Old 05-16-2009, 10:21 PM   #1
mead1
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Default "Darling" my first love poem

This is my first love poem ever written; if your gonna hate don't. Negative critisizm is fine, but don't be rude or mean.

I remember, my darling, all your singular features
Your skin of pale white, your eyes of sharp blue.
Your hair was the most fair of all other creatures
From that first moment we met, I worshiped you
Your steps so light, so innocent, so full of grace
I knew that age would rob them of their spring
So I decided I must somehow preserve your face
To save you from the horror that years do bring
My darling, the maggots have taken your eyes
Their blue now replaced with deep pools of black
Iíve stayed by your side, so let the damn sun rise
I wait and I wish, darling, that I could have you back
The rot has all but stolen you, but my heart still squirms
I'll share you with no one, darling, no one but the worms.
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Old 05-16-2009, 10:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

Oh, see I can tell you're being sarcastic because you used 'your' instead of 'you're'.
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Old 05-16-2009, 10:34 PM   #3
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

No emoticons.


gj
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Old 05-16-2009, 10:40 PM   #4
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by NFD View Post
Oh, see I can tell you're being sarcastic because you used 'your' instead of 'you're'.
someone missed the joke
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Old 05-16-2009, 10:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

No, I saw the other thread.
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Old 05-17-2009, 12:25 AM   #6
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

It's amazing. You'll get laid in no time. It just needs some more comment splicing.
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

You say "darling" way to much and its kind of creepy. You'd freak the poor chick out. The meter sucks and the poem doesn't flow at all. You're use of words are questionable at the least. It to creepy to be romantic at all. Other than that its ok.

Quote:
I remember, my darling, all your singular features
Your skin of pale white, your eyes of sharp blue.
Your hair was the most fair of all other creatures
From that first moment we met, I worshiped you
Your steps so light, so innocent, so full of grace
I knew that age would rob them of their spring
So I decided I must somehow preserve your face
To save you from the horror that years do bring
My darling, the maggots have taken your eyes
Their blue now replaced with deep pools of black
I’ve stayed by your side, so let the damn sun rise
I wait and I wish, darling, that I could have you back
The rot has all but stolen you, but my heart still squirms
I'll share you with no one, darling, no one but the worms.
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:57 PM   #8
mead1
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

crawliiiiiiiiiiing iiiiiiiiiin my skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin
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Old 05-28-2009, 01:19 AM   #9
RawMeat786
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

Yeah it does look like a poem.
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Old 05-28-2009, 01:22 AM   #10
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Default Re: "Darling" my first love poem

trolled.
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