Old 04-29-2009, 02:27 PM   #1
Master Hakuoh9872
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: DeathNote Junction
Age: 29
Posts: 81
Post Kirby's Abridged Adventure Series

Hard to believe this is my first post in this forum category. But I thought of
this idea for a story one day and I couldn't throw it away. I went looking
for a place to post it. Quizilla was my first choice, but before I joined, I found
this little forum haven. And now here's the result: Kirby's Abridged Adventure Series,
a straight-forward parody of that show, "Kirby Right Back At Ya!". In it, Kirby (or Kirbs
as he likes to be called) will re-tell the story of his experience on the planet of Dream Land
in his own words. I hope this will not offend any of you who loved the show. And yes, Kirby
can talk in this story. Any criticism, even if its negative, is acceptable. In other words, do your worst,
but only after you've read the story. Well, here it goes.

Chapter 1 /Part 1- "Between a Rock and a Hard Place, There's DreamLand"

The scene begins inside a Starship in space, floating just above the rim of a nearby planet. The interior has comfy white armchairs, a large navigation screen, and a futuristic control system. In the pilot seat, a pink wad of gum fiddles with his fingers, taking a sip of lukewarm tea. He fumbles with the teacup in midair and drops it on the floor. It shatters to pieces, spilling tea everywhere.
-Kirby: "Dammit! This always happens when I try to be fancy! I don't have fingers, just these paws, and it makes it so friggin hard to..eh? Who's there?"
Kirby turns to see the audience of people staring back at him.
-Kirby: "Oh, its you guys. You couldn't have come at a better time. Wait...hold on a minute..hrrmm! Blaaugh!!"
Feeling congested, Kirby pukes up Naruto and kicks him aside.
-Kirby: "Sorry ya had to see that. But he had it coming, we both know that. Saying "believe it!" all the time...what a jackass...so I took care of business. Anyway, you're here to know the true story, aren't ya? Not the bull 4Kids shoved down yer throats, but the story of how I came to meet those bastard in Dreamland peons? Well, its a long story, and I think ya yuppies ain't ready to hear such a long, boring story.."
In the blink of an eye, Kirby locks all of the doors and escape hatches in the ship.
-Kirby: "..but if you insist, I'd be glad to tell all of you about it! I've got the storybook right chere."
Kirby bends over the seat and pulls out a large, red and gold storybook. He flips it open, licks his paw and searches through the pages, then slams down on a page in the book.
-Kirby: "Oooh..hot babe! Sexy lines, all the time! Yea...wait, what was I lookin for? Ah, now I remember! Lemme just flip to page 1,0025..here it is! It was a week ago that it happened.....it was the result of a shipwreck and a fat guy taking a crap in the toilet of fate.."

The scene changes to a Starship in space, flying at high speed past asteroids with police pod ships in hot pursuit.
*I was on the run from the coppers in a high speed chase. Earlier on, they somehow got the idea I was transportin beer and liquor candy bars across the quadrant and tried to bring me in. I was totally innocent, but when it comes to the police, I'm a full-on paranoic, and you can guess my response to that...
-Copper A: "Sir, we believe you may be in possesion of illegal druggie goods. Please calmly step out of the vehicle."
-Kirby: "....alright, officer..no need to get antsy, I just need to get my license and registrati-....."
*Without another thought, I Falcon Punched his ass offa my ship and put the pedal to the metal.
-Kirby: "Kiss my pink ass, ya blimey bastard! Yeeee-haaaaw!!"
-Copper A: "Gaaack! That smarts! Attention, all officers on patrol. We have a suspect heading down Space Section 9 of District Nugendia. Use extreme force, he is fully armed and dangerous!"
*I was miles ahead then, thinking the whole beat was over. But I was dead wrong...seconds later, the coppers were breathin' down me neck. I tried to tell them it was all a crazy misunderstanding in the only way I could.
-Copper B: "Attention, suspect! Pull over immediately or we'll start shooting!"
-Kirby: "GO **** YERSELF!!"
-Copper B: "What?! That does it! All units, fire at will!"
*The shots hit me like lightning and my engine went dead in a flash. I soon lost control then ran right in an asteroid field. I dodged left, right, and sideways, but a meteor cut me off. I spun into a nosedive and fell aimlessly through space.
-Kirby: "Shiiieeet!! This can't be happening! GAAAHHHHHH!!"

