Mecha 785

[IDKW2CM]

Please comment if you think I should make another chapter.

Inspired by Gundam...


The sky was calm and the trees swaying in the breeze. Leaves were falling onto the broken and old road. Pulling a cart full of goods, Chori headed towards Torien down the winding road to trade goods produced from his family's farm. Torien is an ancient city, full of old statues and temples. The population itself is totally different though, bustling with life, Torien is one of Katora's biggest cities. People come from far places to trade goods and services, making it a mixing pot for cultures.

A doe strayed off the path eating some luffs of grass. As Chori passed, it scattered into the undergrowth of the forest. BOOM!! A thundering crash came, shattering my ears making me drop the cart to cover them. Silence. I waited a minute, cautious to move or make a sound. A slow creaking noise now grew louder and increased as a giant tree fell it's way to the forest floor. A thump came following as it hit, muffled by it's distance away from Chori.

Then a piercing sound of metal scraping followed. Curious of what happened, Chori walked slowly to the forest. As he neared the forest growth, he heard a new sound. It sounded like drums, but that's very odd. He listened more intently, and the sound started to near him. And then it grew louder and louder until it was no drums, It sounded like machinery charging towards him at full speed!

-

Critical warning. Critical warning. Critical Warning.
Lights flashed as the red letters raced across his screen. Blood trickled down Lantan's head caching his hair, with an insistent throbbing pain. His Mecha was critically damaged, and he needed to get out of the forest fast. As he pushed his Mecha at full speed, he charged towards the light of the forest clearing. As he approached, a red dot glaringly flashed at him on his radar, coming towards with alarming quickness.

He was just to the forest's edge, when a CRACK whipped through the air. It was pandemonium as an impact on his Mecha's left shoulder lifted him off the ground, breaking through the last of the trees snapping them into pieces into the clearing.

-

Hearing the sounds approaching with uncertain speed, Chori knew his luck and ran for cover behind a boulder. A split second later, a huge machine barreled through the forest edge, landed on it's side, and skidded to a halt. As it layed there and the dust cleared, a huge robotic human figure came running after it. A Mecha.

The rattle of a machine gun screamed through the air. The Mecha on the ground was getting up now, heaving and grinding with struggle. The machine gun of the other started to pierce into the fallen Mecha, rippled by incoming bullets. The crippled Mecha stood it's feet at last, vasting 50 feet high.

-

Lantan was in deep trouble if he didn't get out of there. Thinking quickly back to his training, he charged his laser to fool his enemy, quickly ejected from his cockpit, but at the same time shot out a Pulse Missile.

-

Chori watched as the purple missile streaked across the clearing with a whistling sound and lodged into the pursuing Mecha. The electronic waves rippled through it's body, crippled it more and more at each pulse. At last the missile detonated, bringing the Mecha to the ground.

[igotrhythm]

I like how the narrative keeps shifting back and forth to make the reader feel unsure of what will happen next, conveying the panic of the situation. Not bad, see if you can keep this going.

[IDKW2CM]

Thank you!
I saw this for a week with no posts, so I was like *FAIL*, but It's cool to see somebody read it.
Just check this every now and then... I will be continuing it now.

[rzr]

It hasn't said that you've edited it yet. It's one of the first literature stories I've read and followed the whole story. Definily keep it going, but that's up to you. Thumbs up from me!

[IDKW2CM]

Originally Posted by rzr

It hasn't said that you've edited it yet. It's one of the first literature stories I've read and followed the whole story. Definily keep it going, but that's up to you. Thumbs up from me!

O thanks! I will work chapter 2 tonight!

[rzr]

Another thing I liked was how you formatted the story for the forum. The colors and what not, I thought it was cool. However, I've never been a big fan of onemonepias.