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Brain no work
Posted on: January 11, 2021, at 11:56:48am

Sometimes brain no work. Sorry if I be stupid sometimes.

I realized this recently since I misused the term "APS". I've been misusing it for quite a while and I'm definitely one of the main misusers of this term (at least on the FFR discord). I should've realized that the confusion I was causing was due to this misuse however, I did not. I apologize for causing confusion and using this term when it was not correct and I won't use it in the future. (I was using it as a way of saying refining technique, like not bottom out keys and not returning all the way back to the top. Which is wrong and causes confusion if you were wondering how I was using it)

I have been in a weird mental state recently which has made me cause confusion more frequently or I'm just noticing it more (or both). This mental state doesn't seem to affect my play as I'm doing quite well but it prevents me from doing things I'd like to do and I don't make sense sometimes or take a long time to process information or process it incorrectly.

Also I've become aware that I'm quite annoying when it comes to score posting. [Quite personal section so feel free to skip] The root reason for this is me seeking some sort of validation(probably wrong term, sorry!) that I have something that I'm good at and can be proud of. Growing up in a family where I'm constantly compared to my older sibling that have gotten better grades and have been good at things such as sports, I don't receive nearly any validation(again probably wrong term) that I'm something they can be proud of. When I received my OT13 t-shirt (which is pretty awesome) they assumed it was for something related to programming and were excited, when I told them it was for a game tournament their excitement quickly dissipated. I show what I am capable of and proud of to this community because they tend to respond in a way that fills that void. Although sometimes I end up putting down other people, for example seeing a score (from a player that has a higher rank than me) then trying to do better than the person that posted it then posting my own score. It is an unhealthy behavior that stems from me wanting to be seen as better then my siblings at something but it manifests itself here. Anyways, might delete later since I don't like being open. Thanks for taking the time to read this mess.