Old 09-9-2018, 07:12 PM   #1
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Default Substance abuse

Do you cope with substance abuse? Be it drinking, smoking, hard drugs. Basically anything that's effecting your life negatively. Destructive behaviour that may be a cause that may lead to mental and physical health issues.

I feel like I need to humble myself and actually ask for some advice from people that may have experienced it or are still battling right now. I'm scared, feel alone and am having real hard time coping with life.

I've been struggling with severe depression and panic attacks for a while now. Up till the points where I feel I may pass out. Heart thumping and struggles breathing properly. I've stopped seeing psychologists as I've not progressed much since seeing them. My only outlet is escapism in destructive ways. Anytime something went bad I'd grab a bottle of hard drinks and progress my way through it untill I passed out. I drink and smoke joints untill I forget what's haunting me.
I've lovely friends that are always there for me but they're all escapists. Would rather offer me a hug, a talk and six shots instead of anything else. Though I've stopped taking stuff like XTC and mdma I still fell back to hallucinogens every so often. Anything that wasn't reality was my relief.

I've been drinking daily for months and can feel my body screaming. I have no appetite, lost so much weight I look like a 60kg weighing twig. Two days ago my girlfriend of 4 years broke up, and I've not stopped drinking untill today. Now that I have lost my last person to properly talk to I'm left feeling nothing but despair. My job is so tough I drink during shifts without anyone knowing. I've pretty much stopped caring about being alive and started wondering about some bad stuff.

I really just want know how to be happy. I miss it so much, I don't really even remember what actually being happy and content feels like. I've started craving everything that will destroy me to near addiction levels and seem like the only fun in life I can get is from not being sober. I'm only on joints tonight but I want to just cry and throw back a bottle of whisky. I'm not sure I can keep up this life joke
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Old 09-9-2018, 07:17 PM   #2
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Default Re: Substance abuse

You’ve explained how you feel to us

Have you explained this to anyone else?
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Old 09-9-2018, 09:13 PM   #3
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Default Re: Substance abuse

psychologists work you through issues. They do not fix issues. A lot of times when people say they do not work it is because they are expecting the psychologist to have the answers. Knowing what you want is the first step in letting a psychologist help you if you do not know what you want no one can help.

My advice is keep doing what you just did, explaining what your going through. Having to write it down helps to figure out what you want to do next.

You are in control of your life. Figure out what you want in life. Whatever that may be figure out the steps to get there.

Substance abuse is hard to deal with. If you are using drugs and alcohol to medicate or forget all you are doing is adding to your problems. Sure when you are drunk or high you dont have to think about all the problems and you can past the time, but is that actually what you want.

To me being happy means being okay with my life. I am happy when I am reaching my goals. If bad things happen its okay because tomorrow is a new day and I may have lost something today but, I can gain something tomorrow. As long as I have a reason to look forward to tomorrow nothing can bring me down.

One thing you should know is you are in control of your life and if you want to do something different you can. Life is hard but, you are the only one who can live it.
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Old 09-9-2018, 09:38 PM   #4
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Default Re: Substance abuse

I don't have a chronic substance abuse story thing to tell, but I abused alcohol a lot during my last relationship. My ex was accused (and later found responsible for) rape, and I was dragged into the process. I later found out that someone had assaulted me recently (well, recently at that time), so I got pretty fucked up emotionally and drank my feelings. A lot of people were worried about me. It sucked.

Some advice I could offer though is if you feel like you want to drink your feelings or abuse substances of any kind, talk to someone. Let them hear you out and talk you out of it. I have a friend back at school who was the reason I didn't drink myself into oblivion when I found out the charge was rape. I owe him a lot.

Talking to other people didn't make me stop abusing alcohol permanently, but not only will it help sometimes, but it also feels good to let that steam out. My best friend Jess was quite literally the reason why I graduated from college (this shit went down my senior spring). If she weren't around to hear me out so much, then IDK what would have happened to me.

Hope this helps. I could lend an ear if you like. You're probably going through a lot worse of a situation than I had, though.
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Old 09-9-2018, 10:11 PM   #5
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Default Re: Substance abuse

I think taking a break, even if only temporarily, will help you to clear your mind.

For me I think weed actually really helps. It gives me that "not in reality" feeling but without most of the negative effects I feel from alcohol or other drugs (never done anything other than mdma and shrooms and prescription pain meds but I hate the way those make me feel). I can still function perfectly fine while high, and it helps me with my feelings.

Do you think it would be realistic to quit everything other than weed? If so I'd suggest you try that. It's going to be tough for sure. But cutting only one thing out at a time feels like a much more realistic goal than just quitting everything cold turkey
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Old 09-9-2018, 11:26 PM   #6
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Default Re: Substance abuse

Big post:

I can only speak from personal experience that weed combined with my problems just made me care less about doing what I needed to do at my worst point in life so it was better that I went cold turkey until I resolved my big issues. Otherwise, it would just cause me to be under the influence and leak out my negativity to others. Keeping in mind what Raeko typed, everyone has different experiences in general so I'm just speaking for myself. Being in a better point of my life now compared to the past, casual drinking/smoking (assuming not in excess and not with complete strangers) is fine with me. In any case, it's very important to first resolve problems that can be fixed and let go of things that can't be helped. This can take some time.

I am inexperienced with alcohol abuse so I have not much to say here. I think I lucked out in a way, seeing how destructive it was for certain family members of mine and because of that I never resorted to drinking to cope with things. I have, however, heard about and seen from people how bad alcohol withdrawal can be. I lost someone who drank even while they had stomach cancer and it was not pretty.

