I need help with my anxiety, is this even normal?

[QueenAshy]

I can never find anyone to talk to, either the woman I have my eye on is taken or in a group of other women (which the latter makes me very nervous); or my social anxiety kicks in and paralyzed me to the point where I either sound incredibly drunk or scared, causing me to fuck up my chances.

Even when I do talk to someone, they aren’t ever compatible with me. Either they have entirely different interests, aren’t interested in me, have an entirely different personality, or are just psychopathic/interested in sex and nothing more. It’s also pretty hard to find someone that has similar interests to me, as I’m really into obscure rhythm games that no one gives a shit about and TV shows that aren’t too relevant anymore.

I don’t know what it is, but I can never seem to ever connect with anyone organically in the real world. It’s always friends in BDSM / Furry circles. I’ve already met terrible people in the furry community that have only liked me for my body, and I’m worried the BDSM community will show it’s true colors as well soon.

Is it normal to worry that I’m gonna pass out and/or fail with every attempt I make? I don’t know what else to think, it seems that no one’s ever into me, and it’s been taking its toll over the years.
The only people that have ever been truly into me were Pervy guys that only liked me cause I was feminine/young, and that’s the extent of most of my romantic interactions.

It’s like my brain is just like “oh look, a cute girl. Let me fuck up everything possible and make her think you’re a retard.” I’m honestly sick of it, I don’t even know what km doing wrong when I fail, I try to be as kind as possible, I’m not perverted, I don’t go around hitting on women, I usually just try to start things with an innocent conversation.

I never have any sort of bad intentions, and I really don’t get why nothing seems to work. I feel terrible. I need some help with this. Lack of friends doesn’t help me either, as all my friends haven’t even had girlfriends or much experience with dating. It sucks!

[Hakulyte]

Meet up a therapist for anxiety if you didn't already.
Focus on health.
Keep yourself busy.
Look up for friends/support.
Relationships can wait if that's your current situation.

[MixMasterLar]

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

It’s like my brain is just like “oh look, a cute girl. Let me fuck up everything possible and make her think you’re a retard.” I’m honestly sick of it, I don’t even know what km doing wrong when I fail, I try to be as kind as possible, I’m not perverted, I don’t go around hitting on women, I usually just try to start things with an innocent conversation.

If you're talking to someone with the idea already in your mind that you possibly might want t start dating them then the best course of action is to be upfront about it. Not saying catcall, but you need to make sure you use language that makes it clear that A you want to date and not just hang out and B you're looking for the long term.

This does 2 things

1 It keeps things honest; she won't feel like you suddenly went from friend to perv when you try and move away from small chitchat and prevents her from potentially being blindsided by the idea.

2 It saves both time and emotional investment for the both of you should she not be interested. As long as you gracefully accept the rejection things shouldn't ever get confusing, harsh, rude, or drag out. It also allows you to keep looking for that special someone without slowing down to try and feel out a potential candidate who would have been happy to be upfront with you on the subject had you been a little more blunt.

My dating life got so much better after I figured all that out.


EDIT: I should also say that Haku is more or less on the money: Therapy works for a lot of people; keeping your health up and staying busy with hobbies and projects keeps you from easily slumping in depression, and there's no shame in reaching out. I wouldn't think that intentionally waiting before getting into a relationship is needed, but know for 100% that no relationship will last long term if the other points aren't addressed sooner then later.

My hobbies that keep me busy are Tai Chi, video games, and walking trails/beaches. Three very different hobbies that I discovered I liked because I went through a phase of trying everything I was able to. If you feel your interest are narrow, just means you haven't found your other interests yet.

[Charu]

Look, QueenAshy, I'm glad you made this thread. It shows you're still willing to change, ya just need a good push in the right direction.

I don't know if I can do that, but darn it when I see a cry for help regarding social issues, I feel like I know a thing or two about how to cope!

It isn't easy, that's for sure...

...

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

I can never find anyone to talk to, either the woman I have my eye on is taken or in a group of other women (which the latter makes me very nervous); or my social anxiety kicks in and paralyzed me to the point where I either sound incredibly drunk or scared, causing me to fuck up my chances.

This is something I think just about everyone (including the extroverted) goes through. You could be the most confident person to get up and talk in front of 30 or more people in a room, but no one can tell me with a straight face that they've talked to someone face to face without ever having this thought cross their minds. "I hope I'm not fucking up!"

