Cheating in Relationships

[atalkingcow]

I'm perfectly okay with cheating... so much that every relationship I've been in has been open. (Aka, sleep with whomever you want, just make sure i'm getting mine.)

It actually works out quite well, since most men who cheat want to feel like they don't have to follow your damned rules, but they won't get that same sense of "getting away with it" if its perfectly okay.
None of them have actually used the allowance to sleep with other people, fyi, and neither have I. Except of course in 3somes where my partner was involved too.


As an aside: This is Critical THINKING, not Critical Feeling.

[OnixRose]

Originally Posted by rqm

i try and avoid the type of people who would cheat.

Really hard to do imo regardless of how long or how well you "know" the person. At least with my experiences the girls I thought I knew turned out to be much more cavalier than they would have ever let on.

[atalkingcow]

Originally Posted by rqm

what i gather from that post is that youre a virgin who has never been in any meaningful relationship

Actually, I just got out of a relationship that had to end because he was being sent off to Europe by the navy. I'm not doing the long-distance ****, and neither was he.
For the person who asked, I say "partner" because whenever I say "my boyfriend" people go, "Wait... but... you is boy!" and then I have to hurt a puppy.

A relationship doesn't have to be monogamous for it to be meaningful, fyi. Your view of the world appears to be rather narrow.

And again, as an aside: Insulting me doesn't amount to a successful argument.

[krunkykai22]

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

To be completely honest, if you love someone you should only want to be with them. Only want to share a love with them. Not with many partners. Thats TRUE LOVE. cheating is just ridiculous. People do it and the world goes on I get that. But saying you dont have to be monogamous in a relationship to love them is just pure stupidity.

[devonin]

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

[Mollocephalus]

Originally Posted by krunkykai22

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

To be completely honest, if you love someone you should only want to be with them. Only want to share a love with them. Not with many partners. Thats TRUE LOVE. cheating is just ridiculous. People do it and the world goes on I get that. But saying you dont have to be monogamous in a relationship to love them is just pure stupidity.

referring as oneself as example and model never works, especially on subjective things like this. if you can define love inside a mathematic equation to which there is only a correct solution then you're right. otherwise, don't post about things you have no clue of.

[rqm]

Originally Posted by atalkingcow

A relationship doesn't have to be monogamous for it to be meaningful, fyi. Your view of the world appears to be rather narrow.

i mean i guess i could see that, if the two of you are committed to eachother and still want to have other sexual partners then thats (no pun intended) straight. sex is a really small part of any relationship. im rather polarized as my girlfriend is 3 hours away from me for the next 5 months and im surrounded by cute horny women; id never cheat on my girlfriend but it helps to care a lot more than i probably should about the whole cheating thing.

i really dont have that narrow a view of the world, if i ever experience a relationship where we can both be polygamous without degrading the meaningful aspects of the relationship id be all for it. i dont think it'll ever happen though.

[revolutionomega]

Originally Posted by atalkingcow

I'm perfectly okay with cheating... so much that every relationship I've been in has been open. (Aka, sleep with whomever you want, just make sure i'm getting mine.)

It actually works out quite well, since most men who cheat want to feel like they don't have to follow your damned rules, but they won't get that same sense of "getting away with it" if its perfectly okay.
None of them have actually used the allowance to sleep with other people, fyi, and neither have I. Except of course in 3somes where my partner was involved too.


As an aside: This is Critical THINKING, not Critical Feeling.

I believe you're missing the point of what cheating is...
If you're in an open relationship it's not considered cheating because you are both aware that you have the options of dating/sleeping with others.

Cheating is more entailed in the lines of exclusive or committed relationships which is why it's upsetting and wrong. People that cheat are foolish because if you really aren't happy committing to that person that you are with, break up with them first and tell them that you are feeling trapped or whatever other BS you may make up because you're not ready to settle down.

I agree that 3somes are quite different as it's more of getting an outside hand to get involved sexually with both partners rather than emotionally thus causing problems. Somewhat like that of a sextoy (which is kid of harsh thinking of a human as a sextoy, but that is generally the reality).

Just my thoughts here and I'm interested to hear more.

