Definition of "Cheating" in relationships

[Kiani_cc]

I have a speech to do and my topic is the title above. I need to see peoples visions of "cheating" in relationships because, of course, every one is different.

[justin_ator]

I'm a jealous person naturally, due to (I believe) my parents' divorce after my dad cheated on my mom, so this might be skewed and might seem a little unreasonable I suppose... Quite honestly I feel like anything more than innocent flirting is cheating. Pretty much just physical things like kissing, excessive touching, sex (duh).

My skewed opinion. I'll elaborate more if need-be.

[UserNameGoesHere]

I'd say it depends on how the boundaries are defined for the particular relationship in question. Each person in a relationship will agree to what is or is not allowed within their particular relationship. If both people have different views as to what is or is not allowed, then they didn't communicate very well and the relationship is doomed anyway.

So one relationship may have very strict rules while another is very lenient. As long as one is within the rules of the relationship, it isn't cheating. Just make sure you define what those rules are beforehand.

It's best to find someone who has similar ideas to you as to what constitutes a relationship (what is allowed/etc...) but as long as both people agree to what is or isn't allowed and stick with it, there's no cheating. If there's confusion as to the rules and one person does what they think is allowed but the other considers it cheating, that's not cheating either -- that's just bad communication and fails the relationship though.

[BethanyBangs]

Aww Justin I'm a jealous person also >: My parents got divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom.. I don't believe in any kind of cheating.
Kissing, even holding hands..touching, sex. If you want another person then break up with me first. Cheating is just plain wrong and evil.

[ddr_f4n]

"Cheating" is a general way or form of really either backstabbing your lover with someone else or attempting to "cheat" your way into another intimate relationship while still already being in one. What people defines as cheating to them varies from person to person, as it really depends on their views on what they consider is betrayal. Hell, even some people are okay with sex as long as they know that they still love the person they're with (y'know, the "just sex" thing; yeah it's ****ed up, but it exists). But this is pretty much the bare bones of the definition of "cheating" in relationships.

[DarknessXoXLight]

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

[Hakulyte]

Seems more like a matter of both partners being aware and consent to it. The second you feel the need to hide it from your partner is where you're most likely cheating/going to cheat. Relationship is all about communication, if you can't stay true to yourself, there's no way your relationship can have an happy ending.

/I don't know what I'm talking about


Edit: v-- More simple and better use of words to say what I was thinking.

[Reincarnate]

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

[~kitty~]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

That's a really confusing sentence, but I understand what it means.

[justin_ator]

I actually agree with Rubix on this one.

[Kiani_cc]

Ah thanks everyone. It's interesting to see the different perspectives of "cheating".

[Zageron]

Even outside of physical contact; excessive flirting is horrible. If someone is flirting with you or hitting on you, well big deal just take it but act like your aren't interested. If you flirt back you're asking for your partners buttons to be pushed. If my girlfriend, don't have one right now, started to flirt with someone it would trigger one of the few things in the world that make me angry.

[justin_ator]

I know how you feel on that. But I won't go into any more elaboration on the subject, because that's just my personal feelings.

[UserNameGoesHere]

Wait, which of the above posters is Rubix?

And anyway relationships range from the far open to the far closed. On the one hand a completely open relationship = anything goes. On the other, a completely closed relationship is more like can't even look at nor speak with anyone else, period. And most are somewhere between those extremes.

I think it's important to just be honest and upfront right at the start so everyone knows what to expect. And especially if you think your idea of a relationship may be more closed than that of your partner, it's especially important that you make this very clear right at the start. And yeah if you're not on the same page it just won't work.

I tend to lean more towards the "open" side but the most important thing is just be honest and upfront and "clear" things (get the okay) with each other beforehand.

[i love you]

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. Also, I have been cheated on as well so I know how that feels too.

@UserNameGoesHere: Reincarnate is Rubix

[who_cares973]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

This is probably the best response

[Oni-Paranoia]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

How about I revise that...

Originally Posted by a Hispanic

If your partner would not feel comfortable with you doing X with another person in front of them, then X is probably cheating.

I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl? Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

[iironiic]

In any relationship, you need to build a reliable trust for each other to not go out and seek for others. When one breaks that trust in terms of love and commitment to the relationship, it's considered cheating. That will depend on the person.

Any intimate form of love from "kissing" onward is my white flag on the relationship. I've never been in any relationship though so my words are technically invalid. xD

[BeatofIke]

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

I agree 100%. Cheating is unacceptable. This is why I don't go out with anyone.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by Oni-Paranoia

How about I revise that...



I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl? Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

What I mean by "comfortable" is not so much a "personal comfort" but a mutual one.

For example, if you know that hugging/cheek-pecking another girl in front of your girlfriend would piss her off, then odds are it's not something you should be doing even if your girlfriend weren't there -- unless you want to call the emotional integrity and honesty of your relationship into question.

If that act is something you want to be able to do, then it's something to discuss with the girlfriend in question.

This is actually a conversation I had with my girlfriend early-on. Almost everyone agrees on the notion of kissing/sexual contact/etc being cheating, but the important ones to delineate are expressions of affection towards friends and expressions of emotion (such as if your girlfriend confided in a random male friend but not in you, that might be a form of emotional cheating).

Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.