How to measure happiness?

[Cavernio]

(Could've put this in the most recent happiness thread, decided not to, its not the same topic as the thread changed into.)

So I'm not talking specifically about psychometrics, but rather, how do we decide for ourselves if we're happy or not, given that at any point in time, our happiness level is always changing? I think most of us decide for ourselves that we've generally been happy, and ergo, generally ARE happy, or the exact opposite. First question I suppose is, does this hold true for you? Do you decide if you're generally happy for a period of time, or do you just take your emotions in stride?

I guess in the old thread I remember someone saying that they're truly happy when they get lost in what they're doing, and I remember responding with something like "But there's mundane tasks I do that I can lose myself in, and that doesn't mean I'm happy."
Why is this true for that person but true for me? Is it because I feel I have to be losing myself in doing something consequential in order for me to be happy while getting lost in something?

My personal experience with happiness, and my search for it, has been an issue ever since I lost my belief in God, which happened as a result of the unignorable fact that just because I loved someone, it doesn't mean that they love me back, which happened when I confessed my crush for someone over ten years ago. Up until then, I'm not sure I ever truly believed that God must exist, but rather that because I felt God's love, God was real. So, up until then, I would often fall asleep happily knowing that I had a purpose in and that God loved me. This was the impetus that caused me to become depressed for years of my life, unless, of course, its all just been iron and B vitamin deficiency, which I'll never know.

In any case, my happiness when believing in God was simple; I had purpose and love, even if I didn't really have a purpose, God had a purpose for me. Now, even if I have a goal in my life, my life still seems pointless. I know there are people out there who can feel strong connections to nature or the universe or whatnot, and it basically sounds like what I experienced, except that I put the concept of God in there as well, but I can't bring myself to feel some mystic connection to the universe either...its all in my head, and although it is amazing that those feelings can even exist, the fact that they don't have to just breaks the spell.

So, onto the topic of the post, regarding how we measure happiness in ourselves, back when I believed in God, I was happy. Even if I had the worst day, I could come home and be at peace because I knew God was there. I might not even think about God 95% of the time, but that 5% of the time was enough for me to call myself happy. And now, even if i work at a menial job that requires me to be busy 10 hours a day, and then for another 4 hours I distract myself with games, TV, sex and whatnot...that half hour a day before I fall asleep when I feel unhappy, is enough for me to feel unhappy overall. I detest the fact that even if I don't mind my job, and I still invariably look forward to my days off (as most people do), and then when they happen, its like I don't enjoy them. Although I suppose I have yet to work anywhere near full-time doing something I truly like...perhaps if I did that, even if I got bored and sad during my time off, I would call myself happy?

[iironiic]

To me, being happy isn't a decision. Happiness is an emotion that we don't have control over. For example, if someone you love passed away, you have no control over how you should feel except sadness and depression. You can't simply "decide" to be happy about situations like this. This is what's fascinating about the complexities of emotions.

In response to your second question, we all have different interpretations of happiness. Some people would rather be lost in certain tasks and let their emotions guide them while others would rather have an idea in these tasks to be happy. It is okay to have a different interpretation because we are all made to be different people.

In your situation, you use God as a source of your happiness, but you are beginning to question his existence after the incident of confessing your love to your crush. You interpreted that to the extreme that you don't have a purpose in life (I'm assuming he/she doesn't have the same feelings you do). It is a given that you will not get anything that you want in life, because life is imperfect. It's something I had to learn to accept in the 20 years of my life so far. I had to accept the fact that I never had a girlfriend in the first 20 years of my life, but I can't let my imperfections judge how I feel. Remember, emotions are not decisive psychological states (well in my interpretation of emotions at least).

That being said, I think it is impossible to measure happiness based on these variables. I could be happy about something you are not happy about and vice versa. It's impossible to create a generalized charting of happiness while there are many different interpretations of what happiness is.

As a suggestion, try to do something else with your life and keep yourself busy (consider a full-time job if possible). You will find a loved one soon enough. Just try and don't fret too much about love.

