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Old 04-24-2008, 07:20 PM   #1
Aleste
stating the obvious.
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Default So, i thought i'd post a poem.

Maybe this is more likened to prose. tell me what you think. it is titled "adrift."


the soft light that hangs in the mist
above impenetrable waters,
churning murkily beneath heavy feet,
illuminates the pieces
of a forgotten memory.
Unable to follow; watching
with solemn eyes that glisten
as if trapped in the past.
The thoughts dance serenely
out to sea, gliding out delicately
across the surface of a broken dream;
Exhuming idle feelings to
never return again.
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Last edited by Aleste; 04-24-2008 at 07:25 PM..
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Old 04-29-2008, 09:14 PM   #2
indigo23
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Default Re: So, i thought i'd post a poem.

I like it.

Very pretty. Almost surreal, actually.
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mY hOPES aRE sO hIGH tHAT yOUR kISS mIGHT kILL mE
sO wON'T yOU kILL mE, sO i dIE hAPPY
mY hEART iS yOURS tO fILL oR bURST, tO bREAK oR bURY, oR wEAR aS jEWELRY
wHICHEVER yOU pREFER
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Old 05-19-2008, 06:26 PM   #3
Aristaella-Shintani
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Default Re: So, i thought i'd post a poem.

It's a pretty good poem, but the bolded part below is kind of off... I dunno, there's something missing there. The rest is good, though. I like it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleste View Post
Maybe this is more likened to prose. tell me what you think. it is titled "adrift."


the soft light that hangs in the mist
above impenetrable waters,
churning murkily beneath heavy feet,
illuminates the pieces
of a forgotten memory.

Unable to follow; watching
with solemn eyes that glisten
as if trapped in the past.
The thoughts dance serenely
out to sea, gliding out delicately
across the surface of a broken dream;
Exhuming idle feelings to
never return again.
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