Old 05-11-2009, 01:46 AM   #21
Tokzic
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Default Re: I Surrender //

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grandiagod View Post
// not a good idea ever
it is after http:
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:03 AM   #22
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Default Re: I Surrender //

Read the first word....
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Old 05-12-2009, 12:38 PM   #23
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Default Re: I Surrender //

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Originally Posted by lord_carbo View Post
OK, here's some constructive feedback: If you want your poem to be better, don't rant about how the world is so bad or something. Err, why is the world so bad? Your poem is a vague succession of quasi-related ideas. Booooring. Give it a theme. Emo **** sucks. Anything works. Like, talk about how people are getting killed in some miscellaneous African genocide. Or talk about how your ex-boyfriend is fat and smells funny. Really, I'm not kidding. My suggestions are actually terrible poem ideas, but they're still better than a succession of ideas about how much life sucks. There's really nothing worse you can write about, I swear. It's such a boring, uninspiring subject.

If you want your poem to be better, avoid thesauri (and rhyming dictionaries). A person with the ability to capture the subtleties and niches of words doesn't usually need a thesaurus. A thesaurus tends to hurt the novice writer more than it helps him because it makes it tempting to use words whose subtleties he hasn't yet grasped. The thesaurus is a useful tool for good writers, and people who aren't necessarily good writers but know how to identify good writing. I repeat, it's not a reliable tool for novices.

If you want your poem to be better, make it flow. Give it rhythm. Not a requirement, but it's nice. Rhythm is a great tool for people who aren't amazing poets. I mean, you think Ezra Pound used rhythm? Subtly and at times, but not as a rule. But he was an awesome poet, so he could do **** like that. Rhythm is also a great tool for amazing poets, so it's not like you're being lowly by using rhythm, it's just ridiculously easier to make a good poem with some rhythm. I mean, Shakespeare used iambic pentameter; and the greatest poem ever written, The Raven, is good mainly because of its rhythmic structure.
Thanks a lot for this; I'll keep that in mind in future poetry. and I agree with you on the thesaurus comment, but I didn't use one. Honestly, this poem isn't one of my best, but I'm still very amateur and I don't plan to make anything of my poetry haha.
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