*Moments later, I awoke in darkness. I managed to find the dashboard and hit the emergency back up switch. The lights flickered on as I took a look around the room. It was a total mess; the pilot chairs were knocked over, the cupholders were broken, and....the place was knashed, ok?
-Kirby: "Look what those eejits did to my baby..the horror! Maybe the outside of the ship won't be so bad?"
*Imagine my surprise when I got outside; dents on all sides, asteroids lodged in the engine, and did I mention a HUUGE meteor (yeah, the one that did me in) jammed into the cockpit?
-Kirby: "WHAT THE ****!? My baby....my beautiful StarShip x.87! Its ruined! It'll take me weeks to get it repaired..! Hey, where in the name of Carmen Sandiego am I anyway?"
*Before I got a chance to take a good look around, some sort a poo-looking thing with holes for eyes was heading right for me! I got into position and was raring to use my Falcon Punch again, but then the thing waved to me. He turned to signal someone, and a whole crew of these guys started coming my way. The odds weren't in my favor here...maybe if I ate one of them..no, I'd just turn into ****. Maybe if I...
-Poo Person: "Well, lookee what we have here! We saw ya crash land into this dirt pile and thought you might be some alien. But you're just a cute lil' wadda gum, aren't ya? Aren't ya?"
-Kirby: "Hey, buster! You'd better watch who you're calling a wad of gum!! I'm a fully licensed Whupass General, kicking the sorry asses of every butt around the universe! So whaddya say bout' that?"
-Poo Person: "Awww, isn't he cute? Just precious!"
-Kirby: "W-what?! Are you even listening to me? Hey!"
-Poo Person 2: "Yes, such a doll he is!"
-Kirby: "Hey! I'm a being from another world! You walking piles of poo should be on your knees bowing down to my awesomness! Hey!"
-Poo Person 3: "And such a nice accent he has!"
-Kirby: "HEY!!"
-Poo Person 2: "Yea, just hearing him say 'Poyo, poyo" all the time makes me feel all warm and toasty inside!"
-Kirby: "Hey, I'm telling you gorons to...poyo? I didn't say that!"
*Before I could get a handle on the situation, some more losers showed up. They looked different than the guys in front of me, like walking pineapples with feet. One of them was a bright sunflower color, the other was some kind of orange mixed with a shade of tangerine. In my opinion, they were the ugliest pineapples I'd ever seen, but it was about to get worse.
-Tiff: "Wait, is this him? The Star Warrior Kabuu told us of? It can't be! He's supposed to be strong and handsome...but this thing's just a pink wadda gum!"
-Kirby: "WHHAATT!!?! You side-winding rigamaron bitch!! Who you calling a wadda gum? I'm the hunkiest wad you'll ever see! Got that?"
-Tuff: "Awww, he likes you Tiff! See how many times he said that word..umm...pugo?"
-Tiff: "It was 'puyo' Tuff. And I don't care. He's nothing but a fake. The real Star Warrior must still be on his way here to save us. Oh, no! Here comes that pompous jerk again!"
-Kirby: "And another thing, I'm....who?"

*I looked past the crowd to see a large-sized go-cart drive up the hill and stop. Two weirdos, none like I'd ever seen in my life, got off and the little guy started talking.
-Escargoon: "Achem! The great King Dedede is here! All of you shall bow down to his glory and greatness! Now bow!
-King Dedede: "Hehe! That's right, people! Your king is here to bring you cheer! So bow down before I whip out my hammer and...huh?"
*Much to my misfortune, that walking bowling ball had spotted me and was now coming my way, his snail like companion in tow. At a glance, I thought I could take him on. But as he approached, he got bigger and bigger...he was so frickin HUUGEE!! Bigger than Mt. Everest on top of a skyscraper in New York City! I felt myself turn to jello as he stopped in front of me. He gave me a cold stare with those big, beady eyes and patted his belly. I had a feeling he was gonna eat me...so I got ready to beat him to the punch and sucked in my gut, prepared to suck him in and suffer a heart attack from his girth, when he said...
-King Dedede: "Hey, Escargoon! What da heck is this thing? He looks like a alien!"
-Escargoon: "Maybe he's an invader, sir?"
-Tuff: "He's no invader, he's a Star Warrior! And he's here to save us from your evil ways, Dedede!"
-Kirby: "Excuse me, did that palm tree just call me a Star Warrior?"
-King Dedede: "Star Warrior? Hahahahahahaaa! What a joke! I can't believe this! Hahahaahahaa!!
-Escargoon: "Its hilarious, sire! Hahahahaha!!"
*What the heck was going on here? I've crash landed on some weird planet...my ship's now a pile of wreckage...and these punks don't get a word of what I'm saying! This is a nightmare in Dreamland! Wait.....nobody better quote me on that! What can a poor wadda gum do?

[TO BE CONTINUED]
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Last edited by Master Hakuoh9872; 04-29-2009 at 04:13 PM..
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