Long distance relationships?

[WTFBrandon]

I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year now...
August 6th will be our 1 year, and I plan to go to see her on that day and stay for a week.
We haven't really had much issues, i went to see her plenty of times and she even came to see me and we've never really had a problem, sure we've had our little arguments but who doesn't?
Being long distance relationship can suck yes... But think about it... If you really love someone and can work your ass off and are willing to wait as long as it takes for them... It's worth it, but that's my 2 cents.
Me and her are constantly talking to each other and when we aren't on webcam talking to each other we are talking some other way. From playing CoD together to watching movies online together. Yes they may not be there in person, but in time it can happen.
But we were always bestfriends before we started dating so we have known each other 3 years and always been like this.

A lot of people have put me down about my girlfriend as well... But who really cares what other people say? If it was their girlfriend/wife or whatever, would they not do the same? Sure there are girls in my area... There are girls all over this ****ing planet, but this one girl happens to be the one I love more than all those other bitches (no offence) she/he obviously singles her/himself out from everyone else or you wouldn't be with that person would you?

But anyways... In conclusion, having a long distance relationship can be good and bad. Yes it sucks they can't be there for you physically, but when that time comes... It's the best feeling to know you're finally with them and you spend every minute as your last (as queer as it sounds) because you FINALLY are with them.
If you're willing to stick it out and wait for them then you're more than fine, as long as they are willing to do the same for you. Rofl. SECONDLY, TRUST is a MAJOR issue... Because if you don't trust someone in a long relationship, it can lead to a lot of doubt and stress. But in all, it's the same thing as a normal relationship. Even normal relationships can have distance problems... As for one, when I was in grade 7 i was dating my first girlfriend and I couldn't see her for the whole summer or even contact her because her parents were hardcore strict with her talking to boys, rofl. If you love someone, you love someone... Even look at some mariges... Guy works nights and woman works days... They don't get to see each other at all even though they live in the same house. Yes they can obviously see each other but you get what I mean...

Anyways... Long distance or short, it won't matter... Because as gay as it sounds, you'll be there regardless of how much time you spend apart or how much time get to communicate with each other. Regardless at the end of the day you'll want to be with them for that one reason that singles them out from everybody else. And even worse... I love my girlfriend more now than I did a couple months ago, and she gets more and more beautiful everyday.

I'M SUCH A ****** LOLOLOL

[Hikaru15]

well personally i am going to be in one soon so i approve of them lol. It always depends on the people and as long as they are both determined then thy can get through it happily lol. I just hope my gf doesnt miss me too much. I may be the clingy in public type but I have a feeling it might be rough for her. Especially if I didnt come back once a month. Eh, its life, what can you do when you live somewhere else and you need to go to college?

[Arch0wl]

Originally Posted by darkshark

I ended up racking up some pretty hefty financial debt from sacrifices I made for the other person. Lost my job at one point even,

Dude, really? Where did you go? That's pretty much my nightmare scenario right now. My girlfriend and I are trying to coordinate grad schools/law schools and I'm shitting my pants at how many things could go wrong. If we can pull it off I'll ask her to marry me, so knowing how much hinges on it is an enormous source of anxiety.

[typing like wat]

I'm also currently in a long distance relationship(a year 3 months 3 days) with an FFR member. We have also had our ups and downs and tbh idk how we lasted this long, i was mostly expecting her to leave me for another and id just end up single again but it seems it won't turn out that way. If you really want to go thru with this then all the power to you man I wish you both the best of luck .

[Panic4Me]

Originally Posted by darkshark

^

I ended up racking up some pretty hefty financial debt from sacrifices I made for the other person. Lost my job at one point even, didn't care as long as I was around her...I look back on it and see how stupid I was being. As much as you love the person, don't let it cloud your judgment.

This is one thing that my boyfriend and I have recently discussed. His life is pretty stable where he is; he has a car (even though it gives him issues), has a nice place to live, and has a decent job that he likes. After moving a lot in the past, he's been set further back in schooling, so he needs to redo a lot of courses that didn't transfer from one place to another. He doesn't want to mess anything up that he's working on and I want him to do what's best for him, even if it means that I have to wait for him for even a few years. Neither of us is financially stable enough to make a huge move like that yet either (between Maryland and New Hampshire), so we've agreed that things between us are going to take some time. Personally, I'm glad that we've been able to talk about it and come to an understanding. I wouldn't want to put myself out there and not be able to take care of everything that I'd need to, and I don't want him to do that either. It's something that definitely needs to be a "Hey hun, let's sit down and figure this out" discussion in LDR so that nothing like what you ended up doing will happen.

[darkshark]

Yeah I was driving about 600 miles every month from California to Oregon, would spend a week or two there at a time. At the time my only form of transportation was my 3000GT, which got around 12mpg if I babied the throttle, so a few hundred bucks in gas just getting there and back, plus food, activities, gifts, more gas...it ended up being about $1,000 each trip, plus I still had bills to pay back home. My job was never happy with me leaving so often for so long, eventually I got a call while I was up there saying not to come back. I was pretty much left stranded and devastated...

