New story - Back to Earth

[Svaz]

Happy birthday #24, Chaz
Please update the story as soon as
The inevitable hangover has
Waned, as far as
Alcatraz

TENDERLY, SVAZ

[All_That_Chaz]

Updated. Got a little more development between the characters in there. Not as much plot but that's coming. In the days I spent updating this I solidified a lot of the story in my head so I really know how this is going to go now. I'm excited!

[Svaz]

Bump, ps: please don't make her last name Darkbloom what a terrible name that would be >:

Also also, I'm glad introductions finally happened. While a lot is still left unknown about Casey, at least there's some kind of a lead for Lily to follow.

[All_That_Chaz]

I honestly haven't given any thought as to a last name. I kind of think it's superfluous and hadn't planned on ever having formal introductions at any point.

Oh and I'm totally working on this. I'll get an update out at some point. And sorry for bumping without an update. That was mean =(

[LilyPichu]

I've never really read a lot of science fictions but this was interesting, especially Lily & Casey's dialogues. Makes me wonder how the plot is going to develop from there. I hope you update.

[All_That_Chaz]

Updated. Lily leaves her robot friend in the workshop for now and goes about her morning routine. I felt it necessary to give this a little discussion in order to make my description of Mars to come more powerful. However I can't help but feel that I'm just kind of dawdling. The story itself as it relates to the album hasn't progressed, but I'm closer to moving on.

It does end somewhat abruptly, but my muse was getting tired.

And thank you Svaz for yelling at me to get back to writing <3

[Svaz]

So how is Lily going to convince Casey to stay in one place? She doesn't really know his objective-- it could be to chart terrain or something thereby not allowing him to stay in a fixed location.

[All_That_Chaz]

Yeah I was worried about that. I'll fill that hole with the next update.

[Terry316]

first of all, very interesting concept. Earth being the backwater, nearly uninhabited rural planet, and Mars being the esteemed powerful social life experience. i was kind of taken aback that all this took place in a mere amount of 3 years though...

i don't normally like so much direct characterization, but for some reason you pull it off nicely, and the descriptions are very powerful. i feel connected to Lily already, and have a firm sense of her personality. what i liked in particular was her shock that this robot, a machine that she holds in such high regard, doesn't even know what a tree is.

the only thing that confuses me is putting Lily's dialogue in blue. i don't understand the necessity of it... but it's quirky. so i like it. there is another thing, in Casey's dialogue (which is brilliant) he says K.E.A, but then at one point he says E.A.K... are these two seperate modules?

i'm looking forward to the plot you have lined up.

[All_That_Chaz]

I don't get why you think it's acceptable for Casey's dialogue to be red but you're put off by Lily's dialogue being blue.

Honestly I started using color because I find reading dialogue tiresome with all the "he saids" and the like. I suppose the most basic meaning behind the color is that Lily speaks in blue words because she's from the blue planet and Casey speaks in red because he's from the red planet. I have other characters and colors planned and we'll see what comes from those.

At some point while writing I rearranged the K.E.A. letters. I must have missed one. I fixed it.

Thanks for your comments and thanks for reading! I do take a small amount of pride in my description, as I feel it's the only part of prose I think I'm alright at.

<shameless plug>
Oh and I've written a pile of poetry too if you want to read more of my stuff. There are links in my signature to different things I've written.
</shameless plug>

[Terry316]

Originally Posted by All_That_Chaz

I don't get why you think it's acceptable for Casey's dialogue to be red but you're put off by Lily's dialogue being blue.

Honestly I started using color because I find reading dialogue tiresome with all the "he saids" and the like. I suppose the most basic meaning behind the color is that Lily speaks in blue words because she's from the blue planet and Casey speaks in red because he's from the red planet. I have other characters and colors planned and we'll see what comes from those.

i suppose it's mostly because you're seeing what the robot is processing at the same time, which makes it seem ok. cause he's a robot. but like i said, it's quirky and i like it, and i didn't notice the relation between the colors and the planets before. very nice.

Thanks for your comments and thanks for reading! I do take a small amount of pride in my description, as I feel it's the only part of prose I think I'm alright at.

yes, it is very good. i could definitely pick up a few things from your style.

<shameless plug>
Oh and I've written a pile of poetry too if you want to read more of my stuff. There are links in my signature to different things I've written.
</shameless plug>

yeah i checked out Treachery of Exploration already, i'm just too tired to comment. i can barely finish this post as it is...*yawn*... poetry is too deep for me at this hour.

[All_That_Chaz]

Wow first update in 4 years. Finally found time to get back to this. This update centers on describing Lily's work harvesting and the encounter between Lily and Casey that evening. I'm not in love with the description at the end as I was tired and wanted to finish it. I understand it's quite long. Thank you so much to all of my readers! Comments are welcome!