Two Poems - Silence and Religion

[dore]

SCIENCE

Mother Nature.

She lies in bed with her legs spread,
Her feet tied with abrasive ropes.
Man approaches her with intent of Progress;
Ejaculating his developments
Into Her unfeeling womb.

She gives birth to a hybrid--
A being whose natural laws
Are defined through humanity--
But this debauchery defiles Wonder
And through the propagation of humanity
Destroys what gives life purpose.

RELIGION

I believe in a god.
I believe in One God.
I reject the existence of other gods.
I reject anything proposed against my God.
I speak the truth.
WE speak the truth.
We reject anything proposed against our God.
There cannot be any disproof.
THERE IS NO DISPROOF!
I reject anything proposed against my God.
(Your logic?)
I REJECT ANYTHING PROPOSED AGAINST MY GOD!
I REJECT ANYTHING PROPOSED AGAINST MY GOD!
I REJECT ANYTHING PROPOSED AGAINST MY GOD!
I REJECT ANYTHING PROPOSED AGAINST MY GOD!
(Your logic.)

[dore]

I got the idea for these after a discussion (/argument?) in one of my classes... usually I spend more time with my poems but I feel it's ready. I am more speaking about popular religion/science than religion/science in general. Tell me what you think.

EDIT just realized that I titled the thread wrong, it's supposed to be science... oops.

[Tokzic]

Science was a good read. I like the whole concept of raping Nature - interesting take.

The Religion one was absolutely powerless and just came across to me like a bitter atheist with a sock puppet and a childish vendetta.

note: i'm actually an atheist so don't pass this off as bias

[dore]

heh gotcha... I'm not an atheist so that's not what I'm going for, but I see your point. I was kinda trying to imitate the Apostle's Creed, slowly disintegrating, but I can see how it could be construed as childish.

[rzr]

Either they're really deep or really shallow. I understood the first one. The second just seemed like you were ranting. Perhaps a little specification in the second one would help it... Good, though.

[robertsona]

Originally Posted by Tokzic

Science was a good read. I like the whole concept of raping Nature - interesting take.

The Religion one was absolutely powerless and just came across to me like a bitter atheist with a sock puppet and a childish vendetta.

note: i'm actually an atheist so don't pass this off as bias

i completely agree with this basically.
science was cool

[dore]

The inspiration for this was a class discussion where we had a bunch of people talking about how great science is and then one stout Christian sitting in the corner, literally only saying "I don't believe in evolution, this is stupid." So I guess I can see how it reads as childish, but that's kinda because the situation that made me write that was acting childishly. I guess that's still not a good excuse since a) I should've gone deeper and b) you kinda need the perspective for it to make sense which is poor writing.

Thanks for the feedback.