tl;dr? health/weight loss help?

[evanescence_death4ever]

Hi there o/

The internet is full of ideas and info about health and weight loss, about the intertwined aspects of mind and body yadda yadda~ It is currently past 4am, I can't sleep, and I've been lying here hoping [as I seemingly constantly, yet inactively, am] to make some changes. Whether or not I've posted on this subforum, FFR is like a home to me, and before venturing off again somewhere else on the Internet [like I have countless times in the past], I'd like to poke your brains.

I have it in my head that I want to lose weight. here's a bit of background: I went from graduating high school, weighing 110 lbs, which in my mind [at the time] was "too much" -- to four+ years later, a 22 year old weighing around 155/160. Considering my height (I am 5'2"), I am classified quite overweight and even sometimes borderline "obese" at this point.

I was always an active kid, did gymnastics for about 7 years (till I was almost 15), I was that weird girl who did a lot of pushups during that time. I can't say I was a hardcore gymnast, we only practiced 14ish hours a week, but I learned a lot in those years-so I'm not foreign to conditioning [using body weight as the main source of resistance]. Gymnastics isn't the point, just wanted to throw out there that exercise isn't completely foreign to me.

I've read quite a bit about healthier eating, etc. The fundamental need of a caloric deficit if wanting to lose weight. I can't say I know it all..but it's almost as though I'm reading this info, yet cannot reapply it to myself. I fall into unhealthy habits where I just tell myself not to eat, but of course I end up getting hungry, and eat anyway. My will power is weak, it's essentially non existent. Sometimes I want to express my state of being as "running on empty," but when you're void of proper function altogether, it's more like just "empty."


Holding this extra weight is uncomfortable. Physically uncomfortable. And not to mention none of my goddamn clothes fit. I need help fixing it, but also need to take into consideration my health, losing weight in a healthy manner, exercise/nutrition all that jazz.

I think the biggest problem is that I am essentially not functioning. Long story short depression is rampant and ruling my life, has been [with varying intensities for the past 10 years]. In mid-August I went cold turkey simultaneously off three antidepressants/antianxiety meds, having been on numerous concoctions for the past 7 years. Needless to say, that was hell, but again, not the point. Does anyone have experience with food intake / activity benefitting a situation like this? I need a lifestyle change.

I'm typing on my phone, and I've essentially written a chunk of incoherent garbage.

Thanks for reading, and hopefully I can get some prompted responses/feedback and can perhaps go into more detail.