no title so far.

[THATGiRLOVES]

I like to write when I'm bored.
& most of the things I write about are my life.
This however, is not a true story.
Parts are, & this is only the first part of many.
So if you like it, tell me & i'll post more


----

At 15 years of age, you wouldn’t really expect me to have many problems, if any. On the honor roll and in orchestra, ask my friends they would say ‘she’s perfect.’ But no one knows what’s inside. I maybe on the honor roll, but does anyone know how or what makes me be on it? No one understands the pain of having to make sure everything is perfect. Every question perfectly answered. Every grade a perfect scor—
I stopped typing. ‘Mr. Geniso said to make our written piece emotional and partially true, but maybe I shouldn’t go into so much detail about my life.’
“Pamela!” it was my mother, I quickly saved my work then shut off the monitor. I opened up the dictionary and tried to look convincing.
“Yes mother, do you need any help?” I answered weakly as the doorknob turned…

[robertsona]

Hmm
seems pretty cliche, and there isn't much development so far, because you typed so little

[THATGiRLOVES]

yeah, i know.
here's more ?


--

Holding ‘The Science of Anatomy’, Mother walked in.
“Did you finish your dictionary work yet?” she asked sternly.
“No, not yet. I’m so sorry. I’m starting it now. I promise.”
“Are you kidding me? You’ve had all this time and all you do is sit there. You’re lying aren’t you? What have you been doing? Don’t lie to me. To think I was going to give you this book too.” she threw the book at my face. I fell to the ground. The book was 4 inches thick and was probably gonna land me a bruise. “See what you made me do? If you don’t get into a good college this is your fault, you’ll never make it in life. You’ll end up on the streets.”
“I’m trying as hard as I can!” I screamed out, “Oh no, I’m sorry, I’ll never speak out ag—”
THUD. She smacked me with the book again.
“Get over there and start reading. I expect you to do TWICE the work tonight. You have until 11:30.” Mother left the room. I started to cry. I looked at the clock, it read 10:27. I had approximately 1 hour to memorize 10 pages of the dictionary before she came back for her nightly quizzes.

[dood gone krazee]

Same thing as robertsona said.

Develop more of a story more before posting it here, people won't get much of it at first and just leave if you post a paragraph, wait a little bit then another paragraph.

Criticism: The character needs to be a little more developed with details, along with her surroundings. What was she seeing exactly? What was she hearing or touching? Try adding more details and other elements to make the reader more attached to the main character. Also, try to add more with the dialog. You did a little bit, but add more 'She yelled with nervousness' and such to better propel the image of the conversation to the reader.

[THATGiRLOVES]

yeah, i just sorta wrote what came off of my head.
if i fix it up, i bet i can go into more detail.