be blunt here, sadly these people will only go down, unless they make a change like you did. Their influence is as poisonous as the substance they're using.

What about the woman next door? Is she pregnant by you? is she the same one in the picture? I'm curious as to what are you planning to do with your life right now that you're kicking the habit and getting rid of all that poison, both physically and mentally.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

smitty's just trying to help people who are in the same situation that he was in

don't be so misanthropic

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hell yeah, man. keep going!