Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat

**Tokaru4** · 11-2-2010, 11:36 AM

One day, young Tokaru was sitting out on a grass field without a care in the world. The sun was out, the sky lit in its azure beauty, rabbits hopping about, and the world seemed to be a great place with his lucky Blue Cavalier hat. Wait a second --

Tokaru: MY HAT!? WHERE IS IT!?
Tokaru: Oh no, oh no, OH NO! I've had this hat forever!
**As a picture of Tokaru in the womb would appear, wearing the hat on the sonogram**
Tokaru: I better go find it!

Tokaru hopped off the grass hill, cracked his knuckles and began his journey. He wandered through the grass fields for countless minutes, hours, and actually a whole day and nothing turned up, except...

Rabbit: Hey.
Tokaru: O_o" !?
Rabbit: What's that look fer?
Tokaru: You're..a talking..Rabbit?
Rabbit: Yep.
Tokaru: ..
Rabbit: So what'd you lose kid?
Tokaru: My lucky Blue hat. And as of late, I'm thinkin' I may have misplaced my sanity...
Rabbit: Well kid I wouldn't be suprised, a lot of people's favourite possessions have been getting stolen lately.
Tokaru: You don't say...?
Rabbit: Yeah man. Gerning, the Gargoyle is in his granite kingdom a long way from here, sending out informants to steal possessions from people.
Tokaru: What do these informants look like?
Rabbit: They're small, imp-like creatures made of complete stone. They got wings, stone wings that go out to their sides.
Tokaru: So what's stoppin' someone from just smashing them with a hammer? They're small aren't they?
Rabbit: The granite they're made of is so powerful, it's practically impervious to any blow or strike.
Tokaru: Damn...
Rabbit: So what's it gonna be kid? I know a place where 'someone' can craft you the most powerful gloves and boots for battle. They've taken from me too, and I want what I lost back.
Tokaru: Well... Mr. Rabbit, I guess-
Rabbit: The name's, Tynk...
Tokaru: Alrighty then, 'Tynk.' Nice to meet you.
Tynk: Likewise...
Tokaru: Here's the plan, Tynk. We get the equipment, we travel to the Granite Kingdom, and we take back our valuables!
Tynk: Sounds good ta' me!

Tokaru and Tynk ran off to the East, Tynk leading Tokaru. Tynk looked back at Tokaru, with a smile of admiration on his face. He then turned back ahead and quickened his pace, as well as Tokaru. They hopped off the edge of the cliff ahead of them, and set off into the sunset. Will Tokaru get his hat back?
***
That all depends on if you guys want to see another chapter of 'Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat'. I'd love to see what you guys thought of this chapter of the story, and what you think I should improve on, etc.
Thanks for reading!

**rushyrulz** · 11-2-2010, 11:37 AM

*claps story time!!!!!

Sounds an awful lot like the wizard of oz + world of warcraft lol.

kitkat9 · 12-22-2010, 03:27 PM

This is a whole chapter? It honestly lacks story. It seems artificial in a way and kind of like a childish gameboy game. I think you should expand the plot much more, make it more creative, and you can't learn everything in the first 'chapter' of a story. I mean I want to know who this Tokaru is, why is there a talking rabbit, where are they, how old is Tokaru, where did these gargoyles come from, who are they? You have to think about a lot of things when you're writing. Expand.

UnkownMan · 12-22-2010, 03:29 PM

I have the hat.

11-2-2010, 11:36 AM	#1
Tokaru4 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 9	Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat One day, young Tokaru was sitting out on a grass field without a care in the world. The sun was out, the sky lit in its azure beauty, rabbits hopping about, and the world seemed to be a great place with his lucky Blue Cavalier hat. Wait a second -- Tokaru: MY HAT!? WHERE IS IT!? Tokaru: Oh no, oh no, OH NO! I've had this hat forever! As a picture of Tokaru in the womb would appear, wearing the hat on the sonogram Tokaru: I better go find it! Tokaru hopped off the grass hill, cracked his knuckles and began his journey. He wandered through the grass fields for countless minutes, hours, and actually a whole day and nothing turned up, except... Rabbit: Hey. Tokaru: O_o" !? Rabbit: What's that look fer? Tokaru: You're..a talking..Rabbit? Rabbit: Yep. Tokaru: .. Rabbit: So what'd you lose kid? Tokaru: My lucky Blue hat. And as of late, I'm thinkin' I may have misplaced my sanity... Rabbit: Well kid I wouldn't be suprised, a lot of people's favourite possessions have been getting stolen lately. Tokaru: You don't say...? Rabbit: Yeah man. Gerning, the Gargoyle is in his granite kingdom a long way from here, sending out informants to steal possessions from people. Tokaru: What do these informants look like? Rabbit: They're small, imp-like creatures made of complete stone. They got wings, stone wings that go out to their sides. Tokaru: So what's stoppin' someone from just smashing them with a hammer? They're small aren't they? Rabbit: The granite they're made of is so powerful, it's practically impervious to any blow or strike. Tokaru: Damn... Rabbit: So what's it gonna be kid? I know a place where 'someone' can craft you the most powerful gloves and boots for battle. They've taken from me too, and I want what I lost back. Tokaru: Well... Mr. Rabbit, I guess- Rabbit: The name's, Tynk... Tokaru: Alrighty then, 'Tynk.' Nice to meet you. Tynk: Likewise... Tokaru: Here's the plan, Tynk. We get the equipment, we travel to the Granite Kingdom, and we take back our valuables! Tynk: Sounds good ta' me! Tokaru and Tynk ran off to the East, Tynk leading Tokaru. Tynk looked back at Tokaru, with a smile of admiration on his face. He then turned back ahead and quickened his pace, as well as Tokaru. They hopped off the edge of the cliff ahead of them, and set off into the sunset. Will Tokaru get his hat back? *** That all depends on if you guys want to see another chapter of 'Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat'. I'd love to see what you guys thought of this chapter of the story, and what you think I should improve on, etc. Thanks for reading! __________________

11-2-2010, 11:37 AM	#2
rushyrulz Digital Dancing! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 80 billion club, NE Age: 31 Posts: 12,980	Re: Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat claps story time!!!!! Sounds an awful lot like the wizard of oz + world of warcraft lol. __________________ Last edited by rushyrulz; 11-2-2010 at 11:40 AM..*

12-22-2010, 03:27 PM	#3
kitkat9 FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: San Antonio ~!(210)!~ Age: 29 Posts: 87	Re: Tokaru and the Story of the Lost Hat This is a whole chapter? It honestly lacks story. It seems artificial in a way and kind of like a childish gameboy game. I think you should expand the plot much more, make it more creative, and you can't learn everything in the first 'chapter' of a story. I mean I want to know who this Tokaru is, why is there a talking rabbit, where are they, how old is Tokaru, where did these gargoyles come from, who are they? You have to think about a lot of things when you're writing. Expand.

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