[MarioNintendo]

Originally Posted by iironiic

As a suggestion, try to do something else with your life and keep yourself busy (consider a full-time job if possible). You will find a loved one soon enough. Just try and don't fret too much about love.

I agree. In my life, I've always been happier when I wasn't wondering if I was. I believe it's hard to fully comprehend happiness and that it flees whenever we want to fully grasp it. With that in mind, I believe measuring it is no way of becoming happy... but I could be wrong!

[DarknessXoXLight]

Sadness will be there at least sometimes. Nobody can be happy 100% of the time. So no worries. :P If you don't think your job is giving you the satisfaction you want then look for something else. Or if that's not it, find something satisfying to do with your free time. Something that will make a difference or something that you truly enjoy.

[wargasm1]

I'm only happy when i dont think about the social injustices. Such as all those billionnaires who do nothing with their money beside buy themselves more cars and houses or the homeless people who have nothing.

My point is life sucks and its only fun if u dont think at all.

[Cavernio]

You totally missed my point ironic...ignore that I told my crush I liked them, and you may get it. (Although to make it clear to you, my 'crush' is now married to the best friend I have besides my current bf.) The point is that I feel as if I have no purpose in life, and ergo, during my downtime, I have nothing to look forward to, and so I think of myself as unhappy.
Secondly, if happiness is an emotion I have no control over, then why would I bother doing anything besides stay in bed all day?

I have worked full-time, part-time, no-time, overtime, and that does not really change my situation, because unless I'm working all the time, I feel as if my situation will not change. (That is why my argument of being neutral or even unhappy 95% of the time is irrelevant to being happy 5% of the time, because that 5% is what matters, not the 95%.) And if it does change, it will be my definition of what happiness is, which, currently with what my view of happiness is (I am open to suggestions as to how to change my definition of happiness...especially since, as I will explain, that seems to be my only way of being happy) would actually mean that I am not happy. Also, since in order for me to be working all the time, I must also assume that what I am working at is making a difference in someone else's life, because if not, I will not do it. (I suppose this does show that I do feel connected the universe via other people, at least at some level.) However, if I am to assume that everyone else feels the way I do, then the mere fact of doing something for someone else will not actually make them happy. The happiness is actually bestowed on the doer, not the receiver, but the doer's happiness happens only out of false pretense then, in which case, if I actually think at all about it, I will not be happy because I am not giving happiness to that person, and the best I can hope for is to simply be ignorant of true happiness, and that ignorance would then become my definition of happiness. I can't make myself do this...I need another way out.
Furthermore, since I have experienced happiness during my downtime that really has nothing to do with my work/effort I put into doing something, I feel that any other 'happiness' brought into my life is fake, because it has never compared to the happiness of believing in God.
As to finding someone who I love...love is blind, and so are the people who feel it. Not to say that there aren't people who love each other, nor that I don't love someone, flaws included, nor that I don't get crushes. As I've told my current bf, the best relationship I've ever had is with God, and my bf clearly can't compete with him...nor could by bf compete with the universe as a whole, if I were to pretend that God did not exist yet my love for...the universe were to have existed. No one can compete with him. Is my only shot at being happy now to ignore my purpose in life?

And to anyone who just thinks I'm trolling, I am not. I honestly feel the way I have presented, and I honestly would prefer 'help' in the form of 'this is what makes me happy and this is why', not advice as to how I can feel happy, through finding the right person or whatnot. Everyone, at some point in their lives, will have to 'settle' for something, it be love or money or family or something else...it is the nature of life. I can't go on some impossible crusade to find my true happiness by abandoning what I have right now because I'm not 'happy enough', because it is impossible to find perfection.
My past will always be with me.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by wargasm1

I'm only happy when i dont think about the social injustices. Such as all those billionnaires who do nothing with their money beside buy themselves more cars and houses or the homeless people who have nothing.

My point is life sucks and its only fun if u dont think at all.

Do you actually know billionaires who do nothing besides buy themselves stuff, or homesless people who have not in some way, shape or form, put themselves there?