I went home a month later, and sunk into a deep depression. I had no money at all, couldn't make car payments, phone and internet got shut off, even had a hard time eating sometimes. I turned to the only thing I thought I could immediately make at least a little bit of money with, art. I sold space-paintings at flea markets, would trade tattoo designs for a good meal, even started putting drawings and paintings into the local Hot Topic and Spencers in hopes to just be able to survive. I racked up about $5,000 in credit card debt, lost my drivers license because I couldn't pay tickets, it was seriously hell. Then on top of all that we ended up splitting up (good terms, but still).

I think it's best to just go ahead and talk things out REALISTICALLY between you and your partner about how you actually plan on being together, or if it's even possible at that point in your life. Don't be dumb like me and throw your life out the window for someone else, YOU come first.

[Patricoo]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

In hindsight it would have been much smarter to make decisions that were best for *me* as opposed to trying to make decisions that were "best" for "both of us." I learned some valuable life lessons, but it's pretty much what I'm saying now: Don't let love cloud your better judgment.

+1. Me and my last ex agreed to choose our colleges based on our own wants, so I went and moved 2 hours away to a cheap state college. If it was going to work, it would have worked. If it was going to fail, it was going to fail.

I'm reading these stories and I'm beyond grateful to have prepared before hand, even though the depression afterword almost got me kicked out for poor grades. (Like a sissy, I spent the semester moping and rebounding, but I got it together.)

I don't know. People in school probably shouldn't date in general. :P

[darkshark]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

Heh, I'm sure you can relate, DS -- the feeling of going from all that to a complete 180.

Absolutely. I learned a lot about life in that time. Pretty much learn how to overcome anything when you have absolutely nothing.

High five for success stories rofl.

[Arch0wl]

Darkshark, knowing you survived that is incredible and inspiring. That's worse than my worst-case scenario and you managed to overcome it.

Rubix, I appreciate the advice, but honestly it feels a little patronizing because my situation is very unlike a high school relationship. We've been together for two years, and when I would be weighing grad/law school decisions we will have been together for three years. We've essentially lived together for over a year, which I feel is one of the hardest things to get right in a relationship. We're about to open a joint savings account to save money for the 2012-2013 year. We've watched our friends get into copycat relationships to have what we have and fail at it. It's easily the most serious relationship I've had in my life.

[3lijah]

Originally Posted by Panic4Me

Coming from someone who is currently in a long distance relationship:

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with them. Many people in the thread so far have said that they're not worth it and they don't work out, but as long as you're both committed to the relationship, it can happen. I have personally witnessed a few couples that started out their relationship long distance and are now living happily together. My ex's brother and his girlfriend met over World of Warcraft and began dating years ago. She lived in Washington state, he lived in Maryland, and they're living together and expecting a baby in a few months. Also looking at all of the posts involving one person cheating on the other: these relationships rely heavily on trust and honesty. If you have both and your minds are set on working through the distance, It. Can. Be. Done.

Being in a long distance relationship is nothing easy. I've seen my boyfriend (known to FFR as MetalAtlas) only twice. We stayed with friends for a few days together, then I spent a week in New Hampshire with him. He's coming down again next month for a week to visit. Our relationship is tough because of the distance, but for the time being I focus on the chances that I'll get to see him rather than worrying about exactly how long it will take (assuming we make it though these times) for us to be together for good. We talk every day (text/IM) and use Skype to see one another. It makes things a lot easier. (and if you have cams, you might want to give it a shot) We've talked about how hard long distance relationships can be but decided that we want to be together, even if it may take a few years for that to happen. He and I are both set on making our relationship last, so I believe that it will.

Tifferz<3 I'm happy for you for finding someone that makes you happy. If you want to be with him and you're both willing to wait and fight to make things work out between you, then there's no reason that it can't. I can tell you right now, there are going to be a lot of people that try to convince you otherwise and attempt to get you to break up. (as you've already seen) If it's what you really want, **** everyone who tries to stand in your way. (not literally, of course ) You always have my support.

At least you have gotten to see your bf. I support you 2 110%

[Cold Kitten]

Through reading these stories, I think I've changed a few of my original decisions. I'm not entirely sure. I'm going to discuss it with him, however, and see how he feels. I'll of course take that into consideration, buuut, I suppose I come first in this situation.

[Arch0wl]

Sorry Rubix, that was my bad for not giving more details about my situation.

My worry is debt-related. I made decent grades -- tier 2 law school grades -- but not amazing grades, and I have no idea how much I'm going to owe. She, however, did make amazing grades and is trying to get into a top doctoral program. My situation is far more adaptable, but I'm worried that I could be stuck with way more debt than I anticipated.