What personally worked for me when I had my worst days of depression without the use of drugs or comfort of other people is having learned to love myself. I would recall back some good memories, gathering as many as possible and taking note of it. Even small things such as remembering my favorite TV shows/cartoons and then scouting episodes of them online somewhere via stream or Netflix/Hulu or any other option. This made me feel comfortable and also feel a sense of care for myself in a way. The more the merrier: combining the available free time to watch episodes along with my favorite snack or favorite smoothie or anything really. Maybe get back in touch with old friends or turn on an old game console that's been collecting dust for a while. I could also suggest listening back to your favorite music. The idea here being nostalgia and digging deep into your mind to sort of go backwards in time and embracing things about you. Loving myself more and more every day with these solo activities have helped me feel significantly less lonely. Bonus points if those activities are also productive like exercising as one example.

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Old 09-10-2018, 05:36 AM   #7
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Default Re: Substance abuse

I've talked to others, the problem here is the people close to me haven't experienced the effects of drugs. It's at a level where whenever I am honest about the things I've done, just looking for a bit of advice, they'll be very awkward toward the idea. I have been seeking help to understand peace of heart but the only ones that haven't broken contact due to judgment of drugs are in the same vicious cycle.

I'm not sure if the weed is helping or working against me. It has some relief and relaxation but also enhances my emotional instability. Sleep is the only thing that really helps but the immediate feeling after waking up is so painful. I'll just jump on something to numb up a bit. Be it emotional or physical.

I've tried seeking comfort in old things that used to make me happy but everything is bittersweet. The last stuff I enjoyed fondly is the stuff that puts my ex back in my mind. I can't even enjoy a sunset on my own anymore or even play a simple game of mariokart. I've done breakups before but never truly loved a woman like the last. My brain seems to forget once its under influence, because I can't find any enjoyment in the good things of life.

My biggest fear now is the fact there is no more goal to life. I thought I knew what I was working up to. But it came crumbling down just to expose absolutely nothing on the other end. It seems like all I can do is keep running away with friends that are all figuratively escaping from their gigantic elephants in the room. But I've seen a couple full on break down to not being seen anymore. The structure and discipline have gone just leaving chaos.

The worst is I know what all you are saying collectively are tiny steps to self improvement. I can really see how some of you have had very rough patches and managed to crawl out. It's inspiring. However i just feel like you need the will to do so. I'm desperately trying to get to that point. But the alone feeling combined with everything going down gives me no motivation to even bother. If I'd get hit by a bus today I probably wouldn't really do much effort to avoid it.

I'm just scared of the future I think. There seems to be nothing in it.
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Old 09-11-2018, 11:17 AM   #8
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Default Re: Substance abuse

Substance abuse is hard I've heard I've only done weed never touched any alcohol or hard drugs so I'm grateful for that. Maybe you should admit yourself somewhere a rehab center or something at that point the responsibility would be easier to handle I imagine.
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Old 09-15-2018, 08:10 AM   #9
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Default Re: Substance abuse

The cycle of abuse works like the formation of a real storm. [time lapse of hurricane forming]. I've been in this cycle multiple times, from multiple vantage points. Each time is fundamentally the same, thinking that I need something to distract me from reality. I mean, that's what ends up happening-- I'm really looking for solutions. Trying to figure out ways to align myself with acceptance of how things really are. I could go through my life story of what I've been through, but there's really no point. We've all been through a lot when something like this goes on.

I'm just getting through a point in my life where I'm no longer slowly killing myself several times over-- quite a miracle, really. I had absolutely no idea that change was possible. I guess there are certain times I have the energy to want to feel unstuck, and I try to harness that energy as much as I can.

I feel like a lot of adjustment needs to happen if anything is to change for you. If you have a job that is hard enough that you feel you have to drink during it (I've been through that myself), change jobs. It's unsustainable. If the amount of work is the same, you're not going to stop drinking for it. I feel terrible that I had to quit my job, but I don't know if I would've been able to survive if I hadn't.

Make a list of all the reasons you have for drinking/abusing things, and try to address them. Or at least supplement for them in healthier ways. When you're sitting in an aimless void of your own suffering, there's nowhere to ground yourself. Our heads are full of knots that we need to identify as such, and do what we can to untie them.

Being addicted to so many things really fucked with my head, but I'm trying to be conscious of where my attention is being pulled away from, and I'm doing my best not to let it control me.

Also, you have to know what's best for yourself, and just give it time. When you decide to stop taking things altogether for awhile (do this), ensure that you stick with it for a good amount of time and keep yourself working towards some sort of goal (maybe you need to move somewhere new where you're not constantly surrounded in associations of the past), and just try to embrace becoming new. I'm not there yet, but fuck, I'm making progress finally. Don't ever think about how much work it is going to be-- just give yourself credit for the small victories.

On top of it all, try to appreciate the miracle of existence itself, and try to find ways to connect yourself to the earth. By studying things and exploring things about it, and recognizing how similar we are to the other things that flourish around us. I never feel alone anymore because I'm always with [idk the word].

My first real goal personally, was to try to get physically more healthy so that I was able to feel anything at all again. Eating better, exercise, and not drinking, can allow your dopamine to manifest into something you can actually experience WITHOUT substances.
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Old 11-9-2018, 12:44 AM   #10
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Default Re: Substance abuse

once an addict, always an addict
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