I like thinking, I enjoy thinking, its one of the few things that will almost always make me happy. If I'm in a slump, simply give me a puzzle to solve or something to think about, and I will temporarily feel happier. To not think about the meaning of life means that I will be taking a part of what I enjoy away from me...besides which, I've already tried that, and then I'm just neither happy nor unhappy.

[MarioNintendo]

Again, I might not be qualified enough to talk about this, but I'll do my best.

I've never had a very tight relationship with God. I can't deny the fact that I've had one over the years, but not the kind of relationship you have when you go to the church, etc.

tl;dr I was freestyling my religion.

I had nobody in my life, except my family, my friends and people I met online. Many crushes, no girlfriend. I was unhappy alright, always wondering about if I was asking for too much or if I had the right to cry for being in the situation I was. Desperately, I was looking for a girl to spend my time with. It's not that I wasn't physically attractive or anything... I just wasn't their match, even though that's beyond the point.

For years, I was asking pretty much the same questions as you: what's my purpose in life? Can I be happy again? Am I too hard on my case?

I think I found the answers by letting them come instead of looking for them through logic. Making scenarios in my head always made me come to the wrong conclusions and less happy in the end. I now have a girlfriend, I am now less stressed than ever, and I consider myself generally happy.

What can you expect, Cavernio? I'm not you. I can't find those answers for you. I could tell what makes me happy:

- Playing piano with the windows opened;
- Writing poetry and sharing it to my friends;
- Making step charts for FFR;
- Sleeping with my girlfriend;
- Walking on a sunny day;
- Buying NES or Genesis video games up my local video store;
- Cooking;
- Screaming for no reason;
- Listening to the Beatles;
- Jumping;
- etc.

When I do those things, I just stop wondering about happiness and where to find it. I stop thinking that I'm living happiness. I'm just doing it and enjoying what I'm doing. I guess that's what makes me happy, finally. The fact that I know if I'm enjoying what I do or not, and end the questions there. I think you worry too much and that it makes you unhappy in the end. Again, I might be wrong, you DO enjoy thinking, but I know that this is the problem I had before finding my answers. My expectations were too high, my scenarios too dramatic and my perception of life distorted. Just let go...?

[iironiic]

Originally Posted by Cavernio

You totally missed my point ironic...ignore that I told my crush I liked them, and you may get it. (Although to make it clear to you, my 'crush' is now married to the best friend I have besides my current bf.) The point is that I feel as if I have no purpose in life, and ergo, during my downtime, I have nothing to look forward to, and so I think of myself as unhappy.
Secondly, if happiness is an emotion I have no control over, then why would I bother doing anything besides stay in bed all day?

What makes you say this? You have to do something to be happy. I'm not saying happiness is a random occurrence. Happiness cannot be controlled by the human psyche (at least based on how I view happiness myself). If you are doing nothing, expect to feel depressed because claims like "I have no purpose" usually result if you don't do anything in your living.

To answer your second question, let me ask you this question. Have you ever portrayed your presence in the world as an opportunity to live in a world that's full of mysteries? There are so many new things that can be uncovered in the ambiguities of life. From these new things, they help define who "you" are. It seems like you need to begin doing something by understanding who "you" are. Try recalling things you love to do in the past and relive those moments today. Then from there, expand out to your family and try and seek happiness from them. Move onto your friends, and so forth. That way, you will understand how much many people, including yourself, would appreciate who "you" are, and generally, happiness should result.

These are only my suggestions, so if you are not getting anything out of it, I'm sorry but I trying my hardest to help you realize that you are in fact, something in life.

[zolaric]

I am happy when I do stuff with others.

[sakura080789]

well happiness comes different for everyone my happiness comes from doing nice things for other people

[Cavernio]

So, basically, in order to answer my initial question as how do you measure yourself as happy or not is to never think about your happiness and you will be happy...answered in round about ways that instead of actually discussing the question, they skirt it and I have to infer.

I should've known I added way too much bloat to my post(s).

[customstuff]

I think happiness is generally not a choice, but it could become one. It depends on your mindset really. If someone very close to you dies, it is instinct to feel upset about it. It usually affects you no matter what, however if you change how you look at it and say to yourself "I had no control over it, it's over now, and it will no longer bring me down" then you could overcome the sadness. Eventually you could develop that type of thinking to become the first way of thinking about it.

