12-20-2010, 11:36 PM | #1 |
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Poem: Rythmic
This is a poem I wrote about an instrumental guitar player I saw in August. Hope you all like it.
Rythmic by Katrina D. Masculine fingers dance across chords stringing each note along the wall leaving each phrase in my mouth letting me chew on self generated meanings. Elongated notes tickle my ears, caress my thoughts. The strokes of your hand are gentle, you hug the guitar close to your body creating melodies leaving me speechless. Your wordless tune manifests images in my head helping me create a poem of passion, an unknown reality in which you alone live. Your song, rhythmic and sweet, giving me a gateway to creativity, inspiration that comes from beauty in the unlikely. |
12-20-2010, 11:53 PM | #2 | |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
I liked how you personified the music and related it to the musician's actions. The first stanza is alright.
The second one, I feel, could use a rewrite. You're breaking the fourth wall telling people you're creating a poem. This can work if you delve deeper into the meaning of creativity being spurned by creativity. What do you mean by "an unknown reality?" Describe the world you're creating. Your enjambment doesn't really seem to serve any purpose here, either. I don't understand your use of the word "unlikely" at the end. Maybe it's really meaningful and if so I'd love to hear about it. Expand on the idea. This is a good first draft of a stream of consciousness poem. The second stanza could use some fixing up and overall it could just use more description. Thank you for sharing and keep writing
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12-20-2010, 11:57 PM | #3 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
Honestly, this poem isn't my cup of tea.
And I don't know if the title is intentionally misspelled or not, but it isn't serving any real purpose to spell it that way |
12-21-2010, 11:56 AM | #4 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
Chaz, I understand what you mean, and when I say and "unknown reality" have you ever seen someone get really deep into the music? It's very passionate, between the person and the instrument, they loose sense of what is around them. I saw this guy do that, he was gone, went to someplace completely different, it was beautiful. About "unlikely", I never thought I would be inspired to write about a musician. It was something unlikely to me, because I normally tell fiction stories through my poetry.
Reincarate, thanks for pointing that out, a complete typo, didn't even realize it. Sorry :/. Is that the only thing that makes it not "your cup of tea"? |
12-21-2010, 12:08 PM | #5 | ||
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
Quote:
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12-21-2010, 12:15 PM | #6 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
Ok, yeah, I'll try it out. Thank you
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12-21-2010, 12:29 PM | #7 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
I prefer poems that make me see something in a new way, or describe something in a way that stimulates my senses.
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12-21-2010, 12:40 PM | #8 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
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12-21-2010, 06:23 PM | #9 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
i really really appreciate you looking at my **** (considering how (relatively) long they both were) so returning the favor!
anyways, i really liked this, but anything i could say about it is eerily similar to all_that_chaz. i think the second stanza could go really deep. you probably know from my writing that i like really abstract, impressionistic stuff, and i think that you could really dig into what the music really makes you feel and all that. still, great work! lots of nice imagery.
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12-22-2010, 02:57 PM | #10 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
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01-31-2011, 05:54 PM | #11 |
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Re: Poem: Rythmic
Some poems just have power behind them that move people...wow this moved me. Its so beautifully written that I just feel light-headed from reading it. Thank you. Poetry is one of the few things that always makes me happy. Your's just made my day. ^^
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