Old 05-25-2009, 11:27 PM   #1
Midnighter
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Exclamation "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

The furious night sky hung over like a charred wood.

Black snow fell from everywhere.

Shrieks and screams corroded the air.

The streets were marinated in blood.

They lined us up

and I waited my turn.

Watching.

Children’s cries begged for mercy

that Nazi laughter forbad.

There was no fun in killing captives,

so they let them run,

fast as they could,

but bullets were faster.

In horror I turned away,

but I didn’t cry.

No one cries for orphans.

This was a poem i wrote for a contest in word history class. I am not jewish and have no affiliations with either parties of the holocaust.
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Old 05-29-2009, 03:18 AM   #2
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

Good poem. I liked the dark tone and also how the speaker had a comprehension of the doom that was to befall him/her. So often, children are portrayed as innocent and ignorant in poetry; your poem bears a nice contrast and gives the speaker a mature appeal.
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Old 05-29-2009, 01:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

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This was a poem i wrote for a contest in word history class. I am not jewish and have no affiliations with either parties of the holocaust.
I am not a nazi or a jew.

Really guys.
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Old 05-29-2009, 07:24 PM   #4
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

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I am not a nazi or a jew.

Really guys.
lol
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Old 06-9-2009, 01:06 PM   #5
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

Very nice. Everyone's heard of the book Night. The end of the poem reminds me of when Elie decides he can only care and think of himself. Brilliant, poem.
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Old 06-13-2009, 10:01 PM   #6
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

good poem. I was trying to figure out how the tone of the poem would change if instead he didn't turn away while keeping the line "No one cries for orphans." hm.....
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Old 06-14-2009, 08:51 AM   #7
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

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good poem. I was trying to figure out how the tone of the poem would change if instead he didn't turn away while keeping the line "No one cries for orphans." hm.....
Thats a good point and to be honest i'm not quite sure how it would change. I think even though he didn't cry, he revealed that he still had his humanity by turning away because it's human nature to be horrified at the brutal cold-hearted killing of another human.
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Old 06-14-2009, 12:41 PM   #8
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

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Thats a good point and to be honest i'm not quite sure how it would change. I think even though he didn't cry, he revealed that he still had his humanity by turning away because it's human nature to be horrified at the brutal cold-hearted killing of another human.
Haha not in the case of the Hitler and all his Nazi boys.
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Old 06-15-2009, 12:42 PM   #9
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

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Haha not in the case of the Hitler and all his Nazi boys.
Hitler was... special, to say the least.
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Old 07-1-2009, 05:15 PM   #10
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

This is really good. I especially like the first four lines. It seems liked you picked each word carefully for those lines. The only thing I would suggest is consider changing the word "everywhere" in the second line. It's a bit bland in comparison to the other words, and I feel you could choose a more interesting word.

Besides that one word, I think it's very well written!
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Old 07-1-2009, 05:18 PM   #11
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

it was alright. feels like just a mediocre poem though. nothing special about it. how did you do in the poetry contest?
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:45 PM   #12
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Default Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

I was one short of getting to the state competition. :-/ oh, well

I agree with wat u were saying "RB IcePh0enix" i should have put a better word there instead of everywhere. To be honest it was also a project for my world history class and it was due the next day. I still like it and thanks for the feedback. That goes to everyone else too.
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