Through experience, I've realized that I use both depending on the situation. I know that if my girlfriend broke up with me, for example, that it would be the end of me considering the huge amount of my life she is. I also felt very upset when FFR went down, because it's been a big part of my life. for about 5 years now, but then after a couple months I got used to it and everything was fine.

I'm rambling...

tl;dr: It depends on the person/your view on things.

[vro]

Originally Posted by Cavernio

...ever since I lost my belief in God, which happened as a result of the unignorable fact that just because I loved someone, it doesn't mean that they love me back, which happened when I confessed my crush for someone over ten years ago. Up until then, I'm not sure I ever truly believed that God must exist, but rather that because ~~~I felt God's love, God was real.~~~ So, up until then, I would often fall asleep happily knowing that I had a purpose in and that God loved me...In any case, my happiness when believing in God was simple; I had purpose and love, even if I didn't really have a purpose, God had a purpose for me. Now, even if I have a goal in my life, my life still seems pointless...So, onto the topic of the post, regarding how we measure happiness in ourselves, [b]back when I believed in God, I was happy.[b] Even if I had the worst day, I could come home and be at peace because I knew God was there. I might not even think about God 95% of the time, but that 5% of the time was enough for me to call myself happy. And now, even if i work at a menial job that requires me to be busy 10 hours a day, and then for another 4 hours I distract myself with games, TV, sex and whatnot...that half hour a day before I fall asleep when I feel unhappy, is enough for me to feel unhappy overall. I detest the fact that even if I don't mind my job, and I still invariably look forward to my days off (as most people do), and then when they happen, its like I don't enjoy them...

I'm not here to start a religion thread, but I would like to give my honest input on this. It looks to me that you really did know God, He gave you the peace in mind that no matter what you were going through, he still loved you and was there for you. You seem to basing your current belief of God not existing on a person you had feelings for who didn't share those same feelings for you. In the Bible, Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" You didn't get with this one person, and you decide God does not exist because of that? Have you perhaps considered that God has someone even better for you? You are clearly saying in your opening post that when you believed in God, you were happy, and now you're not. I believe that you are simply rebelling right now, and God is waiting for you to return to him, with arms wide open, and he still loves you, he's just waiting for you to love him back again.

[Cavernio]

I no longer believe in God because I believed my feelings for God validated the existence of God, in that I figured I couldn't feel God's love unless God existed. Upon being faced with the fact that I could feel loved by a real person even if they didn't love me, it became clear that my assumption that God was real was in fact false. I spent years looking for God again, because I was in denial of what I just said, that God did not exist.

God's love is not real, God's love is my own love based on a fantasy I believed to be real.
Unfortunately, that 'fake' love is still the best thing I've ever had.

[ffraxis]

you measure happiness based on the amount of hormones your body releases. Different for every person.

[Aldentron]

I think it is different for everybody.
The way I have it figured out is that everybody is on a scale, 1 being the absolute lowest they've ever felt, and 10 being the happiest they've ever felt.
If your absolute lowest feeling occurred when your most significant relationship ended, then that is your 1. Let's say your friend was raped, that makes their 1 lower than yours. It's a scale that depends on what you've experienced in your lifetime.

On the other end of the spectrum, by that logic, I think that somebody who has lived through a greater amount of troubles also has the potential to be happier than some one who hasn't. If you give a toy to a child on a playground, they will probably be happy to play with it. If you give a toy to a child at their parents' funeral, imagine how much greater of an impact it would have as opposed to the kid on the playground.

It's hard for me to describe things in such relativity, so I apologize if this doesn't make sense.

[linky123456]

I agree with aldentron. Hypothetically, If you had multiple close friends die everyday, a day where only 1 close friend died would be a good day for you. Where as someone who has never had a close friend die, 1 death in a day would be a terrible day.

I'm generally a happy person, and I find that rating how happy I am makes me more sad then I need to be.

Also, accept that life has no purpose and get over it and start enjoying yourself.