It's always scary meeting people, or a group of people to get in a social circle. Heck, when I started being talkative on FFR, it was only just to a small select group of people. Now I pretty much talk to everyone here.

Why?

Because as you make connections, naturally you'll start to engrave in a community. It's not something that happens overnight. It takes time for people to trust you, get to know you, and accept for who you are. Trying to bludgeon through those steps comes off as shallow and attention seeking, which I'm sure we don't need a repeat of saying about the community and yourself.

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

Even when I do talk to someone, they aren’t ever compatible with me. Either they have entirely different interests, aren’t interested in me, have an entirely different personality, or are just psychopathic/interested in sex and nothing more. It’s also pretty hard to find someone that has similar interests to me, as I’m really into obscure rhythm games that no one gives a shit about and TV shows that aren’t too relevant anymore.

I don’t know what it is, but I can never seem to ever connect with anyone organically in the real world. It’s always friends in BDSM / Furry circles. I’ve already met terrible people in the furry community that have only liked me for my body, and I’m worried the BDSM community will show it’s true colors as well soon.

And that's fine actually. We're all equality different with different personalities, preferences, and interests. I'm sure if you naturally start talking without showcasing your personal interests to the community first, you'll find someone that does share a common interest with you.

I'm not going to lie, you probably already damaged finding someone with a common interest here in this community. It's okay that you like furry or BDSM stuff, but that stuff is usually kept in private. At least until, like I said, you start to make connections with people here and they get to know you. I'm sure you yourself don't want to be told by someone randomly who you've never met before in some community that they have some type of fetish/kink you don't agree with.

Speaking of furry/BDSM communities. If this is your primary source of social interactions... Alright, listen, if you want to get over this barrier you're currently trapped in you need to sever the amount of time you invest in said communities. Not all of it, maybe even half of it. I say this because interacting with people inside those communities have probably clouded your judgement on what is and is not acceptable to talk about in a public place.

I mean, I don't want to stop you from you being you, but if you want to connect with other people outside of those communities, you need to understand that talking about dildos, furries, or what you believe yourself to be are not normal interactions.

Yes, it's cool that you're proud to label yourself as a Wolf-kin, but try thinking in other's shoes, like IRL shoes, not Internet shoes. What's the response you're expecting if you talk to the next cashier that you're a Wolf-kin? What's the response you're expecting if you inquire to your bank that you have a stash of Bad Dragon dildos? What's the response you're expecting if you submit an application to get a job saying you're into BDSM?

...Just think of those answers when you go to a new community and you should be much better off, believe me.

...

I was gonna quote reply more but I think the above pretty much covered the next few paragraphs fairly well.

[Antori]

Try not to think too much about stuff and how wrong they can go, or if you find yourself doing that occupy your mind with a game or a video.

Also avoid seeing a girlfriend whenever you look at a girl, it helped with my social anxiety abit.

hope this helps

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by Charu

Look, QueenAshy, I'm glad you made this thread. It shows you're still willing to change, ya just need a good push in the right direction.

I don't know if I can do that, but darn it when I see a cry for help regarding social issues, I feel like I know a thing or two about how to cope!

It isn't easy, that's for sure...

...



This is something I think just about everyone (including the extroverted) goes through. You could be the most confident person to get up and talk in front of 30 or more people in a room, but no one can tell me with a straight face that they've talked to someone face to face without ever having this thought cross their minds. "I hope I'm not fucking up!"

It's always scary meeting people, or a group of people to get in a social circle. Heck, when I started being talkative on FFR, it was only just to a small select group of people. Now I pretty much talk to everyone here.

Why?

Because as you make connections, naturally you'll start to engrave in a community. It's not something that happens overnight. It takes time for people to trust you, get to know you, and accept for who you are. Trying to bludgeon through those steps comes off as shallow and attention seeking, which I'm sure we don't need a repeat of saying about the community and yourself.



And that's fine actually. We're all equality different with different personalities, preferences, and interests. I'm sure if you naturally start talking without showcasing your personal interests to the community first, you'll find someone that does share a common interest with you.

I'm not going to lie, you probably already damaged finding someone with a common interest here in this community. It's okay that you like furry or BDSM stuff, but that stuff is usually kept in private. At least until, like I said, you start to make connections with people here and they get to know you. I'm sure you yourself don't want to be told by someone randomly who you've never met before in some community that they have some type of fetish/kink you don't agree with.