I've weighed the pros and cons of this situation a lot and I'm prepared to take on this sort of risk. Still, it's a bitch of a risk.

[Reincarnate]

If I may ask, how much debt are you realistically considering?

[darkshark]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

Such a giddy change going from tuna and ramen to a $1000+ dinner at The French Laundry.

What the **** did you eat that constitutes a $1,000+ meal?

I don't think I could ever bring myself to spend that kind of money on a meal, no matter how much I make.

[LJRoX]

Just for food man... I know people are rich but I could buy 1 xbox 1 ps3 and a laptop with all that money.

[Arch0wl]

Yeah if you haven't seen much of the food world, it may seem ridiculous. But The French Laundry is a big ****ing deal. Getting a reservation there isn't like getting an expensive limo ride or whatever -- it's like getting tickets to the SuperBowl.

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If I may ask, how much debt are you realistically considering?

You may, but I won't tell you. It's a lot, but it's a number I'm not comfortable divulging.

I don't know if this was your intended response, but from my experience those with backgrounds in finance tend to make remarks that give perspective to varying degrees of debt. If that's the case, yes, I know very well about the debt-to-income ratio calculations and how the interest rates on loans can mushroom.

[Arch0wl]

I'll probably go way above the monthly payments because I hate owing people money, truthfully.

I knew about debt-to-income ratio since high school and knowing about that, I think, actually ****ed me over somewhat. I thought "well, of course I can afford the loans for this good-but-not-amazing school with ridiculous tuition when I'm a lawyer." So me being me I was able to make some convincing arguments to my parents about this and they signed off on the loans.

Op-eds always say that we need to educate high school kids in finance or something and then they'll get it. No, even if they understand debt-to-income ratio perfectly they'll still think they'll have the best income ever once they become an all-new uber-scholar that next semester and boost their 2.9 to a 3.8. The problem isn't financial knowledge, it's hubris, and I have no ****ing idea how you'd fix that.

Also, this isn't a factor I've considered much, but staying with my girlfriend would actually make the debt easier to pay off long-term. Her parents completely paid for her college, so she has no debt and any Ph.D. program worth its salt wouldn't have her paying for it anyway. Even if I make terrible income by law standards (read: 60k/year is terrible by law standards) the relationship wouldn't hurt me financially. And if you're wondering, yes, lots of sensational Yahoo articles have headlines to the effect of OMG WHAT IF THE PERSON YOU'RE DATING HAS A LOT OF DEBT; she's not the kind of person who cares about taking on someone's debt. But yeah, we've discussed it anyway.

[psychoangel691]

I only kinda skimmed through what everyone said so far but this is just my outlook on it.

1 long distance is hard. There's no way around it. You have to worry about whether or not you can trust that person, deal with the constant longing of being with that person, worry about who's going to move where if the relationship becomes serious enough to move to the next level, etc.

2 Never ever throw away something such as a college plan for a long distance relationship. You may think you're very much in love or whatever now but you could end up ultimately screwing things up for yourself pretty bad if you decide to change your path over someone you think could be the one. Continue with your life plans and if it is meant to be you guys will stick it out and eventually be physically together.

Long distance can work it's not impossible. There are tons of people that do it. I had never been a long distance nor internet dater. Then I tried it back in I think it was July of '09. I had a blast during it and I wouldn't change the experience for the world. It ended up not working out but not of really any fault of either of us we just weren't in the places we wanted to be in our lives and if you aren't happy with yourself you can't be happy with another. The worst part about it for me was not being able to hug him or kiss him or any of that. After a while that longing gets to you. I personally love to cuddle up and be affectionate. You can't have that with long distance so you have to make sure you're able to deal with that for however long you guys are going to be apart from one another.

Now technically I don't know if you can call the situation I had with AJ as a long distance relationship. We were talking a lot, and we both knew we liked each other a whole lot by like Oct of '09. But he didn't want a long distance relationship again because of how hard they were and that kinda killed me at the time cause I really wanted to be with him. But we continued to talk every day and we'd get on cam and such. Then finally he decided to move out to PA where I was Jan of '10 and now as you know we're engaged with a 3 month old daughter. So we kinda had a long distance thing for a little while but we didn't actually officially have the titles lol.

Just follow your instincts. Chances are if you're having doubts about the relationship you probably shouldn't be in it. If you're looking for just kinda a fling type thing and are enjoying it then wth have fun with it while it lasts. But make sure you don't throw away your dreams for it. You may regret it one day.


<3

[darkshark]

Originally Posted by Arch0wl

Also, this isn't a factor I've considered much, but staying with my girlfriend would actually make the debt easier to pay off long-term.

I really hope this isn't a serious factor. That just sounds like you'd be using her financially.
I know something like that is going to be instantly denied, but in the back of your mind there's probably a little truth to it.

When do you expect to finish college?

[Arch0wl]

It's not.

I'm finishing college in December. I'm finishing professional school 3.5 years after that, though.