Originally Posted by krunkykai22

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

To be completely honest, if you love someone you should only want to be with them. Only want to share a love with them. Not with many partners. Thats TRUE LOVE. cheating is just ridiculous. People do it and the world goes on I get that. But saying you dont have to be monogamous in a relationship to love them is just pure stupidity.

krunk I understand where you're coming from and yes, generally monogamy is the way to go. However in some cultures there is truly love in polygamist cultures. There may be more problems entailed but it is true. I just personally wouldn't want to put up with multiple wives xDD

I have found that if you truly love someone, you should want them to be happy, regardless if they are yours or not. Happiness is what everyone wants unless they are truly in a rut. So if they want to cheat on you and that makes them happy, let them be, let them go screwing around and move on to someone that makes you happy and doesn't cheat. Many relational beliefs I believe are based on personal preferences. Some people like slutty girls/guys, some people just want someone who they can trust, and some really want the commitment package so to speak.

Peace, love, respect. Sometimes I think the hippies had it right hahaha

[Oni-Paranoia]

Revo has this down packed

[revolutionomega]

My two year anniversary was a few days ago so I'd hope I knew a little bit about this sorta thing haha.

[Shaydow]

Originally Posted by revolutionomega

My two year anniversary was a few days ago so I'd hope I knew a little bit about this sorta thing haha.

So you've been married since you were 15?

:P

Peace,
Shay

P.S = I'm in the Monticello Area. Nice to see a local face on these boards

[Oni-Paranoia]

Originally Posted by revolutionomega

My two year anniversary was a few days ago so I'd hope I knew a little bit about this sorta thing haha.

I've gone threw a year, an almost 2 year and what will be 5 months next week.. and yea I agree with nearly everything you say xD

[Shaydow]

Originally Posted by Oni-Paranoia

I've gone threw a year, an almost 2 year and what will be 5 months next week.. and yea I agree with nearly everything you say xD

If anyone has any questions you can ask me. Been married for 8 years now :P

Don't plan on ever getting a divorce. Why would I? I love my wife, it's why I married her

Just a thought.

Peace,
Shay

[MrRubix]

People need to understand that a relationship between people can take on many forms. "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" alone don't neccessary define one type of relationship. Some people best relate by having only one, monogamous partner. Others believe in open relationships. Others believe in polygamy. Others believe in purely sexual relations, and some may abstain entirely. It all depends on the people involved and what type of relationship best works for them. Some believe in marriage, even, and others may not.

Cheating, under this sort of definition here, would mean breaking the confines of the relationship by stepping outside its boundaries (whether that breach is known or unknown by any other partners involved I think is irrelevant -- I think you can still cheat, even with everyone knowing about it. Cheating doesn't necessarily have to be done in secret).

[revolutionomega]

Originally Posted by MrRubix

People need to understand that a relationship between people can take on many forms. "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" alone don't neccessary define one type of relationship. Some people best relate by having only one, monogamous partner. Others believe in open relationships. Others believe in polygamy. Others believe in purely sexual relations, and some may abstain entirely. It all depends on the people involved and what type of relationship best works for them. Some believe in marriage, even, and others may not.

Cheating, under this sort of definition here, would mean breaking the confines of the relationship by stepping outside its boundaries (whether that breach is known or unknown by any other partners involved I think is irrelevant -- I think you can still cheat, even with everyone knowing about it. Cheating doesn't necessarily have to be done in secret).

Hey pretty much say something similar to what I said...
My basic point is that cheating generally means going outside the boundaries of a committed relationship involving a bf/gf husband/wife (homo or hetero). Friendships don't generally count in this case.

Originally Posted by albaneenesk8r

cheating dominated

lmfao.

[kommisar[os]]

a truly great relationship is knowing both of you have the same ideology. otherwise obvious conflict ensues.

[revolutionomega]

Not necessarily true. Many great relationships are sparked due to the two individuals opposites and how the balance and interaction between different POV's leads to a more full understanding and deeper intimacy.

[Mollocephalus]

here we go into the subjective opinions realm again. all hope abandon, ye who enter here. for how stupid it may sound, love is whatever works for you. it can collide with your partner's idea of love or not. your partner may even like the idea of colliding with you. or may not.

[Just502]

Personally, I look at cheating on two seperate levels; physical and emotional (like Rubix mentioned). I find that a majority of people have a very solid view on cheating, restricting it only to physical contact between someone other than your partner. I guess it really comes down to what drives your relationship. If I was in an extremely close emotional relationship, I would be alot more hurt if my partner had stronger feelings for someone else, than if they engaged sexually with another. Whereas someone else who was in a physically driven relationship might be more effected by their partner 'fooling around' with someone else.

I know that you could say that strong emotions and sexual contact come hand-in-hand, but mistakes do happen and can be alot more unavoidable and sudden than one might imagine.

That's just my 2 cents.

[Dorby]

Having sex with someone else while in a relationship is understandable. You have a mental/physical connection with one while the other you just have a physical connection.