What do you think are essential for adults to know in order to have a stable life?

[iironiic]

As some of you know, I haven't been focusing on my FFR stats ever since my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Today, we received the news that he won't live in the next couple of days. It has been an extremely emotional couple of months and it's really upsetting to hear this from the doctors, but as the only son of a family of five, (more than likely four in the next few days) I need to start supporting the family since my mom is really inexperienced when it boils down to paying bills, filing taxes, etc. She can hardly speak English, so this makes the entire situation more difficult for all of us.

What do you think are important to know as an adult in order to have stability in life? I named a few above (italicsized above), but I would like more than just that. Also, receiving some advice from some of the adults here on FFR about filing taxes, etc. would be much appreciated.

Also, this is more than likely the end of iironiic in terms of FFR play (definitely a major break). There are so many bigger things to worry in life, and if I have the time, I'll play the game occasionally.

Thanks.

[Riotpolice]

Man, I unfortunately am not in the position to give out advice about how to live life: I'm only 18 and about to go to college. I sincerely hope you get a good shot at life too, FFR really isn't a number 1 priority when it comes to family members and health. Sorry to hear about your dad, don't worry. There will be better days.

[nois-or-e]

Sorry to hear about this wilson, I hope you're coping alright.

As for things you need to know as an adult? Personally, if you have a decent head on your shoulders, you'll learn to adapt to almost anything that is thrown your way. I've been doing my own taxes for almost a decade, and as long as you read thoroughly and double-check everything, it isn't too much of a big deal.

Budget is a major thing that a lot of people screw themselves over with. Cut costs where you can without it having a negative impact on your day to day happenings. Keep track of everything, and live within your means.

However, among all of the extra stuff going on, don't forget to relax and give yourself some 'you' time. I hope you and your family are going to be okay. I know that they are in good hands if you are going to be taking on the role that you are mentioning~

[Tidus810]

nois-or-e definitely hit on most everything that you ought to keep in mind. I wanted to add, also, that if you ever have a chunk of change that you're not sure what to do with, definitely look into some sort of long-term investment to tuck it away. I have a friend of mine who lost his father while he was still in high school, and it's an awful situation to cope with. I can't explain how sorry I am that you're going through such a rough time.

Hang in there.

[25thhour]

I know how you feel bro, I lost my dad, (The only other male in the household) when I was 6. I've learned as I grew up that my mom needed help with some of the simple things around the house, whether it be, cutting her grass or fixing stuff that breaks. The stereotypical "man jobs"; it cuts down on added stress for her, and even can save money because she wouldn't have to pay someone to fix them.

I know I'm only 18, but I've pretty much played the "father" role in my household since I was 15.

The death of a loved one is extremely hard to get over...

Stay strong man... Stay strong!

[Choofers]

Don't let yourself be pulled down by your father's death. Mourning is healthy, but dwelling too much on a death will cause you to lose focus and drive in your life. My step-grandmother died a couple years ago, and it caused my stepfather to spiral into alcoholism. and now no one in the family respects him but that's another story ~_~

Like jae said, having a set budget helps a shit ton. Set aside some money every month for an emergency back account, jut in case your budgeting that month is a bit off.

Another thing I can say from experience, don't let pride stop you from asking for help. If you see yourself in a tight situation, don't hesitate to ask people that care.

[who_cares973]

definitely keep a budget. this is stupid important especially if you arent keen on remembering things. doing taxes is easy id do them myself but id rather have someone else do them for me and just fork over that 40-150 dollars. and like jae said as long as you have a good head on you're shoulders you should be good to handle most things

[iironiic]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the encouragement and the helpful advice so far. I'll hang in there.

[who_cares973]

oh yeah pay bills on time always. you're allowed to be a month behind pretty much everywhere just dont get use to it. keep that more as a buffer in case of emergency

[Hakulyte]

If you haven't done so already, ask your mom about what your dad was doing.

Check out what you can and can't do. Adjust yourself and find solutions together.

[Emo_Saur_]

obviously you can't always do everything for your mother, maybe enroll her in some English classes, she might be able to make friends there that could also help out in the rough times. I'm actually doing the same thing right now, my grandmother passed away and my dad is taking it really hard so I'm helping him out with the same thing. You'll make it through dude.

[who_cares973]

also tell your mom to apply for government aid. theres tons of resources that can help you out you just have to look

[SKG_Scintill]

Money and sanity

[Reincarnate]

Sorry to hear, dude -- I know it can be a rough spot to get through.

My father was killed in a car crash when I was 17, and my mother basically took the (massive) life insurance payout and peaced. End result = I had to financially fend for myself on top of shouldering the burden of student loans wayyyy higher than normal because of the quirks of the situation. Also, my girlfriend lost her father to cancer when she was 13 or so, and was raised by her mother.

So, hopefully this advice (combined from our experiences) will help:

1. Taxes are not difficult. Pay someone to do them, do them yourself, or just Turbotax them (IMO this is probably the "safest" option right now). It's only tough the first time around maybe, and then after that it's just another yearly ho-hum. I did my taxes last year while literally taking a shit. You'll be alright on this one.

2. It's one thing to be low on money, but it's another problem to have debt nipping at your heels every month too. First priority needs to be talking to everyone you owe money to and trying to figure out a more favorable payment plan, if possible. Whatever the outcome is, paying that stuff down is first priority. And keep this mantra in your head: Run towards your creditors. If you ignore people you owe money to and pretend like the bills will just go away if you lay low long enough, you will have zero negotiation room later when they decide to bukkakespam your credit or impose fines/other penalties. You do *not* want your account being sent to debt collection agencies. If you talk openly and transparently with creditors and explain to them, "Hey, I am going to have trouble fending this next bill," usually they'll try to work with you because you're giving them ample notice. Sometimes this doesn't work, but the point is that if you **** them, they will **** you right back. So, pay off your short-term bills ASAP -- and if the waters get rough, make some phone calls. If all else fails, what who_cares said tends to be accurate: Being late by a month is *usually* not the end of the world, but it's not something you want to do often (it's definitely a last-resort strategy if you absolutely cannot make up the difference). Being late by 90+ days = bend over, bite leather strap, etc. Apply for government aid if you have to.

