cry for help

[XelNya]

[Funnygurl555]

well might as well update this now since i just caught up with someone from the ward. i might transition this into random thoughts/just a damn public diary that doesn't go on facebook (out of respect for my parents) so 'ight

so i've been to the doctor and been to therapy once so far. i might have to get my medication changed 'cause 60 mg of prozac should make me happier than i am (i'm still severely depressed despite taking it, but i'm WAY better than... i guess two months now?)

therapist told me basically to get a life so i gotta... start doing that. gotta start looking for a job and i'ma try to go back to school in the fall for an msw. prolly gonna do it online 'cause i mean.. cost. and on top of that i wanna work in a psych ward 'cause i oddly enough really enjoyed being in a ward last time, and also /med school dreams/. i'll reapply for that next year (to matriculate in 2021).

i've seen my brother a few times? we don't talk. if my brother eats meals with my fam (every night since it's ramadan) i eat at another spot or at a different time. i'm not fasting 'cause my parents know i don't believe in islam, which helps with the meals thing at least. if i enter a space that he's in he gets really mad, which is annoying, 'cause i exist at home too.

i somehow managed to smuggle alc into my home and i relapsed once. i was really depressed 'cause i feel like a failure compared to all my friends. but that's how life is when you go to princeton and your peers are amazing people. i feel better since my therapist told me to get up and work + go to school. she also rec'd aa to me, but idk how to tell my parents about it without them knowing i drank. i have a really good thing going with my parents and i don't want that crushed.

aside from my bro, life at home's pretty fine. my parents are really wholesome so it's great being around them. i have no friends at home though, but i didn't have friends growing up, so i'm used to it i guess.

edit: oh i'm also getting a haircut on thurs. my mom can't stand looking at what i did to my hair, and when i go outside i wear a hat x______x

i also have to start actually doing the thing i told myself to do and work out. but i actually started eating well though! adlfja;

[DaBackpack]

yeah keeping this as a public diary might help, there's therapeutic property to letting it all out there (given you're okay with the privacy aspect)

i did something different but it helped me a bit, as an attempt to find meaning in all the shitty things i was/am going through

[Dinglesberry]

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

well might as well update this now since i just caught up with someone from the ward. i might transition

OwO

lmao jk but idk like

but i actually started eating well though! adlfja;

consider this, normies find enjoyment from eating food, so if u cant enjoy the one necessity of life then idk ur kinda screwed but good luck

[Dinglesberry]

Originally Posted by DaBackpack

(given you're okay with the privacy aspect)

yea i bet with all theyve been posting they must be worried af about that

[inDheart]

do you ever stop and think for a moment that you've opened the wrong thread to troll

[Funnygurl555]

Originally Posted by Dinglesberry

yea i bet with all theyve been posting they must be worried af about that

yeah i really don't care for that and tend to air all my problems out. i value bluntness a lot and it's what struck up my convo with the guy from the ward

i draw the line on keeping /some things/ private on fb (e.g. don't talk about relationships, substance abuse, (lack of) religion) 'cause my family doesn't want those to be public to other family.

but yeah, next time i'ma post a public link in my random thoughts that i'll update periodically. for those who commented though, thanks (except for you, dingles)

edit:

Originally Posted by DaBackpack

yeah keeping this as a public diary might help, there's therapeutic property to letting it all out there (given you're okay with the privacy aspect)

i did something different but it helped me a bit, as an attempt to find meaning in all the shitty things i was/am going through

tbh if you're interested in sharing i'd be down to read (if it's in a readable format)

i like learning about people's problems

[DaBackpack]

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

yeah i really don't care for that and tend to air all my problems out. i value bluntness a lot and it's what struck up my convo with the guy from the ward

i draw the line on keeping /some things/ private on fb (e.g. don't talk about relationships, substance abuse, (lack of) religion) 'cause my family doesn't want those to be public to other family.

but yeah, next time i'ma post a public link in my random thoughts that i'll update periodically. for those who commented though, thanks (except for you, dingles)

edit:


tbh if you're interested in sharing i'd be down to read (if it's in a readable format)

i like learning about people's problems

I'm working on publishing it in the near future

[MinaciousGrace]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xohtcyOPMds

[Ambigous_Monk]

good luck i believe in u