Speaking of furry/BDSM communities. If this is your primary source of social interactions... Alright, listen, if you want to get over this barrier you're currently trapped in you need to sever the amount of time you invest in said communities. Not all of it, maybe even half of it. I say this because interacting with people inside those communities have probably clouded your judgement on what is and is not acceptable to talk about in a public place.

I mean, I don't want to stop you from you being you, but if you want to connect with other people outside of those communities, you need to understand that talking about dildos, furries, or what you believe yourself to be are not normal interactions.

Yes, it's cool that you're proud to label yourself as a Wolf-kin, but try thinking in other's shoes, like IRL shoes, not Internet shoes. What's the response you're expecting if you talk to the next cashier that you're a Wolf-kin? What's the response you're expecting if you inquire to your bank that you have a stash of Bad Dragon dildos? What's the response you're expecting if you submit an application to get a job saying you're into BDSM?

...Just think of those answers when you go to a new community and you should be much better off, believe me.

...

I was gonna quote reply more but I think the above pretty much covered the next few paragraphs fairly well.

Thank you for the very detailed and amazing advice! This was certainly a pleasure to read, and I’ll try to be more selective with what I talk about.

[Travis_Flesher]

Common peer pressure.
You're born without obligations, responsibility, law. Children are manipulated and harshly molded into sheep. I will try to make this as concise and professional as I can. Life has many many possibilities. The stuck on stupid mentality we all seem to be facing can and hopefully will change, for the better, I hope, because it could get worse.
QueenAshy my recommendation for you is too read this Wikipedia article about liquor, this article about respect. Also, I won't link it here but, read an article about the science of vaginas. Maybe this helps with the problems you're facing. I want you to be more aware of life's possibilities, and less inclined to the bad habits that have become an escalating epidemic. And though we may still be on the road let it not be a dead end.

[Zeldagurlfan1]

Originally Posted by Hakulyte

Meet up a therapist for anxiety if you didn't already.

Focus on health.

Keep yourself busy.

Look up for friends/support.

Relationships can wait if that's your current situation.

YES. this!!!
Haku knows what’s good


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rapta]

I tend to use activities as a catalyst for conversation/bonding, like playing video games with someone so we can talk about the activity for the most part, which opens the door to feeling comfortable with talking about other things.

[ShAiOnEiX]

lmao how did I know who this was before I even click on it....ugh

[WTFBrandon]

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

Even when I do talk to someone, they aren’t ever compatible with me. Either they have entirely different interests, aren’t interested in me, have an entirely different personality, or are just psychopathic/interested in sex and nothing more. It’s also pretty hard to find someone that has similar interests to me, as I’m really into obscure rhythm games that no one gives a shit about and TV shows that aren’t too relevant anymore.

ya? sounds like a lot of people thinking the same thing. Just because someone isn't interested in the same things doesn't mean they aren't compatible. Take time to get to know somebody before you jump to conclusions like this.
This is a problem A LOT of people have now a days I find. Nobody has the time and patience to get to know each other, build a bond and continue it to see if one is compatible as a friend/partner.
They see one thing that turns them away and instantly assume the other person may or may not be interested and get upset and move on.
As for sex this is impossible to avoid. Who doesn't like sex? Everybody likes pleasure in one way shape or form. Sex is just a common and easy way to get pleasure.

So before assuming people aren't interested in you or the things you like try not assuming. Maybe they are just ill informed. Try showing them the things you're interested in that you think they are unaware of. Maybe they will find interest in it and love it even more than you. I had no idea FFR was a thing way back when I first joined. Friend from highschool showed me and i've been hooked on rhythm games since, so.


Honestly though dealing with anxiety and things like this are easily fixed by learning yourself and your own self worth. If you don't have either of those your chances with someone else are slim to none. How are they doing to know about you if you don't know you?
A good thing to keep in mind. All the things you dislike about yourself are a lot of the reasons why people like you. You're still young so you have plenty of time to learn how all of this works. Just sit back and enjoy living life and make mistakes. Being afraid of mistakes is only prolonging the inevitable. Learning how to avoid them and learning from them is the key.

Good luck, honestly. Life shits on us constantly, sure. But it shits on everybody else equally, we just don't see that part. Everybody reacts differently and a lot of people hide these kinds of things. Just take a deep breath because I promise you... 90% of the people out there feel the same way in that sense. I used to be one of them.