3. Do SAT tutoring on the side. It pays super well, especially if you can land kids with Ivy-hopeful parents who will piss away endless trunks of money in your general direction for private tutoring sessions.

4. Get in the habit of actually budgeting stuff out mathematically (as opposed to just spitballing all your figures and coming up with estimates all the time). For someone like you who is mathematically inclined, this should be a piece of cake. Be realistic about how much money you're bringing in, what expenses are fixed, what you can afford to forgo, etc. Saving up 6 months worth of expenses on the side is a decent goal to aim for since it usually shouldn't take longer than that to find a new job if something goes wrong. Ideally, though, you want a year's worth of expenses + enough to absorb risk (say you or a sibling need to visit the doctor, etc). This is especially important if you do not have a secondary family support net to fall back on.

5. Don't get carried away with credit cards. It's good to have both a debit card and a credit card (mainly for building credit). Whatever you put on your credit card, don't put too much on it, and pay it off in full every month. Credit card debt is *vicious* and is definitely not the kind of debt you want to mess around with. As long as you keep using your card and paying it off in full every month, you'll be set.

6. Learn to cook. Buy food in bulk. This will save you a ton of money.

7. Sell anything you absolutely don't need for some quick cash. I sold all my old XBox/Wii crap for a few hundred, and it lasted me a decent while.

8. Let's say you do all this properly and things are starting to look up. Things are relatively stable, you're saving, etc -- maybe you'll feel exhausted from all the toil and want to splurge a bit after a job well done. It will feel cruel, but put this off just a bit longer. When you finally get over the hill, that's not the best time to suddenly relax and let loose, since you might just be shooting yourself in the foot. Make sure you're making those decisions with the math in mind. It's OK to enjoy yourself every once in a while, but it needs to be made with reasoned judgment.

9. Grieving is different for everyone. Some people need to cry. Some will want to be surrounded by people all the time. Others will draw away. I dealt with it by throwing myself into my studies. Don't let people tell you how you should feel, or tell you when to move on, etc. Heck, I lost my father almost a decade ago and it's still a confusing cluster**** to me. I don't think it's a feeling that ever really goes away. But I think that's perfectly OK. It's also a good idea to seek therapy/grief counseling to help you with your emotions.

10. It's late and I am honestly getting tired/incoherent right now, but I think for the tenth point I'd just say that you just need to hang in there. It may seem hard when you're in the thick of it, but I can tell you that as long as you stick to a sound, well thought-out plan -- things *will* get better. Just a matter of time and going through the motions. You're dealing with a lot of responsibility for someone your age, and you'll become a much tougher person because of it -- but it's still important to have fun. Hang out with friends and set time aside for things that make you happy. It'll help keep your head level.

I'm tired as fsck and probably not making sense anymore/likely repeating myself, so I will just say that I hope this helps somewhat, and if you have more questions, feel free to ask.

[dAnceguy117]

I don't have a lot of experience here, just want to voice my support along with everyone else. stay strong!

don't procrastinate on filing taxes, paying bills, or any of that junk. get it done early and consistently.

[Senip]

Get your credit up high and then don't blow it on stupid shit. Be smart about your budget: understand what you can get and what you can't. Don't be like me and a lot of other students who get a credit card during college and go "woohoo free money!"

If you have a job, look and see if they have any investment options. They usually give you a really good discount and that can build up over time. Start thinking long term, not just short term.

[Evascythe]

Originally Posted by Senip

Get your credit up high and then don't blow it on stupid shit. Be smart about your budget: understand what you can get and what you can't. Don't be like me and a lot of other students who get a credit card during college and go "woohoo free money!"

This this this! I learned this the hard way. :l I'm sorry to hear about your father.

[danny53x]

Truly sorry to hear about the situation. I bet it happened in a flash. Looking for advice is a great choice you've made, but also make sure you take initiative! Making an action is something I have trouble doing @_@..

Just so you know I admire and look up to you as I'm sure many do on this website. So continue to push forward with ambition and purpose!

[iironiic]

Thanks everyone. Fortunately I picked up cooking in college so I'm glad that's one less thing to worry. Seems like having a stable budget and receiving emotional support are the biggest suggestions, so I'll keep that in mind.

Might as well start selling my textbooks on eBay now. I have a huge pile of them sitting in the corner of my room. At least this will start me off with some money. I also have an REU in about two weeks, so that stipend will hopefully help me financially as well.

Thank you all again for the help. I'll try my best to keep my chin up.

[DossarLX ODI]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

6. Learn to cook. Buy food in bulk. This will save you a ton of money.

Going into this, see what options you have for food. For $11 from an Indian Buffet takeout my mother was able to feed us, a family of 5, for one full meal (basically around $2 per person) and sometimes even having some leftovers. Learning to buy in bulk will definitely save you a nice amount in the long run, and it's definitely worth it.

As previously mentioned, Definitely see if you can get government aid as well. My father's mentioned the Food Stamp Program which can come in handy if things get really ugly. Some people fail to see what exists out there to help them and then they wind up being arrogant and in a mess thinking they don't need any help; be smart, and don't think that bettering your situation makes you "less hardworking" (I'm just mentioning this because there ARE people like that out there).